Last month, my husband Jason and I had our fiercest argument ever. In our six-year history, I have accepted that occasional spats are part and parcel of every couple’s attempt to weave two independent lives into one harmonious fabric of existence. Even marital vows oblige us to respect the glaring reality of love’s peaks and troughs, as we openly recite “through good times and in bad” like an ominous premonition.
However, this bad time was as explosive as a nuclear bomb. Jason made himself scarce and I refused to speak to him for almost three days. After our respective time-outs, our cooler selves regretted hurt feelings and longed to reclaim the sense of closeness forbidden by our passive aggressiveness. After a long deep and meaningful conversation, our mess was sorted, apologies were exchanged, and our issues were put to rest. Life has marched forward since, but my spiritual side insists that there is a life lesson to be learned. Do inevitable outbreaks of oral fireworks light up the relationship landscape or inescapably end in matrimonial discord? Likewise, is there an acceptable level or frequency of conflict all relationships should abide by, or should conflict be subjected to a zero-tolerance policy?
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“I have never felt truly cherished by a lover. I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man … I say this honestly, and this is my new thing as of the past year: when I fight with someone I’m in a relationship with, I think, ‘What would my fans think if they knew this was happening? How would they feel about my work and about me as a female if they knew I was allowing this to go on?’ And then I get out … I have this effect on people where it starts out good. Then, when I’m in these relationships with people who are also creative, or creative in their own way, what happens is the attraction is initially there and it’s all unicorns and rainbows. And then they hate me … Perhaps it’s a whose-dick-is-bigger contest. If I go to the piano and write a quick song and play it back, they are angry with how fast and effortless it is. That’s who I am, and I don’t apologize for it. But it’s a hideous place to be in when someone that you love has convinced you that you will never be good enough for anyone. I had a man say to me, ‘You will die alone in a house bigger than you know, with all your money and hit records, and you will die alone.’ … Even though I know it sounds a bit Hallmark, whenever I [was] in that kind of stressful, worthless moment, I would think, ‘I’ll show you.’ … I think what it really is, is that I date creative people. And I think that what intimidates them is not my purse; it’s my mind.”
– Lady Gaga opens up about her romantic struggles in the January 2012 issue of Vanity Fair. It sounds like Gaga is going through what I like to call “a dark night of the single soul.” It’s where you realize, much to your dismay, that as a smart, creative, successful woman, finding your match will be epically difficult. This is not just because she’s famous. I would say many single women go through this. And this is not meant to be an insult to men in any way. It’s just that, as Gaga is experiencing, many men are still (perhaps even unconsciously) intimidated by strong women. Especially if they feel they haven’t reached their peak yet. Keep reading »
Less than an hour after I (mostly) finished filling out my Match.com profile, my first email arrived: “Hey. You have a great profile. I like what you have to say. You should post a picture!”
I suppose if it had been someone other than the man who’d been calling himself my boyfriend, I would’ve been flattered. Keep reading »
Oh all powerful, all knowing Timing, why must you insist on being so wrong? I mean, sure, sometimes you are right, like the timing on the various dishes in my Thanksgiving feast, or the the timing of Melissa McCarthy’s one-liners in “Bridesmaids.” But those are examples of timing we can control; my beef is with you when I don’t have any. Keep reading »
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): You’re a big fan of the truth. So, when the pieces of the puzzle fall into place this week and have you seeing something you’ve long envisioned, tears may fill your eyes and have you realizing how powerful your ability to dream actually is. Of course, you’re not at the finish line yet; so hold off on celebrating in a big way, as a few obstacles still lie ahead…
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Feel the love and give it out. Generosity is your ticket to liberation. Yes, understand you have more than enough to share and let it go. Otherwise, holding on to all you have any tighter will only make you bust a nut in the wrong way. Do it right, by doing it good and be what you truly want to be made of. Keep reading »