Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Girl On Girl: 6 Secrets Lesbians Don’t Want You To Know

I’ve been thinking about writing this essay for a while, but I’ve been putting it off because I feel like a traitor. Since coming out, I’ve struggled with feeling like an outsider in the gay community. Now, I feel totally secure in identifying as a lesbian and when I’m hanging out with a bunch of queer chicks nothing seems amiss. But I can’t help but notice that there are a bunch of things about gay gals that most people don’t know. And, honestly, that’s because we don’t want you to know. They are guarded secrets that we don’t even talk about amongst ourselves. But, lucky for you, I’ve always sucked at keeping secrets. So here goes.
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True Confessions: I Married A Nerd

I love my husband. He’s a fantastic gent who makes swoon-worthy stuffed french toast, fixes my bicycle when it breaks down, and plus he loves me and stuff. But, when there’s a new tech update, I shudder. It’s a reflex. If only Steve Jobs could see what he did to me last night at the bar … Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Gives Me A Stupid Stuffed Animal For Every Special Occasion!”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years. I feel so confused because he gives me a stupid stuffed animal for every holiday that comes around while I actually put thought into his gifts. We have no problem in our age difference (about 12 years), but lately I’ve been feeling as if he doesn’t care and thinks that this will just gratify me as if I were a little kid. I love him and feel that his feelings should have progressed by now. I don’t ask for a single thing, just an occasional compliment or signs of affection, which he seems to feel as if he doesn’t need to give. I got my hair done and he honestly looked at me and laughed and then said, “What happened to the curls?” I make sacrifices for him, but he seems to always have a problem with making them for me. I know everything is pointing to breakup, but I just can’t do it. I love him so much more than he’ll ever know. I am about to tell him that if he can’t give me anything else for the upcoming Valentine’s Day then just don’t get me anything at all. I cannot bear to get another stuffed animal. Would this be wrong to say? — Had Enough and Ready to Go

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Girl Talk: (Not So) Independent Woman (Anymore)

Just a few years ago, I had a huge pair of balls. Big, old honkin’ balls. And then I moved in with my boyfriend.

He’s not a particularly “Grr! I’m a man! I’m going to take care of you!” kind of guy. But he does like taking care of me, so I try to let him do that, and it’s nice having him around to do the unpleasant stuff. He lugs the garbage downstairs twice a week. He carries the heaviest grocery bags. He’ll get up in the middle of the night if I think I hear an axe murderer padding around our kitchen. It’s sweet and I love it. But if I’m honest with myself, being taken care of by a guy for the first time is making me a little soft. And I know this because just a few weeks ago, when he was out at band practice, I was walking up the stairs in my high-heeled boots, and I thought to myself, “I hope I don’t fall trip and fall! That would be bad! He’s not around to help me if I get hurt!”

I wasn’t always like this, I swear! I used to actually be, you know, independent. Let me take you back to spring 2004 … Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: Wusses

Recently a rather naive friend was telling me about the new girl he was dating. They’d been out a few times, but he hadn’t heard from her since the last date, when he went over to her place and then had to lie down because he felt sick.

Now, wait just a minute. What? No, no, no! I took him to task. I won’t agree to the oft-voiced claim that women flat-out don’t want nice guys. But I will admit to drunkenly advising this friend that he has to be a little bit more like an asshole if he doesn’t want to come across as a pansy.
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How To Date Like A Dude

The other day I was on the phone with a girlfriend, dissecting an argument she’d just had with her man, when it occurred to me that though I’m certain her boyfriend wasn’t happy about their fight, I highly doubted he was giving his bestie the play-by-play. In fact, I doubt he mentioned it to anyone. He was probably just hanging out, drinking a beer, waiting for it to blow over.

And really, is that so wrong? It occurred to me that though men do have their faults, they occasionally have the right idea … Keep reading »

8 Signs You Should Unfriend Someone On Facebook

As a moderate Facebook user, I love this “10 Signs You Should Unfriend Someone on Facebook,” written by someone at Cosmo of all places. (They do funny lists now? I thought it was all “how to give your boyfriend the night of his life” advice.) The whole list is so perfect and clever it’s hard to pick a favorite sign, but I especially related to “‘So-and-So added you as a friend on Facebook’ is the most you’ve heard from him in 10 years. Now that you’ve accepted the request you still haven’t connected.” If that’s an indicator that I need to unfriend someone, looks like I’ll be saying “adios” to about a quarter of my friend list. Another good one is: “EVERY WORD HE WRITES IS IN CAPS AND USUALLY FOLLOWED BY TONS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!” Word to the wise: writing in caps lock doesn’t make your thoughts any more interesting or entertaining. After the jump, I have a few more signs you should unfriend someone on Facebook. Keep reading »

Beware Of Your Man’s Vacation To The Dominican Republic

A few years ago a big secret was revealed: American men would flock to Brazil for secret sex getaways. But now that this is known, the Dominican Republic has replaced Brazil as the sex tourism capital, according to Keith Murphy, who wrote “Fool’s Paradise” for Essence. Men, especially black men, are traveling to the D.R. to have sex with (and exploit) beautiful women, who are willing to do anything to support themselves and families. There are three main reasons the D.R. is ripe for sex tourism. One, prostitution is legal. Two, the peso is so weak compared to the dollar that a man of meager means in the U.S. can feel like a big spender there. And three, travel to the Dominican Republic is relatively inexpensive — an all-inclusive stay on the popular Boca Chica Beach and round-trip airfare can cost as little as $600. And some pay-for-play can run only $20. Several online companies specialize in adult vacation packages. DR Nights, an online sex tour company, has a $2,500 package that includes deluxe hotel accommodations, a 24-hour companion for three nights, and three more companions for two hours every day. But what might be cheap initially could end up costing a life later. Many in the Dominican Republic sex trade act as if HIV/AIDS doesn’t exist, and even more disturbing, one of the men Murphy interviewed said he can tell whether a woman is infected. Then, there’s the potential to bring the virus or another STD home to a girlfriend or wife. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m In Love With My Best Friend, But He Doesn’t Feel The Same”

Last month I gathered the courage to admit to my best friend that I had romantic feelings for him. He handled my admission with the utmost sensitivity and respect, as I knew he would, but said that he didn’t feel the same way. He told me that I was the best friend he had ever had, and that while he hoped we would always be close, he would understand if I needed to put a little space between us for a while. I assured him that I (and our friendship) would be fine. Since that day, our friendship has gone on just as it always has, with no weirdness or tension. But I’m realizing that I’m not fine (shocker, I know). While I’m good at hiding it, I still feel those romantic feelings towards him. Now, I know better than to hope that he’ll change his mind and realize that I’m the one. I know that I just need to get over these feelings and that spending so much time with him isn’t helping. But at the same time, he is my best friend and I can’t (and don’t want to) imagine my life without him in it. Do you think it is possible to get over these feelings while still remaining so close? My heart aches at the thought of losing his friendship. — In Love With My Best Friend

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Dating Dilemma: Am I A Heightist?

Like everyone else, I watched Jeff Wong and Erin Martin’s totally over-the-top save-the-date wedding video. Like many others, I noticed that the bride-to-be is taller than her groom-to-be. How much taller? Significantly. At least four inches, I think. Maybe six. As I’ve written about here before, I’m tall (6’1″) and dating a tall woman has its own unique challenges. But the fact of the matter is that, for the most part, I go out with guys my height or taller. The shortest guy I ever went out with? 5’10″. The tallest? 6’6″. Lately, I’ve been wondering, does that make me a heightist? Keep reading »

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