Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

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Girl Talk: I Feel Like I’m Married To My Best Friend

“I’ve been thinking…”

Oh, God. Those three words. My heart rate quickened, hoping the next set of words weren’t going to be awful.

“I want to move to live with you in D.C. I really do. It’s just … I feel like this is all happening so fast. In a few months, I could have a new job, new apartment, a new life basically, and I keep asking myself ‘Am I ready for this??’ I think I am. I’m almost completely positive that I am. But I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me AND what’s best for us, and I’m feeling a lot of pressure.”

As serious as

I’m the one who pushes the envelope a bit too far sometimes, and she’s the practical one who reins me back in. She doesn’t let me get out of hand, and I in turn force her out of her comfort zone a bit.

“What’s so funny?”

“We sound married,” I said.

She broke down in a fit of tear-inducing, breathless laughter. The truth of it was too ridiculous not to laugh about. Between gasps for air, she asked, “What’s your boyfriend going to think?!”

My best friend, K., is planning a total life-transplant to Washington, D.C. to live with me. The plan has been in the works for over six months, though we had always wanted to live together after we graduated college. She’s tired of living in the same city — and in the same house — that she’s lived in with her parents since infancy. Moving back home wasn’t exactly her first choice after graduating over a year ago, but in this economy it was practically impossible to save any money without making the move home. She’s eager to get out of the city and her parents’ home, and start a more independent life in a place with much more opportunity.

Last August, I also moved back home in order to save money. Like K., I’m ready to leave, and my parents and I have agreed on a time range for me to move out. I lived alone once and hated it, so I’m determined to have a roommate. I’d prefer not to live with a stranger, K. prefers not to live with a stranger, and K. has always planned to move to D.C., so it seems logical that we move in together. We’re looking at a deadline of anywhere between two and four months from now, which means there are a lot of details to work out in not a lot of time.

The impending move has forced us to think like an entity, like a married couple. We’re facing questions and hurdles that any committed pair would face in our situation. Where do we want to live? How much are we willing to pay? How much would we each like to save? What kind of job is K. looking for? Should she move before she finds a job to ensure she’s there before I have to sign a lease? What’s our long-term goal for the place we choose? When should she tell her current employer that she’s leaving?

Answering each question is an exercise in patience, compromise and understanding. There isn’t any, “Well, I want this so we have to do that,” or “I’m moving at this time and that’s final. Live with me if you want” … you know, the kind of passive-aggressive bitchy dialogue you might find between two female friends and future roommates. We find a way to answer each problem that faces us in a way that we can both live with and agree on, that will be mutually beneficial to each of us now and in the future. There are no ultimatums or snappy requests, because we’re committed to each other. We can’t be demanding because that’s not healthy for the relationship in the long-term.

So. Why the hell am I so committed to being with my best friend? Why is it so important that we make decisions together and sacrifice things for each other, when we aren’t a couple? We aren’t required to have a life-long dedication to each other, so why act like we do? Living with strangers isn’t that bad.

More than being best friends, K. and I are also business partners. We found out long ago, when we were roommates for three years in college, that we had strikingly similar goals for our life. Over the past two years we combined those interests and similarities and formulated a plan for an enterprise that we want to undertake one day. It has proven to be an all-consuming passion for both of us, and the fervor has only grown now that we’ve each been out in the working world for a year, at jobs that neither of us are overly thrilled to be doing. Living together isn’t a vital necessity, but it would make working toward this goal a hell of a lot easier.

I’m the one who pushes the envelope a bit too far sometimes, and she’s the practical one who reins me back in. She doesn’t let me get out of hand, and I in turn force her out of her comfort zone a bit.

The dream would flounder if one of us decided to leave or give up; we balance each other out in a way that we’re confident will prove very successful in the future.

Just like any committed couple, we’re looking at the bigger picture. Yes, asking K. to leave her job and relocate her life so that we can make more headway on our plan isn’t easy. But we made a promise to turn this goal into a reality years ago. So in sickness and in health, we’re sticking to that vow.

Rachel writes a weekly relationship column for the up-and-coming pop culture source The Morton Report. Follow her on Twitter.

Photo: Digital Vision/Thinkstock

Dear Wendy Updates: “No Kids, Please” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “No Kids, Please,” who said she didn’t want to ever have small children, preferring, instead, to maybe one day adopt or foster older children. She wasn’t sure how her boyfriend felt about that and worried about the future of their relationship as a result. After the jump, an update from her. Keep reading »

For The Week Of June 13-19, 2011

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your money luck will be turning around this week, but just in time to deal with another mess that’ll cost you. Sorry to say, as one excitement builds, another might come to tear it down. Luckily, both can balance out each other and at the very least, you’ll come out even. However, new ideas to pull you back to the top are also circling about, so don’t fret. Just keep looking ahead.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

This week, the truth will come out, and when it does, it will put you in the best position you’ve been in, in ages — no matter what the initial sting may feel like. As it stands, you have no time to waste and finding out who really has your back will be music to your ears, as you can finally now know how to get the harmony you’ve so been seeking.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Just when you come to terms with one fact of life, in comes something new to decimate that, twisting your brain into new contortions as you try to make sense of it all. However, why bust a nut now? Instead, just lay back and let it settle before taking on any more. As it stands, real enlightenment is on its way and it’ll give you all the peace of mind you need.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’re entitled to change your mind as often as you like and if that other can’t get with it, then they may not truly get what you are all about. As it goes, you like to fly by the seat of your pants and this week, as a major opportunities arise, you’ll be required to think fast and re-prioritize; you may find out who really matters might not be as important as you or they think.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Listen closely to what your boo says because major talks will begin subtly. However, it will lead to big confessions and revelations for those important issues. Depending on how things have been going, this could raise your worst fears or quell them. Either or, expect to know where you really stand in the scheme of things and decide if that is good enough.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

This week, everyone will wish they could be you, as it’ll feel as if life has suddenly turned into a fairy wonderland with everyone in love with you — and they will be! Yes, major turning points can happen this week, and big changes that will bring all your hopes and dreams within reach are on the agenda. So forget pinching yourself anymore because, darling, you have arrived.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Screw what others expect of you because, let’s face it, most people don’t even know what you’re really capable of. Not to say you haven’t explained yourself well, it’s just that some people don’t even have the capacity or level of creativity to truly comprehend you. So, if going alone is necessary, at least you’ll know there is no one holding you back anymore.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Be ready to take that giant leap of faith without a care for the consequences. After all, over-thinking anything is not your strong suit, as you tend to tear things down rather than build them up when left with something in your head too long. So, put that fire under your ass and jump, as the only thing you need now is some trust in yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Who you’re sleeping next to isn’t quite who you think they are, and you may wonder, Why didn’t I see that earlier? Not to say this is going to be material for a Lifetime biopic, but you’ll definitely have way more questions to ask soon and they’ll open up a few of the most riveting conversations you’ve had in ages. Don’t worry, they may just be hysterical.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your heart is about to get the shock of a lifetime, but no matter, there is a something about this situation that you’ve always known was going to happen sooner or later. So, as you confront this fear, just be brave. All you can do now is keep the heart and mind open and realize anything now really is possible.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Don’t disregard your feelings, even the most selfish ones that have only your needs in question. After all, who else will look out for you, but you? While you would hope that other would too, it’s not always possible and sometimes they just don’t have the mental capacity to do as you’d wish. Take responsibility instead. It’ll be way more empowering and productive.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This week will start a humbling period in which the circumstances challenge your ideals. This will mean going deeper into your psyche to pull out answers and new hopes that soothe you. However, know your hunches will be dead on and despite the madness that’ll erupt all around you, the grounding you need is within you.

An Open Letter To Girls Who Say “Daddy”

Note: Let me first start by saying this excludes anyone 8 and younger and for now we are not going to even start with the girls who call their boyfriends “Daddy.” Right now, I’m looking at the 16+ crowd who still, for some really weird reason, need to call their fathers “Daaaadddddddy.” Ladies, this is for you.

Dear women and young women who still say “Daddy,”

Maybe it’s because I don’t understand you, that I hate hearing your shrill voice yell for your “Daddy” as you stomp your foot. Maybe it’s because I’ve had old men ask me if I need a new Daddy, so the fact that you refer to your father as “Daddy” complete creeps me out. But, it’s probably because while you are doing so, you are usually throwing a tantrum, and you are also well into your 20′s. That’s why I usually look at you with disgust then opt to walk the other way, hoping not to run into you again. Read more… Keep reading »

The 5 Least Romantic Keys To A Happy Relationship

Any old talk show psychologist can give you the business about date nights and fetish gear to keep the spark alive. That’s Talk Show Psychologist Tips For Romance 101. But it takes a ballsy renegade to have the guts to let you know that saving a relationship might be about imagining the most romantic solutions possible — then doing the opposite. That ballsy renegade is us.

#5. Spend Less Time Together: So it’s been a long week at work, both of you are stressed out and when you do see each other, you end up fighting like rabid monkeys. But now it’s the weekend! You can relax and spend your free time playing tennis (which he loves) and taking pictures of each other with ironic finger mustaches (which she loves). But you have to do these things together because you are a couple, dammit, and you love each other. Read more… Keep reading »

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