About seven years ago, when I had just gotten out of two back-to-back, serious relationships, my good friend Sadie* was eager to get me to dip my toe back in the dating pool again. I was 26 years old and single for the first time in many, many years. So, basically, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I had never really “dated” before.
I’d met my last two boyfriends randomly through friends. I wasn’t looking to meet them, I just did. We got to know each other slowly, there wasn’t any pressure, and I knew they both really cared about me. I thought this was just the way people met; that falling in love was something that happened easily. Looking back, I realize how terribly naive I was.
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I’ve been a vegetarian for 20 years, and have been dating about as long. Being a vegetarian isn’t weird, and dating shouldn’t be, but sometimes dating-while-vegetarian can throw a bit of a wrench in the game.
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If a guy doesn’t check you out on Facebook before your first date, he definitely will afterwards. While your profile and posting habits aren’t a be-all end-all, they can push a man who’s teetering toward calling it quits. After polling several men, we found six common Facebook faux pas that will cause a dude to re-evaluate the relationship and redirect his affection elsewhere.
1. You bash your ex. Relegate all man-hating to girls-only nights. Comments about ex-boyfriends and bad dates make you look petty, immature and hung up the past. Plus, guys simply hate whiners. Keep reading »
For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved to cook. And while I love cooking for myself, I especially love cooking for others. It’s one of the ways I feel most comfortable showing affection. Cooking brings out a nurturing side that, quite frankly, is just waiting to kick into high gear once I have a kid. Cooking makes me feel womanly and, by extension, cooking for a man makes me feel sexy. But cooking for men I’ve dated over the last few years, since I became single following the breakup of my engagement, hasn’t been as positive an experience as I would have hoped. In fact, it’s something that I now vow I won’t do until I feel a certain security with the man sitting across from me at the dinner table. Keep reading »
I’d never slept with a virgin. On our second date, Jim and I escaped from a hot and overcrowded bar and sat on a bench outside. Fueled by a few pints of Guinness and the urge to confess, Jim admitted to being a 30-year-old virgin. He’d never even had a girlfriend. After a long moment of silence, I asked him, trying to sound as non-intimidating as possible, why that was.
Jim didn’t have a concrete reason. He rattled off details about his life. He was Catholic, but didn’t go to church and definitely wasn’t saving himself. He went to an all-boys high school. He lived at home during college and grad school, though he owned an apartment now. He really didn’t know why. The desire was there; the opportunity just hadn’t presented itself. Keep reading »
Hugo’s piece was originally published at the Good Men Project Magazine.
Both at the Good Men Project and at my own blog, my most popular posts in terms of page-views are invariably those that focus on one particularly controversial subject: older men and younger women. (Here’s “What Young Women Are Really Looking For From Older Men.”)
As I’ve laid out in those pieces, for a number of reasons I think we should be suspicious of age-disparate heterosexual relationships in which the male partner is substantially older than the female one, and in which the woman is still quite young (say, under 23). Put simply, the potential problems in these relationships seem to diminish based less upon the actual number of years in between the partners and more upon the age of the woman involved. I’m more concerned about an 18 year-old woman and a 30 year-old man than I am about a 30 year-old woman and a 55 year-old man, even though the latter relationship has twice the number of years separating the partners. The research of psychologists like Lynn Phillips—who has written extensively about relationships between teen girls (including those above the age of consent) and older men—bears out how damaging these relationships can be. Keep reading »