Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Dear Wendy: Depressed Husband Is Emotionally Abusive

Let me first start off by saying that I love my husband more than anything else on earth. We have been together for 10 years (no kids yet) and we have a very strong connection and bond, but we have one major problem that is starting to weigh on our marriage. My husband is depressed. He has been as long as I have known him due to a very troubled and unhappy childhood. I have grown to look past it, but it is becoming worse than ever and I can no longer ignore it. The thing is, his depression has a very ugly side. He becomes emotionally abusive to me, often calling me names or making me feel worthless. Although I understand that he is projecting the feelings he has for himself onto me, it still hurts and I am having a very difficult time maintaining my own happiness. He has been out of work lately, which is only adding to his depression. He becomes very angst-ridden and restless and starts to feel like the walls are closing in. He says it has nothing to do with me and that I am the best thing in his life. When I told him that something has to give because I can no longer tolerate the way he treats me, he told me that this is who he is and if I don’t like it, I need to ask him to leave and he will. But I don’t want him to leave! I love this man with all I’ve got! There are moments of happiness, but they are usually few and far between and usually only come when we have some money to spend on things other than bills. He is not one to take anti-depressants (his mother became highly addicted to them) and we are financially unable to afford a therapist. How can I maintain my own happiness and help him at the same time? I must reiterate that I love him and I want nothing more than for us to make it through this. — Depressing Love

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Woman Getting Married: Do I Have To Wear His Grandmother’s Wedding Band?

So … we spent the Thanksgiving holiday down in Florida with my folks, which meant Future Husband got a big “welcome to the family” glimpse of how the holidays with MY family works: lots of kids (there were no less than 8 kids under the age of 8 on T-day), lots of wine, and lots of sports. Minus the kids part, it was basically just like every Sunday at our house. Overall, we had an awesome time, which was great. Keep reading »

He Said/She Said Advice: First-Date Dos and Don’ts

One of the best parts of having a platonic guy friend is having a go-to for the male perspective. And now I’m going to share my guy friend, Peter, with the world — by answering your questions and then getting his take.
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365 Days In Paris: Post-Turkey Day Depression

This has been a real week de merde and I’m currently bumming out big time. It was great having my sister here for Thanksgiving (or le Sanks-geev-ing-uh as the French like to say). We spent the past few days on a veritable Parisian binge—drinking bordeaux, shelling out at fancy restaurants, and buying typically Parisian clothing. (I must literally be a walking cliché thanks to my growing wardrobe of striped shirts, blouses with bows, and pleated skirts). Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I Don’t Get Along With My Boyfriend’s Friends”

“I have been dating a wonderful man for a year now. We get along well, but there is a sore spot in our relationship: I don’t get along with his friends. I’ve never had a problem getting along with any of my ex-boyfriends friends before, so this is new territory for me. I’m a bubbly individual with silly/slapstick sense of humor, while his friends are more staid people with biting, sarcastic sense of humors. I often feel like they treat me as a ditz (which I am not — I own a business and just entered a Master’s program) and I do not feel comfortable with their negative nature (their sarcasm is often making fun of people/things). It came to a head this Thanksgiving when we went to his friends for dinner. I helped out in the kitchen, fawned over the food, and acted respectfully. After we left, my boyfriend told me he had wanted to stay, but said I ‘looked miserable’ and he didn’t want his friends to feel ‘uncomfortable.’ I’ll admit I didn’t eat much (I’m a vegetarian, there was only so much I could eat), and I was very quiet after dinner, but I always tend to be quiet around them because I never know what to say when they go on their antagonistic tirades about people or modern music. He loves his friends and we hang out with them often (he lives with one and the other lives very close), but obviously my polite, quiet approach is no longer working. What should I do?” — Friendless in Boy World

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Girl Talk: Am I Really That Special?

My boyfriend is 10 years older than me. We’re in love and it’s awesome. There are many, many perks to dating a dude who is older, some of which you can read here. But there’s one tiny downfall, at least for me. In his 40 years on earth, my devastatingly handsome boyfriend has had more than his share of girlfriends and has been in love a handful of times. This is probably totally normal and not a cause for, uh, concern for most 30-year-old women, who have likely had many relationships in their lives too. Unfortunately, I haven’t and his vast relationship experience makes me feel like I’m somehow not as special as I’d like to be. Keep reading »

Fun With Family: Roman Polanski Ruined My Thanksgiving

Well, sort of. The director was at the center of an argument between my brother and I that started almost as soon as we sat down for Thanksgiving dinner.

[For reference: Polanski was apprehended by Swiss authorities, after he fled the United States in 1977 before he could be sentenced for having "unlawful sex with a minor," a lesser charge than the original six, which Polanski pled guilty to. (He was originally charged with "rape by use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, lewd and lascivious act upon a child under 14, and furnishing a controlled substance to a minor.") Polanski fled the country before sentencing upon learning that the judge was planning on giving him jail time, despite the recommendations of a probation report and psychiatric evaluation, which both indicated that Polanski should be released on time served. For the record, Polanski served only 42 days out of the initial 90 before being released and making a break for his native France.]

I just assumed my brother shared my opinion that Polanski should be locked in jail and the key thrown away. When he didn’t — and said that Polanski should be released because he wasn’t a serial predator, that the judge in the case was on a witch hunt, and that the 13-year-old girl whom Polanski had sex with had “consented” and “maybe even took the drugs on her own” — I basically lost my shizz. Was my own flesh and blood not only being a rape apologist but victim-blaming as well? Keep reading »

Were You Turkey Dropped This Weekend?

If your relationship ended over the long Thanksgiving weekend, you’re not alone. The Thanksgiving breakup is such a common phenomenon it even has a name: the turkey drop. Carly MacLeod, a junior at Washington University and the “romance columnist” at the student paper, tells NPR that turkey drops are often the result of long-distance college relationships reaching a boiling point during freshmen’s first real vacation home after leaving for school. She explains that after three months of living apart, making new friends, creating new lives, and stressing over upcoming finals, former high school sweethearts see each other again and realize they don’t want to be together anymore. “Go home, hook up and break up is pretty much the pattern,” MacLeod says. Keep reading »

For The Week Of November 30-December 6, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Who cares what happens behind closed doors? Let go of judgments and dare to give into your curiosities. This is your time to free yourself from the rules you’ve placed on yourself and explore the possibilities. No one is asking for more than you can give, so be kind to yourself and dip your toes into the unknown. Besides, it’s those naughty little secrets that’ll turn another on the most.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You won’t win if you keep comparing yourself to everyone around you. Plus, you won’t be able to be objective right now anyway, as you’ve been too busy blowing up the image of others around you. Instead of beating yourself up, trust that you have a good thing and where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be — but if you don’t start setting sights higher, you will get left behind.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Drama and love don’t have to go hand-in-hand. While some obstacles are unavoidable, be prudent with what you are buying as excuses. Sure, it takes work to be in a relationship, but sacrificing your pride and testing your patience don’t qualify as such. Draw the line between abuse and understanding and get a leg up on your love life immediately.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Let your idealism run away with you and expect more than you imagined. The only way to get what you want in life is to aim high. If you keep short-changing yourself, thinking no one can give you that fantasy, then you might as well throw in the towel. But this week, things are going to change; though, you must set the target with a vision for all to come into your line of fire.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Think back to the vivid dreams you’ve had or pay attention to the ones you’ll have this week, because as it goes, your psychic powers will be in sharp form and could reveal one of the hidden mysteries that have kept you wondering. To make the most of it and to be your own psychic hotline, before you go to bed, focus on your dilemma of choice and then dream away the answers.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A new hope is around the corner, so don’t give up yet. Chances are a twist in your current love story line is about to happen, throwing you in a maddening passion that will have you exploring all sorts of extremes you never thought you would. Seems the magic of love or the very strong power of lust will be taking you far out of your comfort zone.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Give those jealous haters their day now and let them think what you want. Don’t you worry, darling — you will get the last laugh! Be patient with what fate deals you now, as the cards in your current hand might not be so great, but they’re helping you perfect your game and problem-solve. When it comes down to it, you’re the one risking the most – and you’ll be the one to win it all.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Keep your momentum up by putting yourself out there and showing off your stuff. Even if you’re attached, working your flirt muscles will do wonders for your esteem, as it’ll give you the heat to come back home and reignite things the way you once thought they should be but got too lazy to maintain. If single, be obvious — it’s the only way to feel the burn.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Scrap all that you know. Work from the gut instead. Spontaneity and feeling the moment are your friends now, opening you up to opportunities you never knew existed. Throw caution to the wind and take the consequences as they come. Not to say this will bring you all the riches you desire, but it’ll change up your point of view enough to see that new possibilities are out there.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You can’t fight magic when it happens, so don’t even try to talk yourself out of a invite that comes this week, as this leap of faith will be what opens your eyes to a whole new way of looking at someone who’s been in your life. Take a risk, no matter what others are saying, and prove them wrong — this is your week to do all the things you love in a truly shocking style.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Intimacy doesn’t always happen the way you envision and the longer you hold on to the way you think things should be, as opposed to how the actually are, you will lose out. Yes, time to scrap your stubbornness, as it will be your downfall. Time to loosen up the reins and give yourself some slack. Besides, hasn’t that old ideal of perfection you’ve held on to let you down enough?

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

There are many sides to your affections and revealing them all can be quite a shock to another’s system. But if you have the right catch on the hook, opening up will stimulate him to reveal all his secrets, which will play quite nicely into making the next step of your courtship even more intriguingly dangerous and devilish.

I Was Another Woman

I am not the “other woman.” I am “another woman.” How do these two differ you ask? Well, if I were the other woman, the guy I’m “dating” would be in a committed, monogamous relationship with a woman and I’d be the one he was hiding and sneaking around with. But that is not the case at all. He is not in a committed relationship. He does not have a girlfriend. He just happens to be in a non-committal, non-monogamous relationship with me and another woman. The kicker is that I and the other woman know each other. She and I are not friends at all. We don’t travel in the same circles. Oddly enough, he is the one who introduced us to each other. Yes, I know what you are thinking right now. “What! This girl is crazy, off her rocker to be in this situation!” But please, before you judge let me explain how this situation came about. Keep reading »

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