On the night of my 10th anniversary of dating my girlfriend (yes, we are still not married) I had a dream that she killed a man on our weekend getaway. He touched her butt and she got angry and then stabbed him with scissors and pushed him in the river. I was questioned about the murder (I saw it from afar) and at first I started to lie, but then came clean and told the police everything. She was carted off to jail, I gave her $1000 for attorney’s fees and then we were broken up. I cried and then I was like, “Well I guess it is time to start new.” It got fuzzy after that but I think another witness came forward and testified that it was self-defense and she was going to get off. I’m not sure what happened next. Weird right? – Dating A Murderer
When my mom was in town this past weekend, we went to the mall. Not just to go to the Gap, which she had a 40 percent off coupon for (the woman always has a coupon for either the Gap, Banana Republic, or Bed Bath & Beyond), but to go to the bookstore to look for bridal magazines. Before I was engaged, I had to stop myself from buying one of those magazines. I wouldn’t even pick one up, for fear of jinxing myself and never getting married. As someone who is OCD, I’m surprised I didn’t back up four steps and do a circle after looking at them. Keep reading »
When you break up with someone, how do you expect the people in your life to treat your ex? This Sunday’s “Modern Love” column in The New York Times explored that topic in an essay by Charles Antin. Antin had an amicable, cold-turkey breakup with his girlfriend of five years, and then found himself morosely following her life in the aftermath via Facebook. When his “technophile” grandfather joined the social networking site and befriended his ex — because of their shared love of Frangelico, it seems — Antin was angry. The column ends with a bit of a whimper — Antin confronted his grandfather, who ended up quitting Facebook entirely — but it got me thinking about how we expect our family members and friends to treat our exes, and how we expect their family and friends to treat us, whether the breakup was amicable or not. Keep reading »
This is my first holiday season as an old married and my husband and I are planning to spend Thanksgiving at his father’s place where his brother and his wife and two small kids will join us. My father-in-law lives here in Manhattan, just a mile up the road from us, so, luckily, we won’t have to do any commuting. Our Christmas trip will be decidedly more involved. We’ll be visiting my parents who live in Germany (it’ll be my husband’s first trip there!). In the last 20 years, I’ve spent every Christmas but one in Germany. I figured this year, since we’re newlyweds and still ingratiating ourselves in each other’s families, it was important to spend the holidays with our respective parents. Next year, though, I hope to begin some traditions of our own. I’d love to spend Christmas in New York finally. Maybe my Jewish husband and I can even enjoy some Chinese food for dinner. So, how about you? Where will you spend the holidays this year? And, if you’re in a relationship, how do you decide whose family to visit? Keep reading »
“I am a Libra woman (9/26/82) who began dating a Taurus man (4/22/83) from another country in August. From the first day he voiced his feelings for me and even stated on our third date that he wanted to be with me long-term i.e. marriage, kids, etc. I have never been told anything like this before and I was flattered, but also way cautious due to my last horrible relationship with a Taurus man.”
As a free-spirited 26-year-old, I support a wide range of lifestyles. But I’m just not into sharing the same dating pool with my mom—a fit, fun-loving, blonde bombshell of a 50-year-old. After all, the term “cougar” is only funny if your mother isn’t one.
A glamour girl in suburban Baltimore, my mom was bound for the ranks of “heartbreakers of a certain age” long before her marriage to my father—a great dad but an admittedly crappy husband—crumbled a few years ago. The object of many younger boys’ affections, she had the lifeguards at our pool drooling and my lacrosse player friends deeming her a “M.I.L.F.” By the time I got to college, I wasn’t fazed by the frat boys who swarmed around her during parents’ weekend. They would take turns spinning me and Mom around on the beer-soaked dance floor, until I told her it was time to go home. Keep reading »
I keep forgetting that the French don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. When it occurred to me last week that the holiday was around the corner, I wasn’t sure what made me more depressed: A) Celebrating in Paris with some bastardization of the meal—I picture foie gras stuffing or turkey cassoulet; B) Not being with my family; or C) Leaving Paris to be with my family. I’d have to go with C … it’s been nearly three months since I arrived, but I only just feel like I’m settling, and the thought of going back to the U.S. right now leaves me scared that it would somehow break the magic of everything.
Lucky for me, I got the perfect compromise. My sister and her husband decided last minute to come over for a visit, so I’m pumped to spend the week with them not eating turkey, and gorging myself instead on gooey cheeses, crêpes, and butter-infused dishes (as if that’s any change from my diet now). The only issue—American Boy is expecting to meet them. Uh, what? Keep reading »
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
A little tension can go a long way, if it’s twisted and turned properly. This week, when you and your baby reach a boiling point on a heated topic, it’ll have you thinking he’s a total twit, however, a completely hot twit. His passion and dedication will cast an aura of manliness you’ve never quite witnessed before … seems cause and effect won’t be quite so linear this week.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Your prim and proper image won’t get you far, unless you are willing to show off your dirty dog underneath your white-glove etiquette. Send those dirty texts, those libidinous pictures and a few naughty presents, revealing that side to you that normally would only come out behind close doors. Showing off your sense of humor about sex now is your biggest turn-on and power play.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Remember, you’ve been screwed over enough times when someone has pitched love on an installment plan. The truth is the debt never gets paid and you are typically left with an overly idealistic hope for a miracle to save the day — giving more to compensate and wasting precious time all the while. Sure, it’d be beautiful if it ever worked out, but most of the time it doesn’t.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You have nothing to lose when it comes to playing the game of love. No matter how crazy you want to be, as long as you set the pace in the way you want, you will get that someone to follow. However, be fair when setting the speed, because as it goes, some people do need to build up their momentum to be able to keep up with you.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
There is a fine line between being compassionate and being a sucker. If you wish to not fall prey to the latter, then you will have to toughen up your skin and realize that being stubborn isn’t rude or wrong, but just a fact of relationships, and the only way you will really be able to even the playing field. Not to say it’s about winning; it’s about truly being happy.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Information will be coming at you so fast and often that you won’t even have time to process it all. While it may feel good to go with the flow and make decisions at this pace, don’t. There is way more than meets the eye with this bout of instant gratification and, while you’ll want to say “yes,” understand reading the fine print won’t make you a buzz kill; it’ll make you one smart cookie.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Bolster your class and refinement, as a slew of bitchiness is coming your way from haters who can’t comprehend your congeniality or power. Keep your head held high, because you are in the right here to dole out the slicker condescension and to turn the moment out. Plus, it’ll be in your coldness that you will attract the hotter prospects too, ultimately sending those wenches down.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You never know where you will wind up day-to-day, and that is a beautiful thing. Go with the opportunities that pop up, even if some aren’t as pretty as you’d like. Taking one chance will lead you to another, and link you into a series of divine magic and messes that will make your life a living piece of art.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Intimacy is something you know how to do right, so don’t give up now when your boo needs you the most. When it comes to asking, he isn’t the best. While you don’t like having to revert to the “mommy” role, this time you’ll find your nurturing ways are like gold in his eyes. So help him make that leap of faith — the one who’ll ultimately reap the rewards is you.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Live and laugh, and love whomever you want! This isn’t the time to get too concerned with boundaries and negotiations, as it is about partying with your body and just realizing that you do best without rules. Languishing in your freedom now will be the best thing you can do to remember that you have the power to make the choices you want.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your day-to-day routines change, but your mindset will still be rooted in the same place it ever was. This will force you into a time-out with yourself. You’ll want to reevaluate why you are so hard on others when it comes to intimacy and always wondering why effortless fairy tales that star you aren’t possible. Yes, flaws in your master plans will be blaringly obvious, as will the solutions.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Nobody can shake you now that you’ve made a decision. While you think that you’ve made a tough choice lately, when this week rolls around and you find yourself with new opportunities that can turn the tides, you might find that there are a few flexible bones in you that crave trouble more than you suspected. Last minute changes may just happen.