Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Girl Talk: We’re Moving In Together—After Three Months

Gollum slithered around the picnic tables in a bald wig and a loincloth. Bilbo Baggins manned the barbecue. An elf with pointy ears asked if we had any veggie burgers.

My boyfriend, David, and I had not come dressed for the “Lord Of The Rings” theme for his family’s annual group vacation with their friends. But costumed or not, I knew I’d be under scrutiny: I’m the first woman he’d brought along to introduce to everybody in his 26 years of attending.

As Gollum lumbered by towards the card table full of key lime pies and cookie burgers, I turned to David and grinned. “Real love,” I said, “is spending the weekend with your parents and their friends when everyone is dressed like Hobbits.” He grinned back and we kissed.

Forty-eight hours later, David and I decided that we would move in together, waking up next to each other every morning and falling asleep together every night. Beginning our lives together this way felt like the right thing to do.

But did I mention we’ve only been dating for two months? Keep reading »

Decode My Dream: My Left Foot Fell Off!

I had a really weird dream last night. I went to work at the restaurant where I wait tables, but I had a major problem. My left foot fell off. I was freaking out because I obviously couldn’t wait tables without my left foot. I approached my friend Dan and asked him to keep my foot for me — I trusted him to take good care of it because he is anal-retentive and has a mild case of OCD. He put it in a solution in a large bell jar which was filled with formaldehyde. I knew that my foot was safe.

I was worried because I still needed to work and didn’t want my bosses to know that I had no left foot. I could still walk around perfectly, by the way. I started searching for my black tights, because I knew that I would be able to keep my foot on with them and because they are dark that no one would see the bloody cut or the wraps around my ankle. I borrowed a pair of tights from a co-worker, got the foot from Dan, and was going to proceed to attach my foot back on to my leg, although I didn’t actually re-attach it in the dream. Next thing I knew I was showing everyone the bloody cut and we were all in awe of how well the tights were keeping my foot on. What the hell? – Footless Keep reading »

Marrying A Much Older Man Made Me A Better Person

Billy Joel and his wife of nearly five years Katie Lee are splitting up. A “friend” of the couple told the New York Daily News that the age difference of 33 years drove the couple apart. I doubt it. Maybe, like so many couples that end up divorced, they just weren’t meant to be. You never hear anyone say “Dick and Jane are the same age—that must have had something to do with their breakup.” I call BS on blaming the age difference when it comes to divorce. Though, admittedly, I’m biased. Older men and younger women? Keep reading »

For The Week Of June 29-July 5, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

All the opinions your friends throw at you will make you feel as if they are all nagging bitches that can’t seem to let you have your own life. Sure, you can play on the defensive as long as you want, but that will only be postponing a golden opportunity. Yes, your friends can be a pain in the ass, but this time around there is reason for their incessant goading. DO AS THEY SAY!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Put your ego in charge and don’t be scared to show off your cockier side to that honey you’ve been eyeing. While the perfect woman routine goes without saying for you, in terms of looks, poise and smarts, you’re going to have to fan the flames a lot harder by throwing more combustion into the fire. Subtly won’t work this week.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If you’re in the midst of a foreign adventure in a literal or metaphoric way, then you are right on track with fate. This is your time to get perspective and not let your standards slack, putting your panties in a bunch. Although it’ll take time to orientate yourself, once you loosen up, you’ll find yourself going full speed ahead commando style in no time.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

A more intense and intimate side of you is coming out, throwing off that someone close to you, as this will be a whole new slice of you that will dazzle and amaze — as well as shock. Seems there is only so long you can play the party girl before the serious feelings start to set and voila, emotions take center stage. Don’t worry, the audience is on your side.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You and your baby will be the envy of everyone and everyone will be wishing they were you. Love this time, as this is something you have earned. After all the crap you’ve gone through, this is finally the time you can breath easy and realize you have something solid to rest yourself onto. Expect those bigger talks to start now.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

If you take a more practical approach to love this week, you won’t be having any issues. This means letting your boo have a say in things and being more diplomatic. If you are single, then refresh your routines and spruce up your life with detail, as this is the time the little things will shine the most for you.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Live a little and take on all last minute opportunities that come you way. The more spontaneous you allow yourself to be, the hotter your prospects will turn, as this is the time when you will need to amp up your energy to attract the same back to you. Otherwise, vegging about and trolling for what’s convenient will get you just that, another schlub.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Family is going to be crashing your scene, get into costume to play the part that’ll be less drama. Yes, break out the pretty bows and ribbons, because this is when your Betty Crocker side is going to have to make an appearance and show off that more innocent and domestic side to yourself. While you can’t truly hide a tiger’s stripes, camouflage the best you can.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

What you hear isn’t what is going on. However, if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life deciphering code, then realize this might be the time you take this mission and send it off into the impossible unknown. Sure, he’s cute, coy and flirty, but bizarre and scattered? Sometimes once the sexy is lost, it’s gone forever.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain is going to slow down, giving you time to recollect yourself before heading into a more intense part of your summer. Time to make decisions and paint that bigger picture for yourself. Otherwise, someone else might come along and draw it for you and it might not be as fun, comprehensive and beautiful as the job you’d do.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Words will fly out of your mouth quicker than you can control and while you might feel a bit of embarrassment and a fear of the consequences, you will find that you have done yourself a favor by putting out what you really feel out there. This will lead to that and for sure, tastier things will be coming at you.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your intuition will be gurgling with all sorts of visions and ideas. While some will seem too outrageous to entertain, don’t dismiss it. Seems every thought lurking in your subconscious is super powerful now and if you take the info given to you and lead with it, it will bring you onto a wild and erotic adventure that’ll have you realizing your genius.

The Secret To French Marriages?

Infidelity. I can’t decide if I’m totally shocked or wholly unsurprised by the U.K.’s Daily Mail claim that French women get married knowing (and expecting) their husbands will cheat. When Brit Lucy Wadham married her French boyfriend she had no idea he would keep on keeping on in the bedroom with all of his ex-lovers. She details a night she unknowingly attended what’s called a partouze, subtle French for “group trysts”—only figuring it out after stumbling in on three dinner party guests in a guest bedroom. Infidelity was (and is) a way of life, she explains—and not without her own propositions, either!

This all just brings us back to the universal relationship question—are we or aren’t we built for monogamy? Is marital bliss something to work for or shall we think like the French and embrace our genetic need for multiple partners? [Daily Mail U.K.] Keep reading »

How To Initiate A Friendship

You know that awkward stage between acquaintance and friend? That in flux place where you chat whenever you happen to run into each other but never make actual plans to see one another? I am there a lot. I meet someone and we hit it off, but then what? We become Facebook friends? How do you really turn a few fun chats at the coffee machine into an actual friendship? Well, luckily for you I have often been in new situations where I didn’t know a single soul, so I have been forced to cast aside my shyness and forge ahead to build new friendships. Here are my tried and true techniques for turning a casual acquaintance into a friend… Keep reading »

Where Single Men Way Outnumber Single Women?

I’ve been doing a lot of navel gazing lately, wondering why so many women I know in New York City are hot, smart, fun, successful…and still single. Myself included, of course. And why are all my friends in Cali scoring great dudes? A new “Singles Map”of the USA has solved these mysteries for me—in New York, single women outnumber single men by more than 210,000. Meanwhile, in California, single dudes far outnumber the single ladies. So is it time to start a new gold rush? Keep reading »

Cheating: Is The Cover Up Worse Than The Crime?

Along with the rest of America, I’m rubbernecking at South Carolinian Gov. Mark Sanford’s affair with an Argentinian lass, Maria Belen Chapur (and I’m quietly cheering for Sanford’s wife, Jenny, for leaving him).

Cheating doesn’t speak well for a conservative Republican politician who preached “family values.” Sanford’s hypocrisy alone is gross. But married politicians dropping their drawers for women who aren’t their wives isn’t as interesting to me as the fact that Gov. Sanford told everyone he would be hiking on the Appalachian Trail when he was actually south of the border with his mistress.

Keep reading »

Why Are Guy Friends So Trendy?

Girlfriends are getting a lot of flack these days. Despite the popularity of “Sex and the City,” “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” and “Lipstick Jungle” (well, maybe that one wasn’t so popular), female friendship is under attack. In the past few years it has become trendy to poo-poo girlfriends and hang with a posse of guys. Considering the legacy of girlfriendship in history and literature, I am surprised to find contemporary women viewing them with such disdain. I grew up reading about the bonds between sisters in “Little Women” and “Pride and Prejudice” and the unbreakable ties of friendship in “The Babysitters Club.” During grade school the notion of even being polite to a guy was incomprehensible; boys did have cooties, after all. As I grew, so did the possibility that a guy might make a decent friend. I think it must have been some time during high school, but suddenly every girl was touting that she didn’t hang out with girls, she preferred to have guy friends instead. Keep reading »

5 Kinda Lame Things Single Women Do That Are Actually Fun

Last night, my guy went to watch Megan Fox’s hot body, I mean, “Transformers 2.” One girlfriend wanted me to grab dinner and another wanted to see a movie.

But the only thing I wanted to do was eat half a bag of potato chips for dinner, flip through Women’s Health and paint my nails with a hot pink polish so bright it would blind a newborn.

So you know what? That’s what I did.

Kinda lame, I know. But I had a really great relationship with myself for those two years that I was single and last night reminded me there are some kinda lame things single women do that are actually really fun. Keep reading »

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