• Relationships

Dealbreaker: The Hobby Horse

We met fresh out of college, when we both worked at a law firm. All the ladies in the office chirped about his thick hair, cooed over his broad-shouldered frame, whispered about his posh upbringing and slick pedigree. I found him arrogant and self-consumed.

I took an interest in him only after he started bringing a lacrosse stick to work. My crush deepened the first time I heard him speak with passion about his gun. This was not a euphemism — he actually had a gun. More specifically, he had a shotgun he kept in pieces in a bedroom that was, I later learned, cluttered with various trophies, medals, sticks, muscle balms, beaten running shoes, and athletic tape. Keep reading »

For The Week Of March 9-15, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Embrace your independence, because as of right now, that will be the only thing that will lead you back to sanity. If you spend too much time listening to your honey go on and on about whatever he thinks is right, you will eventually start questioning yourself — and darling, no need for that. You’re right, he’s wrong. Give it time, you’ll get to say, “I told you so.”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If it sounds like guilt, feels like guilt, know it as guilt. Don’t feel bad for decisions you have to make for you, because this is your life and you’re entitled to feel as happy as you want to. For anyone that doesn’t see it that way, know they have no place in their life, no matter how deep your history goes with them or how good you want to view them.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your life is finally heading to new heights of fun, bringing back your optimist — hallelujah! Go ahead, make up fantasies and get lost in. Dream up all fantastical scenarios to go head over heels on. While they might not happen, the inspiration alone is worth ODing on because through it, other great accomplishments will come through and no matter what, will land you on your feet.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Keeping your composure will be your biggest task this week, as someone who thinks himself as an authority figure will spout off information that’s not his to share, putting you in an uncomfortable position. Sure, we all put our foot in our mouths, but if there’s no remorse, that is when you know that person as a jerk and to make necessary steps to avoid further incrimination.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Let loose and have a little more fun than usual. This means putting that nagging disciplined voice of yours on mute and taking on a more devil may care attitude, as it’ll be the times you feel trouble coming on that’ll put you in the most prime place to get that little somethin’-somethin’ that’ll give you your groove back.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to sharing, you might be its poster child, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Face it, being generous can be a thankless job, especially if you are dealing with spoiled patrons that don’t seem to get that your kindness is not a right, but a privilege. Of course, being a martyr without anyone asking isn’t required either; so think twice before opening yourself up too much.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

They’ll be no holding you back when it comes to airing out your opinions. Seems somewhere along this week, you’re going to snap and let all the venom ooze out of you until you get your point of contention in its place. While this might burn a bridge, feel relief that you’ve crossed it enough times to never have to go back anyway.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Any paranoids you have in regard to health issues, deal with them now. Otherwise, your paranoia this week will be heighten to a new level of dysfunction, putting you in a ringy state of mind that won’t only make you a bitch to everyone around you and a self sabotaging maniac to yourself. Yes save yourself by dealing with obvious priorities.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Good news is on the way. Chances are a friend will have something interesting for you, which is a direct win for you or can inadvertently set you onto a path that will lead you to something you’ve been wishing for. Whichever the case, this will mean having to listen closely and even in-between the lines if you must. However, once you hear what you need, it’ll be obvious.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde will be flip-flopping all over themselves, trying to get in face time with everyone you know, making you one crazy mixed bag of nuts. Of course, chances are you have an odd variety of people around you, making it easy to pick out the freaks that get off on this kind of thing. After all, why waste this level of insanity on just yourself?

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When it comes to basic communications with others, you’re going to have to take the high route — perhaps so high, that you might have to walk over them to get to a new plateau. To say the least, they’ll be several occasions where someone you thought had a chance will start talking out of their ass and if you don’t take it as a sign, you will only have yourself to blame.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

There will be many things that’ll irritate you beyond belief this week, but this isn’t the time to express anger back. Best to just see these misgivings for what they are and quietly mark them down as points against these wrongdoers. When the time is right and with the proper strategy, you will be able to unload, move ahead of these twits and get back to where you belong — on top.

Ask The Astrosexologist: Can’t Stop Pining For The Sag That Got Away

I am a Leo (born at 7:56 p.m. on Aug. 7, 1984 in Texas) who is still hung up on a Sagittarius guy (Dec. 14, 1977 in Wisconsin) after three years. I was ready to be in a relationship and my life was in a great place. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. A woman had left him for another guy a couple years before and he was still not over it. We hung out a lot as friends and we didn’t ever have sex, though we came close a few times. Then things got intense very quickly (mostly my feelings for him) and he withdrew from me. Also, he made comments a few times that made me see that he was still heart broken after the last girl and he actually seemed to directing his pain into anger at her and women in general. He became a real downer, and I started to get pretty depressed too.

Keep reading »

Worst Roomates Ever

When I showed up for my freshman year of college, my roommate was a no-show. Since then, I have had one waking nightmare after another — the one who brushed her teeth so hard, she passed out in the bathroom and conked her head on the sink; the one who drank a case of beer every night; the one who paid $250 in rent while charging me $900; the one who accused me of stealing his $100 guitar when I had three guitars worth fifty times that. Needless to say, I now pay out my ear to live alone and it’s worth every single penny. Keep reading »

Where To Meet Him: An Unemployment Circle

As the unemployment rate continues to rise, job clubs are becoming the hot spot for those desperately seeking employment, because they offer networking opportunities and group therapy. But job clubs can also be a great place to meet a man. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Seven Ways To Fire Someone From Your Life

How many people do you know who’ve been downsized? Terminated? Let go? Fired? However you word it, the result is the same: Bummer, dude! According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 4.1 million people have lost their jobs in the last year alone. (The current total is about 11.6 million.)

To add insult to financial injury, some of these firings are handled horribly. Workers report being locked out of their offices, escorted out by security guards, or being replaced by less-experienced (cheaper) employees. Frequently, those lucky enough to hang onto their jobs are asked to take on more work for less dough.

It got me thinking about how similar firing someone from their job is to firing someone from your life. So, I took a gander through a bunch of employment guides and found some resources that could prove useful in your romantic life.
Keep reading »

Sex & The Show-Me State: Dating A Dad

For months I watched women swoon over “The Bachelor,” Jason Mesnick, a divorced single father, and I just couldn’t understand why. The whole thing was cute, sure, but didn’t these ladies get that people with kids have different priorities than those of us who have yet to procreate?

“Wow!” was all I could muster, followed by, “I think you’re the first person I’ve ever been on a date with who’s been married. But it’s not like you have kids, right?”

”When I went to see some live music last week, I found myself more into a bartender than the band. He had a beard, black-framed glasses and a mess of curly hair tucked up into a stocking cap—exactly my type. But every time I tried to order from him, another bartender would intercept. While my ill-fated attempt at conversation resulted in a few too many trips to the bar, I at least worked up enough liquid courage to give him my number … sort of. I scribbled “You, with the hat” alongside my name and number on a piece of paper, and left it by the tip jar on my way out. A few days later he called and the next night we were exchanging shy smiles and embarrassing stories over whiskey on the rocks.

I was smitten. He was cute, smart and much nicer than I expected (in my experience, his look is favored by grumbly hipsters). He played in a local alt-country band and paid for my drinks. Little did I know, he was building up some liquid courage of his own.

“I should tell you something,” he said halfway through our third round. “I’ve been married before.”

“Wow!” was all I could muster, followed by, “I think you’re the first person I’ve ever been on a date with who’s been married. But it’s not like you have kids, right?”

“Well, that’s what I was getting at. I have two. I figured I should probably just get that out of the way now.”

He explained that when he was 19, he married his high school girlfriend after she got pregnant. They had two kids and divorced a few years later. He now has his son and daughter every other weekend and attends all of their school functions. In fact, his relationship with his kids sounded a lot like the one my sister and I had with our father.

After I got over the initial shock, I was surprised at how much it didn’t matter to me. Had my bearded bartender told me he had kids before we went out, I would have found a reason to cancel. But I already liked him and the fact that he had two munchkins around every other weekend wasn’t going to keep me from having fun with him that night, or the next time we went out. Plus, given my success rate with dating, I figured it was too early to worry about something that wouldn’t affect me unless we were to get serious.

I ultimately had to face the fact that as I get older—and, well, do things like move to the Midwest—the chances of dating men who have already been married or have children are going to increase, which isn’t necessarily all bad. I knew on the first date that I wasn’t wasting my time with someone who couldn’t deal with life or handle responsibility. And that’s more than I can say for most of the men I’ve dated.

Is Our Facebook Romance Real?

The guy I lost my virginity to found me on Facebook a few months ago. I opened my inbox to read, “Is this Teri? If so, hit me back.” It was an absurdly casual message, as if he had no idea I associated him with puking from anesthesia in the parking lot of an abortion clinic. The shock I felt when I saw the name Jeffery* in my inbox is a testament to how successful I had been at forgetting everything that happened between us. Keep reading »

No One And Nothing Beats A Web Connection

German twenty-somethings would give up their spouse or car if they had to choose between them or an Internet connection or a mobile phone, according to a study conducted by German broadband association Bitkom. About 84 percent of a thousand respondents aged 19 to 29 said they would do without their current partner or car rather than relinquish their connection to the web. Living without a cell phone was also out of the question for 97 percent of the people surveyed. However, Bitkom president August-Wilhelm Scheer said that the findings don’t mean that “the Web is an anonymous medium that leads to social indifference.” Half of the respondents said they had made a new friend on a chat forum or web community. And 8 percent had found love on the Internet. [Reuters]

Would you dump your guy or automobile if it meant you could keep your web connection? What else would you be willing to give up? Let us know in the comments. Keep reading »

Love Vandal: Past Tense

Sometimes, people send us mean letters. But we get nice ones, too! The photo above and note below came from “a fireman in a city that you’ve heard of”:

Sometimes our job takes us to some interesting places. Last week, I found myself 25 stories high, on the roof of an 80-year-old hotel. I saw this graffiti and thought of you guys. How did the artist get here? (The roof was virtually inaccessible). What happened to make him stop loving her? There was other graffiti there, the usual stuff — misspelled obscenities and accusations of coworkers’ sexual leanings, but this piece definitely stood out. Hope you find the picture useful, and thanks for making such an interesting website. — some guy who reads your blog every now and then

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send your pic to tips@thefrisky.com. Keep reading »

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