My boyfriend and I have been together for a year.  I have known him since I was thirteen, his family adores me, we talk about the future, and I am so happy when I am with him. However, we have a few issues. I graduated from college almost three years ago and work a full-time job. We’re the same age, but my boyfriend is still working on community college and lives at home and has no job. He knows how much I value an education, but not so much that he’s motivated and driven to succeed.  Now, to be fair, he has severe ADHD, and schoolwork has never been easy for him, not because he isn’t bright, but because of his inability to concentrate. However, he doesn’t seem to WANT to do better. I think he gets nervous about failure, but at 24 years old he doesn’t seem to want to get a job, or accelerate his schooling any quicker, and I want to move on to the next stage of our relationship (not marriage, but just a more mature stage). I love him and don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know if I can handle a lifetime of this. Do I stick it out? Is it the ADHD or just laziness? — Motivated

Sure, the holidays are filled with great food, fun parties, and general good cheer (I was at a crowded Macy’s yesterday, and I wasn’t shoved once!), but for a lot of people, this is anything but the most wonderful time of year. Those of us in periods of transition—even positive ones—are especially susceptible to the feelings of loneliness, frustration, depression, and the stress the holidays can elicit. After the jump, a few tips for surviving the holidays during some of life’s biggest transitions.

Last week, I set out to interview “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger. My plan was to go in, impress her with my wife-ability, and be home in time for wine and “Parks and Recreation.” So I’m still not sure how, an hour later, I found myself sitting on a bar stool, roped into speed dating by the kind people at HurryDate.com. “There’s an odd number of men,” the publicist said, rationalizing why I needed to participate.

Being a serial online dater, I have had my share of awkward first dates. I liked the idea of spending five minutes with someone, rather than wasting a whole night to realize we were incompatible. Plus, I thought maybe I might meet a few people I wouldn’t necessarily think to go out with. Even though I had the lowest of low expectations, I was still sweating and self-conscious. Are they noticing how big my head is? Can they smell me sweating?

Me and the holidays—we don’t really get along. During Christmas, New Year’s and Hanukkah (yeah, I celebrate that, too), I eat too much, drink too much and become way too poor from buying everyone presents and taking time off work. Then there’s the family. I’m really tight with my parents, grandmother and sister. But that’s about it. I don’t see much of my extended family—the aunts, uncles, cousins, you know. Oh yeah, and I’ve never come out to any of them. Awkward, much? You bet.

Back in May 2008, I told you five simple words you should never drop on date #1 with a dude. Well, honey, since then, I’ve been on a whole lot more first dates, and I realize I barely scratched the surface with that first list. So, let’s break it down one more time, because it’s hard enough to meet someone, let alone get another date with him. When it comes to first dates, here are 25 more things you can say that won’t get you a second one!

Kate Moss is really in love with The Kills singer Jamie Hince, but she hasn't forgotten ex Pete Doherty completely. Kate is reportedly trying to hook Pete up with Alison Mosshart, Jamie's bandmate. According to a source, Kate still has deep feelings for Pete and wants him to be happy. But this seems a little too close to keep an ex.

My parents have been married for 26 years and have several kids together, but I’m wondering if my dad might be cheating on my mom. He’s always been a big time workaholic. Growing up, he was gone all the time. He recently started his own business and got a second cell phone, for what, I can’t figure out. He’s kind of a private person, so if he were seeing another woman, I’m positive he could keep it from the rest of the family easily. He’s in charge of all the finances, so it would be pretty easy to hide any telling expenses. He’s always going out of town and comes and goes at weird hours. Also, my mom is very pushy, she’s always nagging away at my dad. Honestly, if he were stepping out on her I don’t think I’d blame him. She’s not my favorite parent, for sure. Since he pays for her cushy lifestyle so she doesn’t have to work and she’s constantly finding faults with him, it wouldn’t be a stretch if he were pushed to do this. She’s gained a lot of weight recently, and that’s really changed her self image. She’s always buying him books on how to be a more romantic and sensitive husband, Christian propaganda, etc. My dad suffered a recent midlife crisis and has made some really dramatic changes. Also, my parents have hinted at some rocky times in their marriage lately and my mom claims to be depressed but she promised my dad she wouldn’t tell me and my siblings why (this seems to be the biggest indicator). If there were a situation like this going on, NO ONE would know because my parents are obsessed with appearances and looking like the perfect happy family. As far as I know he hasn’t cheated on her before ... but it could have happened. Should I ask my parents what’s going on? — Concerned Daughter

 

Before she met her fiancé, my friend Michelle was the biggest flirt on the Eastern Seaboard. If she spotted a guy she wanted to talk to, she’d walk right up, tilt her head to one side and ask a completely inane question. At bars, the question was inevitably, “What are you drinking? That looks really good!” Within seconds she had a drink in her hand and a pair of puppy dog eyes watching her every move.

It didn’t hurt that she was very pretty, but I couldn’t believe that asking a guy—who was inevitably drinking a beer!—what he was drinking was so effective. I mean, it’s obviously a beer! One night, over a shared bottle of wine, she was explaining the finer points of her technique, when a cute guy walked over and poked his head between us. “What are you drinking?” he asked.

“What does it look like we’re drinking?” I answered snottily. I was trying to listen to my friend—attempting to learn how to talk to men. Couldn’t he see we were busy? Michelle rolled her eyes at me and turned to him with a smile. “It’s a Malbec from Argentina. Want a sip?”

Over on Huffington Post, dating and relationship coach Jag Carrao has written a very interesting dating-related article called “5 Lies Women Tell Themselves.” Carrao says the the dating myths women tell themselves “may feel comfy, but [are] insulating us from sometimes unpleasant realities, they undermine our ability to make rational decisions based on complete information, thus sabotaging our long-term romantic goals.” So, are you sabotaging your dating experiences? Might these “lies” actually be true? After the jump, let’s take a look at the five myths Carrao says women tell themselves and see.

If I’ve learned anything from sex scandals, it’s that texting somebody you’re hoping to sleep with can be dangerous. Especially if you’re married. Or famous. But this isn’t about dumb Tiger Woods. This is about the rest of us, and those normal, baby-step texts surrounding a first date that can often go horribly awry. Before, you’d just get a girl’s number, and if it was real, you’d set up a date with her and see her then. But now we have texting/IMing/emailing and, good lord, Facebooking each other. There are so many opportunities to be misunderstood!

These days, if you’re going on a date with someone new, chances are you’ve “talked” to this person electronically before you even get to make awkward conversation about your “crazy” work week over salmon croquettes and the second least expensive bottle of wine on the menu (can’t look completely cheap!). But I implore you: stop. Don’t text me, IM me, Gchat me or—heaven forbid—Facebook me after we’ve established our first-date time and place. Let me explain. Read more ...

I learned the hard way making friends isn’t as simple as asking, “Hey, wanna be my friend?” Apparently, that’s just downright awkward and makes you sound like a creep. So when I moved to a foreign city and it came time for me to search for new pals, I realized that forming bonds wasn’t as simple as television shows make it out to be. And especially when you don’t know the language, those cliched and supposedly fail-proof lady topics like “shoes” and “boys” don’t always translate.

I’ve been aware of the concept of “actively” making friends (and actually thought I wasn’t half bad at it), but realized that previously in my life, it was a gradual building based on existing relationships. When I got to Paris in September, I was a player in a whole new ballgame. To make comparisons, you could even say I didn’t even know what baseball was. In my vision of what life across the Atlantic would be like, I always pictured myself with friends, assuming that it would just happen. But after three days of being alone, I realized, Oh merde, you are completely alone. It wasn’t that I didn’t know anyone in Paris, but that they weren’t potential girlfriend candidates (moms with big families, older friends of my parents). So I got to work and found that some methods were surprisingly effective, while other interactions fell flat. Here’s what I did; I hope it might provide some insight for you ...

This ‘80s dating video suggests the following for snagging a hot dude: 1) Carry a stuffed animal. 2) Wear a T-shirt with a slogan on it. 3) Stare at him. 4) Talk about your pets. 5) Talk softly, so he has to lean in. Notes taken! [BuzzFeed]

According to Jack Donaghy on the last “30 Rock” episode: “Gift-giving is the purest expression of friendship.”  Picking out a gift for someone is a chance for us to reflect on what we know and like about them. But in the case of selecting a holiday present for a significant other, it can also be a chance to royally screw up.

Trust me, I know from experience.

It’s winter and my boyfriend hates the fact that I don’t shave my legs all the time. It’s not like he stops making me feel sexy, but sometimes he will stroke my legs absentmindedly and then make a face and playfully, but meaningfully, tries to guess the date of my last shave. Maybe his other girlfriends have shaved religiously in the past, but sometimes a woman just wants to be free and embrace all aspects of her womanhood. Should I be offended if my boyfriend gets grossed out by my leg hair? And how should I go about giving this schoolboy a lesson on the unrealistic expectations that the media places on women—besides refusing to shave until he gets good and used to the loveliness? — Keeping Cozy

I was supposed to have a date tonight, but a few hours ago, I got an email from the guy explaining that he needed to cancel our rendezvous. The reason? His grandmother died. Whoa. Really? I wanted to believe him, but my gut somehow told me it was a lie. (If it does turn out to be true, then wow, I am a completely horrible and insensitive person.) For now I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, but it still made me think of some of the weird last-minute excuses I’ve heard from men before. And admittedly, some of the stories I’m guilty of concocting myself. (“Urgent deadline from my editor!”)

So, what’s the lamest reason—real or fake—that you’ve heard for a canceled date? A few of ours are after the jump.