• Relationships

Dear Wendy: “How Do We Tell Our Families And Friends That We Eloped?”

After dating for a year and a half, my boyfriend and I had a sorta “spur of the moment” elopement at the end of January. We’d both recently graduated college and I have a significantly better paying job that has good health benefits, so the decision to get married so quickly was about getting him covered by my insurance. I had known for a while that I wanted to marry him, and we had discussed it very briefly earlier, so it was a given that we would eventually get married anyway. The weird part is that he never officially proposed, and so now we have a sticky situation to deal with when it comes to telling friends and family. We haven’t told any family yet, and the only people who know about it are my three college friends, who don’t know any of our relatives or other friends. We were planning on him buying me an “engagement” ring sometime soon and planning a wedding in the spring of 2011, and not telling anyone in the meantime. I would just like to know what you would do in this situation, since we obviously can’t undo getting married. We don’t feel any different than we did before we got legally married, so it doesn’t feel like we have much to hide, and we both feel that the true beginning of our marriage would be when we get to celebrate it in front of friends and family. Neither of us is really religious (he’s Buddhist, I’m atheist) and our families aren’t the most religious or traditional to begin with. What’s the best way to handle our situation? — Out of Order

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Call Us What You Will: The Frisky Staff’s Nicknames

We here at The Frisky spend most of our time working away deep inside the blogging mines, unearthing the best webternet content we can find. It’s not easy. But someone has to do it! And that is us. Occasionally, we do take the time to have a good time, and every good time, as everyone knows, involves a nickname. For example, in high school: I was very tall. And people called me Big Bird. Did I like that? Well, no. Or, should I say, maybe? A nickname is a sign of endearment, so if you want to know what to call Amelia next time you see her rocketing down the sidewalk, your handy guide is after the jump. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Used To Date Men Whose Careers I Envied

I used to be defined by one singular character: ambition. As early as 9th grade, I knew that I wanted to be a journalist who wrote long-form investigative articles. And for nine or 10 years, everything about my life was focused around that one goal: where I went to school, how I spent my “free” time, who my friends were, even whom I dated. It’s not an exaggeration to say my drive consumed my life — and I was perfectly OK, even pleased, with that. I seriously believed that at long last I would finally be happy when people bought magazines with my writing in them.

The thing is, ambition for ambition’s sake turns out to be a hollow way to live one’s life. It’s a means to an end, of course, but considering that the target you are shooting for is constantly shifting, it can also be exhausting. Don’t misunderstand me: I’m proud of my accomplishments — articles I’ve written, interviews I’ve conducted, maybe a few lives I’ve affected. But if I could go back in time and change a few things, I just might do it.

And the first thing that I would change? I would not have dated so many men whose careers I envied. Life is hard enough when you’re putting unreasonable expectations on yourself to succeed, but it’s damn near impossible when you’re comparing yourself to someone you’re sleeping with. Keep reading »

Love Vandal: Someone Wants You To Know …

Reader Hayley snapped this on a stair in at Auburn University in Alabama. “There are a few of these floating around campus,” she told us.

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send your pic to tips@thefrisky.com. Keep reading »

8 Tips From Rachel Greenwald, Author Of “Have Him At Hello”

Matchmaker and dating coach Rachel Greenwald is responsible for 750 marriages, and she doesn’t believe you will find the love of your life by waiting for him/her to spontaneously appear in line at the grocery store or sit next to you on the subway. Darn. There goes my approach. This Harvard M.B.A. and New York Times best-selling author advocates a better way—being proactive and approaching your dating life like a job search. “Sure, there has to be an intersection of luck, timing, and opportunity, to find love,” she says, “But you increase your odds when you do something about it. If you have a strategic organized plan, something will come through faster.” So, uh, what should this plan be? Her new book—Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love … Or Never Call Back—hits bookstores today and has some ingenious ideas for us. I had the opportunity to chat with Rachel and get a singles state of the union. After the jump, eight interesting tips I learned. Keep reading »

Debate This: Do You Have To Return The Ring If The Engagement Ends?

It never fails to amaze me that every time I write a post about broken engagements, many commenters are most interested in discussing what the proper etiquette is when it comes to keeping or giving back the engagement ring. [You know where I stand and, as expected, some of you disagreed. In general I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all approach and you should definitely do what feels right for you and your former fiance. However, the "experts" do have strong opinions on the matter. This "Debate This" ran in March 2008 (before I got un-engaged, FYI), but I believe it covers two popular views on the issue. -- Editor]

Engagements are all congratulatory wishes and bridal showers until they end without a wedding. Along with the usual breakup activities — “dividing of things,” “starting over of lives” — there’s the even more awkward “deciding of who gets to keep the 10-karat (or 1-karat) ring.” According to a Conde Nast Bridal Media study, the average engagement ring cost is $4,435, so this ain’t chump change. We ask two people in the wedding industry who gets to keep the rock, after the jump, and then ask you to take a position in the comments. Keep reading »

5 Reasons Moving Is Good For You

Over the course of my life so far, I’ve lived in the Bay Area, Los Angeles, Chicago, New Orleans, and Virginia. Soon, I’ll probably be moving again. Sure, there are people who’ve moved way more than me, but I like to pull up roots and relocate every so often. It can be something of a pain in the butt to move all your stuff, but I feel like it’s one of the most important things that has changed me as a person. If you’re longing for some new scenery, interested in meeting different types of people, or are looking to find out more about what you love and what you don’t, the path of relocation can guide you towards greater insight as to who you really are. Find out more after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Should I Stay With My Boyfriend Or Move Back Home?”

I moved out east for grad school, and I happened upon a great guy — he saw me through the rough transition of living here, helped while I was a foster parent for a year, and is overall the best guy I’ve ever dated. Here’s the issue: he’ll be moving to a nearby city for a new job soon, and I’ll be graduating in a few months and I don’t know whether to move with him or head back out west. Here, I have him, but a place I do NOT like. Also, we’re both on the shy side, so building a social network will take some time. Out west, I have friends, family, much better career options, and cities that I LOVE. I may never meet another guy like him, and I love him so much. But I also can see myself angrily saying that “I gave up everything for you,” and that would eat away at our relationship. He feels much the same about staying here as I do about returning home. This is the most mature, loving relationship I’ve ever had the privilege to be in; I want to maintain it. But I think staying here might destroy it. — Homeward Bound

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How To Properly End An Engagement

As many of you know, I was a fiancée who got dumped. On the 1-10 Suck Scale, it registered at around 27, due in no small part to the fact that I was caught by surprise, it was handled rather insensitively, and I wasn’t given the whole story — or a full explanation — right away. With that being said, people often dump their fiancés/fiancées for perfectly good reasons and just because they’re the ones doing the dumping, that doesn’t make them evil, horrible people who should be drawn and quartered. Let’s face it: how to properly end an engagement is not something we teach in school, unless you are getting private tutoring from Jennifer Love Hewitt (she’s been engaged, like, three times). Luckily I’ve learned a few things about it, after being on the short end of the stick. This should come in handy when I dump Sam Worthington for my true love, Ryan Gosling. Keep reading »

Online Dating: Bringing People Who Already Know Each Other Together?

This weekend, I joined an online dating site for the third time in a year. Every time I meet someone new and start dating him, I end up deleting my account. Maybe this is the kiss of death, actually. Maybe the next time I meet someone, I should keep my online dating profile active, as a signal to the universe that I am not about to be fooled into thinking I found someone long-term.

I’ve only been on the site (again) for a few days, so I have no dates to report on, but I have noticed a new trend among my matches. Apparently, online dating is now a great way to meet and ask out people you already know. Keep reading »

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