I have long suspected that I am bad at being a woman. There are things that other women can do that I am terrible at. There are days that I go out wearing giant boys’ sweatpants, my dad’s old football sweatshirt and a red knit cap. I forget that I’m supposed to try to look nice. There are other days when I try really hard to look nice, and then I see about 50 girls on the subway who all are much better at it. Their outfits are both more original and more trendy. Their lipstick has not ended up on their teeth. They always have a drawer full of makeup somewhere, and they know what each type of makeup thingy does. They have an intimate knowledge of flirty, confident, suggestively withdrawn, adorable, fascinating body language. I am in awe. I wonder how they do it. In my head, I keep a growing list of things that women can do that are a mystery to me, in the hope that one day it will all make sense. One day, I will unlock their secrets. After the jump, some of the things woman do that I just don’t understand. Keep reading »
Relatively recently, I dated two men in a row with the same first name—I’ll call them both Tom for the sake of this essay. One I fell in love with, and while I’m mostly over him, I’m not there all the way. Both are guys I was friends with before dating them, and I considered the possibility that the name thing would get weird with Tom 2.0, but I’d had a crush on him, so I overlooked it. They’re fairly different in personality, but the fact that in addition to sharing a name, both Toms have similar body types and professions adds to my sense that men with this name are not my type. Not to mention the fact that after I dated Tom 1.0, I had to keep calling Tom 2.0 by his full name when telling my friends about him, lest anyone get confused. Keep reading »
If you’ve online dated, you’ve probably gotten one or two or 17 really terrible messages from strange, socially maladjusted weirdos. Often, I’ve thought of cataloging those weird interactions in blog form, mostly because I really want to get use out of the name (Not OK) Cupid. But then some genius lady from Philadelphia went ahead and did it first. Her Facebook blog, “OkStupid,” chronicles the hilariously bad messages her OK Cupid profile’s received. To see what she’s talking about, check out some of our favorite messages after the jump. Keep reading »
I probably could have written the Modern Love essay, Exit Left, Wordlessly, in this past Sunday’s New York Times. Not that I could have penned it better than writer Aimee Lee Ball, just that I have a story which is frighteningly similar. Ball’s tale is about breaking up with a man only to have him resurface eight years later for round two. But instead of the happy ending that would ensue in Rom-Com Land, after a few months of “too good to be true” dating, the man disappeared from her life without explanation. “No message. No note,” she says. I refer to this dating phenomenon as ghosting — when a man disappears without a trace.
“Ambiguous loss” as Ball calls it, is a particularly heinous and cruel way to have a relationship end because you’re left without any indication of what might have gone wrong.”[It's] unfinished business, without closure or understanding,” Ball explains. Keep reading »
For 10 years, I struggled with my sexual orientation and what to call it. I searched for labels that seemed to fit me best — bisexual, lesbian, fluid, queer? I had been with my first girlfriend for over two years, but still didn’t identify as gay because I continued to be attracted to men.
When I started dating men again at the age of 26, I wasn’t really falling for any them. One night, while I was having sex with a new guy for the first time, I burst out into tears because I realized I was a lesbian.
It wasn’t the intercourse itself that made me come to this realization, it was that being with a man emotionally and physically didn’t feel right. I wasn’t emotionally capable of loving a man. I had feelings of lust, even romantic attraction to the guys I dated, but I never felt that magic spark that bring couples together. Keep reading »
Breaking up is hard to do — that’s an understatement. But as terrible as it is, breaking up is a part of dating and relationships. It’s something that everyone experiences at some point, so it’s important to know how to do the deed in the best and most sensitive way possible. Keep reading »