Hugo’s piece was originally published at the Good Men Project Magazine.
Both at the Good Men Project and at my own blog, my most popular posts in terms of page-views are invariably those that focus on one particularly controversial subject: older men and younger women. (Here’s “What Young Women Are Really Looking For From Older Men.”)
As I’ve laid out in those pieces, for a number of reasons I think we should be suspicious of age-disparate heterosexual relationships in which the male partner is substantially older than the female one, and in which the woman is still quite young (say, under 23). Put simply, the potential problems in these relationships seem to diminish based less upon the actual number of years in between the partners and more upon the age of the woman involved. I’m more concerned about an 18 year-old woman and a 30 year-old man than I am about a 30 year-old woman and a 55 year-old man, even though the latter relationship has twice the number of years separating the partners. The research of psychologists like Lynn Phillips—who has written extensively about relationships between teen girls (including those above the age of consent) and older men—bears out how damaging these relationships can be. Keep reading »
I didn’t learn how to cook growing up. It’s not that my mom and dad didn’t know how to cook themselves; they’re both quite good cooks, actually. Dad makes a mean spaghetti sauce and I’ve planned entire weekends around Mom’s French onion soup, endive salad, and eggplant parm. But both of them are, and always have been, so absurdly territorial in the kitchen that I never much felt welcome. There’s many times I’ve tried to help out and perhaps pick something up, and gotten shooed away.
So I stopped trying. I cultivated indifference. I sat back while they cooked real meals for me well into adulthood. Whatever meals I cooked for myself were not real meals — in fact, I don’t know if you could say I “cooked” them. All throughout college and after college, I ate the kind of “instant meals” that American grocery stores are known for: macaroni and cheese, instant rice, ramen noodles, pasta sauce out of a jar. Maybe if I was getting fancy, I’d make a salad or scrambled eggs. Keep reading »
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Compromise is not a talent that comes easy to you, as you’d rather disintegrate than have to bend your ideals. However, this week’s view of the bigger picture is going to start to morph, making you see that going back to the drawing board with that other might not be the worst thing to happen. If anything, getting this second chance will make you feel refreshed.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Time to switch gears and get new goals on the agenda, particularly ones that truly get you back on track with your purpose. Even if you aren’t even sure at this point what that is, follow your passions a little closer, as any change up now will do wonders for your morale and perspective. After all, if you want to live the dream, it’ll mean owning up to it. Keep reading »
“Does he call you less than when you first started dating?” “Does he make an effort to get to know you?” “When you think of him, do you smile or want to grab the vodka?”
I’m being bombarded with questions about the guy I’m currently seeing — important ones that I should be answering honestly — but they’re not coming from my best friend (or my mom, who’s always been my own personal relationship guru). They’re being fired at me in quick succession from my iPhone. Keep reading »
My mother and I were standing in the Atlantic Ocean with water up to our knees.
“Remember when I caught you masturbating, Chloe?” she asked.
“When you were five.”
“I wasn’t five, mom.” Keep reading »
I find one of the most stressful parts of dating to be the whole “scheduling” thing. When you’re on the dating scene, one thing you learn very quickly is that every person seems to have a different idea of how dates are made … and broken. Because I am a type A, very busy schedule, everything planned, values manners kind of girl, I get bristly when cancelled on rudely or abruptly. A few weeks ago, a bloke sent me a text two hours before our date saying that he couldn’t meet up because “his friend needed him.” Who even knows what that means? Not that I cared. I was just pissed because I could have gone to yoga and I didn’t have my mat with me! I understand that things come up. I’ve even had to cancel dates myself. But there is a proper way to cancel a date with a lady, especially if you intend to see her again in the future. After the jump, some date canceling etiquette for the kind and conscientious man. Keep reading »