• Relationships

30 Memos To Future Wives, Courtesy Of Twitter

The #DearFutureWife hashtag is a scary thing in the collective unconscious that is Twitter. Who knew that making sandwiches and generously giving head are top qualifications in the marriage market?

I’ve rounded up 30 tweets from randoms on Twitter about what they’d like to tell their future wife. Some (most, actually) guys are very sweet. And some should have electronic monitoring bracelets so we know not to date their sorry asses … Keep reading »

Relationship Q: How Long Before You Drop A Deuce?

New relationships are all about keeping up the lie. “I don’t have any flaws. And I most certainly do not poop!” Right? It’s amazing how long one can go pretending their no-no factory never pumps out any by-products. But oh, the truth will set you free. So we asked our Frisky BFFs, guys and gals: How long do you wait before unleashing the beast while hanging out with a new sexytime friend? Keep reading »

For The Week Of March 22-28, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Be careful of what you reveal and to whom, because haters will be out and will twist and use your words to their benefit. However, if somehow this works out to you getting trapped into having an intimate and intense conversation with that someone who puts you on edge, well, then, this is when you’ll see how much tact you actually possess and what your true feelings are.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Feel the love, because whatever you have going on is beautiful! Sure, at times it’s not exactly what you envisioned, but perfection is only a fleeting notion anyway. As for your big picture, realize what you have does fall in line with it all, and if not 100 percent, trust you are at least on your path to the riveting happiness you theorize in your mind.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Throw away your agenda, because a new and more happening schedule of events is heading your way and it’ll be like a fire under your booty, as the speed in which you will have to travel will be faster and more intense than ever. While it might initially be a shock to your system, you’ll find that the exchange of instant gratification will more than suffice for your agony.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Sudden passionate connections are in your stars, and it’ll be the whole package deal. Not only is this someone who’ll make you sweat in all the right places, but he can actually hold up his end of a conversation too. Yes, that unicorn you have been dreaming of is coming onto the scene and ready to rock your world. Now, time to see what tricks you’ve got up your sleeve to seal the deal.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A little tension never hurt anybody, so don’t even think of caving in just to end the drama and get on with your life. Realize the choices you make now set a precedent: While you think you are paying a little of your pride now, don’t underestimate the actual price you are actually shelling out. Think harder on all the causes and effects of your decisions now.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When you hear fighting words from your baby, be ready to stand up and throw them back just as hard. This isn’t the time to sit back and try to make excuses for anyone, because no rationale will work or should work. Besides, why be a doormat for those overly aggressive types? Realize that just because they are louder, that doesn’t make them right.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

There are times when taking the easy way out is OK. This week, no matter what ails you, don’t be shy to throw money at the problem. It will go away. While it might not necessarily go away forever, who cares! This isn’t the week you want to waste worrying about issues that only hold you back.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be revving yourself up with mucho energy, and this will mean you’ll be as daring as you will be careless. Whatever the case, you can’t help who you are and this week it’s all about letting the chips fall where they may. Luckily, in the mix not only will the chips fall where they want, so will a few panties. And for that: oh-la-la!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You have to let your imagination run away with itself, even if it scares you. In fact, the more it frightens you, the more you should realize that a change of pace is needed and some sudden actions taken. The faster you can move now, the better the results will come — it’s your instincts now that will drive you to the best parts of your fantasies.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Don’t stop to think. Get your curiosities out with that certain someone who has been circling about and learn what you need from stepping it up. If you keep obsessing about the situation, you will kill any chance at a decent orgasm — and if there is anything you need right now, it’s a giant jolt of energy into your vortex of love. That’s right, time to hit it and quit it.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You know what feels good and for that alone, you should be giving yourself a big ole pat on the back. Finding peace of mind is like finding a needle in the haystack. Once you secure it, you should never let it go. Not to say it’s all a walk in the park, because it’s not. So as you enter this week, weary of your status, get ready to put on the warrior gear and fight the big fight.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The world is officially yours, if you want it. The thing, though, is that you can’t just wish for the mundane. Time to reach sky high, to come up with the most absurd dreams possible, because only when you let your mind go there will you have a whole new realm of possibilities open up.

Love Vandal: Don’t Let It Die

Reader Ashley snapped this photo in New Orleans.

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send your pic to tips@thefrisky.com. Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: Leo Can’t Drop Her Controlling Guy Friend

I’m a Leo who has had a controlling guy friend for a year and a half. He is a Libra, and has me completely under a spell. He is hooked on internet dating, but doesn’t want to let me go. Usually I just put up with it, just so I can still see him. I think he loves me, but he had a bad breakup a few years ago, and said the internet saved his life. I know he wants to be with me, as bad as I want to be with him, which only makes it worse because sometimes when we are apart for a few weeks, and see each other again, he just clings to me. I’m not a dog, and could get other guys, but I just can’t pull out of this. My friends think I’m crazy. Any advice???

Keep reading »

How A One-Night Stand Turned Me Into A Published Author

I’ve got a beautiful little boy who turns 6 next week. I got him through rather unconventional means. Well actually, the means were fairly conventional — sex in a traditional position, if memory serves — but entirely accidental.

I had a one-night stand when I was 39, with a guy I’d met at a bar. Not my most ladylike act, and certainly not sensible, but I had been suffering from a case of prolonged unintentional celibacy, and the guy was just adorable.

No, I don’t have any diseases, but thanks for your concern, which I’m sure will be expressed in the comments. I know it wasn’t smart. What I didn’t know was that my ancient ovaries were functioning better than I ever would have dreamed. When you’re 39, you sort of assume pregnancy will involve a trip to the fertility doctor.

Instead, I got pregnant. Read more Keep reading »

He Got Dumped. Whose Fault Is That? His.

You got dumped again, huh? We’d say “sorry about your luck” if we thought luck had anything to do with it. To be perfectly honest with you, however, the fact that you keep getting dumped over and over again is probably your fault. Sorry, pal. Now it’s time for some tough love.

We know it’s easier to believe that all women everywhere are crazy: They don’t understand you; they don’t know what they want, etc. But isn’t it infinitely more likely that the cause of your frequent relationship failures is, in fact, you? Might it not be the case that you are the reason why you got dumped — again? Read more Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: Introducing “Shortcuts”

Today I’m debuting a new feature here on “Dear Wendy” I’m calling “Shortcuts.” Each reply to a reader’s letter will be short — super short. As in, two sentences or less. And, no, this isn’t just because I’m feeling lazy and want to go out and enjoy the beautiful weather; sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. And, OK, fine, maybe I am just feeling lazy. Feel free to add your own two cents in the comments, and after the jump check out our first edition of “short cuts” (don’t be surprised if this becomes a regular feature on especially lovely Friday afternoons … just saying). Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Had To Move Overseas To Find Love

Three years ago, off the back of a bad relationship, I needed out of Southern California and decided to move to London for six months. I was looking forward to being single for the first time in five years and was relishing the chance to dance, date and drink in a massive, heaving city. I would kick up my heels in swanky clubs, live in a Tudor cottage and date a man who wore a bowler hat and carried an umbrella.

Three weeks later, I opened the front door to find my roommate’s brother, Mark, standing there with a bag in one hand, a bicycle in the other. He had just left his wife and three children and needed a place to stay.
Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Fight Or Flight?

The first time someone tried to rob me, it was four in the morning. I was in a desolate part of town, I was tipsy, and it was my birthday. A guy came up from behind my sister and me and tried to grab her purse. Without even thinking, I grabbed it back and screamed, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Expecting an easy grab-and-go, the guy freaked out, turned and ran. I took off after him, intent on beating the crap out of him. At precisely the same moment, we both realized he was twice my size. He turned towards me and I high-tailed it back down the street, shrieking like the scaredy cat I am.

Now if I had to advise someone what to do if a big guy tries to rob them, threatening death and chasing him would not even be in my top five suggestions. But my beer-addled nervous system threw my body first into fight, and then into flight. (Thank God!)

There comes a time in just about every relationship where you get so angry at the other person, you’re not sure whether you should stay and duke it out (figuratively, of course), or throw in the towel and cut your losses. Keep reading »

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