I probably could have written the Modern Love essay, Exit Left, Wordlessly, in this past Sunday’s New York Times. Not that I could have penned it better than writer Aimee Lee Ball, just that I have a story which is frighteningly similar. Ball’s tale is about breaking up with a man only to have him resurface eight years later for round two. But instead of the happy ending that would ensue in Rom-Com Land, after a few months of “too good to be true” dating, the man disappeared from her life without explanation. “No message. No note,” she says. I refer to this dating phenomenon as ghosting — when a man disappears without a trace.
“Ambiguous loss” as Ball calls it, is a particularly heinous and cruel way to have a relationship end because you’re left without any indication of what might have gone wrong.”[It's] unfinished business, without closure or understanding,” Ball explains. Keep reading »
For 10 years, I struggled with my sexual orientation and what to call it. I searched for labels that seemed to fit me best — bisexual, lesbian, fluid, queer? I had been with my first girlfriend for over two years, but still didn’t identify as gay because I continued to be attracted to men.
When I started dating men again at the age of 26, I wasn’t really falling for any them. One night, while I was having sex with a new guy for the first time, I burst out into tears because I realized I was a lesbian.
It wasn’t the intercourse itself that made me come to this realization, it was that being with a man emotionally and physically didn’t feel right. I wasn’t emotionally capable of loving a man. I had feelings of lust, even romantic attraction to the guys I dated, but I never felt that magic spark that bring couples together. Keep reading »
Breaking up is hard to do — that’s an understatement. But as terrible as it is, breaking up is a part of dating and relationships. It’s something that everyone experiences at some point, so it’s important to know how to do the deed in the best and most sensitive way possible. Keep reading »
Getting close to another person requires giving up some of your personal space. Coupledom can be wonderful, but it can also be confining at times. Japanese artist, Photographer Hal explored the too close for comfort dynamic in his photo series “Flesh Love,” featuring vacuum-packed couples. Spooning has never looked so uncomfie. How are they even breathing? Click through to see some more of the airtight pairs featured in the series. Check out the full “Flesh Love” series here. [Laughing Squid]
Recently, a friend sent me a link to a YouTube video called “Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?” I rolled my eyes. I hate that question. It’s heteronormative and sexist, and yet, I clicked anyway.
The video has more than 5 million views. In it, women on a college-campus all say, “Yes! Of course men and women can be friends.” But the college-aged men aren’t sure. They report always wanting “something more.” The women also admit that many of their male friends have crushes on them. Watching, I squirmed in my seat. The video hints at some unnamed truth in the male/female friendship dynamic: the male friend who is in love with you, who you kind of lead on but who you do love, in some way. I understand this phenomenon all too well. Keep reading »
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): If you need to lie down, whine, or throw a temper tantrum, go ahead. This is your time to let it all out and indulge in some scream therapy if you have to. As it goes, the more theatrics you put out, the more emotions you will release, and the more information the world will have in order to properly adjust itself around you. So, put on a show and sell it out!
Aquarius (January 20-February 19): Gamble with what you have and let the chips fall where they may. There is no more time to waste on the what ifs, as there is no way to ever know unless you walk through that fire and see the situation from a realistic point of view. After all, there is still a lot more information you may never know, until you get closer to it. Keep reading »