I have been dating a Pisces for four months and we haven’t had sex. He says he is going through a spiritual transformation, which includes no sex. I am climbing up the walls! I know he keeps a dream journal and in it he writes explicit dreams about ME. I do feel we connect and there’s a lot more to a relationship than sex, but it’s hard to sleep next to someone that has a hard on and is having mental sex with you. I care about him, but I have no idea when or if this phase will end. Help! – A Dried Up Libra
If you were to follow every rule (and not just The Rules) that have been written about dating, you’d be too confused to actually ever go out on any dates. So-called sexperts and relationship gurus are constantly contradicting both themselves and each other— Should you call him? How long do you wait to engage in frisky relations? Is a “MOM” tattoo a valid dealbreaker? Ask a dozen experts, get a dozen different answers.
However, there are one or two rules that everyone seems to agree on. Generally acknowledged as common knowledge, these are things that pretty much all the experts agree that you should follow like the law. Except, they’re wrong. Keep reading »
Until a few years ago, I never would have considered a long distance relationship a realistic option for myself. I once dated a guy who lived on the other side of the city and that relationship was challenging enough, though to be fair, our problems probably had more to do with him being a douche bag than the 30-minute drive between our apartments, but still. Long distance relationships were what other people did — people who spent all their money on gas and plane tickets and their weeknights scouring the internet for travel deals and want ads in their significant other’s city. They weren’t for people like me, who’d rather spend money on shoes, and evenings cooking dinner with a boyfriend I could see as often as I wanted. Keep reading »
The people behind New Zealand website Flossie.com thought, “Why isn’t finding a man as easy as buying a can of Coke?” So, they decided to make it that simple by creating a vending machine that dispensed men in the buyer’s preferred type: classic, action, romantic, rich, foreign, and Mr. Perfect. (Mr. Perfect is a vibrator.) They installed the vending machine on a sidewalk, and as people passed by, they got a big, surprise when they pushed a button and a man bearing flowers walked out. In a little over 30 minutes, all of the men had been dispensed, and 200 vibrators had homes. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could push a button that read “Adventurous Music- And Book-Loving Slightly Bearded Cute Boy” and out one came? [Flossie.com via Notcot.org] Keep reading »
Sooner or later, everybody falls in love. When it’s good, it’s freaking amazing: birds sing, the sun shines, your Mom doesn’t annoy you so much and your checks are perpetually rosy, When it doesn’t work out, however, it burns like the fiery pits of hell. All that was good with the world has been obliterated – along with your self-esteem. And the way you’ll likely add insult to injury be inflicting even more torture upon yourself – well, that’s not so pretty either. Either you can’t eat or you’re eating pint after pint of Ben & Jerry’s, you’re sleeping all day or not sleeping at all or you’ve either abandoned all personal grooming habits or, in a particularly “screw-it” moment, went and got a majorly unflattering short haircut [Or a totally flattering one! -- Editor] or tattoo. As a post-dumpage Lloyd Dobler was labeled by his buddies outside the Gas ‘n Sip in “Say Anything”, you’re null and void. Keep reading »
I’ve been growing my hair out for 10 years, ever since I got a totally tragic close-crop days before graduation from high school. I had kind of low self-esteem and I was majorly obsessed with Gwyneth Paltrow’s new short cut (you know the one — it closely resembled then boyfriend Brad Pitt’s hair too) — I came to the conclusion that if I cut off all my hair just like hers, I, too, would be pretty. Fat chance. The haircut, for starters, was poorly executed. Additionally, my hair was still in that post-puberty stage of frizzy horribleness — and I did not yet understand that flat irons and blow dryers could be my friend. The haircut was a disaster and I have spent the last 10 years growing it out, associating prettiness and femininity with length.
I can learn more about a man at dessert than any other time.
When it comes down to it, isn’t dessert the reason for a date? Witty conversation and sex appeal aside, it’s dessert that seals the deal. Lest I sound shallow, I can authenticate the efficacy of this dessert-litmus test. I can predict — with surprising accuracy — how long the relationship will last based on his dessert order. Keep reading »
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Drama is coming and it won’t be pretty. Seems something that has been brewing for a long time will reach its tipping point and all out war will break out. Although holding back comments that hit below the belt is what any mature person should do, it’s hard to be moral when you feel so wronged. Sure, it might go against karma, but a girl has to got to do what a girl has got to do.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You’ll start to get your bearings back, as the haze clears from your mind and you’ll be able to clearly see what you have to do for you. It’s okay to get completely selfish, tell off whom have to and say what’s on your mind. If you did this in the first place, you might not be in the situation you are now — but no worries, as they say, “Better late than never.”
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Guilt blows and once you finally realize you aren’t responsible for the turn of events in your life, the real party can begin. Get ready for a new set of routines, a new lease on life, and to see that your past is not as perfect as you think. However, with this epiphany made, this makes it just that much easier to make your future the fairy tale you want it to be.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Start to consider a friend’s love advice or a set-up. Whichever the case, luck in love is coming, but it’ll take another to help you jump-start the spark. It could even be as banal as being a plus one to a party you don’t want to go to, but then wind up entrancing all the hot guys. The element of surprise is working this week, so never say never.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
The pleas for compassion will be ringing in your ear and the last thing you should do is give in. After all, what has babying anyone ever done for them? If you want to see any results with this sourpuss, it’ll mean tough love all the way. So just sit back, wait for the whimpering to die down and then swoop in to enjoy the bliss.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
As long as you have your agenda set, it really won’t matter what others say or do. Make this your rule, as this week will have you hating someone that promises way more than he can chew. While you always suspected this person was bad news, this week you’ll get your confirmation. Thankfully, at the end of the day, friends will be there for you and to help skewer him properly.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
As a work project winds down and recognition for all your hard work puts you in a celebratory mode, don’t get reckless. Sure, blow off steam, but do it in a rated PG way — as in shopping and eating excessively. If you try to spin out the thrills in any other way, regret will be waiting for you the morning after.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’ll be feeling the surge of lust more powerfully than ever, making you hornier than a wild boar on E. Expect endorphins to pump you up to superhero levels, giving you the power to turn out salacious scenarios of debauchery. Just one thing though, keep heat-of-the-moment promises to a minimum, as the lasting burn will sting longer than assumed.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Hectic last minute changes in plans will have you needing to think fast. The only thing you can count on this week is you can’t count on anything. While the change of pace won’t be your cup of tea, the upside is that it’ll give your baby time to miss you and at the end of the day, trust he’ll know how to kiss all those boo-boos away.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t flip-flop your mind around a thousand and one times — and anyone who truly loves you should know that about you. So, as the pressure will get intense to make some decisions, do all you can to postpone it, because as fate is dictating, nothing you feel now is sustainable and if you’re forced to make a decision, choose not to make one.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
One last surge of domestic disruptions will occur and after that, you can expect smooth sailing with your honey. Seems you both just needed to work out your frustrations and once all is said and done, the results will be back to focusing on making each other happy. Only one word of caution, unless you want to be called, “Mom,” don’t forget to protect yourself.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Trying to take anything serious this week will be the beginning of your downfall. Life just won’t be moving in that direction, so best to just slip into your party dresses and hottest f’ me pump and trust the universe will clean up the small messes scattered about your life. When you need to come back to reality, the world will let you know. Until then, c’est la vie.
Everyone knows (we hope) that it’s probably not the best idea to fake it in bed. There are exceptions, of course, as in God, can we just get this over with before “Mad Men” starts? But in general, faking an orgasm just reinforces and encourages behavior that simply isn’t getting the job done. There are, however, times in a woman’s life when it’s perfectly acceptable — maybe even necessary for her emotional well-being — to fake it. For example, it’s okay to fake it when…check the list, after the jump! Keep reading »