Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Girl Talk: My Boyfriend’s Parents Were Racist

“My parents are racist,” my Filipino boyfriend Edward said, sounding defeated.

My heart made a sudden jolt and then quieted down in my chest. I knew there was something off about this man. Our six-month relationship had been bliss—he was funny, whip smart, and, well, perfect. His quips matched mine and what he lacked in social skills he made up for with his love of conspiracy theories and the ability to play eight instruments. He wrote me two songs and told me that when he looked at me, he heard music. I should have guessed that all his wonderful traits were overcompensating to make up for his family.

“It’s pretty bad,” he said. “They think dating someone black is downgrading. They say I shouldn’t date anyone darker then a paper bag.”

“Trust me; I’ve tried to talk to them. But they are stuck in their ways. They grew up in another time,” he said. “It was different when they came here from the Philippines 30 years ago. “

A California native and newcomer to New York City, I had never personally met any civilized people who were openly racist. When I thought of hate-spouting rhetoric, my mind instantly conjured up images of inbred monsters with a love of banjos and moonshine in Kansas during the 1940s—not an elderly Filipino couple in New Jersey in 2009.

I could think of reasons why a significant other’s parents wouldn’t like me, but color was never one of them. Yes, I blurted out random thoughts whenever I pleased, mostly of the unsolicited advice variety. I could be argumentative and was always positive I was right. I bit my nails. I left toothpaste smeared in the sink. But how could anyone dislike me not knowing these little things?

I glanced over to see Ed staring at me with apologetic eyes. What started out as a lovely morning in my sunlit Queens bedroom was turning into a nightmare from a made-for-TV movie. “Well how bad are they?” I asked, trying to sound optimistic. “I mean there’s the KKK and then there is Archie Bunker.”

“It’s pretty bad,” he said. “They think dating someone black is downgrading. They say I shouldn’t date anyone darker then a paper bag. They would prefer me to date someone either my own race or a white girl. I’ve tried to explain to them that interracial children are genetically superior to single-race kids.” He gave me a sheepish grin.

I pictured Ed going on a Darwinian rant to his religious folks. I struggled with what to say next, contemplating my skin’s proximity to an item used to hold groceries. Cruel words formed in my mouth as I held back the urge to yell. My family is pretty much like the Obamas. My dad has a master’s degree and a good government job. My Creole mother is a registered nurse for a plastic surgeon. My younger brother is studying to be a doctor. My mom and dad were constantly kissing and hugging each other, and I only heard my mom and dad argue once. I talked to my mom almost every day and my dad sent me a text at least twice a week to say he loved me and was proud of me. I realized I was the lucky one. I had come from an accepting brood that would never pass judgment on anyone.

I glanced at Ed and felt suddenly sorry for him. “You have to tell them about me,” I said “You can’t lie. If you’re that embarrassed then we have to break up. I can’t be a secret.” Ed pulled me closer and held me. But I wasn’t so sure he would ever tell his parents about me.

A month later, he and his family went on a matchmaking get-away disguised as a church retreat. Upon arrival, he was introduced to every eligible purebred girl in the parish. When he returned from his holy adventure, he revealed that he had finally told his parents about me. “Every time I turned around, I was being introduced to a nice Filipino girl,” he said. “So I decided to tell them. They where dismissive, but they got the point.”

And all of a sudden, I realized that what his parents thought didn’t matter at all. I reached out and grabbed his hand. Our skin melted, and you couldn’t tell where his stopped and mine started.

Birthday Blues: What Happens To Friendship After You Turn 30?

Remember when I was all, “I’m turning 30, so what?” Well, I think I jinxed myself! After writing that essay, the days until my 30th birthday continued to count down, and I started feeling some … anxiety and sadness about the whole thing. Not because I’m actually sad about bidding goodbye to my 20s — they were fun, but not that fun — but because so many of my friends have already hit the big 3-0 and I’m feeling woefully distant from them these days. Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: My Cancer BF Is Being Wishy-Washy

My birthday is 1/29/89 and his is 7/20/88. We’ve been dating for four months, which I know is only a short while, but I’m falling for him. He has most of the qualities I want in a guy: goal-oriented, attractive, and smart. People have said that if a guy is not looking for anything serious, you won’t have access to his life away from you. I assume he likes me because he always invites me to his house, around his family (which is huge), his friends, and even invited me to his basketball games with his homeboys. Good signs of better things to come? However, he refuses to meet my family and only makes the effort to come to my house when no one is there. He’s a quiet person, but does express things that he never told anyone before. He can be so passionate, wanting to spend time with me, but other times I don’t hear from him for days. Just recently, he expressed to me that he feels as though I “don’t think” about him, because I don’t call him that often. I’m not the bug-a-boo type. I know that being an Aquarius, I have the tendency of being aloof at times, but I don’t think I am wishy-washy like he is. Hopefully, I am clear on what my problem is because, honestly, I am confused as to what to make of his actions. What do you think? Is this something worth holding onto? Am I trippin’? – K-Ball

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Dear Wendy: How To Know When You’ve Found The One

Last year I went to Italy for my best friend’s wedding and ended up sleeping with her husband’s best friend at the reception. I was sure I would never see him again, but he hunted me down the next night and ended up driving me to the airport for my departure the next morning. We connected on Facebook and wrote emails to each other regularly. I decided to return to Italy for two months, and while I was living in Florence our love affair continued and intensified. When it came time for me to leave Italy, I cried uncontrollably all the way to my connection in Paris! When I got home I confessed my love for him via email. He responded that he also loved me but he wasn’t sure it was in the “same way.” In the year since then we email each other and he occasionally professes his love and how much he misses me, which sends me reeling. He came to visit me in August and we spent almost three weeks together in Colorado and out east. I daydream about moving back to Italy just to see if he is The One. I can’t discern my feelings for him anymore. Am I in love with him or am I in love with our romantic unreal experience? How do I really know if I love this man? — Is That Amore?

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For The Week Of November 9-15, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Be careful of all the things you admit to and whom you admit them to. Hidden motives will be among people close to you, which will create a minefield of distrust. Pay attention to your instincts, as they will guide you to safe shores. In time, those you can no longer trust will make themselves blaringly obvious.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Throwing money at the problem isn’t a bad thing, as long as those things you are flashing the cash for are l’objets des arts that will make you feel even more beautiful, appeasing the inner princess in you beyond. As it goes, this is your week to spoil yourself rotten and give yourself the love that others are just too stupid to show you without example.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Venus is officially in Scorpio, which means the ball will be completely in your court to pick and choose the plays you want. If this isn’t the case, then you aren’t looking at the facts hard enough. You’re hot stuff and there are men hungry to get a piece of you. Be cruel yet kind to make it worth your while, because sometimes wielding the power is sexy enough.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

To lure the worthy into your den, it’s time to start batting those eyelashes a bit more gently. Being anything other than evasive won’t work in scoring you the excitement you are craving. As it goes, this time around, it’ll be the part of the hunted rather than hunter that will truly satisfy your needs. However, don’t be scared to run faster to make them even crazier for you.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Yeah, friendship and sex have their separate places. While it works to be friends with someone you are having sex with, it is never simple to be having sex with a friend. Although, if ever there were a time to do the nasty with someone you are on good platonic terms with and to change the status of your relationship, it would be now.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

We all sleep with people for different reasons at various points in our lives, and life goes on. This week, when opportunities to get ahead might require a little more “muscle,” be careful! These crossroads will throw you into a tizzy with your morals, fantasies and ambitions — which one wins out only you can control.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Exotic adventures are the way to go to get your orgasm levels humming in a perfect harmony that could completely realign your chi. If you are heading abroad or having sex with someone culturally different than you, then consider yourself on the right track and enjoy yourself silly. If you are not doing either of those, then it is highly recommended that you try to do one of said options.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Let the skeletons out of the closet and let the chips fall where they may. No one is going to judge you as hard as you judge yourself. Take this chance by releasing what you feel so oppressed by, because at the end of the day, whoever is really going to love you the way you should be loved won’t give a crap about any of the dramas you create in your own head.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Do whatever your baby wants and call it a day. He’ll be brimming with all sorts of genius ideas, even if they seem a bit erratic at first. Put your faith in him and he’ll appreciate the show of confidence. In fact it might be so drastic, it might feel as if your old lazy lover has gotten a lobotomy and been reprogrammed to be all about you!

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

To savor any meat worth its weight in gold, it’ll take some concerted effort in planning. No, this isn’t the sexiest suggestion in the world, as there is nothing that kills a buzz for you more than organizing. However, this isn’t just any time for you, and if you approach the details as foreplay, you might find a newer and more mentally invigorating way of getting off.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Embrace your feelings of vulnerability and realize it’s a good sign, as it means that someone currently turning you on is also really turning the screws of your psyche, affecting you deeply in ways you can’t even fully comprehend. Don’t talk yourself out of it, because it won’t work. While you can repress it temporarily, realize it will only grow back ten times stronger.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Having life honky-dory all day long is sweet, but that is not what makes you hot. Tension, personality clashes and challenges will be coming at you in droves, making you sweat under the collar. While there won’t be easy resolutions for your issues right now, who cares? The fact is that you will be feeling so fired up, any release you get will be that much more intense.

Dating Disaster: He Said I Looked Like …

I had known Billy for five years through mutual friends, and at some point we started hanging out independently. I was still sailing on the friend boat when Billy indicated his winds were now blowing from a different direction. I wasn’t interested in him romantically then, but we did seem to get on quite well. And so ensued several months of friendly, flirty hangouts, during which I grew more and more fond of the fellow. Keep reading »

Love Vandal: Lovesick Puppy

The Frisky’s designer Emily snapped this in New York City’s Meatpacking District.

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send your pic to tips@thefrisky.com. Keep reading »

What Your Closet Says About Your Dating Life

This is a story about a dysfunctional relationship. It was between me and my bedroom closet, and I know you know what I’m talking about. Keep reading »

Would You Rather Be Married or Happy?

On “Oprah,” I watched a segment on women living in Copenhagen, Denmark. I was struck by the comments of one particular woman. She was tall, lean, blonde, 44 years old, and enjoying her singleness.

Denmark has been named by researchers as the happiest country in the world. There is free health care, free college (as a matter of fact, students are actually paid to attend college), a year paid maternity leave, and four years support if you lose your job. Keep reading »

Quote Of The Day: Amerie Breaks Down Why Women Settle And Men Don’t

“Men rarely settle; they won’t wife up someone they don’t feel is worthy of them. A woman can persistently chase a man, and he may sleep with her, but it’ll never make him love her. Yet a guy that a woman’s not interested in can hound her, and if he’s persistent enough, he’ll wear her down. Women are more malleable. Yet, we’re still the smarter sex. Men can’t handle the truth about women — that we can be as noncommittal, manipulative, and promiscuous as they are.”

— Amerie, whose fourth album In Love and War dropped this week, talks to Complex magazine about cheating and “wanting space.” [Complex.com] Keep reading »

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