I’ve been thinking about writing this essay for a while, but I’ve been putting it off because I feel like a traitor. Since coming out, I’ve struggled with feeling like an outsider in the gay community. Now, I feel totally secure in identifying as a lesbian and when I’m hanging out with a bunch of queer chicks nothing seems amiss. But I can’t help but notice that there are a bunch of things about gay gals that most people don’t know. And, honestly, that’s because we don’t want you to know. They are guarded secrets that we don’t even talk about amongst ourselves. But, lucky for you, I’ve always sucked at keeping secrets. So here goes.
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I love my husband. He’s a fantastic gent who makes swoon-worthy stuffed french toast, fixes my bicycle when it breaks down, and plus he loves me and stuff. But, when there’s a new tech update, I shudder. It’s a reflex. If only Steve Jobs could see what he did to me last night at the bar … Keep reading »
Just a few years ago, I had a huge pair of balls. Big, old honkin’ balls. And then I moved in with my boyfriend.
He’s not a particularly “Grr! I’m a man! I’m going to take care of you!” kind of guy. But he does like taking care of me, so I try to let him do that, and it’s nice having him around to do the unpleasant stuff. He lugs the garbage downstairs twice a week. He carries the heaviest grocery bags. He’ll get up in the middle of the night if I think I hear an axe murderer padding around our kitchen. It’s sweet and I love it. But if I’m honest with myself, being taken care of by a guy for the first time is making me a little soft. And I know this because just a few weeks ago, when he was out at band practice, I was walking up the stairs in my high-heeled boots, and I thought to myself, “I hope I don’t fall trip and fall! That would be bad! He’s not around to help me if I get hurt!”
I wasn’t always like this, I swear! I used to actually be, you know, independent. Let me take you back to spring 2004 … Keep reading »
Recently a rather naive friend was telling me about the new girl he was dating. They’d been out a few times, but he hadn’t heard from her since the last date, when he went over to her place and then had to lie down because he felt sick.
Now, wait just a minute. What? No, no, no! I took him to task. I won’t agree to the oft-voiced claim that women flat-out don’t want nice guys. But I will admit to drunkenly advising this friend that he has to be a little bit more like an asshole if he doesn’t want to come across as a pansy.
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The other day I was on the phone with a girlfriend, dissecting an argument she’d just had with her man, when it occurred to me that though I’m certain her boyfriend wasn’t happy about their fight, I highly doubted he was giving his bestie the play-by-play. In fact, I doubt he mentioned it to anyone. He was probably just hanging out, drinking a beer, waiting for it to blow over.
And really, is that so wrong? It occurred to me that though men do have their faults, they occasionally have the right idea … Keep reading »
A few years ago a big secret was revealed: American men would flock to Brazil for secret sex getaways. But now that this is known, the Dominican Republic has replaced Brazil as the sex tourism capital, according to Keith Murphy, who wrote “Fool’s Paradise” for Essence. Men, especially black men, are traveling to the D.R. to have sex with (and exploit) beautiful women, who are willing to do anything to support themselves and families. There are three main reasons the D.R. is ripe for sex tourism. One, prostitution is legal. Two, the peso is so weak compared to the dollar that a man of meager means in the U.S. can feel like a big spender there. And three, travel to the Dominican Republic is relatively inexpensive — an all-inclusive stay on the popular Boca Chica Beach and round-trip airfare can cost as little as $600. And some pay-for-play can run only $20. Several online companies specialize in adult vacation packages. DR Nights, an online sex tour company, has a $2,500 package that includes deluxe hotel accommodations, a 24-hour companion for three nights, and three more companions for two hours every day. But what might be cheap initially could end up costing a life later. Many in the Dominican Republic sex trade act as if HIV/AIDS doesn’t exist, and even more disturbing, one of the men Murphy interviewed said he can tell whether a woman is infected. Then, there’s the potential to bring the virus or another STD home to a girlfriend or wife. Keep reading »
Like everyone else, I watched Jeff Wong and Erin Martin’s totally over-the-top save-the-date wedding video. Like many others, I noticed that the bride-to-be is taller than her groom-to-be. How much taller? Significantly. At least four inches, I think. Maybe six. As I’ve written about here before, I’m tall (6’1″) and dating a tall woman has its own unique challenges. But the fact of the matter is that, for the most part, I go out with guys my height or taller. The shortest guy I ever went out with? 5’10″. The tallest? 6’6″. Lately, I’ve been wondering, does that make me a heightist? Keep reading »