Nobody handles The Talk very well. Usually, it’s a stilted affair, capable of rendering even the most confidently grown to their pre-teen self, stuttering and drawing circles in the condensation left by their wineglass, assiduously avoiding eye contact. Defining the relationship, or DTR, if you’re of the ilk that favors cutesy acronyms, is a necessary evil, but something that not a single soul is very good at. The nature of modern dating is such that the traditional markers of what make a relationship real change every day and it can seem like there’s a decided lack of stability. It’s not as easy as getting someone’s letterman jacket and walking down Main Street to the soda fountain anymore. The way we date now easily lends itself to shirking real commitment. First dates in the traditional sense are replaced by weird group outings in which you attempt to get to know someone you made goopy eyes with at a bar while surrounded by a buffer three people deep, including his friends from college and that dude at work, Josh. It’s a honest miracle that anyone even makes it to The Talk, because the obstacle course that stands between you and a relationship is harrowing.
The fun doesn’t end once you’ve actually sat down and faced the person of your intent, with all your emotions out on the table. The kind of relationship you can neatly explain to your mom in a hastily composed text message is a thing of the past. It makes sense that the end result of a nebulous and frankly, confusing wooing process, is also difficult to pin down. With that in mind, here are some possible results of the dreaded Talk. Keep reading »
My husband and I met and got married all within five months. Kale had been visiting from Australia on a year-long tourist visa when we fell in love. Marrying not only kept us together, but launched us into a lifetime side-by-side. It didn’t really feel like a choice or a decision; it was obvious to both of us what we were going to do. And that means that I put just about zero forethought into what our marriage would “mean” for me as a woman or for us as a couple.
I’d thought about marriage long before I got married, sure. As a little girl I played house, pretending to be married to my teddy bear (his name is Gregory and I still have him). I had a serious relationship in my 20s with a man — Ex-Mr. Jessica — who I’d thought I would marry and have children with. While dating Ex-Mr. J, most of my thinking had been around the work/career balance and justifying to myself how I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, if possible, for a time. However, I hadn’t put too much thought into how the day-to-day drudgery of marriage would go. It seemed so far off. Keep reading »
This morning, I was walking down the street when someone called to me from his car: “Hey, Big Butt!” This was meant to be a compliment of sorts. I don’t mind people saying that my butt is big (I mean, it’s sizeable, that’s just a statement of fact), but what bothered me is the absolute lack of rational thought that went behind this approach to getting my attention. OK! You approve of my big butt! You would probably like to touch my big butt. Stating the fact of my big butt as if it’s my name doesn’t exactly bring me around to your cause.
I’ve always thought that the best way to get someone to pay attention to you isn’t to just compulsively screaming out descriptions of body parts at strangers. Yes, it’ll get their attention, but my impression is that the point is to hold attention, too. That being said, I’d like to propose a list of catcalls that would get to the heart of my motivation as a person and keep my interest in the conversation moving along. Keep reading »
I take a lot of selfies. You know why? Because I’m fucking adorable. If it bothers you, maybe you should’ve been around in middle school to tell me I was pretty. But you weren’t, and I felt gross, but now I feel hot, so boom! You get a whole lotta selfies.
Look, I could go into detail about how the selfie is an extension of the basic human need to be seen, to be known, and perhaps even to be loved. I could talk about Narcissus, and about the moment when babies perceive that their mirror image is at once them and yet not them. I could go on about self-portraits, and Great Selfies in Art History, and so on and so forth. I could pseudo-intellectualize this bitch for you, but instead I am simply telling you to shut up, because selfies are awesome. Keep reading »
According to new research by the University of North Carolina, men with stay-at-home wives are more likely to have a negative outlook on women in the workforce. Five studies were carried out on almost 1,000 married heterosexual men, and even with the use of varying types of research methods and samples, results were grimly consistent. Keep reading »
Young, single, and ready to mingle? We’ll admit that life as a single person isn’t always a walk in the park, but living in certain cities can help make the most out of solo life. Whether you love a fancy restaurant, dig a funky bar crawl, or are simply looking for somewhere safe to lay your head, these cities have it all. Read more on AskMen…
It’s always so uncomfortable, isn’t it? The two of you are seated at the dinner table, face to face with each other, alone. Well, there’s that third wheel friend tagging along named Awkward Silence.
Sure, you could complain about the unbearable summer weather, or talk about your job or how your team lost the game again. And if worse comes to worse, you can always “accidentally” glance at your phone and realize you were supposed to (insert ridiculous, obviously B.S. story here) before you dash away. Read more on Your Tango…
It seems that we’re still not done collectively discussing the fact that millennials are bad at relationships and obsessed with hooking up. Apparently, this issue is so baffling that the Aspen Ideas Festival hosted a panel to talk about it. This wouldn’t be much of a shocker, but on top of it, the hoopla over the topic has led to the addition of relationship classes on college campuses. As The Atlantic reports, the University of Illinois now holds dating workshops, and Duke University holds a counseling series about how to fall in love, as well as how to recognize your own romantic feelings. One Boston College professor even gives extra credit to students who will actually go on an old-fashion date during the semester, and gives suggestions for how to ask people out. Keep reading »
The more time I spend staring at my iPhone when I don’t really need to, the more choppy and unfocused my thoughts are. When I’m staring at the thing too often, my mind is more likely to veer toward mopey thoughts, time moves faster, and a low-grade anxiety hums in the back of my mind. It’s not realistic for me to ditch it altogether (nor do I want to), but I’m constantly trying to build better boundaries between myself and my phone. When I choose a better option in the moments when I’m compelled to check the phone for no real reason, I feel less like the news cycle, or my emails, or whoever is waiting on me to text them back is dictating the pace of my life.
I think Louis C.K. describes it best when he says ”you need to build an ability to just be yourself and not be doing something” instead of whipping out your phone whenever fleeting thoughts of sadness or emptiness show up. It’s surprisingly tough! Most of us play with our phones all the time because it’s so much easier to find that distraction instead of getting real with ourselves about whatever we’re feeling that day. Here are some itty bitty tips that, while they may seem small, have helped me feel a bit more independent from my phone. Keep reading »
Quirky bridesmaids photos are well-trodden ground. There’s the Charlie’s Angels pose. There’s posing in a circle around the camera. And now there’s … lifting up your dress and flashing your butt? Keep reading »