#Itsnotcheating is a trending topic that’s been all the rage on Twitter. The glimpse into the human psyche’s thoughts on infidelity that it provides is terrifying! As in “It’s not cheating if it happens in Cancun!” terrifying.
There must be something in the air. Almost every letter I’ve received over the last couple of weeks has dealt in some way with the same theme: ambiguous feelings. Take this letter, for example:
“I met this guy back in March and almost instantly there was an attraction and undeniable chemistry between us. He lives in Baltimore and I live in Houston, which to me meant the relationship wouldn’t work and we would just enjoy the time while he is here on vacation. To my surprise, we continued the communication and we have even traveled to see each other. Things seemed to be going fine and falling in place, right? WRONG!?!?! The best way I can describe the problem is… he is so hot and cold with me. One week he is on it — calling, texting, sending pictures, keeping the lines of communication open and flowing. But then the very next week I won’t hear from him for days, he won’t respond to my calls, texts, or anything. But then a week or two weeks later he is back on again. At first I suspected there was someone else, but I know there isn’t. He claims he is just so busy because he is trying to run his own business, he is active in the Navy, and he is trying to be a good father to his girls. So yeah, I get that he’s busy, but is it too much ask for a simple text back or a simple call just saying ‘hello’? I love this man and even though I haven’t verbalized it I know it is shown through my actions. I haven’t been reassured of his feelings but I am afraid if I ask then he will be scared away. He is consuming my thoughts and I am just so confused on what my next move should be. Because if it is up to me, on his next trip out here I would propose and lock him in for life. Please help!” – Hopeless
Read my reply after the jump. Keep reading »
Famous lady author Candace Bushnell has cracked the whip against the term “cougar” in an op-ed published in the upcoming issue of More magazine. So what if the “Sex and the City” writer is 50 and her hubby (a ballet dancer … hot) is 10 years younger? Don’t call the lady a “cougar!” She wonders, rightfully so, why every time a woman breaks through some kind of uncharted territory they receive an annoying label—like when successful business women are called “ball busters” or “ice queens.” (Sorry Anna Wintour, it’s kind of true in your case.) Keep reading »
“I’ve had a couple of dreams lately where at some point in my dream I become aware that I am dreaming. I don’t wake up, but I actually feel awake and can control my thoughts as I do when I’m awake. For example, I’ve had a reoccurring dream where I am in my childhood bedroom (I haven’t lived there for 20 years) and I see myself sleeping on the bed and the room looks exactly the way it did when I was 8. I see the ceiling fan above me and I look down and notice that I am asleep on the bed. Then I tell myself that I am dreaming and I that I can fly because it’s just a dream. And then I float up really easily toward the ceiling and enjoy my flight. What does this mean? It’s weirding me out.” – Wide Awake Fast Asleep Keep reading »
I emailed a few months ago about a lesbian couple — an Aquarius and a Libra. Your advice was to break up with her and I did, after a few months. Then we got back together and broke up again, all because I don’t know if I’m gay or straight. I know this isn’t what you usually do, but my friends suck at giving advice, and I have no one else to talk to.
I love her, I do, but I think it is more of the “I’m comfortable with you, and I care about you a lot,” kind of love — the friend kind. I want her in my life, but I know that if we break up again, she’ll be crushed. She might use the suicide thing against me again and I know I can’t take that. She is completely head over heels for me, and I’m never sure what I feel for her. I don’t get the sparks when we kiss anymore, but I get them when I see a girl and a guy kiss in a movie or what have you. I’m actually 90 percent sure I’m straight, but then there are days that I think I could stay with her forever. I’m about to start college in the fall, and I would really like to know what I’m doing when I get there. – Confused One Keep reading »
Blame my older sister, the kindergarten teacher, but I believe in the Golden Rule. Whether you’re my boss, my intern, my boyfriend or my third-cousin-twice-removed, I will treat you with the same amount of respect as everyone else.
Why am I wired this way? Other kids were really cruel to me from grade school through high school—whether putting Scotch tape in my hair during class, calling me “Cabbage Patch Kid” because of my chubby cheeks, or circulating my name on a list where girls were ranked by their hotness and I was rated 3 out of 10. That stuff made me feel terrible most of the time and I don’t want anyone knowing what that’s like. Instead, I try to be kind to every person, regardless of how popular/attractive/smart they are, and not be a kiss-ass, ever.
It’s striking to me, though, how not being an ass-kisser has ruined my friendships with some very pretty women. In fact, my only friendship Titanics have happened when I’ve stood up to extraordinarily beautiful women and lost out. The Pretty Girl wanted me to play by her rules; I didn’t want to do it, so Pretty Girl read me the friendship riot act and ditched me. Forever. Keep reading »
Nothing spells quarter-life crisis more than turning your world upside down to move to France without much thought as to how it will affect your career, happiness, relationships, or bank account.
I am about to turn 24 in a few days. And a few days after that, I’m packing up my life into two suitcases (somehow) and moving to Paris for a year. While I don’t quite fit into the mid-twenties bracket when the quarter-life crisis traditionally sets in, I knew about six months ago that it was beginning to happen.
Two years out of college, the regularity of my life had become puzzling. On the one hand, I realized how I was settling in with the idea of being a “grown-up.” On the other, the lack of transitions was starting to get to me. It’s ironic how you spend the first 22 years (if not more) of your life in transition with markers of beginnings and ends. Change, to me, was a comforting constant.
During this two-year period, I began dreaming of Paris. I’d spent my junior year abroad there. It wasn’t the most fantastic year of my life, and I even left the city thinking I’d never be able to live there again, but, yeah, I changed. A lot. Keep reading »
So you’ve made it through the horrifying breakup with someone you cared about … now what? To be friends or not to be friends, that is the question. Most of the time I like to make a nice clean break adhering to a “no contact” and “no getting back together” policy. I’ve learned from experience that this is a necessary move for me to heal my ailing heart and move on. In time, I am usually content to be “acquaintances with history,” exchanging an email every once in a while or having friendly drinks with the exes that I still respect. But that’s only after time has passed and I’ve removed the rose-colored glasses that I used to gaze at him through. And, of course, there are the guys that I know I won’t ever see or speak with ever again … those that have committed offenses of the heart too heinous to be forgiven in this lifetime. But it’s not always so black and white. Some people are worth keeping in your life. Keep reading »