Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Go ahead and zone out. This won’t be one of those times that it’ll be too exciting or delicious to have to pay attention. Best to go into your own head and sort out the details of how you would like life to unfold, as better times are coming and it’s best you have a plan of action ready to go. Until then, make nice with your toys.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your charm and elegance will be in top form to woo a crush from far away. However, like a ballet, for now you need to keep the illusion going by keeping him at an arm’s length. Once you build up the mystery, things will fall into order. However, proper choreography is necessary to slip all pieces in the right place.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

All your wishing and hoping comes to a halt. Finally, you’ll see some major action and green lights brightening up your life, propelling you far ahead of the competition. With so much momentum, this is your perfect time to drop the baggage weighing you down. Yes, some may see this move as ruthless and cold, but whatever, those losers will never be as success as you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Trying to get in some quality time with your honey will be next to impossible. Seems no matter how you try, your schedules will repel each other. Thankfully, being the gal that you are, distance will make your heart grow fonder and your body hornier than a goat on E. By week’s end though, no matter what stands in your way, the forces of nature won’t be able to keep you apart.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Experience tells you all you need to know. Realize you have learned your lessons well enough to be an expert, so understand any repeat of the past will only make you out to be the dummy. As they say, “Fool you once, same on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” C’mon now darling, you’re way stronger and smarter than needing to be burned again.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Old loves die hard and that’s why it’s impossible to ever think you can go right into being friends with someone you’ve shared an intimacy with. Sure, you’re the sign of friendship and you have a special talent to remain aloof despite the most emotional tensions — but why torture yourself? Disappearing, even just momentarily, isn’t being weak, it’s being smart.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When it comes to talking crap about your boyfriend, only you have that right. After all, you sleep with him and listen to his whining all day, right? Right. So, when certain members of your family start bombarding you with their opinions, know your rights. Of course, if you’re too tired to defend him because of the time you spend babying him, keep your ears open.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your creative juices will be making you feel extra frisky and wild. Channel some of those kinky ideas into flirting with your baby and reviving the passion back to the days when love was so fresh and new that all other responsibilities, other than being with each other, felt inappropriate. If single, hit up prospects online. This brilliance will translate beautifully into literary genius.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to trying to express your feelings and get them understood, it’ll feel as if you’re taking two steps forward then three steps back. The frustration will leave you so distraught, you’ll think of giving up — don’t. Patience is key to getting what you want, as the answers you want to hear are heavier that you can imagine and will take time to come out right.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Stop all that neurotic judging of yourself and really look at where you are. Your life is fine and you should be proud of the fantastic job you’ve done, getting yourself where you are — you’re a total prize. With that in mind, don’t say anymore to procure that someone into your clutches. If he has any clue or worth, he’ll know it’s his turn to sh*t or get off the pot.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Chances are you’re feeling trapped and only see a few viable options. However, this is all in your head. Seems you’re currently your own worst enemy, but only you can snap yourself out of this. Of course, hitting bottom is usually the only way for you to bounce back to the top — but make a note; you have only until the 19th to wallow. After that, you’ll have no more excuses

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Love is your drug. You’ll be OD-ing on the stuff so hard; you may have trouble keeping life balanced. As for friends, it won’t be so easy to chalk it off as jealousy. While some will be a bit green with envy, most of them won’t and will see what’s happening for what it is. Sure, you’re entitled, but c’mon, how old are we already? Return their calls and don’t flake on them.