The online dating scene is rough. Sure, it’s a great way to meet people, but we use the term “people” loosely, as some of the individuals we’ve come in contact with still seem to be in their primitive forms. Obviously, first impressions count … but not to these idiots.
Sender: 30, Male
Receiver: 27, Female
Tip: “You should watch me jerk off sometime,” is not the new “We should have a drink sometime.” Do not expect to use it and get the same response … asshole.
Did someone send you a creeptastic or WTF message on a dating site? Take a screenshot of the message/your interaction and send it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Include the info in the post above. (Don’t worry … if we choose to use it, it’ll be anonymous and we’ll make sure to guard all identifying information!)
Sometimes in life, opportunities come along that seem way too good to be true: a promising job offer that allows you to work from home with unlimited sick days, winning an all-expenses-paid trip for two to Bermuda, and in my case, meeting a man online who goes by the handle HoopTR46.
I opened his message on Wednesday morning, and immediately noticed how drop dead gorgeous he was. I’m talking tall, dark and handsome, straight-off-the-pages-of-GQ gorgeous. He had thick, well-shaped eyebrows and mesmerizing, forest green eyes. After checking out his profile, I learned that he was my age, has a prestigious role at a well-known advertising company (which happens to be only one block from my office), that he’s very well-traveled, has a great education, is witty, athletic, spontaneous and overall too good to be true. But what did I have to lose? Keep reading »
Hooking up while traveling is the best! It’s basically a fact that being an out-of-towner has a certain appeal to local dudes who are terrified of any possibility of commitment. Basically, my rolling suitcase and obvious lack of knowledge about local traffic laws have proven to be massive turn-ons. In part two of this episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide – check out part one here – I reveal four more types of travel hookups that you’re likely to experience at some point in your life, with examples from my own.
We’ve been thinking a lot about second chances lately: when to give them, who to give them to, and how they’re earned. Second chances are complicated, because we all want to be one of those magnanimous, forgiving souls who write inspiring essays for O magazine, but at the same time, no one wants to be a gullible doormat. There’s a balance between forgiveness and foolishness; the trick is learning to walk the tight rope. Sometimes second chances are in order, and sometimes, in the cases of hipster bars or douche-y exes, it’s best to just cut your losses and move on. Here are 15 things that (almost) always deserve a second chance, and 10 things that strike out after one. Keep reading »
Sick of those bra “fit specialists” at the department store trying to measure your boobs every time you walk into the dressing room? The app ThirdLove will help you find your bra size at home, by yourself, using selfies! Stemming from the online bra store of the same name, the app asks that users take a mirror selfie in a tight-fitting tank top, with their iPhone in view in the picture. The system then uses image recognition to measure your chest size with your iPhone as the frame of reference, like a virtual ruler. Keep reading »
Call me immature, but nothing gets me fired up like a quality newspaper revenge ad. It requires so much more forethought than some hastily written angry Facebook post. My new hero, Timeshia Brown, must feel the same way, because she took out an ad in a Texas newspaper to publicly congratulate a woman who’s expecting a baby … with her husband. Slow clap, Timeshia. The ad has found its way to Reddit and, hopefully, to Timeshia’s husband Patrick. Maybe they can all hug it out — but I’m guessing not so much. [UPROXX]
Let me set the scene for you. One day you’re at the grocery store, dutifully squeezing all the avocados until you find the ripest ones, then moving them to your basket. You have your headphones in, you’re concentrating very intently on the task at hand, and you’re really not thinking about anything other than the guacamole you’re going to consume while watching “True Detective.” As you continue your thorough work of squeezing and replacing the avocados, your hand touches something warm, something tangible, something human — the calloused, strong hand of your dream man, a tall man-bun sporting, flannel wearing carpenter, a Ryan Gosling in “The Notebook” meets Jared Leto’s hair with a dash of McConaughey’s Foghorn Leghorn swagger. [Dream man. -- Amelia] You drop his hand, you gasp, he smiles. Numbers are exchanged. Drinks are had. You share this improbably cute story with everyone you meet, and are greeted with a variety of emotions ranging from derision to laughter to misty-eyed joy. You marry under a canopy of Etsy-sourced mason jar tea light holders and gingham and drive off in an old convertible, the “Just Married” sign bouncing against the bumper. That’s your life under the spell of the meet-cute. Keep reading »
“Cleanliness” is such relative concept that hardly anyone thinks of herself as a dirty person. We all believe we’re neat and clean enough, because, well, it’s our B.O., sandwich crumbs, and long strands of hair we’re living with. (At least you think it’s hair!) But an honest assessment may tell a different story. If your mom/mother-in-law/Martha Stewart were popping by for a visit, would you really just swipe the top of the stove with a Clorox Disinfecting Wipe and call it a day? Thought not. That, my dirty friends, is why we have Jolie Kerr. Keep reading »
So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our weekly column, Life After Dating, women discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.
My boyfriend Nick and I have been together for nearly 10 years, lived together for 8 of those, and still keep completely separate bank accounts. We’ve been sharing expenses — rent, groceries, gas, car insurance, etc — for a long time, but whenever we talk about actually pooling our finances, it just doesn’t feel right. Not sharing a bank account works for us, but that’s not to say it doesn’t come with some drawbacks. Here are some of the pros and cons of keeping your money separate when you’re building a life together… Keep reading »