Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Girl Talk: On Police Brutality & Experiencing Blackness Through My Boyfriend’s Eyes

Advice For White People
18 Things White People Should Know/Do Before Discussing Racism
Here are 18 things to think about before discussing racism. Read More »
Teachers In NYPD Ts
An Open Letter To The White Teachers Who Wore NYPD T-Shirts To School, Despite Being Told Not To
An open letter on why this is not appropriate attire for school. Read More »
Dealing With Racism
disapproving ostriches
Megan's guide to dealing with casual racism. Read More »

I think I may have had a small mental break down last week. I knew it was coming, I was all tight with emotion after some of the responses I received on an open letter I wrote to some New York school teachers who wore NYPD shirts to school on the first day of class– in a largely minority school. When I skimmed through the comments section, I noted an almost sheer disregard for the humanity of the men I referred to in the piece who were murdered by police in the streets. Men like Eric Garner, Michael Brown and John Crawford, whose unfair deaths justify the movement against police brutality. A movement intended to end discriminatory judicial practices. One that most certainly should not be opposed by teachers of minority students.

To many White readers, the issue was simple: the NYPD deserved support from teachers, even if they mess up a couple of times. After all, not “all cops are bad” and most of these guys were doing something wrong anyway. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Rape Doesn’t Have To Meet The Legal Standard To Have Happened

I’m on the advice panel for I Believe You, It’s Not Your Fault, a blog where adult victims of sexual assault share their stories in the hope of helping younger girls. I do believe people, automatically, when they tell me they’ve been raped. Why wouldn’t I? When I give advice, I try to focus on what the victims can do to validate themselves, to get some stability back in their lives, to show their bodies respect, to get some perspective on the psychological effects of trauma — just like everyone else on the panel does. We don’t jump to “BURN YOUR RAPIST TO THE GROUND! DESTROY HIM!” The fate of the accused is not the point of the blog; it’s the fate of the victim that matters to us. Keep reading »

15 Of The Worst Messages Women Have Received From Men They Ignored On Online Dating Sites

That I should be thankful a "rich white guy" wanted to talk to an "ugly Hispanic". I'm Asian.

Online dating can be a wonderful thing, and plenty of couples — including our own Jessica and her husband — have met and found love through sites like OK Cupid, Tinder and Match. But it can also be a complete and utter shitshow, especially for women. While there are plenty of cool single dudes to meet online, there are also loads of entitled, misogynistic assholes littering your inbox and refusing to be ignored. Our friends over at Whisper asked their female users to submit the worst messages they’ve received from men they refused to chat with and the results were sadly and unsurprisingly vile. Let’s hope these dudes spend the rest of their lives alone. Keep reading »

Dater XY: Fun Is More Important Than Sex

Dater XY fun

When I was younger, when it came to my relationships I was mostly concerned with sex. (I assume this is shocking to no one.) I definitely had meaningful relationships, but at the time sex that was the crux of what I wanted.

But as I grew older, sex became relatively less important while other qualities increased in importance. I wanted something more out of relationships than a strictly physical one can provide. Now that I’m in my late-20s, one of the most important qualities I look for is someone who is just fun. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: On Dating Down

GT dating down

The first man I ever fell in love with was eight years older than me. He was on probation for stealing a video game, and his fingertips smelled like cigarettes and shellfish, having spent most evenings washing dishes at a seafood restaurant. At one point, he kept going to work even though his boss had stopped paying him. “Why don’t you start looking for a new job?” I asked.

“Cuz it’s fun just chillin’ with the boys, smoking cigarettes in the back,” he told me.

Jeff wouldn’t find another job for nine months, mostly because his unemployment allowed him to sit in front his PlayStation all afternoon. At age 26, he still lived with his dad, but couldn’t be bothered to sleep in the spare bedroom because all of his crap — a graveyard of sporting equipment he lost interest in and old surf tees — was piled so high, he couldn’t find the bed.

Instead, he slept on a makeshift bed-couch in the living room. It was here, with his father bumbling in to ask, “What’s going on?” that I lost my virginity. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “My Neighbor Just Wants To Gab All The Time”

Make It Stop is a new weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email anna@shmittenkitten.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.

First up, how to deal with an overly-friendly neighbor who just won’t shut up: Keep reading »

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