Would You Tell Your BFF If You Slept With Her Ex?

tabby
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]

I’m with you. If it was some random and not-serious relationship that was a long time ago, that is fine. If it was someone that you bff was in love with, then they are off limits unless or until you decide that you don’t want to be her best friend anymore. Your best friend is supposed to be on your side, not screwing the guy who broke your heart behind your back.

OutOfLine
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:09 am: [report]

That is really, really not ok.  I definitely think that this girl’s choice is between keeping her friend, and dating the ex.  I know i would feel betrayed to a level i had never felt betrayed before if a friend did this to me.

Kiki T
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]

No the universal rule is exes are eunuchs to all friends.

spatula
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]

Well, it’s definitely not okay to sleep with him behind your friend’s back, and while she still has feelings for him, but I kind of think that’s the only thing that’s not okay about it.  As long as the friend no longer has feelings for the ex (which she obviously dd in this case), I don’t see why I can never date a guy just because a friend did in the past. That seems like a very high school mentality to me. ..we’re all adults now, people fall in and out of love and move on, no one has a permanent claim on someone just because they used to be together and aren’t anymore.

bethlynn00
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:24 am: [report]

Seriously, if she feels bad even bringing up the topic with her best friend, then that is a BIG sign that obviously this is a BAD decision!  Her and this guy are real a**holes if you ask me, it’s only been 6 months and they were together for 5 years! It doesn’t matter that she thought “they were never ideally suited”. BI*CH PLEASE! That doesn’t change the fact that they were together for 5 years! Now because you had a one night stand and THINK you could turn it into a relationship, 5 years means nothing? What is she smoking? It sounds like he was just trying to get some, she was there and he took advantage, and I doubt it would ever be more than that. She seriously crossed a line and is wrong. You just don’t do something like that to someone who is suppose to be your friend.  I don’t ordinarily condone violence, but if I was her friend and she told me that I would have to bi*ch slap her a**! Nobody is that forgiving. What a horrible, horrible friend and what horrible, horrible advice, these people suck!

lea322
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]

@spatula: I tend to agree with you. I think as a general rule you shouldn’t go looking to get involved with friends ex’s, but I’ve seen it done before where it’s worked out really well for everyone involved. There should definitely be some real space between the end of the friend’s relationship and the beginning of the new one, and there needs to be a LOT of honesty, but I don’t see why it can never work. I also think that unless you and the ex really see it becoming a long term relationship, there’s no point. If you’re just going to hook up a few times, I think that would hurt your friend more.

amandabear
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]

If one of my friends slept with my ex, she would be dead to me. Scorched earth, no contact, voodoo hex dead to me. This is not okay at all, unless she wants to lose her best friend - who, I think, would be better off without her if this is how their friendship works.

whatshesays
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]

aaahhhhhhh, so wrong. I think each situation is subjective and if you give your best friend the go-ahead (which they should OBVIOUSLY ask for) then it’s fine. But I doubt the goahead would ever be given in this situation. Awful!

brandyalexander
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]

@ Spatula:  I’m with you.  I don’t think its neccesarily forbidden, but its sensitive.  The writer needs to have a long talk with her friend.  It should have been before she slept with this guy, but the damage is already done.  Ideally, this wouldn’t have happened, at least not until the friend was over this guy and under another, but, it is what it is.  So, damage control is in order.
I do think that this guy sounds like a major player, though, and would have advised the writer to stay clear of him in the first place.

Jitterbugs232
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]

This is strict girl code, exes are off limits..I would be so hurt if my “best friend” hooked up with my man no matter if I was with him or not.

Kate2009
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

I don’t think any amount of damage control could fix this.  She needs to cut off contact with the guy, and never EVER tell her friend about it.

equnsuocha
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:00 am: [report]

In high school when my first love started dating one of my best friends after we broke up I was expected to “get over it”.  This was a first love.  I think if we are adults this simply shouldnt be an issue.  The tricky part is if they are just hooking up then why tell her at all?  But then if it develops into a long term relationship, then you have to tell her and then the “well how long has this been going on?” fight ensues.  Really love is so hard to come by, why would you be mad at a friend for falling in love with someone just because it was someone you used to date?  Even if it were for 5 years, he left her so it wasnt right.  Would she have rather he stayed married her and then left her?  I don’t know I think grown ups should behave as so.  I know it is painful but if you cant handle it then dont be friends but getting mad and wasting that energy is just childish to me.

lawyrgrl
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]

Please.  She damn well knows the answer to her “question.”  The only reason people ask things like this is to find one shred of something to justify their behaviour.

unbounded
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

Ugh, this situation makes me feel sick to my stomach, really.  The letter writer is making tons of excuses (no one thought they were right together, and SHE wasn’t surprised that the guy didn’t love her friend enough to marry her?! WTF?) and I suspect she had been harboring this crush for a long time, and jumped at the opportunity to sleep with the guy.

Yuck.  Time is the only thing that could ever make this better - and it seems unlikely these two would end up in a serious relationship based on a one-night stand.  I’m actually not sure which would be worse - just hooking up with him a couple of times or jumping right into boyfriend-girlfriend territory.  When the friend is still hurting over a lost love that she thought would end in marriage, finding out that her ex has seemingly found lasting happiness with her best friend might be more hurtful than a brief fling. 

Either way, the letter writer has lost a friend.

Kati-Anne
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

So, slightly off topic, but be and my friends were talking about this the other day… men seem to have a tendency of going after the close friends of a woman they were just in a relationship with. I would say, over the last 5 years I’ve had about 6 guys who have dated my best friends pursue me within 2-3 months after the relationship they had with my friend was over. My girl friends seem to have similar experiences. I’m almost certain I’ve never gone after the best friend of a guy I was involved with. Anyways, just an observation.

SouthOC
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]

When will people realize that the SO’s friends and sisters / brothers are off limits?  These are ultimate betrayals.

sparklestar
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:22 am: [report]

You don’t do this.

freepeople1986
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:24 am: [report]

I’m with Spatula, Lea, and Brandy on this. And sidenote: “Girl Code.”  What is that?  Is that adapted from “The Hills” or something?  There are no set rules for friendships. 

Though in this case, I’d have to say, that was a pretty bonehead move. 

The way I see it is that #&@$% happens.  The people I choose to be friends with aren’t downright evil.  I don’t think they do things purposely to hurt me. I would never tell a friend whom she could or couldn’t date.  I would sincerely hope she didn’t go after a man that hurt be horribly, if not because of me then for the sheer reason that he was a giant #&@$% and he’d probably be capable of doing the same thing to her.

I would not stand in the way of two people that truly wanted to be together, no matter how much it hurt me.  I just would not.

spatula
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]

@brandyalexander: Exactly! Not forbidden, but sensitive…i like that.

Mint
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

It’s not like the girl was looking to get into bed with the guy. What if that guy would really compliment her as a person and she’s suppose to give up that chance just because her friend met the guy first. Obviously the friend and her ex didn’t work out because of compatibility issues and not because he was an ass to her. He was honest and realized he didn’t want to marry her because he didn’t love her enough.

I’d still tell my friend, but I wouldn’t end it just because she wants me to. It may sound not loyal, but I wouldn’t give up a chance on having a great relationship over a friend who can’t get over an ex. If she’s the type of girl to chase her friends ex’s it would be a different scenario, but just seems her and the man really like each other. Adults know love and attraction is much more complicated. Just because her friend met her ex first, doesn’t make him hers for life. Sorry… seems immature.

Riley
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:42 am: [report]

I can’t say that I wouldn’t be angry; but some people are better together than others, and if they are both happy together it would be selfish to make a huge deal out of it.  It would still hurt.

The casual sex aspect of it would probably cause a rift in the friendship.

lovelie
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]

I don’t think this is a matter “girl code” as much as it is a matter of human decency.  I have a really hard time excusing this by simply categorizing it as falling in love with someone is something you can’t help.  That may be true, but acting on it is an entirely different scenario.  We all make choices, and if the writer even had to ask herself if this type of behavior is ok, then she already knows her answer.  I think this is definitely one of the situations where you have to consult your own feelings on the matter, would you be ok if it was the other way around?  Even if you cannot find a rational reason why you would be angry that your bf is dating your ex, the fact that it would bother you should be enough for your bf to use discretion. I think it shows a serious lack of compassion to put your own pursuit of love/happiness at the expense of your friends well being.

LilMissSunshine
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]

Why does she want her friend’s sloppy seconds?

Perceptible
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 12:07 pm: [report]

That’s not a friend. Either give up the man or give up the friend. You can’t have both. Have a little self control. Sheesh.

BlueVibe
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 12:28 pm: [report]

No way would I have touched this guy. 

It took me longer than six months to get over a guy whom I wasn’t nearly in love with enough to marry, so I imagine this woman’ BFF was in a much worse state than I would have been after the same amount of time.  No way would I think it was OK to sleep with her ex.

How can you do this to somebody and still consider yourself her BFF?  My BFF would kick my 4ss if I did such a thing to her, and rightly.

Gingee
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 01:15 pm: [report]

What should she do?  Buck up and shut up if it’s a one time thing.

It is my belief that the Best Friend Forever has no claim upon her ex; there is this thing called freedom of association.  He no longer wants her, he’s free to do was he wishes.

So he had a one-nighter with the other gal.  NO need to confess/brag or for that matter, to tell anyone else about it.

“If he were any other man, we’d be dating by now.” That says it all.  They used each other for some mutual pleasure, it’s over, move on.

ootie
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]

ugh, what a horrible friend.  it isn’t about her best friend having a “claim” on him—its about not being an insensitive bitch.  your best friend is the person whose shoulder you cry on when you go through a breakup…you should never have to worry that she’s going to turn around and make a move on the guy you dated for 5 years and wanted to marry. obviously, she already did it and can’t take it back, but considering a potential future with him at this point is just wrong. if i were her, i would tell the guy that it was a one-time thing and a huge mistake, and then never contact him again. telling her friend probably wouldn’t help her situation at all, although it might be good for her “best friend” to realize how vile she is.

C.Munro
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 02:36 pm: [report]

I am even less forgiving than Wendy on this subject, but then again, it wouldn’t surprise me if guys were in general more territorial about their sexual partners. 

In my view, there are few people less attractive than a girl who has slept with one of my friends.  My friends exes might as well be dudes for all I care.  They are off-limits. 

If one of my friends were to sleep with one of my exes, I would (1) kick his ass, and (2) end the friendship right then and there.  This “bro code” or whatever you want to call it isn’t about having a claim on someone else, though.  It’s about solidarity in friendship.  It’s knowing that your friends stand behind you, and they show this in part by not giving your exes the time of day.

JLSGirl23
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 04:41 pm: [report]

Sorry, but I have to agree with everyone saying it’s completely wrong.  This is an absolute no-no in my book.  I know of three people who were in a similar situation with this who worked together- the couple broke up (not because of compatibility issues- they went through a tragic loss), they had been living together, engaged and pregnant and together for 10 months- but on and off for 4 years; the best friend helped them a lot with their relationship and was one of their biggest supporters.  Then, less than a year after the couple broke up, the best friend and the guy started sleeping together and became friends with benefits- which only lasted about a year, before they broke up.  Now, the two girls are no longer friends.  And, the guy’s friendship with the former best friend (all 3 of them had been best friends for years) is non-existent for many reasons.  The couple that broke up is still best friends (as they’d always been, since way before they started dating), though.  And, the former best friend is now in a relationship with someone else she works with.  Having seen how the whole thing turned out for all involved in the end, I would never forgive a friend for doing this to me.  She’d be completely dead to me and out of my life in a flash.

Oreo
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 06:46 pm: [report]

This is female chauvinism disguised as “girl code.”

Your sex life is none of your BFF’s business.

Her ex-boyfriend’s sex life is none of her business either.

Frankly, if I were in a relationship with someone who was upset that someone slept with their ex, I would absolutely question whether or not it were a relationship worth taking seriously.

Worry about your own life and focus on the present.

C.Munro
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 07:12 pm: [report]

@Oreo: That’s a pretty narcissistic way of looking at things.  One’s actions can have a profound effect on others, whether it’s “any of their business” or not.  To not recognize that and tread carefully out of respect for those you supposedly care about is the height of selfishness in my view.

Oreo
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 07:32 pm: [report]

I think it’s far more selfish and narcissistic to expect that you have the right to limit your friend’s chances at finding love, a relationship and/or the sex life of their choice because of petty jealousy.

Real friends do not hold their friends as sexual hostages for the sake of their own ego.  I can understand this sort of thing coming from a high school girl, but when you reach adulthood, it’s time to grow up.

spanishdoll
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 08:02 pm: [report]

@Oreo: Are you saying it’s unreasonable for this woman’s best friend to be hurt by this situation? That if your best friend in the world slept with your (very recent) ex behind your back you would pat them on the back? I see that you could make a case for the woman *eventually* being able to date this man if she thought they were well-suited, but only after six months, really?!

I dunno, I see myself as pretty rational and forgiving, but I have a big-time problem with this situation. Recently my BFF started dating one of my long-time crushes. A minor hurt in comparison, it still took me an entire summer to be able to let go of the feeling of betrayal and move on completely. If I had actually dated the guy, our friendship would probably be over.

Oreo
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 09:51 pm: [report]

The hurt feelings in this situation seem to be ego.

Is it “reasonable” to be hurt?  Perhaps, but part of being an adult is coming to terms with the fact that you don’t always get what you want, and sometimes, other people get what you want.

I find it to be very unreasonable to tell someone how to conduct their love and/or sex life, especially if you call that person a “friend.”  The ex is not her man, and the girl who is seeing the ex is not her daughter.  It’s none of her business.  Once again, part of being an adult is swallowing your pride and accepting that things don’t always go your way.

A true friend doesn’t owe an explanation for their choice of a partner, and a true friend wouldn’t expect one.  This is nonsense posturing.  We, as a society, accept this posturing and childishness.  As for myself, I won’t allow my mother to dictate my romantic relationships let alone a “friend.”

ootie
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:15 pm: [report]

@Oreo: She says clearly in her letter that she knows her best friend would be devastated by her actions. One of the principle things about a best friend relationship is that you both trust that one would never knowingly do something that would hurt the other one terribly. If you don’t have that, what kind of friendship is it? Its true, that as an adult, things don’t always go your way, you’ll get hurt, and you’ll have to suck it up and move on. But your best friend shouldn’t be the one doing the hurting.

AnitaBath
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]

@Oreo: I’m almost aghast at your reasoning. Are your friend’s husbands and current boyfriends not off limits to you? I know that’s kind of taking things to extremes and maybe being unreasonable, but it’s like you’re saying that anyone is free game and no one should stand in the way of “true happiness” for said individual who thinks it’s okay to date and mess around with her best friend’s serious ex.

I know that I really care about my friends feelings and emotions, and I realize that dating/messing around with one of their exes would hurt them. Why would I want to go after the one “forbidden” guy when there are plenty of other guys I could go after that wouldn’t ruin a valued friendship and crush my friend? Not to mention, double dates would be hella awkward.

bjoontheupside
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:26 pm: [report]

I was really good friends with a girl I met while I was married. She was the fiancee of my ex-husband’s best friend. While I was married, she and I weren’t close, but occasionally did things together. After my divorce, we became closer and soon she confided in me that she always “kind of” had a crush on my ex-husband. She told me this after being accused by my ex of trying to seduce him. She said that she did no such thing and at the time I believed her because my ex was trying to break her and his best friend up. Of course it was no secret that she had cheated multiple times on her fiance, but obviously, he wasn’t ready to let her go and forgave her. I do have to wonder now though whether or not there was some truth to her trying to seduce my ex. He wouldn’t have been the first friend of her fiance’s to sleep with. We’re not friends anymore so who knows.

retro chic
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:03 pm: [report]

What’s will all the laundered “Other Woman”-type stories again. First it’s “I was the Other Woman – Should I Tell?” Than it’s “How To Be The Other Woman,” making the rounds to “Dating Don’ts: What You Should Know If You Insist On Being The Other Woman.” I’d say they’re “recycled,” but that presumes a practice that’s good for the planet, and that would really be stretching it. This is neither entertaining, provocative nor helpful on a site that claims to uplift women. Please TF, I know you can do better.

painted_lady
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 12:15 am: [report]

I think it’s crappy timing, I think, depending on the friend, there’s a good chance she won’t be able to forgive them, but it sort of depends on details this girl isn’t giving or isn’t in a position to give.

I have a good friend who had this tendency for the longest time to develop spontaneous crushes on whatever guy I was dating at the moment: I started dating a guy we worked with, and she and the guy randomly started doing lunch together one day a week, I dated a guy who worked at Starbucks, and she started showing up at the store he worked at although it was way out of her way.  It was never, ever intentional; one of the guys freaked out on her and pointed it out, and she spent maybe a month apologizing to both of us for letting it get so out of hand.  I’m sure many girls on here can identify with a phenomenon like that, and this girl may be the type, in which case, while it’s shady, the friend had to anticipate something along those lines.  And the writer probably has no idea if that’s what she’s really doing.

And, same girl, different situation, my friend was crazy about this guy we both knew and had been for years.  He’s a douche and sort of incapable of a relationship, and I was in no way interested until we got drunk together one night and had some really terrible drunken sex. Of course I felt awful and ‘fessed up.  My friend was, of course, really hurt and angry because while she hadn’t dated him, the feelings were still there.

Ultimately, while the situations aren’t the same exactly, they’re similar enough that, if the friendship’s worth it, both women will decide what they can live with.  I forgave my friend when she realized she’d been trying to steal away boyfriends of mine because it wasn’t malicious and it was also part of the package deal of being her friend.  She forgave me when I slept with the guy she was in love with because s*%t happens, and she wasn’t about to let half an hour of ill-advised, stupid drunk sex screw up our entire friendship.

No one meant to hurt anyone in this situation, and depending on the friend’s reaction, maybe she’ll learn her lesson.  I know I sure as hell did.

og217
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:05 am: [report]

That is a horrible thing to do, and the pathetic excuses - oh, i never thought they were well suited, oh, HE AND I have this amazing chemistry, bla bla bla - just make it clear that this is a weak woman with low self esteem and zero loyalty who is also a complete skank.  The good news is that this will of course get out, she will be ostracized by everyone she knows, and the guy will go on to date other women now that he got the little fantasy of “screw my girl’s best friend to prove how irresistible I am” out of his system.  This is “burn in hell” kind of betrayal and I do hope that everyone turns away from this woman.

hlnbabe
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]

we have this friend, who has gotten herself a real catch. he’s handsome, smart, and a real kind soul. we are all absolutely smitten with him. we also know they probably won’t last because horrible as it is to say, they also are not particularly well suited.

regardless, we’ve all discussed this many times about how much it sucks that when they break up (seriously, they will) we can’t touch him.

that’s right, we all want to, but we all know we can’t.

there is no “one”, there are plenty of people to match you. why go for someone so close to home?

draymond
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]

As to what advice I would give the woman who wrote to the Daily Mail it would be this…

She has a choice to make.  If her fling with her BFF’s ex was a one-time terrible lapse of judgement that isn’t going to happen again then there is nothing to be accomplished from telling the BFF other than causing a lot of pain.  So the best thing to do is to shut up, at a minimum until the BFF has found a new love.  The telling should emphasize that it was a one-night mistake after they had broken up.

On the other hand:  If she realizes that this isn’t going to stop at a one night mistake then the advice is the opposite.  She must apologize to her BFF about this herself before the BFF has a chance to get a hint about it from anybody else.  And I emphasize apologize.  In fact I would recommend leading with the apologies—multiple apologies.  Tell her you regret what happened. Tell her you never wanted to cause her any pain.  Tell her how much you value your friendship, then repeat.  By this point in time the BFF will be thinking “What the f**k could she have done?....oh”.  Keep up with the apoligies until she asks what you did.  By then she will have braced herself for the bad news.

Then either three things will happen.  She will forgive you right away.  She will forgive you eventually.  Or she will never forgive you.  But if you let her hear about it from somebody else only the third thing is possible.

majicksand
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]

It comes down to a choice: The friendship or the guy.

Oreo
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]

Once the person is an ex, “betrayal” is not even an issue.  If you’re with them, they’re off limits.  If you’re not, they’re fair game.  If you don’t like it, either grow up and deal with it or hit the road.  No friendship is worth handing over that kind of control.

Hurt feelings and a bruised ego are two completely different things, and far too many mistake the latter for the former.  If my friendship means so little to someone that it could be effected by dating someone that they’re not in a relationship with, the friendship is a waste of time to begin with.  Real friends do not emotionally blackmail.

MuchoMacho
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:44 pm: [report]

@oreo - disagree.  you can breakup with someone and still have romantic feelings for them.  if one of my friends moved in on a girl i had been in a serious relationship with, wed have an issue.  maybe im too emo…

Oreo
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 06:58 pm: [report]

It’s not that I don’t see where you all are coming from.  I get it.  I simply disagree that it is fair to react in a negative manner to someone you call a friend because they are involved with someone who you don’t approve of.

I wouldn’t turn down a good job offer if they turned down or fired my best friend.

Now, you can claim that this is apples and oranges, but it really isn’t.  Lots of people love their jobs.  Some even love their jobs more than they love anyone of the opposite (or same) sex.

At what point are you allowed to lead your own life?  At what point to people mature enough to handle disappointment and heartbreak like an adult instead of a soap opera or a high school child (You BETRAYED me?  Please!)

The idea that someone is “off limits” or “out of bounds” is ridiculous.  I could maybe understand this if the man hit the BFF in their relationship or ran away with the joint bank account or did some other horrible act, but if it’s just a simple case of two people not being right for each other, grow up, learn from the experience and move on…and allow your BFF to do the same without your mother-in-law quality guilt trip.

Kates0622
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 12:59 am: [report]

there are too many men out in the world to be dating your friends exs.  There is no excuse for it.

draymond
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 03:54 am: [report]

@Oreo I would guess that in a strictly ‘legal’ standpoint the BFF’s ex-boyfriend isn’t actually ‘taken’ so there was no ‘betrayal’.  But only a great insensitive clod could ignore the obvious confusion and pain this was going to cause their best friend.  Recall that it was a break-up from a FIVE YEAR relationship that occured only SIX MONTHS ago and from which she was ‘heartbroken’  That this would cause her best friend a great deal of renewed heartbreak is unavoidably obvious.  Nobody could reasonably act like they were clueless to that consequence when they went ahead and had sex.

Kimie
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]

My best friend of 30 years told me that my sweetie of 15 years would make moves on her, but only when I wasn’t looking. She said the reason she never told me was because “it really was nothing!”
If it really was “nothing” why bother saying anyting?

VX967
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]

@Oreo is RIGHT!!!  Go for it get great sex and enjoy the moment.  This is not some romance novel/drama were the people waste 20 years pining for each other but the ghost of relationship passed is in the room. 
  You must go for your own self interest!! 
The anti happiness writers are coming off their own fears not what THEY would actually do.

PrincessThunderKitty
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]

Life happens people. In this situation the BFF was wrong and out of line, only because she knew her friend would be hurt and that this was actually only a one night stand. The sex was incredible only because of the forbidden aspect surrounding it.

However, lets say more time has passed and your friend has moved on and says she is over him. Now to play devil’s advocate. Lets say you run into this guy again. No sex or anything but you genuinely have a conversation and catch up. You become friends with this guy and you realize you have a lot in common, you start to like each other and realize that you really love each other and want to be together. You tell your BFF and she is angry. Now mind you, she said she was over him and has moved on to another relatioship. Do you forgo your happiness to honor the friendship? Do you let go of love and start over with someone else you don’t feel the same about simply because your BFF is trying to enforce the don’t date the ex rule? That as “Oreo” put it, is emotional black mail and childish. Does the “don’t date my ex rule”, override the “I want my friend to be happy also maxim”? Keep in mind they broke up because he was man enough to admit that he didn’t love her enough to marry her and after 5 years you should either piss or get off the pot. Whose being the bad BFF now? Everyone’s point on here is valid in some form or other. Dating a BFF’s ex is tacky in most situations(but it is legal), but in this situation if my friend found true happiness and love with my ex then I would be happy for them. Love and relationships shouldn’t be based on rules people but based on what is rational and what makes sense at the given time. No one, BFF or not, can dictate whom you can or cannot date. You can be pissed and upset, and you can always remove yourself from the situation but you can’t dictate someone else’s life.