A few months ago, my love life went through a dry spell. It wasn’t that messages weren’t coming in on Match.com or that guys wouldn’t chat me up when I hit happy hour after work. I just wasn’t connecting with anyone. I felt really blah about the men who I went on dates with (usually only one date with) and I started to doubt my “picker.” Maybe I’m bad at this, I thought to myself.
Right around that time, my friend started dating a new guy. This new guy had a roommate. In the swell of her new romance, the roommate probably did seem pretty great. She said he was a cute, funny, smart professional musician from the same religious background who is also a vegetarian. She offered — no, she insisted — she set us up. I’m an open-minded gal, so I thought I’d give it a shot. She knows me pretty well, I thought.
I don’t think I even need to tell you how awkward the date turned out to be. Keep reading »
Up until last month, my boyfriend Nick and I had lived in Oregon all of our lives. We both grew up in small towns outside of Portland, and then, after high school, we migrated into the city like people from small towns tend to do. For the past few years, Nick worked at the cheese counter of an upscale Portland grocery store. Like most things in our lives, his job was fine, but it wasn’t spectacular. We felt stagnant in many ways, like we were passively living a life that had been set out for us, rather than choosing the life we wanted. Looking back, we lived in Portland not because we wanted to, but because we always had.
A weekend trip to Nashville changed everything. Within hours of landing in the city, we knew we wanted to move there. After feeling anchored in place for so long, the prospect of picking up and moving made us feel practically weightless, not to mention giddy with excitement. We couldn’t wait to start a new life. But first came the responsible plan. Keep reading »
Bad news. That “Dove Real Beauty Sketches” video, where a group of women describe themselves to a forensic artist, and realize how skewed their self-images are and cry, was not quite as accurate as we’d like to believe. The message was moving, yes. And for a moment, it was reassuring to believe that “you are more beautiful than you think,” but according to research, the opposite is true.
A series of studies done at University of Chicago and University of Virginia suggest that , if anything, we overestimate ourselves. Not just in terms of our appearance — but in every way. Researchers took pictures of participants and created enhanced versions of those pictures so that some were more attractive and others were less so. When asked to select the real picture of themselves, participants tended to pick the most attractive one. When asked to select the real picture of a person other than themselves, participants were able to do that with no problem. Keep reading »
I am biracial, borne of a Taiwanese mother and American father. My features are decidedly not Caucasian, but hard to pin down to one specific category, a tiny frustration that gets at the heart of humans, because subconsciously, we all live to categorize. I deal with a host of questions pertaining to my background from “What you mixed with, girl?” to the timid “What … background are you?” I will entertain these questions, my response varying on the scale from begrudging to enthusiastic. It’s a conversation that I have a lot, and I’ve come to just suck it up and deal because people do not deal well with ambiguity. To categorize, to separate, to push things into clearly labeled boxes soothes the mind. It sets expectations, dictates how to behave, and prevents you from making statements like the ones I’m about to discuss. Keep reading »
One of my friends is going to a wedding this summer, and the bride and groom are asking their guests to buy them gold bars, since they already have literally every other thing two people in the world could possibly need. Besides gold bars.
Gold Bars. Gold. Bars. Gold bars at (I understand the price fluctuates, but) $1,421.99. Unless, you know, you want to buy in bulk. Then you can get them for a steal at $1,411.99.
I think now is as good a time as any to talk about weddings you can’t afford to attend. Keep reading »
In the fictional “Star Trek” universe, the Kobayashi Maru is a Starfleet Academy training exercise for those cadets who are training for command roles. Without getting in to deep with the nerdy specifics, in the simulated exercise, the Kobayashi Maru is the name of a disabled civilian vessel located in the Klingon Neutral Zone. The cadets participating in the exercise must decide whether to enter the Neutral Zone to rescue the crew of the Kobayashi Maru — violating a treaty between the Klingons and Starfleet, and risking all out war — or leave the Kobayashi Maru to certain destruction. Essentially, the exercise tests how a cadet would handle and react to a no-win scenario.
In our real lives, no-win situations arise in all facets of life — work, friendship, and, of course, dating. After the jump are five examples of the Kobayashi Maru in sex and relationships — how would you handle these no-win scenarios? Keep reading »
Spring is in the air – and in your nose. You sneeze, ooze, and actively resist the urge to claw your itching eyes out. That is, if you’re allergic like me. I cope with an assortment of antihistamines and avoidance tactics: yes, I’m totally fine NOT going outside today, or for the next three weeks! My brother jokes that he should build a portable bubble for me to live in during pollen season, and some days I really would prefer to hibernate in a hypoallergenic biosphere for the entire spring and summer. It’s just that I’m single. So I can’t. There are dates to be had.
Living with allergies, I’ve learned to avoid any of the following: cats (or people in coats covered with cat hair); shrimp, oysters, and any other annoying member of the shellfish family; fresh strawberries and apples. Damn farmer’s market! Having allergies is simply part of who I am – who needs to go apple picking anyway? But to a non-allergic person, like that Jon Hamm lookalike who asked me out, I fear coming off like a human science experiment. For highly allergic people everywhere, here are some tips for navigating your spring/summer dates: Keep reading »
Happy Star Trek Week everyone! I have been waiting for this week to begin for months! My fellow Trekkie cohort, Winona, and I are excited to take you on our continuing mission to explore the many connections between “Star Trek” lore and sex, dating, relationships, style and feminism. As Benedict Cumberbatch in “Star Trek Into Darkness” would say, SHALL WE BEGIN?
The “Star Trek” canon is filled with a multitude of alien races with their own histories, philosophies, and personality traits, all of which lend themselves to specific dating types. So which one are you? Let’s review eight alien races and how they would be as modern daters. Which one fits your dating personality? Click on to find out and share in the comments!
Dear Gentlemen Of The World:
Hello. My name is Sara Benincasa. Pleased to meet you. I’m an author and a comedian and a human with a vagina, otherwise known as a “lady-person.” I’m about to school you in exactly how to tell a stranger lady that she is great. I’m also going to teach you how not to talk to girls you don’t know.
But first, I’d like to tell you a story. I know, women be talking, am I right? But seriously guys, listen up, for I have knowledge to share. Useful knowledge. Think of my words as tools, and your brain as a box in which to place said tools, and a mutually satisfying encounter as the project you are building with these tools.
Okay then. On to the story. Keep reading »
Taurus (April 20-May 20): You may have surrendered to a lazy sense of logic as of late, but stop freaking yourself out about it. This is exactly what the universe wants of you. If you truly want happiness, you will see that simplicity is the foundation of all and the more you take responsibility for others, the more complicated it gets. Untangle your brain, retrain their’s.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Borderline behavior isn’t odd for you and no one will even be the wiser when you decide to take a leap off into the great unknown. There isn’t much you can sort out in the future, so don’t damn yourself by making a commitment to something you don’t care about. At the very least, changing the scenery is your lucky charm now. Keep reading »