Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
Category Archives: Relationships
On Thursday night, I came down with the flu and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt fine at work that afternoon, but by the time I got home, my head throbbed, my throat swelled, my body ached, and every single ounce of energy has been sucked out of me. It literally took enormous willpower just to climb out of bed to go to the bathroom. Ugh.
Unfortunately, it only got worse on Friday morning. On top of the other super-fun symptoms, I had this strange experience of my forehead burning up while the rest of my body had the chills. At one point, I was shivering so strongly my teeth were chattering! When I took my temperature, it was a hundred and freaking five point three. (Brain damage starts happening at 107.6)
Being sick is never a pleasant experience. But I’m really glad that this time, my boyfriend was there to take care of me. Keep reading »
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You won’t have to say much to get your point across right now — whoever has their ears open is just waiting for you to say the word. While you might have some trepidation about opening yourself up right now, what else do you have to lose? Trying to maintain perfection is pointless if it only keeps you isolated.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Mysterious sexy surprises are in store for you now, but it’ll take some flirting with danger to get you on the path to this orgasmic ride to happy land. Yes, not everyone is as they appear. A silent dark horse that has been waiting in the wings will finally strike, and it seems that iron will be quite hot!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You can’t run from your feelings anymore! As much as you want to see the imperfections in everyone you meet, then complain about the despair you feel, this vicious cycle is about to end! Yes, a major epiphany about you in relationships is about to hit, and if all goes right, it’ll reverberate in all the right places, hitting at least an 8.9 on the orgasmic Richter scale
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You’re going to have to take the most practical steps out of your current emotional entanglements. While all might not sit well with your ego, you can’t think about yourself in this situation right now, as it’s about what’s for the greater good and taking in some long-term thinking. Yes, it’s not so sexy, but you’d be surprised what turns you on now.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You can think about it all you want, but until you begin a process, making conjectures is a waste of time. Besides, as with anything involving your heart, there are always surprises, since you’re not the only one making decisions. However, this time around, do trust there’ll be a cushion for when you make that leap, and it’ll be solid.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Agreeing to disagree is the best conclusion you can make with your baby this week, as your opinions aren’t going to change on a controversial topic. While it’ll make you want to judge each other, what’s the point? Kiss and make up and spend your week using that tension in the best way you can, behind closed doors.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
A halt to your current flirtations may strike suddenly, throwing you into a majorly confused state of mind. While stalls usually should be red flags, this time around make an exception to the rule. Seems bigger stakes are at play and whether to roll the dice now isn’t such a cut-and-dry decision. If you hold tight, that will help put the odds in your favor.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Something cold and hard that’ll make you squeal with delight is in your stars. Yes, it’s what you truly dream of — money! This week, cash is your sex and it’ll be the best release you’ve had in ages, bringing you to a new state of mind that’ll relax and comfort you in a way that’ll seem unnaturally good. As for the boyfriend, he can always watch.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’ll finally get some clarity on issues you’ve been having with your honey. Seems all answers will arrive just in time too, giving you that sense of peace you haven’t felt for so long. As for kicking him to the curb or giving it one more try, it’ll be one of those surprises you’ll have to find out for yourself.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
There will be signs all around you that will tell you all you need to know, but it’ll take some objectivity to really see them for what they are instead of what you wish them to be. Sorting through your emotions has never been quite so easy. Help is there for you — if you just open your eyes.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Loving your baby doesn’t have to mean unconditionally accepting everyone also. Yes, there are a few people who aren’t around for your relationship’s best interest and for reasons unknown. However, if you want to fight the fight, it’s time to mean business. And stop trying to kiss up! Instead, take this bull by the horns and be more powerful than others assume you to be.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You and your baby will be in high demand, as you’ll be elevated to “IT Couple” status among friends, making your schedule go completely out of whack. While it may seem fun in the beginning, you will start to see a certain set of politics occurring within your social circle. Prepare to deal with that bad taste and wield your power to effectively eradicate those issues.
I’m an Aquarius in a relationship with a Sagittarius. We’ve been together for about six months. He was married before we got together and separated from his wife just before he got with me. He was also my boss (that’s how we met). At the beginning, he was very happy to be with me, spent time with me, told me he loved me, etc. I love him very much.
However, in January he went a bit funny. It turns out his ex wife had been speaking to him, telling him she loved him and that they should be together and this confused him. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he loves me and wanted to be with me. Anyway, I thought we had sorted this out, but recently he has been doing the same thing again, acting different with me, as though I am just a friend, and acting as if he doesn’t want to talk to me or want me around. This is very hard for me to deal with, as I am six months pregnant, and I want to talk to him. I still love him.
I want to know if this is going to keep happening? Is he going to keep running back to his ex? He says he doesn’t love her or want her, it’s me he loves and I want to believe him, I really do. I just find it hard to trust his word, as he has said all this before. What am I supposed to do? I love him too much to just leave him. Can you help? – C.
Lesbians are great for hanging out with, talking to about sports and beating you in arm wresting. Unfortunately, the porn industry has also done a pretty good job of convincing you lesbians also want to have sex with you.
Luckily, this real, flesh-and-blood lesbian is here to set you straight (heh). Without further ado, here are a few lines that are almost certain to get you ousted from lesbian ladies’ night at your local pool hall. Read more … Keep reading »
In honor of Mother’s Day, we’re interviewing our moms to find out how their lives changed when we were born and what they learned about love and life as a parent. Today, Simcha’s mom.
My parents met through the family yentas. My great-aunt Molla and my great-grandma Rose were in the same women’s group, Hadassah, and they got to talking. The next thing my dad knew, he was required to call up this nice new friend’s hot, young granddaughter and take her out on a date. Sick of Molla constantly fixing him up, he told her this was the last date suggestion he’d ever take from her. And he was right.
Over a decade later, they made my brother and me. Although I was the much cuter baby, obviously, I was also a handful … not that my mom would ever admit it. She’s a lady, the kind who wears pantyhose, even during the hot Florida summer, and ’80s power suits with big sunglasses. She left some pretty high heels to fill.
Secure in the forms of birth control I use, I asked my mom a little bit about what’s it’s like to be a mother.
Keep reading »
In honor of Mother’s Day, we’re interviewing our moms to find out how their lives changed when we were born and what they learned about love and life as a parent. Today, Ami’s mom.
When I heard we were doing Mother’s Day interviews, I couldn’t wait to interview my mom, Mona. She’s pregnant with me in the picture above. And yup. That’s me as a kid. Cue chorus of oohs and ahhs. It’s a shame you can’t hear Mona answer these questions in her thick Long Island accent, because it’s oh-so charming … especially when she calls me on the phone. On speaker phone, that is. She’s obsessed with it ever since she learned how to use it and refuses to speak on the phone any other way. “Oh, Aim! You’re on speakah phone” is how she begins most phone calls. It’s also too bad that you haven’t had the great pleasure of dining with her. She orders everything “on the side,” à la “When Harry Met Sally,” and sends back three out of every four meals. Sorry, Mom, it’s true! I can almost hear the phone call I’m going to get in five minutes: “Oh, Aim! You’re on speakah phone. Why did you say that?” But seriously, Mona is one of the most colorful characters you’ll ever meet. To know her is to love her. And everyone who meets her loves her. It’s impossible not to. Aside from being a wonderful mother to my younger brother, Adam, and me, she’s also been a surrogate mother to many of her students for more than 30 years. Find out Mona’s thoughts on motherhood, after the jump. Keep reading »
It can be hard to know what Mom really wants for Mother’s Day. So we asked a bunch to tell us the best gift they ever received on the holiday, to help you with any last-minute shopping you might be doing for Sunday. For the most part, moms just want you to do or say something nice. Don’t worry about dropping half your paycheck on a present; she’d prefer a thoughtful card. Keep reading »