Poll: Would You Convert For The One You Love?

lea322
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

This concept doesn’t make sense to me. A person’s beliefs are a part of who they are as an individual. Forced or coerced conversion doesn’t mean actual belief. If all you want is an acknowledged title without practice, then I suppose this works. If it’s important that your partner shares the same or similar beliefs as you do, then only date people from that pool.

peccavi
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]

The one I love is Muslim, but I’m Roman Catholic. We’re not strict adherents, but he has stated that he wanted me to convert to Islam. I told him absolutely not. I love him, I’d do anything for him, but I don’t believe or agree with the tenets of Islam, and I’m not going to convert to a religion that I don’t particularly believe in. It’s just not right—to me, at least. I’m not a die-hard Catholic at all, either, but I just wouldn’t feel comfortable converting.

Rose
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]

If meeting someone of that faith caused you to examine it closely and come to the conclusion that it’s what you believe, it’s the faith for you, that makes sense to me.  If the only reason you’re converting is to date/marry someone of that faith, you’re really making a mockery of it, like you don’t care whether it’s right or not, it’s just what you have to do to be with that person.  I have no respect for the latter situation.

bethlynn00
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 12:34 pm: [report]

I dated a guy, who after 4 months of dating, told me he could not get serious with me because he could only marry a woman who shared his religion and he felt like we were headed towards something serious.  We broke up.  I’m not that big on any form of organized religion, so if I can’t commit to the one I was raised in there is nothing that makes me believe I could convert just to get a guy to commit. Marriages work because people have similar beliefs, such as religion, which can cause a major rift if one person is very into it and another it not.  So I continue to be single and happy that I didn’t compromise who I was and what I believe to be with someone who couldn’t just love me for me.

belindajulie
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 01:21 pm: [report]

I’m always very confused about this issue. To me, faith is a very personal and *real* thing for people. So how do you suddenly decide “OK, I’ll be Jewish/Christian/Muslim” i.e. Yes, I do believe in God/Jesus/Mohammed and everything that they preached. But maybe that’s not the issue? I hear converting for marriage mostly when people convert to Judaism, so I wonder if it’s more of a cultural conversion than a real faith in the Hebrew God?

LilMissSunshine
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]

@Rose- Nicely said, you put into words something I didn’t even know I was thinking.

The poll doesn’t have my reply. Which is probably not. I was raised in a very loving, open, and tolerant faith community. I’m a cradle Episcopalian, a christian denomination. While I wouldn’t mind marrying someone of a different faith. I would hope that we could both love and appreciate each others forms of worship and belief. If kids were brought into the equation I would hope we would expose them to both faiths.

I personally believe that faith is a journey that doesn’t always cohere to a specific faiths tenants. I like having an environment where I can explore my faith and spirituality. But I also like the comfort of the religious traditions I was raised with.

Lexington
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]

I’m sorry, my religion, when it comes down to it, is the core of who I am as a person. I would never ask someone to change their religion, because as @Lea322 said- if they’re changing it because you asked it means they didn’t really believe it in the first place anyway. It’s also why I only date within my religion, so that I don’t have to have that problem come up in the first place.

Aarlone
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 03:25 pm: [report]

My ex-husband was Mormon, and I’ve been an atheist for nearly all my life. Shortly before we were married (or after, I forget) he asked if I would go to church with him, as he intended to try to become more devout a follower. I made the effort, but it didn’t last long, and neither did the marriage - less because of the conflict in religion, but more because we were too damned young and immature to be married anyway.

Nearly five years later, I understand a lot more about myself and the things that I want. I’m with another atheist now and am ridiculously glad of it, because I’d hate to be with someone who believes in something I think is a lie.

40yrolddad
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 04:17 pm: [report]

my wife was raised Jewish & I Methodist.  we had a Jewish wedding, have joined a reform (obviously) temple that’s amazingly tolerant of non-converted spouses & are raising our kids Jewish.  I really like the Rabbis and the people at the temple but I don’t see ever converting (though I have taken adult Hebrew - if the kids are gonna learn it so am I).

of course in practice she’s more adherent to Oprah-ism & I would describe myself a Beatles-ist at this point in my life - are those options on the ‘10 census?

C.Munro
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 04:28 pm: [report]

Convert?  I wouldn’t consider even dating someone who wasn’t at least agnostic.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 11:09 pm: [report]

No, because I wouldn’t fall for someone religious in the first place. He’d better believe in karma, though.

50jdates
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:18 am: [report]

This is the exact thing I am dealing with!! I get what people are saying about conversion and religion and perhaps not even starting to date someone outside your faith if you will eventually not be able to marry them but this is all easier said then done…. I actually just found this site today by chance cause someone on here found my personal blog and wrote about it… its all about this exact topic… If you are interested in reading it the site is 50jdates.blogspot.com I share about some of the dates that I have been on to try to marry within my faith even though my heart lies with a man outside my religion who is not willing to convert..
Xo,
B

luke15chick
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 07:48 am: [report]

So many people on here, including me as well respond very quickly that they’ve already thought it out, either they would never date a religious person or they only stick to their own religion.  However the funny thing is, this is a real dilemma because so many couples do wait until the relationship is really serious to remember/discuss the faith component, not thinking it will be much of a hurdle/obstacle until it’s discussed and then are surprised when it does become a big issue. I agree with the comment of it being wrong to convert just because, without any conviction involved.  If one needs an example, see My Big Fat Greek Wedding, after the guy (forget his name sorry) goes througgh the ceremony, he says, “I’m Greek now”.  How does that ceremony “make” him Greek?

sjms
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 04:51 pm: [report]

The way I see it, your beliefs or lack of them are part of your identity.  Changing them to suit a partner’s preferences is rarely easy, realistic, or genuine, and is a sign that they don’t accept you for who and what you are.  If faith is that important to someone, to the point where meeting someone who is either not as devout as themselves or whose beliefs do not line up closely enough with their own is a deal-breaker, chances are that will come up pretty early in conversation, before things get more serious, and is often presented for discussion with potential matches on online dating sites.  Personally, I will accept and respect a partner’s personal beliefs, so long as 1. they accept and respect mine and 2. don’t try to convert me to theirs.  By definition, that tends to exclude the really devout people, and probably the people who might fall more into the ‘cult’ bucket (Scientology, possibly Kabbalah, etc).

majicksand
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 05:31 pm: [report]

I would not choose to convert, nor would I expect anyone else to.  My best friend’s mother is Jewish, but her father was raised Christian.  Her childhood was a hodge podge of various holidays and traditions.  Ultimately that works for their family because neither parent is particularly devout.

Sidenote: Jewish mother, non Jewish father is easier than the other way around for most inter-faith families.  According to the tenets of Judaism, the children are automatically considered to be the faith of the mother.  That’s why so many women agree to convert whether they actually believe or not.  Her faith is not really the issue.  It’s about the kids.

BlueVibe
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]

I wouldn’t convert, and I wouldn’t expect him to convert.

I’m not especially religious, but I was raised with a religion, and the structure of that was such that I doubt I would be able to accept a more mainstream church.

Basically, it is more important to me that he share my *intensity* of religion (that is, not very devout, with universalist leanings) rather than the particulars.

scb197
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 04:32 pm: [report]

@ peccavi. i was hesitant to get involved with someone of the muslim faith. i would never convert, to anyone, or any religion, in order to be with them. he is not relgious, though his mother is, and he would never convert for me (as it turns out i wasn’t raised anything but took some of the rites of catholocism). both of us being non-religious have worked out. we recently got married. in the muslim faith, a man is permitted to marry a non-muslim woman, but not vice versa. see how serious your man is about having you convert, you may work it out