• Relationships

For The Week Of March 23-29, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You never know where the surprises are going to occur this week, so best to just pay attention to your instincts and take those seedy mystery rides when you can, because this is the time when you will be in for an experience that you never quite had before, as it’ll expand your imagination to enter (and enjoy) realms you thought were only for freaks.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With all the demands your baby will be making on you this week, it’ll be one of those times you’ll have to go deep into yourself and remind yourself why you love him. Sure, it won’t be easy to maneuver yourself amid the minefield of aggravation he’ll be planting, but as you know, to all your ups there has to be some downs.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Whatever routines you have going on, forget them. They won’t be working for you and the last thing that’ll get you off is anything familiar. Yes, take on whatever new challenges come your way or seek edgier opportunities, as that is what’ll give your mind and body the ultimate thrills to really get off on.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Emotions and the intellect can operate in two completely erratic ways. What you crave with your heart doesn’t always strike a cord in your mind. This week, expect to feel torn between two sides of yourself as they fight to find a common ground on someone new that comes into your life that almost fits perfectly, but just doesn’t quite make the mark.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Mounting sexual frustrations don’t have to be a burden anymore, if you can just stop being so hard on the prospects. Not to say you shouldn’t have standards, but getting a bit more creative in your approach can open up side to others that you didn’t think existed and in turn, can open you up in just the way to cure what ails.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ll have just the right words to turn it out with that special someone, but the problem will be you won’t be in such the mood to do all that you say. Sure, you can tease all you want, but do have some mercy. While playing this part is a role you were born for, realize the whole point is to eventually provide some sort of release. Don’t reap what you can’t sow.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Home might be where you heart is, but that isn’t where your body should lay. When it comes to your new piece, don’t rush getting too personal too quickly, as you know your compassion sometimes has an aggravating way of leading you to charity dating. For now, work the social angles first to sort out if there is anything worthy to be revealed behind closed doors.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be feeling your power and working to enforce it. While this can bode well for you in career, friendship and with money, in love this won’t be in your favor. Judgments you make now and actions you take won’t be as you’d wish, but rather completely backwards. If you want anything sexy to happen this week, sorry to say, it’ll have to be with yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your idealism is a fab world of horny sensations, but don’t be too shy in keeping them all in your head. Don’t shrug off ongoing fantasies, thinking they have to be just that — because at this moment, you are in a prime position to cross your reality with a little bit of your dream world, as the one you’ve got holding on is just the lead that will play out your needs properly.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

A friendship gets a dash of intrigue, as some bonding moment will take a PG point of view into a total Rated R one. Although you will want to act impetuously, know there are repercussions that can be positive and negative and weighing out the options is necessary if you want to explore the matters to your advantage. In other words, keep your panties on for now and think.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Intimidation is no turn-on. See a bully for who they are and don’t think you have to offer up any compassion or integrity to get him to do as you say, because if you give them an inch they will want a foot. Stand up for yourself this week and enforce your authority on yourself. This is the time for your ego to have its day.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

To get off on a whole new level, you’re going to have to let loose and let spontaneity do with you what it will. Action and adventure are on the agenda, but it’ll be more about the craziness of random events that’ll be stirring up your life and imagination than anything emotional. So that means yes to a period of wild sex, but no to romantic love.

Movie Weddings Vs. Real Weddings

Very few movie themes are as touching and poignant as a wedding, the happiest day of a woman’s life, but one that generally causes months of stress. Hollywood has put its particular spin on the process of tying the knot, but does the cinematic fantasy stack up to reality?
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Poll: Would You Take An Ex Back?

Marilyn Manson misses his ex-wife Dita Von Teese. Um, DUH! It took you two years and one Evan Rachel Wood to realize how good you had it?! According to Dita:

“He’s been in touch a little. The apologies come, and he was like, ‘I made a big mistake’. And I’m like, ‘Yeah, yeah, I know. Go ahead and say what you need to say to feel better and to sleep at night.’ Right now I’ve got three (men). They’re all in different parts of the world… That’s my biggest sin — juggling men.”

Damn, girl, go on with your bad self! Ironically, Dita’s finally found a way to shock Marilyn Manson and we worship her for it! However, Ms. Von Teese’s ability to move on is all well and good if you’re a striptease superstar, but what about a regular sexy gal? Have you ever taken an ex back? Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Should You Remain Friends With Your Ex?

To cut or not to cut an ex from your life after a breakup, that is the question. Just last week, a dear friend of mine had her divorce finalized after a long, drawn-out three year separation. Upon hearing that her now ex-husband wants to cut off all communication with her for the foreseeable future, she’s distraught. Over the course of their separation, they’d managed to remain quite friendly, keeping in touch with phone calls and texts, and even meeting up for occasional dinners out and seeing bands together they both loved. But now that the divorce is finalized, her ex says he needs time to process the ending of their marriage and to really close that chapter and move on. She’s devastated that she won’t have him in her life the way she has in the last few years and thinks he’s being unreasonable and even a little mean. I, on the other hand, think he’s doing what’s best for them both and that a little space will give them the kind of closure they probably could have benefited from years ago. Keep reading »

Who Gets The Dog After A Divorce?

Pet custody battles are becoming more and more common. When married pet owners divorce, the animal they shared often finds itself at the center of their split. Monthly support payments, visitation rights, restraining orders, custody battles, and legal fees: Sounds like the usual bitter divorce battle, right? Not so fast. This time Kramer v. Kramer also stars Missy the Chihuahua, Sable the Keeshond, and Barney, a golden retriever-Lab mix. Welcome to the brave new world of animal custody law. Keep reading »

Eight Signs You Should Confess Your Crush

So, you’re sweating a dude like he’s a spin class. Girl, you know you got it baaaaaaaad! It’s exciting to crush on a dude, but it’s also potentially ego crushing and stupid. When you can’t stop thinking about a man, you have to add some reason to those dirty thoughts or you could get hurt. Love might be blind, however, there are some eye opening clues that can help you decide whether he’s feeling you too! You should tell your crush you like him if (and that’s a big IF)… Keep reading »

7 Annoying Couple-isms

College Candy posted an article on the five most annoying couple-isms, like those twosomes who insist on using lame nicknames for each other in public (#3), and those obnoxious couples who fight in public (#5) — something I think most of us can agree is even worse than PDAs (#1). The list was pretty spot-on, but too brief. Those of us who have had the displeasure of spending time around annoying couples know there are way more than five traits that set them apart, so here are seven more couple-isms that cannot be overlooked. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Deal With A Sick Boy

Devil get behind me, it’s cold and flu season. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a mom who refused to categorize any of her five kids as officially “sick” unless fluids were exploding and the temperature hit well into the hundreds, but I am not the person you want taking care of you when you’re not feeling well. Conversely, when I’m under the weather, the first thing out of my boyfriend’s mouth is always an offer to rub my chest down with alcohol just like his Greek mama used to do when he was a kid. No, thanks!

I’ve found there are two types of patients—the cranks and the crybabies. I’m more of a crank. I want glasses of cold water, complete silence for the duration, and whatever medications I’m taking within arm’s reach. Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to get yelled at. Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: Advice For My First Polyamorous Relationship!

I’m an energetic Aries and I’m getting involved in my first ever threesome relationship with two signs that are very compatible with mine — a very intriguing Sag woman and her awesome Gemini boyfriend. I know that the three of us should work out together, but is there any advice you can give me on how to keep things running smoothly in our happy partnership? I’m a little nervous about coming between them, is there anything I can do about that? — Two Become Three
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Poll: Do You Fantasize About Your Guy Friends?

Congratulations! You just learned that a lot of your guy friends have or do think about you while they jerk off! But do you ever think about them? Do tell. Keep reading »

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