“Mona wanted me to tell you that she’d really like to spend more time with you the next time she’s in town,” Ami IM’d me the other day. Mona is her mom. “She’s, like, obsessed with you.”
“I would love to see more of your mom next time,” I wrote back. “We should all go out for pedicures and a glass of wine.”
“Oh, she’d love that,” Ami typed. “She’ll be so excited.”
Shrug. What can I say? Mothers love me. Keep reading »
I’ve never had a wedding. I’ve never planned a wedding. I’ve never even helped plan a wedding. But, as a 30-something, I’ve been attending weddings regularly for the last decade and I think it’s time for me tell about-to-tie-the-knot couples the truth: the things your guests care about (open bar! music!) and the details you’re stressing over (favors! the selected reading at your ceremony!) are completely different. If you were considering making your guests pay for drinks, may I recommend that you skip the embossed matchbooks and focus on what’s important here: ENDLESS CHAMPAGNE. Not that the wedding is for the guests, but just in case you were wondering, here are some things your guests will/won’t remember about your big day: Keep reading »
Out and hilarious lesbian vlogger Hart was asked by some followers why she dresses so masculine. “If you don’t like men, then why do you dress like them?” was a common refrain. To shut down the haterz who just aren’t getting it, Hart made this video, in which she explains that just because you like something doesn’t mean you have to dress like it. By that logic, dudes would be dressing like ladies, and I would be dressing like sandwiches, which, hey, doesn’t sound like the worst idea. [YouTube]
Let me be clear right here from the start, nice people are amazing all the time and wanting to be one should be a main goal in everyone’s life. This isn’t about them.
“Nice Guys,” with the quotes — and if you’re reading this out loud, a little stank in your voice — are not really that nice. They’re actually pretty shitty people who are entitled little shitheads and incapable of understanding the feelings of others. It’s pretty common and understandable if you think like this in middle school or high school, because everyone at that age is usually pretty terrible (definitely myself included), but “Nice Guys” in their twenties and beyond are a real bunch of life-failing sadness machines that just bring my day down like no other.
But it doesn’t have to be like this! I put together some helpful tips so you can tell if you or someone you know is being a Nice Guy, and then get your life back on track to not being a suckfest of a human. Keep reading »
Had Patrick and I enjoyed the luxury of a gigantor wedding budget, there are some things that we did not get to have at our wedding but which we would have liked to have had. For me: a photo booth, more chairs, a custom dress. For Patrick: a second photographer, a videographer, a soft serve ice cream machine, a llama.
Yes, like a real, live, breathing and huffing llama. But only at the reception — obviously it’d be a distraction to bring in a domesticated South American camelid for the ceremony.
“It speaks to things for people to do, many more things to make it fun for people,” Patrick explained, intent on convincing Hitched readers that he’s not secretly a third-grader. “Like a photo booth.”
But a llama rental probably would have doubled our $5,000 budget. So no llamas for us. And as it turns out, we managed to power through it and get married without one. Keep reading »
Ami had a friend in college who taught her the acronym PAFU, which stands for People Are Fucked Up. At the time, she thought it was funny. More than 15 years later, she’s adopted it as her life motto. It’s the truth, people can be major assholes. Sometimes they don’t mean to be — and sometimes they do — but it’s a cold, hard fact that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about other people’s fucked-up-ed-ness, except have a solid coping strategy for how to let their crap roll like water off a duck’s back. (Thank you, Jinx Monsoon). It ’tis what it ’tis. Encountering assholes is part of the human condition. Here’s how to deal…
Weddings! So much could go wrong! The chocolate fountain could run out or the babies’ breadth could wilt or your venue could fall through 20 days before the wedding. (Actually, that last one happened to Andrea.) All brides and grooms are a little bit anxious about the big day, but it’s easy to let the Wedding Industrial Complex convince you everything is going to go wrong (unless you buy more stuff, of course!). Unfortunately, anxiety over inane little problems is like that orange mold on your shower curtain liner: it feeds on itself until it’s totally out of control and it becomes the problem. And no one, not even your Great Aunt Ruth who thought you should have used cloth napkins, wants to really ruin the big day.
Here’s a couple of so-called “disasters” you think you won’t survive at your wedding … and how we think you should handle it all instead.
Keep reading »
Bay County, Florida, police officer Rad Nelson wanted to propose to his girlfriend Elizabeth Cook, so he called 911. You see, Cook is a dispatcher with the Bay County emergency system, and Nelson knew she’d be on the job. Around 3:30 in the morning, he dialed 911 and asked her to transfer over to a “talk” channel (presumably so as not to tie up the emergency line). From there, he professed, “Elizabeth Ann Cook from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul I want to ask you, will you marry me?” The stunned Cook said yes, with strangers on the talk channel listening in.
Keep reading »
Twitter, man. The grammatically incorrect hashtag #MyGirlfriendNotAllowedTo is trending on the social media site right now, offering a cornucopia of shitty dudes saying shitty things about what their girlfriends are “not allowed to” do. The good news? Most of the #MyGirlfriendNotAllowedTo tweets don’t seem to be serious. The bad news? Some of them probably are. Click through to see what we’re talking about.
Keep reading »
No cash at the coffee shop? No problem. If you’re at the Metro St. James coffeehouse in Sydney, Australia, you’re allowed to pay with a kiss. No, you don’t have to makeout with the pimply barista — the crew at the Metro just want to watch. All this month, the cafe is running a special promotion where kissing couples — of any kissing configuration — get free coffee for smooching in-store. The kicker is, you have to show up between 9 and 11 a.m., and you have to be totally okay with performing a sexual act in exchange for free coffee.
“We’ll watch you, it has to be a real kiss,” chides a Metro waiter. “I can see if it’s a fake kiss. I’m kind of a specialist.” Well, okay then. The waiter then stands there and watches the couple kiss, determining whether the kiss was for real or not. Kind of creepy, no? Keep reading »