Would You Wear White To Someone Else’s Wedding?
Posted by: Catherine Strawn
Filed in:
style
10:00AM, Saturday April 4th 2009
Spring is here, which means many of us will be spending all of our weekends for the next four to five months going to wedding after wedding after wedding. When you’re an adult, weddings are closest thing to high school proms or homecoming dances. Unless you’re a socialite who attends charity balls on a regular basis, weddings are one of the only times we get to put on a pretty dress and go dancing! But what to wear? Over on Fashionista, commenters are going wild discussing whether female guests can wear white. It’s long been a rule that no one but the bride should wear that color, however, some schools of thought say that rule is no longer relevant. Keep reading to hear what Peggy Post of the Emily Post Institute, along with various wedding authorities, has to say about wearing white when it’s not your wedding.
We think there are too many factors to consider to give a solid yes or no. If the person whose wedding you’re attending is a real stickler for tradition, then it might piss them off if you wear a dress in a matching shade. However, if they’re a modern woman and your dress doesn’t resemble a wedding dress in the least bit, then go ahead and wear white. Just know the bride’s grandma is probably going to be talking about you at the bridal party brunch the following day.
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Kiri Anne
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
My mother-in-law wore a new, different white dress to each wedding of her four sons. It’s super horrible. But The Knot pretty much describes her: ‘It’s really, really not polite.’ Glad I’m not the only one who refers to her as ‘It’.
VannaMarie
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
Kiri Anne - the last sentence of your comment struck me as completely hilarious! Thanks for brightening my morning…
Alecia Stephens
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
I usually always steer clear of white when I attend weddings unless it’s an accent color.
Also, make sure you know what the brides colors are so you don’t show up in a dress the same color as the bridesmaids dresses. I was attending a friend’s beach wedding and had a cute strapless fuchsia pink number. What I didn’t know was that the bridesmaid’s dresses were also strapless fuchsia pink. Found that out the day of the wedding and it was out of town and I hadn’t brought a back-up. Luckily, a friend brought another dress that fit so I was saved from a major fashion faux-pas.
wild-ting
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]
I never have and never would. Once I was working with a woman who said she was going to a friends wedding. She described to me the WHITE dress she was going to wear—tea length and frilly, and white flowers in her hair. I told her it is customary for only the bride to wear white at the wedding. She scowled and said that’s stupid, “I’ve never heard of that.” I explained to her that it is rude or not nice to call attention away from the bride. The bride should be the only luminous vision at the wedding. She didn’t believe me. She talked to others, then was convinced to wear something else. *rolled eyes*
lalaland
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 03:58 pm: [report]
I think it is extremely inconsiderate to wear white to someone’s wedding. There are tons of other colors our there, pick one of those and don’t steal the brides thunder.
develange
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
If I ever have a wedding, I hope to not wear white, though I DO hope no one wears the same color or style dress as me. Some people are just douches and shouldn’t be invited to weddings in the first place.
Backliteyes
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 04:41 pm: [report]
Even if the bride doesn’t mind someone wearing white, chances are plenty of other people there will get the impression that you’re that chick that just can’t stand not trying to steal the spotlight. And no one thinks that’s attractive, especially any single guys there. So really, do you want to give that impression?
eden
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 06:49 pm: [report]
I think pale colours are fine and some things might be appropriate… I have a white 1950s style a-line dress with black embroidery all over it. It would work if you had nothing else, but you just don’t do it. It might be silly and outdated, but how many people really have white formal wear that isn’t their bridal gown? (Most men exempt, obvi.)
vanya
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]
What if the bride isn’t wearing white?
Sofjna
wrote on April 5 2009 @ 12:18 am: [report]
My friend wore an ivory colored lace gown, and had all of her bridesmaids in white. IF I ever get married, I plan on wearing red or gold. I think that should stand out.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 5 2009 @ 12:56 am: [report]
@Sofjna: That makes me feel good. If I wed publicly I’d like to wear something different too.
Lynn
wrote on April 5 2009 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
I say, why risk it? Even if you think the bride will be OK with it, it’s not like there aren’t a gazillion other dresses out there in other colors.
fallonthecity
wrote on April 5 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]
I don’t know why anyone would *want* to wear white to someone else’s wedding. It’s no big deal to drag another color dress out of the closet.
cphillis07
wrote on April 5 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]
I don’t even own a white dress. Crisis avoided.
Chelle
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 03:43 am: [report]
I’ve also heard that it’s rude to wear black because that’s the color people wear to funerals. That it’s like saying that the people’s wedding is a grim occasion. Is that true?
vanya
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 06:22 am: [report]
That used to be true. But black is a very common colour for guests to wear now, particularly for evening cocktail receptions. At least where I live.
The last wedding my husband and I attended, all 9 of the bridesmaids wore black gowns. The bride, who is from India, wore red.
Black is not a traditional funeral colour in other cultures - white is the traditional funeral colour in many Asian countries - so as our society becomes more & more multicultural, some of these traditions will fade away, I think.
In that same vein, white is not a traditional bridal colour in many countries, either.
fricative
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 09:00 am: [report]
Except not every bride wants to wear white. Furthermore, the “tradition” of The White Bride Costume has nothing to do with “purity”. Go look it up.
AgentBeryllium
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]
I always found wearing black with a Widow’s veil very appropriate. (snark)
Erica@African-AmericanBrides.com
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 08:20 am: [report]
LOL!
I’m not even saying it’s wrong. But, it’s just such a hokey thing to do. Lots of things that aren’t necessarily wrong are still in poor taste and at the end of the day that’s what separates the classy from the rest.
Honestly, if there’s even a chance of offending the bride or her family WHY in the world would you go ahead and wear a white dress as if you have no other options? Unless it’s the only dress in your wardrobe, there really is no excuse.
Erica
http://blog.African-AmericanBrides.com
http://twitter.com/cosmicgirlndc
mear66
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]
My MIL almost did this to me…She had asked me what color dress to get, and I told her a dusty mauve would be perfect. The wedding was in October, and my mom was wearing dark purple. I even told her I would take her out, and in my mind, resigned myself to buying the dress if I had to. (My MIL was on SS and a tight budget.) She brought the pair of shoes out that she wore to her daughter’s wedding…they were a deep pink. I told her she could buy a dress that color and save money on a new pair of shoes. My fiance called me a few days later at work announcing that his mom got her dress. I asked what color it was, and he said it was WHITE! It was all I could do to not lose it right there! I stopped there on the way home from work…it was a white two-piece suit. I said nothing then, but when I spoke with him later, I let him have it. He thought I was being selfish, said his mom was sick and wasn’t feeling well when shopping. (His sister took her, and clearly, she has no taste, either.) He also said they did find a dress in the right color, but it was “too plain.” Uh, no, this white suit was probably on summer clearance, that is why they bought it! There almost wasn’t a wedding b/c my fiance kept supporting his mom. I finally got the priest involved, who was a close friend of my fiance. He explained to my fiance that it was disrespectful for his mother to wear white, and that she needed to get something else. She ended up buying a pale pink suit, and wore those blasted deep pink shoes with it! Major fashion faux pas, but it wasn’t my mom, so I wasn’t worried about it. At least my MIL did get to wear the white suit…she wore it at her funeral.
Frisky Frolic
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 04:20 am: [report]
My poor dear old Mother-in-law, who was a raging egomaniac / slash / insecure attention-seeker, not only wore a WHITE dress ... a puffy guazey white dress at that ... to her oldest daughter’s wedding ... But ... She also had a HUGE blow-up picture made of her in that white dress, ( with her husband, the father of the bride , in a formal suit with a WHITE flower on ).
The photo of HER was taken right outside the church where her daughter was married, and it was blown up to 20 x 26 “, and put in a great big frame, and hung prominently in her own house - and left it there forever !
The photo of the bride and groom - her daughter and new son-in-law - was much smaller, and was hung not-so-prominently !
Her daughter not only wore white to my own wedding reception, but she wore WHITE CLAMDIGGERS ! .. Or pedal pushers, or capris, or whatever you want to call them. Not fancy ones either, just plain white knee-length pants and a t-shirt! It wasn’t super-formal, but, then again, it wasn’t so informal that those didn’t stand out! ... That was long ago enough that EVERY girl and woman there wore dresses ... everyone except her! ...
Family - You gotta laugh !
BlueVibe
wrote on July 6 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]
There’s no way I’d wear white to a wedding. I really don’t understand how people who AREN’T the bride can go so nuts about getting attention at someone else’s wedding!
I think the black rule has mostly been relaxed but I wouldn’t wear black to a wedding, either. I’m definitely not old enough to get away with it, and it would still be frowned-upon in my area. (Black is my favorite color.)
I’m not for wearing stuff I hate to weddings, either, but I definitely don’t think that they’re the right venue for showing off. Wear something you like but that isn’t too eye-catching.