For four years I’ve been really good friends with an on and off girlfriend, during which time it’s been back and forth between sexual intimacy and more of a best-friend relationship. Whenever I bring up the idea of something more permanent, she gets evasive. In undergrad it was easy to skate around this; we both saw other people occasionally, and while we wouldn’t go into details we remained very close, often returning to each other for what was familiar and ‘safe.’ I am leaning towards wanting a permanent relationship with her. I already feel like we’re in a tacit monogamous relationship because neither of us has been out on a date with another person in at least a year, sometimes we spend weeks on end at each others places, other times when life catches up we may miss each other for a week or two, but we’ll still talk every day. The bottom line is that getting to the head of the conversation with her seems really hard. We communicate really well otherwise, but I think she purposefully evades the conversation because she doesn’t want to commit. At this point, what would the difference be by putting a label on it? — Confused in DC
The internet has brought me a lot of joy over the years. There’s no denying its myriad charms: its ability to connect me with people, to entertain and amuse, to inform me, to expose me to new things, to help me max out my credit card on frivolous purchases I’ll regret later. But lately, I have been feeling like technology is turning against me.
Over the last two months, the internet has delivered not one but two decimating blows, first in the form of an unceremonious GChat dumping by a boyfriend I’d (ill-advisedly) reconciled with, and, more recently, in the guise of a sterile, business-like email I had the pleasure of opening last Sunday, informing me that I was no longer needed at my job. Um, f**k you, internet! Keep reading »
My boyfriend of 1.5 years was offered a job across the country a few months ago, to begin in late summer of 2010, and before he accepted it, he asked me if I would move out there with him; I said “yes” and he accepted the job. In the meantime, I’m graduating from my masters program in a few weeks and am actively seeking employment here before I move across country with him. While we are both very excited about the move, the short amount of time I have between now and then makes me very unemployable, as I can only commit to seven months or so. Confounding this, is that my boyfriend says he wants to get engaged before we move out there and wants to be married in the winter or spring of the upcoming year (with me planning the wedding). So, I’m trying to graduate, trying to find a job in this state as well as the one across country, planning a move, perhaps anticipating an engagement and then needing to plan a wedding — I feel overwhelmed. To add to it all, my mother is concerned about my move because I am not engaged or married yet and have still made the choice to join him. Although I am a grown woman, my mother’s approval means a lot to me and not having it is just adding to my stress. (It also does not help that when she was my age she made the same move for her then husband who ended up cheating on her repeatedly and running off to join the military…) She thinks that I am silly to give up job opportunities because it means that I am compromising myself and my future for one that I don’t even know is going to happen yet (i.e. marriage/ a continued life with my boyfriend). While I don’t feel that a ring or a marriage will make us more committed for any specific reason, I cant help but feel that she has a point. Please tell me that I’m crazy and to take a deep breath. — Stressed Girlfriend
Years ago, when I was about, oh, a year into my relationship with my now ex, he and I got in a fight (over what, who knows), I lost my temper, and I started hitting him. Not in the face, but on his arms, my fists balled up. I think I shoved him a few times too. He didn’t do anything back, aside from wrapping his way stronger arms around me, so I couldn’t hit him anymore, and to calm me down, because I was crying. Once I settled, he told me I could never, ever, ever hit him or shove him or do anything physical like that again — that it was unfair. Even though I “was a woman” and significantly less strong than him (seriously, we would play-wrestle and I would be defeated in, like, two seconds), taking my anger or frustration out on him physically was not OK ever, especially because he never would or could do the same to me and have there be any excuses. Keep reading »
If you have a wedding video, I am sure it is very lovely, beautiful, and romantic, but, my God, this is a wedding video for the ages. I’m not really up on all things wedding video-related, but I kind of thought they were boring, hand-held affairs that the newly married forced their unmarried friends to watch as some kind of passive-aggressive punishment. The wedding video of model/actress Roselyn Sanchez and model/actor Eric Winter is another story altogether. Held at a historic fort in San Juan, Puerto Rico, it is probably one of the most glamorous and romantic weddings I’ve ever seen, and the video is a really sweet and gorgeous homage to the couple, their union, and their guests. I’m verklempt, people! [The Red Sole Bride] Keep reading »
“So what’s the vibe of this place? Fashiony? What are you wearing?” I texted my new friend Sarah on Friday night.
We were about to embark on our third official friend date, which safety moved us from “acquaintances” to “girlfriends.” When I’d admitted earlier that week in an email that I’d hardly left the house due to my self-imposed, post-dump pity party, Sarah had thankfully taken the reins and made plans for us to meet up at the Experimental Cocktail Club. I’d read about this uber hip bar on Paris blogs, but hadn’t been to any comparable venues, so I had no idea what to wear. I was hoping it would be a bit fancy—I was getting sick of settling for skinny jeans and boots for every cheap, boho bar most of my younger friends would ask me to join them in. (Sarah’s in her 30s, so she’s thankfully more inclined to meet up for a nice dinner or “grown-up” drink.) But now that I seemed to have the pick of my wardrobe, I felt even more confused by choice, and it looked as if my closet had vomited all over my studio apartment. Keep reading »
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Spill your guts on every single feeling you have about that someone, because, believe it or not, he needs the reassurance more than you. Who could have ever thought there would be someone more analytical than you, but you seem to have connected. Now is time to enjoy having the ball in your court fully and freely.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
One way you know the holiday season is in full swing is when your aggravation levels turn red when dealing with your opinionated family. However, this year, as they pull their same ridiculous stunts, you’ll be able to counteract them with your new and realized self that cares a lot less. Finally, something fun to open up during the holidays — your latest can of worms.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Sit back and let the magic unfold. Comfort is the key to knowing if you’re in the right place, as things will flow forward naturally if meant to be. Otherwise, if you break out your control freak now, it’ll only mess up the vibe and blur you from truly gauging the equality factor of your latest tryst. Yes, to win this round, you’re just going to have to let it ride.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
With your brain going at a turtle’s pace and your heart racing at the speed of lightening, you are going to have to pick a side and stick with it. Nothing about this week is going to be too sweet, as there will be way too many confusing options to choose from. Think of it like being a kid in a candy shop, but with a few sour balls in the mix.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
To exert your power you are going to have to throw some cash at the problem. This can be any way you see fit. If this latest funk requires a splurge for a cure, then go for it. If it means hiring a hit man, then go for that too. Whatever the case, you are the boss and you have the power: enforce it. It’s the only way to get to the other side.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Exorcizing your brain of the past will be your number-one priority, as you’ll reach a dead end and accept there are no more ways to reconcile what has happened. Luckily, once you are decisive about it all, a total 180 will happen, finally making your future wide open with possibilities. So, prepare to do some daydreaming, as setting new aims turns into your new obsession.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Being diplomatic doesn’t mean doing whatever you’re told. Bullying tactics aren’t kind and if you want to end this mess, it’ll mean time to take a stance and mean it. No more being indecisive, thinking fate will unravel its bigger plan on you, as others call your shots. No, this time around, it’s all you and what you say will be the new law.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
There is a reason you were born first in the zodiac, and it’s because you seem to be able to get a clue a lot faster than most and can point to the plan of action with military precision at any moment’s notice. When others don’t get this power of yours, they only screw over themselves. So, do take control, but don’t let those who jump ship bother you. You’ll get the last laugh soon enough.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Set plans in motion with your baby and get on the same idealistic page. No more sitting around, making excuses, putting everyone else ahead of you and just being flat-out bored. This is time to start switching gears in your mind and turning hopes into more than just ideas. Take a spontaneous leap of faith now; it’ll be the best present you’ll get EVER!
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Pay attention to the subtle word choices people use with you this week, because not all is sunshine and roses. Go ahead and dig for more answers, because what you find out will only be to your benefit. Not to say another is trying to screw with your mind, but he just can’t seem to bolster the esteem to say what he’s really thinking.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Let logic rule. Things that should be in your life will be blaringly obvious. Otherwise, know that if you’re spending too much time rationalizing situations that don’t add up, you’re seriously barking up the wrong tree and deepening the agony you’ll inevitably face. Besides, the other incentive to a clean break now is that by month’s end a new cycle of possibilities will begin.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
While the beginning of the week will start with you feeling as if you’re floating on air, by the end you’ll have another attitude. Yes, you can chalk this up to moodiness, but whatever the case there will be a major turnaround in your emotions and some drama to endure. However, this is all a day in your life and nothing will be altogether too shocking — at least for you.
While at a friend’s birthday party some of my married friends were chatting and I was shocked at what I overheard. Basically they said that some women do not deserve to find a life-long mate. “You can want the husband, children, and house, but that doesn’t mean you get to have it. Some people just don’t deserve that life.” !!!! As a single gal, this is distressing to hear. What do you think? — Deserving Single
I stood outside a Greenwich Village coffee shop at 6 p.m. on a Tuesday night, staring at the front door. I was meeting a very handsome architect inside, but for some reason, I wanted to bolt. Honestly, I had come close to picking up the phone and canceling our date earlier in the day. Three times to be precise. I just wasn’t excited about this guy. Keep reading »