You should have known better. Or maybe you did; you just didn’t care. You’d heard the horror stories and the admonitions: “Don’t date a/you r… ” But some things are easier said than done, and forbidden fruit tastes so much sweeter. Keep reading »
A year and a half ago, I sat on my therapist’s black leather couch, talking to him about the last few guys I’d gone out with. I’d been on a cold streak—one where I’d meet a guy and be very taken with him, only to never hear from him after our second or third meeting. (Usually, the second. But you already know how I feel about that.) I was starting to ask myself the question that far too many single women ask themselves: Am I doing something wrong? Or worse: Is there something wrong with me? My therapist had a thick European accent, which I liked, since I felt like it gave extra weight to his words. “You present yourself as a strong, accomplished woman,” he said. “I wonder if men sometimes feel intimidated by you.” I practically rolled my eyes. Really, this was his advice? I started to fight him, explaining that I don’t think being accomplished is a problem, and if a guy sees it as such, that’s really his issue.
“I’m not saying don’t be successful,” he said. “I’m wondering if you could show them some of your vulnerability.” Ding ding ding. He was completely right. I didn’t have to pour my soul out to strange men, but I could easily share with them the part of me that wasn’t so sure about everything and that wondered whether I had made the right career decisions, etc. I left his office that day feeling like I had made a breakthrough. But now I think that one conversation may have ruined my dating life. Keep reading »
On my very first date with my boyfriend, I didn’t know if he was going to kiss me. I didn’t know yet that he loves Concord grapes, plays the saxophone and has never seen a Woody Allen movie. But I did know for certain that I wanted this person with whom I’d just eaten dinner to be in my life, somehow. I remember sitting across from him at a table in a Portuguese restaurant, smiling, and thinking, “Whatever happens after this date, I really hope we become friends. You’re cool.”
Flash forward six intense, crazy-in-love months and this man is not only boyfriend — he is my closest friend now, too, the one who knows everything about what goes on with my family, what goes on at work, what weird dreams woke me up in the middle of the night.
And I’m not entirely sure that’s a good thing. Keep reading »
Yesterday, as I was about to get in my usual train car (I’m a creature of habit), I noticed something was amiss. There was a large crowd of about 50 teenagers hovering over two girls who were beating the crap out of each other. This wasn’t your usual hair-pulling-and-scratching kind of girl fight. These girls would have made even the most hardened UFC fighters cringe, as they punched, kicked, and slammed each other. The funny thing is that when they arrived at their stop, the fighting stopped. And as I sat in another train car, I thought: “Well, at least they’re responsible enough to go to school.” I’ve never been in a girl fight, unless you count the times when my bigger and older cousins would beat me up and I would bite them in defense, but we were only toddlers. I went to Catholic schools, where we were watched like hawks and teachers always swooped in before anything came to blows. Once, in high school, these girls had a major fight, miles away from the school, but they were wearing their very recognizable uniforms, and someone called the school and they got in trouble anyway. I think physical fighting just wasn’t worth it for most of my fellow students or me. We developed very witty ways to argue and learned how to curse like sailors instead. But I wonder what other people’s experiences have been. Have you ever been in a girl fight? Keep reading »
I’d never been one of those girls who’d dreamt about her perfect wedding. The virgin-white dress, the exorbitant costs, the fuss over a big, shiny rock — none of it ever appealed to me. I wanted to find a lifelong partner, and a family sounded nice, too, but honestly? I never cared much about that piece of paper. So why did I just marry my boyfriend after pondering it for a mere two hours? One (evidently all-too-common) reason: health insurance. Keep reading »
Some say a woman should never say “I love you” first. Now, research shows that might be a good idea, seeing as it turns out guys say “I love you” first more often than women do. Want to know why? Find out! [Lemondrop] Keep reading »
There’s this stereotype that if you are gay, the answer to all your problems is skipping off to a big city where you can live an open and free life in an accepting environment. The sentiment isn’t always worded this blatantly, but it’s out there. Usually, when people find out I’m a lesbian they say something like, “Oh, well, at least you live in New York City.” Keep reading »
So I am officially engaged. And I’ll tell you the #1 thing I’m feeling right now:
I think it’s just because the past six months have been one big blur, and we’ve made some of the biggest decisions we’ve made in our entire lives. Keep reading »