Ew, Your Cleavage Looks All Wrinkly
Posted by: Erin Flaherty
Filed in:
style
1:40PM, Tuesday November 3rd 2009
Hallelujah! We interrupt your moment of worrying about impending crow’s feet and forehead creases to distract you with yet another aging “ailment” that you need to start fixating on ASAP! Whether you’ve considered it or not, your cleavage has the potential to get old and crinkly, just like the rest of you! First on the menu—for all you mild cases out there—we’ve got a backwards-looking, cup-less bra (pictured) that promises to prevent those unfortunate chest creases you get while sleeping. Order La Decollette here immediately, because let’s face it: It’s a great holiday gift for you, your mom and grandma. But that’s not all!
For more serious cleavage wrinkles, you’ll want to look into something a bit more permanent. New York City plastic surgeon Paul Lorenc must’ve noticed this pervasive issue amongst his female clients. So, handily, he invented a procedure for them to spend more money on that goes a little something like this: According to Allure‘s blog, “he injects the area with a non-allergenic filler, such as Sculptra, which both erases the lines and promotes collagen production, making skin look younger over time.” Thanks be to Jesus. Just don’t get any kooky ideas and think Botox will do the trick: “Unfortunately, Lorenc says, ‘muscles have nothing to do with a breast lift. It’s about the elasticity of the skin and certain ligaments.’ What’s more, he warns that injecting the chest muscles is difficult and dangerous, since a misplaced needle could puncture a lung.” Jiminy Cricket! And to think we’d been erroneously treating our own breast wrinkles with Botulinum all along. [The Daily Express and Allure Daily Beauty Reporter]
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amandabear
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:51 pm: [report]
Because we need more asinine things to feel bad about. Ridiculous.
Riley
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]
I read that you can prevent these wrinkles by having someone massage them out. It can’t be you working on yourself though, something about the angles or science of some sort…
equnsuocha
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:04 pm: [report]
@Riley that sounded like an offer
EastCoastMale
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]
I think I read that article as well Riley, there were several of us trying to clip it out of the New Yorker or something of that sort for safe keeping =)
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:12 pm: [report]
i thought this was going to be a new fad chicks wore instead of bras or something. i was for it.
SEMI-girl
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]
Sure, cleavage wrinkles are real, and the best way to handle them is to prevent them by wearing sunscreen which we should all be doing anyway!
bumbler
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]
I avoid this by not having cleavage.
SueSue
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]
I don’t really see how this contraption would prevent cleavage wrinkles, but it looks like it would enlarge the space between your boobs over time…
EastCoastMale
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]
SEMI
I agree, there is nothing more unattractive in my book than a sun worshiper who is still young in age but looks about 10 years older from it. I personally love love love women who are at the far end of the fair skinned spectrum. If a woman goes to a tanning both more than twice a month, I seriously question things.
loveitlala
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:15 pm: [report]
Yes, next invention is going to be one to get rid of those ugly elbow wrinkles.
impoddity
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:57 pm: [report]
@bumbler: I know how you feel. My friends always complain about their big boobs then say to me, “But you’ll never know what that’s like.” It was annoying during my teenage years, but at least I don’t have to worry about back problems.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 05:05 pm: [report]
@small boobied chicks - guys might look harder at the other chicks when they jog by in a sports bra, but when its time to hit the sheets, WE DONT CARE!!!
retro chic
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]
Sleep on your back! Drink plenty of water before bed. Wrinkle no more. Better for your face too. Side-sleeping is the main culprit.
Nice. A new medical specialty, Riley and ECM: Assisted Smoothing Services?
Nora
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 09:26 pm: [report]
I have actually thought about this many times…. If only it was a bit more affordable! I would have gotten it. Not really suitable for anything but sleeping alone though. Wouldn’t make me feel very sexy! I’ll just keep slapping on my anti-wrinkle cream up and down my cleavage.
hannahsguy
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 11:15 pm: [report]
Next up for the must-have crowd: wrinkle cream for your ears. Its a MUST HAVE.
Enrique
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 04:46 am: [report]
There is a very similar product patented by a gynecologist in 1998. Produced and marketed by a Spanish company since 2005(http://WWW.NIGHTBRA.COM)). During these years it has received several international awards at both the technical and business innovation. There is evidence of everything said in the relevant official records and in various media.
Perceptible
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 11:34 am: [report]
Why are wrinkles cute on dogs, but not on women? Why can’t we just age and be proud of what we’ve done along the way? Why are wrinkles like a medical condition to be prevented and “fixed?” Imagine a world where getting older and the badge of wrinkles were something to respect and be proud of, instead of something to hide and be ashamed of.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]
i dont care what the tag says, im buying one of these for my gf and telling her to wear it instead of a bra under her clothes. i heart visible nipples…
bluejeansandpearls
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 11:53 pm: [report]
you mean this thing’s not a bra? <looks down shirt> CRAP!
bluejeansandpearls
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 11:55 pm: [report]
<shrugs> oh well… it’s comfy!
AnitaBath
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 12:14 am: [report]
I know a lot of girls who just keep their cell phone in their cleavage since they never wear anything with pockets. I wonder if that’s the same thing?
karlyrana
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 07:00 pm: [report]
I thought it WAS a bra lol. YEARS ago they made “cupless” bra’s that you would er…pull them through…the whole basis was to add inches, which they did! I’m surprised they aren’t all the rage again.
Be happy if your on the smaller size…try finding something “Pretty” in a 42 D…It ain’t happenin’ =0/
Fiend
wrote on November 8 2009 @ 05:55 pm: [report]
Because heaven knows that every woman’s main priority should be tit wrinkles. None of this “financial stability”, “career” or “family” rubbish. Protect your boobies!
txninmn
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
@anitabath - now, if they’d just combine this contraption with a pocket… : )
I’ve never been one using my cleavage as, well, a pocket. I can’t imagine it would be comfortable to have my blackberry in there - maybe back in the days of tiny phones.
Now I’m paranoid about how things look in that area, besides the fact that I’m so pale that I practically glow in the dark ; ) Off to go check whether I should worried…