Can Your First Love Be True Love?

After five years of hard-core monogamy, my best friend recently put herself back on the dating market. Did she fall out of love? No. Did her (now ex) boyfriend cheat on her? Not quite. Was she afraid of commitment? Not at all. She simply wanted to “see what else was out there.” My gal-pal is a young 23, and this five-year relationship was her first. The problem was, she wasn’t quite sure she wanted it to be her last. It seems to me that we have become more and more wary of sticking to that first love, in fear that the urge to experiment with others will always be in the back of our minds. As my parents’ failed marriage proved to me, happy high school (or college, or grad-school) sweethearts don’t always end up happy life partners. Maybe it's good to do some soul-searching, or spouse-searching, before we settle down. But here’s a perfect example of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t." If we throw away what we have now in hopes that something better—something we haven’t yet experienced—will come along, we might end up regretting it. But if we stay in our first-love comfort zone, we might always wonder. So the question is, should you/would you give up your first love to test the waters? Or in doing so are you throwing something quite valuable, possibly irreplaceable, away?

Would you throw away your first love to see what's out there?

comments

doridori
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 08:02 am: [report]

I think that the term “throwing away” is a bit harsh. It isn’t about discarding the wonderful relationship, it’s about self discovery and growth, not about cutting someone off. I think that life is full of indescribable experiences to settle down to quickly… however, if you are happy and are content with your partner, then I say good luck. It’s all about personal preference.

GreenAura
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 08:11 am: [report]

I married my first (and only) love when I was 18. We have been together since we were 16, so 10 years now. We eventually hit the “7 year itch” and we tested the waters, so to speak. Then we realized how stupid we were for doing it because we are so incredibly in love and we found that nothing out there compared to our feelings for each other. But I guess we had to let each other go to truly understand the depth of our love. Like the saying goes “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, its yours, if not, it was never meant to be.”

mdtobe
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 08:21 am: [report]

You guys need to watch Boy Meets World to figure out how this one ends up. He breaks up with the love of his life because he wants to see whats out there and almost loses her forever. Why mess with a good thing?

EastCoastMale
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]

agreed mdtobe

I see no point in testing the water just for the sake of doing it. That to me is like winning a million dollar lottery and leaving it on the table for someone else to take because there just may be a 1.5 out there. If you love the one you are with and truly want to be with them, there is no need to explore in my opinion.

PS. I like in movies when this happens and the person realizes that they made a mistake and try to go back to their one true love and they have moved on from heartbreak. Makes me chuckle =)

Lizard
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]

I’m in this exact situation right now (snagged the first boyfriend at 18, been together for almost 4 years now). I think the point is that if you still wonder what else is out there, you WILL be unhappy in the future.

In my case, it just so happened that he’s moving to LA in a couple of weeks to try to break into the film industry (we’re San Franciscans). I’m graduating in 6 months, and I could follow him there at that point and start building my life around him, but I’d feel like such a tool. So instead I’m going to spend a year in Japan, do something I’ve always wanted to do, and see where we come out in the end. This way we’re both pursuing our own dreams, and if we come out the other end of it still wanting to be together, great!

Of course, this has more to do with life experiences… if you’re more interested in seeing what other PEOPLE are out there, you might be SOL. I disagree with East Coast Male’s lotto analogy… a million bucks is a million bucks, but with people, who knows what’s what? If you’re not confident that you have indeed won the partner lottery, it seems to me that you owe it to yourself and your partner to KNOW that you’ve got what you want. My two cents

Isa
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 04:17 pm: [report]

I also had that experience…. I was 14 when we met, and he was my boyfriend from 18 to 22 (and my first everything). I broke up with him to see what was out there, yes. I thought to myself that if I didn’t, I would regret it forever. I mean, why marry the first person you ever tried anything with? Why not have some fun, know what you actually like about people and then make a CHOICE? That’s what I’m doing right now and I don’t expect to get back together. I’m ready for the new things!
(Sorry about the grammar errors, English is not my native language!)

AlbanianBeauty
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 06:57 am: [report]

I would not give up my first love to test the waters, but I was kinda thrown under the bus by my now ex. First relationship, together for two years, and I was ready to give up everything for him. And he broke up with me, possibly for the reason of wanting to explore more. Hope he doesn’t regret it in the future. Oh who am I kidding, I hope he regrets it and is miserable!! ha ha

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Poll: Would You Throw Away Your First Love To See What’s Out There?