• Relationships

Girl Talk: Instead Of “I’ll Never,” Here’s What “I’ll Always” Do In A Relationship

Over the last year, I have spent a lot of time — both in my free time and on this site — thinking and venting about the mistakes I made and the lessons I learned from the breakup of my five-year relationship with my ex. Lots of “I’ll nevers” have come out of my mouth and onto the keyboard. I’ll never date a professional bulls**tter again! I’ll never try to heal an emotional cripple! I’ll never ignore my gut instinct again! Good lessons, for sure. But honestly, all this “never” talk makes it easy to forget that I — hell, we — did a lot of things right in that relationship too: habits, feelings, and actions that I will always want to be a part of my romantic relationships going forward. Here are 15.
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365 Days In Paris: The Big Picture?

Christmas Day I woke up in an unfamiliar bed with a pounding headache. The hell? Where the eff am I? Then it all came rushing back: glass after glass of champagne at a boat cabaret on the Canal de la Villette singing along to Judy Garland songs. Most random Christmas Eve ever.

I snorted out loud—well, this would have to be the first time I woke up in a stranger’s bed and didn’t do something I regretted.

I closed my eyes again, trying to re-piece the evening. Where did it all start? Oh right, new friend Emily had invited me to this concert, and we’d had dinner at her apartment beforehand where we commenced with a bottle of champagne and a delicious squash/spinach/pasta dish she’d made. Then off to the boat where we were treated to free booze because her friends were the ones who put on the act.

At the end, it had been like an awkward but good third date … Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “How Long Should I Wait To Be Exclusive?”

Sometimes the advice for people who email me is so obvious I wonder if they just need to hear someone else say it to truly believe it themselves. Today’s column is dedicated to those individuals.

I have been talking to/dating this girl for a little over a year. We both agreed not to be exclusive, which was fine at the time. Now, a year later, I am ready for more. I told her that I am open to becoming more and her response was what I expected. She was not sure what she wanted. Over the last few weeks, she has made it clear that she is not saying no but that she is confused. Making comments such as “My friends think you’re great and that I am stupid, and I agree with them.” I understand she is scared of the commitment and I have no problem being patient, as I have told her. My question today is how long should I wait? I do not want to walk away from something I feel could be great. I know she wants to but is scared to make the “jump.” At the same time, I don’t want to put my heart on the chopping block. — Running out of Patience

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Girl Talk: Can A Relationship Become Too Comfortable Too Fast?

Recently, my boyfriend expressed some fear that we had moved too fast. While it’s only been four months, it feels like way more. Not quite a lifetime, but certainly a few years. We had clicked almost instantly, and while I was less than a year out of a nearly five-year relationship and he was, um, not quite divorced (a whole other topic), it seemed too good to pass up. I felt ready to be totally vulnerable and open to someone new, no matter where that might lead me. It has been (mostly) awesome. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Why Is My Skin Color Such A Novelty To Men?”

This past week I met a guy while out of town for a cousin’s wedding. After hanging out together and talking over the course of the week, we finally hooked up the morning before I went home. During our post-hookup cuddle he tells me that I was the first black woman he’s ever been with (he was white) completely without provocation. The thing is, this is not the first time this has happened to me. In fact, it seems to be a recurring pattern in both dating and casual scenarios alike. And it isn’t just white guys that are guilty. I have had other races (except black men) also randomly confess this to me. This has left me with two questions: 1) Are these men really just thinking “OMG I’m talking to a black chick” while I thought we were getting to know each other as individuals? And 2) why do they feel the need to tell me this, almost always after sexual intimacy? I am biracial and my partner’s race has never made a difference, nor does it even cross my mind when I date a man of a different race, let alone bear such a burden that I feel the need to tell them about it. So what gives? I’m starting to feel like men only see me for my novelty factor. — Colorblind

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Girl On Girl: No One Believes Me When I Tell Them I’m A Lesbian

The other night my girlfriend and I were lying in bed and she said, “You know, sometimes I forget you’re gay. I mean, you just look so straight.”

“Crap,” I thought, “her too.” Then I rolled over so my back was to her and attempted to compose myself, to figure out how to explain, for the millionth time, that I have thought this over enough times to be fairly certain that I’m into women.
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Tips For Finding Love In 2010

With just four days left in this decade, many of us are looking ahead to the new year and thinking about goals and resolutions we can make to improve our lives in 2010. The Daily Mail has gone one step further and consulted “expert life coaches” for strategies to help us live happier, more fulfilling lives in the new year. If finding love is on your lift list for 2010, keep reading for some of the best expert tips for achieving that goal, after the jump. Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 28, 2009-January 3, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

In your heart and mind there is love. Remember this as circumstances won’t go as planned, and the new twists and turns give your love story even more character than imagined. This will be a true test of your bond with your boo and how you two work together as a team, as you’ll have to take a detour route … Oh, how more sickeningly sweet you two will become.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Ego battles will take front-and-center and could lead you to a standstill with your baby. You’ll both be acting out passive-aggressively and using others as your pawns to get what you want. However, chances are this plan will backfire — others won’t share the priorities you set as intensely. If ever there were a time for a bit more of a sense of humor, it’s this week.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A big dose of reality is coming for you, making your new year start with a major bang. Seems big news is coming and this could unfurl a whole other path you didn’t expect to take. However, don’t let your imagination run away with you, because chances are you won’t be able to guess this surprise until it happens and when it does, fireworks!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

A weird case of paranoia will strike, making you doubt choices you want to make — but screw it and throw caution to the wind! Playing it safe has never been your style. Sure, you can be smart, but don’t be a prude. Do what feels good, but just be aware of where to draw limits, and throw in just a touch of prudence to your plans.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You better know what you want going into this week, because you are set to start a crazy emotional roller coaster ride that will pit circumstance against sentiment, and life as you know it will get super dramatic. The only thing you should know is to trust your gut. Where you will be this week won’t be too foreign, as you’ve always known on some level this existed.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The stroke of midnight will signify a lot more endings to you than just the prior year. For you, it’ll mark a significant step into a future that relinquishes you from past traumas for good. This is your cycle to set to your liking and the earlier you can begin it, the better. Your independence is your strongest asset now and one you should not think of as lightly anymore.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Having different levels of respect for romantic relationships and friendships is wrong. Respect is respect and if you are not getting it properly, no matter what kind of bond you have, it’s unacceptable. Ask yourself if your honey is acting the way you’d expect your BFF to act. Chances are the answer is no; for that reason, it’s time to recalibrate your brain to redefine better boundaries.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

As an Aries, you have a fab way of just switching gears and taking care of yourself in dire situations, as your survivor instincts are sharper than most. This week, with so many shifts and flakes to deal with, expect to hone your abilities even more, as you’ll have to be the brains behind many of the activities you take — many of which weren’t even your idea to begin with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re going to have to remind yourself of the bigger picture, as the emotional turmoil and communication mishaps happening at the zero hour will have you wondering why you give so much credit to the wrong people. Dealing with hopes and fears isn’t the sweetest way to end your year, but at the least, you’ll know what you are up against going into 2010.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If it’s any consolation, there will be lots of rough energies in the air, making it hard for anyone to make this week as grand as it usually tends to be. So, as you tiptoe through your days, keep this in mind: your energy will be dipping into dangerously low levels and your need to judge everyone will be on. Oh well, sometimes one just has to swallow a little bitterness to taste some sweet.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This is going to be a major win or lose time in terms of your relationship. If things have been hunky-dory, then expect the next turn to be one that will light up your life in magical ways. If things have been sketchy, then expect something to give. Whichever extreme you’re on, expect a few more weeks to fully land back on your feet.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Time to play the mindful observer, as all you’ll need to know is just waiting to happen. If you get a good seat now to watch the show, you’ll find that the thoughts and feelings provoked from this experience will be eye-opening. There will be more than a few new sides to that special someone that’ll have you reexamining what you want from them — which can be good or bad.

Top 10 Breakup Songs Of 2009

No matter what stage your breakup is in, a good song helps. Whether you’re swollen from crying or red with rage, it’s comforting to know that someone else has felt the same anger, regret and pain that you’re feeling. Here are some of 2009′s best songs for drowning (out) your sorrows. Keep reading »

Love Vandal: Unchanged Feelings

Reader Kate sent us this chalkboard-esque graffiti.

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send your pic to tips@thefrisky.com. Keep reading »

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