Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
Last night I had a date. It didn’t go so well, and I did everything in my power to get it off to a good start. I shaved my legs, washed my hair, and cleaned my apartment (hey, you never know). Alas, doing those seemed to have brought me bad luck. After the jump, how to jinx a date and how to guarantee it will go well. Keep reading »
A few weekends ago, my girlfriends and I decided to have a drink night. For most girl crews, drink night usually starts out with a few friendly cocktails and pointless compliments on each other’s outfits (the question, “oh my god where did you get that?” is a surefire sign that you need a few more drinks in you to make the night more interesting). Soon enough those friendly cocktails ended up being more than a few harshly honest pitchers as we started to commence into the dirty ritual every woman has been guilty of enjoying: talking crap about other girls. From “she’s way too tubby to be wearing that,” to, “he’s way too hot to be doing her,” we ranted on and on as if we were Perez on The View. We were cruising No Mercy Street. Eventually we started to soften up as we got onto the subject of our good friend Jesse, who had broken up with her more-than-perfect boyfriend Jeremy. It had turned out that Mr. Perfect had been cheating on her for six months with his hometown friend. Keep reading »
When it comes to boyfriends, I have never gone for the sentimental type. Maybe it’s because my dad is the sort of guy who likes to sit in the backyard and throw knives at trees. Maybe it’s because I’m not so great at talking about feelings myself. Whatever the reason is, I’ve always had boyfriends that appreciated my ability to chug beer and refer to my breasts as “fun bags.” I prided myself on being above all of that romantic mush, but it turned out, I wasn’t. Because when a guy did show up and started telling me about his feelings right away, I was charmed. What I should have been was suspicious. Keep reading »
On Valentine’s Day, many men choose to express their blossoming love through flowers. Most flowers are coded with meaning that have been passed down through the centuries. In the Victorian era, when courting was more restrictive, a fresh bouquet could do all the dirty talking for you. But what does the arrangement you got on Valentine’s Day say about your relationship? If your flowers could speak, this is what they’d say about your man…
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
This is your time to love and be loved. So, whatever issues has your head in a tizzy, let it go. Let bygones be bygones and realize that in the whole scheme of things, there is major love between you and your boo and you both are on the same page with all that truly matters. No, not all will be easy sailing, but for now, enjoy that someone does has your back.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Details matter. So don’t let your logic be glossed over by a pretty picture and ignore the substance that is lurking or lacking underneath. You aren’t and never have to be as desperate to think you can’t have it all. However, if you keep trying to lie to yourself and deny what you truly want, then inevitably, you’ll be fulfilling your own worst self-fulfilling prophecy.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Make a wish now. Chances of something beautiful happening is in your stars, but you’re going to have to know what you want to recognize it. Seems in the past, you’ve made demands and as soon as you get it, you drop it. This time around, the universe is pleading with you to think in the long-term and really be ready to take that next major progressive step.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Although you like fluttering about on the wings of whatever wind is blowing your way, you’re going to have to set your roots down for a little while and source out the scene. Seems your honey is feeling rather neglected and it’s now your time to shower him with some love. If you don’t have one, then take this as your cue to get feng shui on yourself and rethink your home base.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Expressing your feelings in new ways is your best bet to improve your current status. If you’re single, this is your time consider trying speed dating or online options. If you’re hooked up, time to get down to business with your baby to discuss the future and make some solid plans — with deadlines; whichever the situation, think of this week as the first week of the rest of your life.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Be happy with the material things in your life, as they are the mark of your successes. Let them be a reminder to what you’ve accomplished in your life solo. Then, if need be, be ready to compare to the prospects coming to your life this week—will they be the type to add to your kingdom or leeches that’ll only ruin paradise? Be smart; see the obvious for what it is.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
The post-traumatic stress of V-day will be wearing thin and you’ll be able to gather yourself to a more productive state of mind. You now know what to do and how to do it. Although the demons in your head keep trying to hold you back, think of it as the last hoop to jump through until you hit the promise land. Success is just steps away.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your intuition will hit a whole new level of accuracy, that’ll make you think you should open your own psychic hotline. However, don’t disregard the weird information that comes in, just because it doesn’t add up. Sometimes it takes time to see the entire picture. So, no you aren’t going crazy, but yes, you’re going to have to be a little patient to piece it all together succinctly.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
If you’ve been considering having a gang bang, this is your luckiest time to jump in. Yes, if you want your love life to get a boost of excitement, you’re going to have to get more people involved. However, even something as small as asking friends to set you up on blind dates will do too. It’s realizing you aren’t alone, as sometimes it does take a village or at least, doing one.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
As your star rises, your honey’s might be at a stand still and that will mean passive aggressive spats of jealousy coming over the horizon to make you see a whole new side to him that will be a big turn off. Of course, nobody is perfect, but damn it, don’t you deserve something closer to it? Yes, and for that, be on guard to see how Mr. Once Perfect behaves over the next few weeks.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Stop thinking worst-case scenarios. If you keep going on that path, it’ll only mean self-sabotaging behavior and thinking you don’t deserve any better — and who has time for that? Be willing to put your suspension of disbelief to work and realize the world is a beautiful place that wants to give you everything you want, with no strings attached.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Forget the proper protocol when it comes to anything regarding sex, because when it comes down to it, the kind you’re going to want this week will be the kind that is worth putting all shame aside for. Yes, the passion, naughtiness and chemistry with whoever is on your radar is going to hit a new level of destiny and although it might not be forever, the memory alone is worth it.
We all know Valentine’s Day is one of the most romantic times of the year, and if you want to really turn up the heat, you should consider preparing dinner at home. I know you’re probably thinking, “What about the expensive restaurant and reservations made months in advance?” Scratch all that off your date book. This Valentine’s Day, you’re going to wow your partner with a homemade romantic dinner. Keep reading »
Be it due to forgetfulness, a last-minute date, or financial strains, people sometimes can get stuck in a last minute rush to get a quick, meaningful Valentine’s Day gift. If this is you, don’t be hard on yourself, unless you really didn’t care. Read on for last-minute Valentine’s Day gift ideas for your true love. The quickest ideas are listed first for convenience. If you have no gift wrap, use aluminum foil. It’s pretty and most people have some. And it doesn’t even require tape. Keep reading »
Friends with benefits? Been there, done that, and now, I can’t go for that! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for free love, but there’s something about the repeat offense of a dude who will do you over and over again, hang out, and share his thoughts and feelings, but is too scared to say you’re in a relationship. Call me old fashioned, but what’s he so afraid of — treating a lady right? Last time I checked, combining sex with friendship is the very definition of a boyfriend! As if day-to-day diddling wasn’t hard enough to navigate, now that Valentine’s Day is rearing its ugly head, FWBs just seem even more useless. Here’s why… Keep reading »
ChinaDaily.com ran a strangely generic story on the “5 Things Men Should Know About Women” (Only five? really?), which included, saying thank you when she’s doing all the housework, offer money and dependability, since the others things women look for in a partner — looks, smarts — are things you “can’t” control, and, uh, make sure she gets checked for heart disease. Um, okay. To supplement their list, I’ve come up with ten random things men actually should know about women, after the jump… Keep reading »