Most of us tend to portray a glossed over picture of our lives online. We cherry pick what we share and make sure our lives look like the best thing since sliced bread. With online dating, things are no different. We’re trying to present the best picture of ourselves as possible so we leave some things out and stretch the truth with others.
For instance, I claim to be really good at playing the bass guitar. This used to be true, but now less so. I leave out what many consider a red flag, that my best friend is a woman. I’m an inch taller online as well. The pictures I posted vary in age from being a week old to several years old but I look the same. Overall, it’s a pretty accurate depiction of me and, to me, it’s an acceptable level of massaging the truth. Some individuals, though, take significantly more liberties with the truth. Keep reading »
I’m 31 and live in Brooklyn. My problem: I keep attracting perfectly nice, smart, but utterly self-absorbed men. I’m a giver and a nurturer. I like listening to other people talk about their problems/interests/days/whatever. I like offering advice and think I’m good at it. I truly am happy to show my partners that I l care for and support them in whatever way I can, but despite the variety of “types” of guys I date — funny nerds! quiet writers! outgoing ad sales dudes! — and the fun we have together, they do very little to offer as much support/attention/interest as I give them. They don’t ask me as in-depth of questions, they aren’t as giving in the bedroom, they don’t seem as concerned or caring when I’m having a hard time. I try to lead by example, and I don’t want be LESS kind/nurturing/supportive as some sort of test or just to prove that I’m not a doormat. I like being a generous person, I just don’t understand why I can’t find a partner who’s as willing to be generous towards me. What am I doing wrong?
The kinds of guys who are attracted to living in New York City—driven, ambitious, self-starters—can be the same kinds of people who can be challenging to date. Sure, they look great on paper (who doesn’t love an employed fella!) but they didn’t always make the most fantastic partners. You know why? It’s because they put their energy and emotion into their career, not their personal life. And they may be willing to share dinner with you, but they aren’t as willing to share their heart. It is incredibly frustrating. Keep reading »
The Twitter is abuzz about this Time article that simultaneously paints men’s attitudes about not dating women in their 30s as “caveman-era,” then goes on to uncritically give voice to a whole other set of stereotypes about women in their 30s by asking men why they do date tricenarians, as if the entire body of women aged 30 to 39 have had the same life experiences, look the same way, act the same way, are at the same level of emotional maturity, espouse the same attitudes, want the same things. As if women go from 29 one day to 30 the next and are magically POOF!ed into a whole new being, and these artificial lines we draw between one set of women and another are actually real. As if we aren’t all very different individuals who are given, in the very grand scheme of things, an arbitrary number to attach to ourselves that has to do with our planet’s relative position to the sun. Keep reading »
Where do all the manchildren live? A new survey from Estately, a national real estate search site, set out to determine which states have the highest percentage of males still basking in a prolonged state of teenage immaturity, and which have the most emotionally developed dudes. Basically, they wanted to tell us all where we should and should not look for mates. Keep reading »
Excuse me while I wander around the lovely landscape of cloud nine, because I had the best sex of my life this weekend and I’m still up here enjoying the high.
So, let’s bring it back a week. After my grandma passed away, my communications with Baby Face became more and more frequent. Before our date/catchup/death dinner we’d text each other a few times a day to flirt and shoot the shit, but since then things have certainly accelerated. We chat in the morning on our commutes in to work, briefly throughout the day via text, and almost always in the evening before bed (sometimes there’s even an actual phone call, which I love). Mid-last week, Baby Face asked me if I wanted to go out with him and a couple of our old college friends on Friday night after work, but I’d already made plans with some of my girlfriends. We decided to compromise and hang out with our respective pals individually, and then meet up later in the night, with or without the others. Keep reading »
Working with someone that you’re dating takes a special kind of mental and emotional fortitude, the ability to keep two parts of your life distinct, with clear boundaries. It’s hard in the modern workplace. We spend so much time at work, and workplaces are getting more and more casual, making the boundaries shifting and fluid. The temptation to let your relationship bleed over into your daily grind is easy, but if you’re a nice, kind person, you should do your absolute best to avoid this. It’s cool that you’ve found someone that you want to spend time with outside of the office as well as in staff meetings and at weird company lunches. That’s a special thing, so cherish it. In the words of RuPaul, “Don’t fuck it up.” Here are some helpful guidelines for how to comport yourself when you’re dating someone you work with. Keep reading »