“You think love means someone has to get hurt terribly,” said my love guru.
I had just finished recounting my entire dating history for her — from middle school until present day. It took up nearly the entire session. I told her about the boyfriend who had blindsided me by telling me he was gay, the guy who left me for the woman he eventually married, and finally, my regrettable one-night stand marathon immediately following my sister’s wedding. Keep reading »
Can a person ever really change? Wendy Williams, host of GSN’s “Love Triangle,” is not so sure. I think for the most part, she’s right — that people change temporarily, but eventually return to their old ways. Changing or stopping that’s become a habit — whether it’s lying or cheating or smoking — requires an unwavering determination. How many of us have that kind of undeterred focus about the good things in our lives, let alone the bad things we’re trying to get rid of. That’s why you can’t love someone for who you think they can be, you have to love them for the way they are, because even though they may try and change, the chances of lasting success are slim. (Be sure to watch “Love Triangle” weeknights at 7:00 p.m. EST /6:00 p.m. CST on the Game Show Network.) Keep reading »
I used to trade back rubs for blow jobs. Not with strangers, of course. With my boyfriend at the time. And not half-assed, sitting in front of him on couch with the TV on back rubs either; no, I’m talking lights off, candles burning, soothing background music, scented oil back massages for at least 20 minutes. When he was done, I would sit up, he would lie down, and I would return the favor with oral sex. I wasn’t half-assed about it either; it was often to fruition, although about 40 percent of the time — unless I was on my period — the back massage would get me revved up and we would end up humping. Either way, it was always a successful exchange of services that left both of us satisfied.
This is what Kelly Oxford, writing in GQ, calls “sex bartering,” and she suggests couples everywhere “put sexual favors on the table and start negotiating.” Keep reading »
No, these 5 romantic gestures need to STAY! Read More »
The romantic gesture: a lovely thing or reserved for creepy stalkers? Blogger Joshua Lyon, writing for Thought Catalog, seems to feel that the romantic gesture is dying. He talks about being branded “scary intense” for writing a letter to a man he had a crush on and suggesting an old-fashioned correspondence. That seems rather sweet to me. Also, he mentions a time when a boyfriend pulled a “Say Anything” and played “In Your Eyes” on a boombox at his window, Lloyd Dobler-style. He found it to be “one of the bravest and most romantic things” anyone had ever done for him. I see what he’s getting at. The grand romantic gesture does deserve a rightful place in the world of wooing. But it can walk the fine line of “creepiness.” Romantic gestures only work when being done by the right person in the right way. For example, a guy I was dating once had a handwritten note couriered over to my office to ask me out on a date. Sweet! Another time, a man I had exchanged a smile with followed me home from the grocery store to leave a letter of admiration on my doorstep. Frightening! After the jump, the difference between sweet/romantic and creepy/romantic. [Thought Catalog] Keep reading »
I am 14 years old and in my pediatrician’s office. My family has just moved back to New York City after a 5-year stint in Massachusetts. I’m turning into one of those surly teenagers. My mother has read SavingReviving Ophelia and now my father is reading it, too, and I see the sad face of that wispy-haired girl staring up at me from her wrinkled paperback cover every time I pass his bedside table. Dr. Sedlis is asking how school is going. My mother is in the room and she says, “Not too well. It’s a large public school.” This is true. I hate it there. I am lost and they are making me take oboe lessons even though I signed up for piano. The girls are goths and punks and I am neither. Dr. Sedlis advises putting me into private school. Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Depressed and Unsure,” who, much to her boyfriend’s chagrin, had befriended her BFF’s ex (and boyfriend’s friend) after the broke up. “We both share long-time struggles with chronic depression, and the outlet we’ve found in each other has helped us both immensely. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has taken issue with this new-found friendship.” Keep reading »