Would You Marry A Man Who Is Morbidly Obese?
Posted by: Susannah Breslin
Filed in:
relationships
8:30AM, Monday October 5th 2009
Yesterday, I came across a wedding story in the Washington Post that caught my eye: “In the End It’s a Fairy Tale.” Who doesn’t like a happy ending? It was the wedding story of interior designer Kerilyn Fox, 34, and chef Peter Russo, 38. The bride describes their path to the altar as “part fairy tale, part ‘Jerry Springer’ episode.” They were together; they broke up. He proposed; she turned him down. She moved in with another man; finally, she left the other man for Russo. Fox says they were “meant to be,” adding, “In the end it’s a fairy tale. I’m marrying the man of my dreams.” The story is accompanied by a photo slide show, and while they seem like a happy, well-matched couple, I couldn’t help but notice Russo looks to be morbidly obese. That got me wondering: Would you marry the man of your dreams ... if he was obese? Put your thoughts in the comments.
NOTE: The Washington Post requested that we take down the photo. So we did.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
verynervous
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 07:37 am: [report]
If you wouldn’t marry the man of your dreams because he was obese, then he isn’t the man of your dreams.
treehugr
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 07:56 am: [report]
@verynervous - well said. i wouldn’t date someone who is morbidly obese, therefore it would never reach the point where i’d begin thinking he’s the man of my dreams in the first place. i’m a health nut, so im looking for a partner with a compatible lifestyle to mine.
SamL
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:08 am: [report]
@verynervous & @treehugr. I guess you girls have nailed it right off. The man of MY dreams is not morbidly obese, ergo, I wouldn’t marry a morbidly obese man.
In answer to the title question; the answer is no!
_jsw_
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:20 am: [report]
I wouldn’t. Although, to be honest, the fact that he was morbidly obese would matter less to me than the fact that he was a man.
writergirl
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:24 am: [report]
Well, on the flip side of that argument, she doesn’t appear to be a size 2, so they are probably well matched and look very happy.
_jsw_
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:32 am: [report]
@writergirl: “they… look very happy.”
Indeed, and that’s what matters.
BlueVibe
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:39 am: [report]
Hmm. Debatable.
Is he morbidly obese and shows no intention of doing anything about it? Or is he morbidly obese and concerned about changing it?
My boyfriend smokes. Not a turn-on. He knows I don’t like it and he never smokes around me. He was already cutting back a lot when I met him, and has committed to quitting. I wouldn’t want to make any permanent plans with a smoker who had no intention of quitting, but I’ll definitely give a guy a chance if he’s already made steps toward giving up the coffin-nails.
I’m no health nut, but I don’t think I pay attention to it enough that anyone who was *that* unconcerned about the health implications of that kind of extra weight, would be pretty much incompatible anyway. I definitely don’t expect a guy to be whippet-thin and ripped, and I know that working around food and having your job depend on knowing how stuff tastes is a major occupation hazard, but I would have to know that a guy is at least passably concerned about his health.
retro chic
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]
Take away the weight issues – not a very auspicious beginning, period – no matter the appearance of either’s proclaimed happiness, or weight.
The question is unanswerable for me: the man of my dreams would never be obese – morbidly, a little or otherwise.
brandyalexander
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:58 am: [report]
No, never. Look how happy these two are and then consider that he probably won’t live ten years. That’s pretty sad, no matter how happy they are today.
_jsw_
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:59 am: [report]
@retro chic: It would seem that the question is, indeed, answerable for you.
_jsw_
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]
@bethlynn00: I’m sure that obese men have much more of a problem finding women than non-obese men do, all else being equal. Also, there are men who prefer overweight women. I’ll grant, though, that overweight men are less handicapped than overweight women in dating situations.
PinkRanger
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]
Well, this is a toughy…..considering the MAJOR problems that some of my exes have had, it seems petty to think that morbid obesity is the one thing that would be a dealbreaker, but honestly I’m not sure if I can be attracted to someone that is that big, and I don’t need to tell you guys that attraction is really really important. I would definitely marry someone who is overweight if they are perfect for me, but morbidly obese…...I just don’t know. At the end of the day, I would feel guilty for slamming the door in someone’s face over an eating disorder though…...it would be hypocritical, but this is all based on the assumption that he is perfect for me in every other way, so maybe love truly would be blind.
retro chic
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]
@jsw: and I’m glad to hear you wouldn’t either… you always seemed the ladies man… I would be quite hurt.
I know there’s debate about what’s inside a person that counts, but I question what is going on inside that manifests so outwardly in the extreme. Same would be true of any extreme body/health-altering behavior. I appreciate that this couple appears happy for now, but I would like to interview them a year from now (@brandy, you’re generous in your 10-yr assessment). They had a rocky start to begin with. I’d like to know what was going on between them besides a few hundred pounds – the heart of this story. We only have half of it.
whatshesays
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]
@retro chic, verynervous, treehugr- absolutely agreed. I find it difficult to date someone who doesn’t share an exercising-friendly outlook (like the one boyfriend who looked at me in confusion and goes, “why do you even like to run”? then falls asleep on the couch to the Simpsons)
For me, it would be too much of a lifestyle difference to date someone who didn’t want to go on a run or hike or swim with me.
bjoontheupside
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]
I have married an obese man before and it didn’t work out, not due to his obesity though. I will say that I wouldn’t do it again because being with him contributed to me eating more and gaining seventy-five pounds! I’ve gotten forty of it off thus far, but anyone that’s tried losing weight knows it’s tough to do.
Pinky
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
I dunno, but I did think John Candy and John Goodman were sexy .
tigerstripe
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]
This is a tough one, but I would have to say go for it. The guy that I’m dating right now has a pretty big gut, but he’s not quite morbidly obese. I wasn’t all that attracted to him at first, but after getting to know him I find him to be a very handsome guy. My attraction to him involves a lot of other factors besides his physical appearance.
Also, I love the fact that he’s a chef. The saying in my family is that you can’t trust a skinny chef.
sarahprotzman
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 12:51 pm: [report]
@brandyalexander I agree. I kind of hate to admit it, but I agree. I don’t doubt for a minute that obese people can fall in love, get married and be happy—but a healthy partnership it’s not, probably in many ways.
Squidtermz
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 12:52 pm: [report]
What if he gets larger as the relationship goes on? I for one plan on only getting larger as I age. I eat alot, and I cook alot. And my woman loves it! Therefore she should have no complaints once I smash the 300 lb. barrier.
GreenAura
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]
Personally, I am attracted to healthy people. Not health obsessed people, but people that recognize that being healthy is a balance of what you eat, your activity level and your level of stress. Occasional indulgences are great (they certainly help with stress), but on most days you should be eating to fuel your body, not your taste buds. I could not be with a man that didn’t get that.
majicksand
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
I have to agree with most of the other comments. I have friends who are morbidly obese, but I could not be in an intimate relationship with any of them. As much as I love to lay around until 10 or 11 on a Sunday morning, I want someone who is ready, willing, and able to walk down the boardwalk or around the flea market all day when we finally get up. That’s after all the energy we expended in the hour or two before we got out of bed. An obese man would be winded and need a nap before we ever got up.
betty123
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 02:03 pm: [report]
But what if you fell in love with someone and were with them for years and they steadily gained weight and became morbidly obese? Would you then dump them?
retro chic
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 02:42 pm: [report]
@tigerstripe: “Also, I love the fact that he’s a chef. The saying in my family is that you can’t trust a skinny chef.”
I’ve heard that too, and am a grateful beneficiary of said gifts; just shaking my head at the cost for what it is he’s doing to himself in the process.
To refine my perspective: If he’s got underlying/unresolved emotional issues and is masking that, I hope he gives himself the gift of longer life. If he’s happy, great, but what a cost. I give people more credit than that they just like food or can’t “control” themselves. There’s often (but not always) some early trauma or deep insecurity involved that cries out for help, no matter the surface happy face. But in the end – anyone’s individual definition of their own happiness is what I ultimately respect. It’s just that it would not fit with mine.
@betty123: who knows what any of us might do until we’re posed with this or any other life/style-changing situation?
majicksand
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 03:06 pm: [report]
@betty123: That’s actually a really good question. I agree with retro chic in that none of us really knows what we might do until faced with the situation. That said, I would hope that my marriage is physically active enough and emotionally stable enough that it would never get to that point. If it did, I don’t see my husband or myself separating over it. Thankfully, my husband is 41 and his “fat” pants have a 30” waist, so I doubt I have to be too concerned.
geekmother
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 03:46 pm: [report]
Just freakin’ gross. So to have sex with the obese woman, you’re supposed to “roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.” What do you do with this guy?
Eeewwwww.
Anniushka
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 04:21 pm: [report]
The PC instinct is to say, “Of course I would be able to love a man, regardless of his weight!” Love is blind, etc. etc. But honestly, I don’t feel like I could share my life with a morbidly obese man. If a sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits caused his obesity (rather than purely a medical condition), then I think he simply would not have the same values as I do, and even if it was caused by a medical condition, he wouldn’t be physically able to accompany me in activities that stem from my values: hiking, biking, traveling, gardening, hunting for mushrooms in the woods… If he didn’t share my interests, well, the relationship wouldn’t be based on much.
And that’s not even addressing the physical attraction issue, which I agree is something I can’t predict from my current place in life. Although, I highly doubt that I would be able to foster an attraction to someone whose interests and values were not compatible with mine.
kachinapinball
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 08:10 pm: [report]
::sigh::
i don’t suppose there’s a whole lot of point to this, but it needs to be said:
kateharding.net
not all fat people sit around eating donuts all day and never exercising. no, not even the really, really fat ones.
fat is not, it becomes increasingly likely (Yes, this is science people, promise) a symptom of diabetes, heart problems or being among ‘the walking dead’. never exercising and eating crap all the time is all of these things—but if you’re thin, doing them probably won’t make you permanently fat, and if you’re fat, not doing them almost certainly will not make you thin (try 95% of people over 5 years regain the weight they lost and more).
kateharding.net
it’s all there, guys.
Ghirardelli
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 10:09 pm: [report]
If you’re attracted to a person that over weight… Then yes, you would marry him/her. But you wouldn’t be dating if you thought they were a turn off.
fallonthecity
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:01 am: [report]
@kachinapinball: Thanks for saying it. It did need to be said.
Lilypie
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:18 am: [report]
Everyone deserves to be loved. I’m glad this couple found each other and are happy.
To answer the question, if the man in question were perfect for me in every other way, it seems to me that it would be foolish to dismiss a person right off the bat for a fixable physical flaw.
dbaseii
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:56 am: [report]
There are women attracted to all sizes regardless of their own size. I was always attracted to large men… the man I married (and we have been married for 43 years) was the smallest guy I’d dated but he was not small… 5’11 and around 230 lbs. The last guy I’d dated was over 300 lbs and his slim brother got very angry that I was not attracted to him (the slim one).. while his brother couldn’t believe I was attracted to him!
I wish we wouldn’t fret about size or who we are attracted to. I’m not sure we have a choice but slim men have NEVER been a turn on to me… I love a nice big belly and some meat on the bones!
Croutons
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:01 am: [report]
Well I adore my sweety-poo pigbeast to pieces, and I can tell you that all those rolls of lard come in very handy for smuggling Cuban cigars back into the country after our yearly all-you-can-eat Carnival Cruise!
TuffyRox
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:12 am: [report]
Yes - I would and I did and I’ve never been happier.
By the way, I think it was despicable for the author to hijack somebody’s wedding photo for this little exercise in prejudice. How would you like it if someone pulled your wedding photo onto another site and took a poll over whether someone would stoop so low as to marry you?
brandyalexander
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:17 am: [report]
Sure, to each his own. But overweight is a precursor to heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.
I am not saying I couldn’t fall in love with someone who had a great personality and who is overweight, but knowing the facts about weight and health and still not putting in the effort to lose the weight would mean, to me, that this person loved food more than they loved me. If they loved me they would want to make sure they were on this planet as long as possible. Being Overweight Substantially Raises Risk of Cancer
brandyalexander
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_1_1x_Excess_Weight_Linked_to_90000_US_Cancer_Deaths_Annually.asp
Ok, that link didn’t work, try this one.
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:36 am: [report]
@TuffyRox. Hey sweetie, chill. This is a result of a story in the Washington Post ( http://tinyurl.com/yb8ol96 ) about the love affair between Kerilyn Fox and Peter Russo.
They met at an all-you-could-eat crab feast.
It seems perfectly reasonable to ask readers what their views are. The question is NOT would you marry this man/woman…
TuffyRox
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:53 am: [report]
@SamL - don’t call me sweetie. I’m sure you know how patronizing that is.
If the question is purely hypothetical, there’s no need to illustrate it with a real couple’s wedding picture.
But fat people’s feelings don’t count, I guess.
brandyalexander
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:01 am: [report]
@TuffyRox:
Maybe read this site a little before you start commenting on it. There are plenty of pictures of people and questions about them that are not based on weight. Check out the relationship pages. And the celebrity pages. And most of all the style pages. Of course fat people’s feelings count. No one said they didn’t. Its just a question, and you answered it. Yes, you would marry an obese man. Neither I, nor SamL, nor many of the other people on this site would do so.
GreenAura
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
@ kachinapinball: I read your comment like 5 times and I think what you stated was that being fat is a symptom of diabetes? (Please correct me if I’m wrong) If that is what you said, then sorry, but that is completely misguided. Diabetes is a result of overworking your pancreas, no matter if you are fat, skinny, whatever. That is science. And also, the reason why 95% of people gain the weight back is because they don’t make a lifestyle change. Losing weight is just a “side effect” of permanently changing your eating and activity habits. There are definitely bigger people out there who are much healthier than a lot of thinner people, no doubt. But we are talking about the morbidly obese here. Not all of them can blame it on thyroid conditions, Cushings Syndrome or polymorphism. When you are that large, you can most certainly blame it on your lifestyle.
canadiancutie
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:29 am: [report]
I will read the article later, don’t have time now but my initial answer to the headline only is, “F**k no.”
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:36 am: [report]
@TuffyRox I apologise. It was not my intention to patronise you.
I think your comment might be more valid, if it was a random picture of a fat person. But it isn’t. The picture of Kerilyn Fox and Peter Russo is merely illustrative… Without a picture, the answer to the question is; “Depends what you call morbidly obese?”
Or is it the question, rather than the image, you find offensive?
dbaseii
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]
I think what they said was that weight “causes” diabetes which is incorrect. Diabetes type II is caused by genetics and/or age - whichever strikes first. A good lifestyle will delay it however, we will all probably get it if we live long enough even WITH a healthy lifestyle (and I mean good food choices and EXERCISE daily) For example, I know a 110 lb square dancer who is 96 (and still dancing). She was diagnosed with diabetes II, 2 years ago. Genetics can bring it on sooner and about 33 percent of type II diabetics have never been fat. Furthermore, whereas a handful of epidemiological studies have suggested obesity is “deadly” or “illness causing”, just as many epidemiological studies have suggested that it is NOT in and of itself, illness causing. Furthermore there are 9 “obesity paradoxes” i.e. situations where obese people do better than non obese people. (such as after heart surgery etc) Unfortunately, in the public eye, it gets down to that many simply hate fatness for no logical reason other than they think it “looks bad” and so they cover up their prejudice with a veneer of pseudoscience… however the books below and many others tell a very different story about obesity as far as health go. i.e. if you eat fast food, you WILL crap up your arteries and veins whether it makes you fat or not. Don’t you remember how in “SUPERSIZE ME”, the guy never got fat but just one month of eating nothing but McDonald’s had the start of cirrhosis of the liver?
Please see:
Kolata, Gina: RE-THINKING THIN, (NY, 2007)
Campos, Paul: THE OBESITY MYTH, (NY, 2003) or THE DIET MYTH (NY,2005)
Fraser, L., Losing It: America’s Obsession with Weight and the Industry that Feeds on it, 1997, Dutton (New York)
Gaesser, Glenn, PhD:Big Fat Lies, Fawcett (NY, 1996, CA, 2002)
Colles, Lisa: Fat, Exploding the Myths, Carlton (London, 1998)
Pool, Robert: FAT - exploring the obesity epidemic (NY, 2001)
Websites:
Council on Size and Fitness
Obesity science
Blog containing many studies on obesity
TuffyRox
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]
@SamL: I don’t mind the question being asked, although some context would be nice besides “Wow - look at that fat guy. Would you marry someone like him?”
However, if the story must be illustrated, I fail to see how it would be more hurtful to show a photo of a random fat person rather than using(I bet without permission from either the couple or the Washington Post) the wedding photo of a couple who happen to be fat from an article that is not about obesity. Now when this couple looks back at their wedding photos, they won’t just remember how happy they were that day - they’ll remember how their example was held up for public ridicule and really disgusting comments.
I don’t care if they met at a pie-eating contest - these are real people who make their own contributions to society and deserve better than this treatment.
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]
@TuffyRox. I don’t mind the question being asked, although some context would be nice besides “Wow - look at that fat guy. Would you marry someone like him?”
The context of the question was NOT the one YOUhave chosen.
The context, in both the title of the thread and within the content was: Would you marry the man of your dreams ... if he was obese?
And no one is suggesting, or has suggested, that “these people” do not make their own contributions to society. And I doubt very much if Kerilyn or Peter will even know about this thread, much less look back and feel they were held up to public ridicule….
That’s your own interpretation, and to be perfectly blunt, I can’t see any disgusting comments referring to this obviousl happy couple. (With the exception of the troll, poco1 who hates ALL women regardless of their size.)
In fact, it seems to me the balance of comments made are complimenting how happy the couple appear.
TuffyRox
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]
The context of the question was NOT the one YOUhave chosen. The context, in both the title of the thread and within the content was: Would you marry the man of your dreams ... if he was obese?
I understand the question that was asked and still contend that using the Fox/Russo wedding photo without permission to illustrate that question was unnecessary and actually distracts from the question. If the context was only about what *we* would do, nobody would have talked about this couple in their response. I also don’t buy the argument that this photo was necessary to illustrate what “morbidly obese” looks like. A better source is the BMI Project, which shows photos of various people and lists their weights, heights, BMI and classification (normal, overweight, obese, etc.). Many would be surprised at how small some “morbidly obese” people appear and how much variation there is in this category.
And no one is suggesting, or has suggested, that “these people” do not make their own contributions to society.
The use of the photo and hateful comments here suggested that people do not recognize that fact or don’t care.
And I doubt very much if Kerilyn or Peter will even know about this thread, much less look back and feel they were held up to public ridicule….
So it’s OK to talk #&@$% about people as long as they don’t know about it? I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if it it happened to you.
That’s your own interpretation, and to be perfectly blunt, I can’t see any disgusting comments referring to this obviousl happy couple. (With the exception of the troll, poco1 who hates ALL women regardless of their size.)
Oh yeah, and your hateful comment about how they met at an all-you-can-eat restaurant, the likes of which I’m sure you’ve never visited. But this isn’t about them, right? It’s hypothetical. I understand that a lot of the comments were not made directly at this couple, but their unwitting association with this article makes it about them too and holds them up for embarrassment. I don’t understand how you can’t see that.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
Whoa…Easy does it! Is that a man on the left in the dress?
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:18 pm: [report]
@TuffyRox.
1. Well I didn’t write the original post so it wasn’t my choice of pic.
2. What hateful comments?
3. I didn’t say it was right to talk about them, although most of the comments directly referring to the couple depicted, are complimentary about how happy they look!
4. “My” hateful comment, was directly cut and pasted from the Washington Post story!
5. When Kerilyn or Peter leave a comment here complaining about how embarrassed they are by the comments here, I’ll see your point. Until then, I’m sorry if it offends you, but I don’t.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:18 pm: [report]
The “man of my dreams” is a 6’5” German yodeller who I saw doing a show in the basement of a pub. He was standing in the doorway in his lederhosen and when I saw him, time stopped…..He turned me down but to this day, he is still inhabiting a place in my mind. I have to make an effort not to have him bubbling up into my day-to-day thoughts. He was just beautiful….had really big teeth.
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
@Frederica Bimble . Hmmmm! Interesting taste in men there Frederica…..
danila
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:57 pm: [report]
I struggled with this very question a few months ago. I met someone while on vacation (that happened to be from my hometown). When I met the guy, I was drunk and didn’t remember just how large he was. We talked on the phone and had wonderful conversations and I was really starting to like him….until we decided to go out. In my sober mindstate….the man was OBESE!!! I was ashamed for many reasons. 1.) why did I allow my self to get that drunk. 2.)I didn’t want anyone I knew to see us together. 3.) was I really that shallow?
In the end, I had to be true to myself. How could I be with someone that I couldn’t even imagine having sex with? How could I be with someone that I knew I would probably cheat on? How could I be with someone who I thought wouldn’t be around to grow old with me?
TuffyRox
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:18 pm: [report]
@SamL
1. Well I didn’t write the original post so it wasn’t my choice of pic.
I realize that, but we’ve been arguing because you’ve been defending use of the pic, remember?
2. What hateful comments?
The myriad comments about how fat is disgusting, etc. Whether they referred to Mr. Russo or not, I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate being the poster boy for such hate and prejudice.
4. “My” hateful comment, was directly cut and pasted from the Washington Post story!
Yes… and your point in pasting it seemed to be that it’s OK to pick on this couple because they met at an all-you-can-eat place. If not, what was your point?
5. When Kerilyn or Peter leave a comment here complaining about how embarrassed they are by the comments here, I’ll see your point. Until then, I’m sorry if it offends you, but I don’t.
Yeah, I’m sure they think it’s great.
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:27 pm: [report]
@TuffyRox. I don’t think I can help solve your issues. We’re going to have to agree to disagree on this subject.
I’m sorry you have been so offended.
finallylove
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]
I am a five foot, 120 lb woman. Not large at all but not a waif either. My boyfriend tops 300 pounds. He is not a weight lifter or muscle bound. He is caring, sensitive, extremely intelligent and funny. I was married to a “fit” man who was angry all the time, selfish and mean. If I gained any weight, I was fat in his eyes. Ladies, it is nice to have someone that isn’t like that and frankly I don’t give a hoot if he is thin or not. Granted I am worried for his health but not about his looks. I want someone that I can have a conversation with that understands me. Someone who shares the same interests. And definitely someone who doesn’t care if my weight tops 125. In the end, sex goes away and you are left with someone that you better be able to enjoy life with. It isn’t about looks. It is about compatibility.
og217
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 04:11 am: [report]
I’m with Canadienne - f no. And all this medical condition / genetic desease is a bunch of crap. We all trace our ancestors to Europe, Africa, Asia. Are there 600 kilo people waddling around there? No. Because they don’t have a culture of “snacking,” and because people there don’t excuse fatness - there are no clothes, chairs, shoes, or beds for people that are fat. Only in countries where its a “desease” and “nothing to be ashamed of” do people get to look like beached whales and whine for sympathy. I live in Scandinavia right now and there are NO FAT PEOPLE here. Not even “chubby.” People are tall, but no one is fat. It is not acceptable and people don’t scarf massive sandwiches and coffee drinks all day long. The human body is not meant to be like that guy’s - just imagine his knees! How can he even consummate a marriage without a massive heart attack?
SamL
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 04:28 am: [report]
@og217. That’s put the cat amongst the pigeons…
LunaLena
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 07:55 am: [report]
@og217, although I agree with the point you’re making (I lived in Korea for several years, and you hardly ever see anyone there over a size 10, regardless of age), I disagree that “no one is fat.” There ARE people who are genetically bigger than others, or have diseases that cause them to gain weight, though I do think some people who don’t really have those problems use them as an excuse anyways.
Penelope09
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 08:05 am: [report]
It doesn’t matter how un-shallow you claim you are. Physical chemistry is essential for any relationship that leads to marriage. If you can’t find chemistry with a morbidly obese person, then you’re not going to marry him. period.
thisdreamergirl
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 04:30 pm: [report]
You all make me laugh…
As the BRIDE in this article… (Kerilyn Fox now Russo) you all make laugh… If I was your mothers I would say I’m ashamed of you..
Now I’m all for personal preferences.. Being that I myself am 6’1”.. I originally always thought that I wanted to be with someone taller than me.. and tried that a while.. But Ya know what..in the end.. it’s what’s inside that matters..
Do you know our story? NO. Did you even READ the Washington Post Article? I would bet ya didn’t… You know.. the guy that I was with that was all Jerry Springer about.. he was 6’6 and a stick… Did that make me happy? HELLS NO! I WAS LONELY and SAD…. and I lived with the Dude!!! You think that was because he was thin??? Uh.. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!
Do you even know Peter? Obviously not.. because if you knew him.. even a little.. you would see right away that YES.. even though he is a Big guy… his size doesn’t even come close to his generosity.. or his talents in his career.. he has more passion than most of you will find in your lifetime… and if you all are judging a book by it’s cover.. Let me share with you a secret… YOU will age.. YOU will get wrinkles.. and liver spots.. your boobs will sag.. you’ll get hair in strange places.. then what will matter folks.. is if the person sitting across from you makes you laugh… someone that you KNOW has your back.. in Good times and in BAD…
THAT is the man I married…
So yea..does his weight cause concern for his HEALTH? Yes. Do you think WE are oblivious to this? Get the HELL outta here if you think we’re just skipping along in some wacked out fairy tale.. NO YOU IDIOTS… we’re not.
But what I’ve been told once that is, from my perspective.. ALWAYS true… is
“If you point your finger at someone.. there is always 3 fingers pointing back at you” - Unknown
Now that dives into the realm of.. Do YOU have all your #&@$% together? Um.. Do YOU have significant Debt? or struggling with getting Baby Daddy to pay Child Care? or let’s see… Are you.. oh lets see.. one of the Thousands of homeowners that.. whoops.. can’t pay your mortgage and have gone into foreclosure??? I could go ON AND ON…
What I’m trying to say here.. Is I would bet…with.. whatever is important to you cheese heads… That YOU could be working on something in your own lives..
Why don’t you go ahead and work on that.. and leave us be.. to live our lives..
Whether Peter and I have 5 years or 50… Let us LIVE.. and BE HAPPY.
(And to the writer of this article..Thanks and Shame on You! You believe in Karma? Yea… I do. So, I’m not worried.. you’ll get yours.)
LunaLena
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 05:00 pm: [report]
So, if I can answer yes to the first question and no to the rest (and I can), does that mean I’m free to judge you (not that I would, I’m just asking hypothetically)? I really don’t see how you’re being any less judgmental than you claim the people on this site are.
Congratulations on your marriage, and I sincerely hope you two are happy together.
thisdreamergirl
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 05:02 pm: [report]
No… It took me a while to come up with some sort of examples… just to say that we all don’t have it figured out.. Not Judging.. Not at all.
rlsherma
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 05:19 pm: [report]
I had to stop reading other people’s posts because they were so rude. Why is it not alright for people to be racist, sexist and almost every other kind of ist but it’s alright for people to look down on those of us who are heavy. I’m not saying it’s healthy and I’m not saying I want anyone else to be as heavy as I am but some of the things said here are down right cruel.
To the person who talked about rolling a fat girl in flour to be able to find where to put it… I don’t even have words to describe how that made me feel and what kind of person you seem to be.
As for marrying someone who is morbidly obese it would not bother my decision to marry someone. Their moral character and personality would far outweigh their looks. I agree that you need to be attracted to the person you are with but I have found that my attraction for people builds over time once I get to know them. I hope that some day someone will take the time to get to know me like my friends have and judge me on things other than looks.
finallylove
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:16 pm: [report]
To Thisdreamergirl: I know exactly what you are stating about your love for Peter and the man that he is. I have that now after 23 years of a loveless marriage to a selfish bore. I have found someone that I am going to grow older with and be able to have an intelligent conversation and laugh. Life is too short to waste it on narrow minded people who judge merely on looks alone.
Congrats and hope that all your wishes come true.
SamL
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 05:29 am: [report]
@thisdreamergirl. That’s really well written whoever you are. Great dialogue. Have you ever thought of writing books? Personally I’d use the caps lock a little less.
Getting back to the question in the title of this thread, I’ll re-iterate my 1st post, three from the top!
The man of MY dreams is not morbidly obese, ergo, I wouldn’t marry a morbidly obese man.
In answer to the title question; the answer is no!
I have no feelings one way or another about how Kerilyn & Peter Russo choose to live their lives, and my comment is NOT a criticism of morbidly obese people.
It’s the answer to a question I was asked. If you don’t like my answer, or you feel offended because I wouldn’t marry a morbidly obese person, then tough. That’s an issue you’re going to have to sort out. Not me.
brandyalexander
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 06:43 am: [report]
@SamL: Ditto. And would some of you marry a tall, athletic man? From your other comments, it would seem like you would not.
Kiki T
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]
Oh no, i have trouble dating guys who don’t have six packs
develange
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 06:20 pm: [report]
I’m fine with saying I wouldn’t marry a morbidly obese man. Maybe at some point I’ll be attracted to a morbidly obese man, but I don’t know. I know looks fade.
But I’m young. I’m not morbidly obese. Right now, I expect the same of a partner. If that’s shallow, then so be it.
Shriekback68
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 11:42 pm: [report]
If you take the person as a whole, it seems odd to reduce your “make or break” issue to one of weight. A person can lose weight. It’s harder to change big personality issues. If you like/love them, there must be other factors at play here besides weight. The question seems a bit misleading.
adamjs
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 11:59 pm: [report]
@Shriekback68: I agree entirely with you here.
If you’re even considering marriage at all there has got to be a million things that are right between the both of you (mutual attraction, friendship, companionship, et. Al) and surely weight wouldn’t be the deciding factor.
cadyms
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 11:28 pm: [report]
@author:
Two people, who seem to be lovely individuals, are celebrating the commitment of their lives to each other.
What made you feel it was appropriate to hijack this moment in their lives? “Would you marry a man as morbidly obese as this individual, even if you loved him?”
You should have left them alone. At least trash gossip rags usually focus on celebrities who know they’re going to get this kind of garbage showered on them. This guy wasn’t a celebrity, he didn’t sign up for your demeaning attention. Can you imagine how mortified this poor man will be when he reads what you wrote and the subsequent comments?
Between this and the entry discussing the new Marie Clair plus-sized fashion columnist, I’m beginning to wonder how many overweight bloggers The Frisky has. I’m guessing not a whole lot. Maybe because they’re not considered worthy of hire (they’re certainly not considered worthy of love), or maybe because they just kind of gross you out. If only all those fat people would just get up off their lazy butts and work out more…
The Frisky used to be a great blog. It is definitely going downhill with garbage like this.
cadyms
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 11:37 pm: [report]
Just finished browsing through the remainder of the comments and I saw his beautiful bride’s remarks.
Kerilyn, I hope you and Peter have many, many wonderful years together.
Happy wedding.
piccist_wren
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 12:16 am: [report]
I’m not physically attracted to overweight men, but if someone’s okay with that, great for them!
I’ve had overweight friends and honestly, their eating habits make me uncomfortable because they don’t seem to have a concern for their physical well being.
I’m not skinny, I’m an average size. I don’t like dating guys who are skinnier than me because then I feel like a matress when we cuddle. There’s a comfort factor in there too.
But honestly, Fox isn’t that tiny either.
Either way, not my preference but good for them!
OhioGuy
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 02:51 pm: [report]
I don’t begrudge anyone their preferences, but I just want to make it clear that fat people have sex. Sex with other fat people, sex with skinny people, kinky sex, weird sex, sex multiple times a day… it happens. And not just chubby people, but morbidly obese people.
As a fat guy that’s having a lot of sex with a fat lady these days, I just want to make sure people have that image in their brains.
chrisnfolsom
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 04:12 pm: [report]
Well, can this be said of an overweight woman, a too skinny individual, hairy, old, young??? Who is to say - thank god love is blind or we would all be lonely and spending time taking cold showers and feeling sorry for ourselves.
deliadean98112
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 10:23 pm: [report]
You fail to mention that the bride is also morbidly obese.
BKsweetheart
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 01:22 am: [report]
If the two people in this article love each other and are happy, then more power to them. Godspeed.
That being said, I used to be very overweight and after years of dieting and exercise and totally overhauling my lifestyle, I’ve acheived a size I’m comfortable with and have become an avid runner. I recently started dating an overweight guy (not morbidly) and it’s not the overweightness that bothers me. He’s very comfortable to cuddle with and snuggle up to in the bed. It’s the profuse sweating and grunting when he sits down and watching him gorge himself on garbage with total abandon (usually late at night) with no regard to his health or appearance that grosses me out. Its the preoccupation with satifying his tastebuds rather than nourishing his body that disgusts me. On top of that, his apartment is utterly wretched and he has made very minimal attempts to clean it up despite my obvious displeasure and even offering to help him clean it. And I just can’t help but to think if he wasn’t overweight, he would have more energy to clean that sh*t up.
As someone who used to be overweight, I understand the struggles and I know its not easy. But there’s a difference between someone whos overweight but healthy and active and someone who just doesn’t give a f*ck and revels in their overweightness and isnt trying to do anything about it and makes excuses for it.
So it’s not necessarily a prejudice, its moreso a difference in lifestyle. He’s a nice guy and all and he treats me well but I can’t really see us working out over the long term due to the aforementioned. But if we dont work out, it wont be solely because of his weight, it will be because of the lifestyle and personal habits that accompany it.
bratly
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 05:16 am: [report]
As the Morbidly Obese man at 250 pounds I can say you are very shallow people. Sometimes life throws one a curve and there are underlying circumstances for someone’s weight. My back is shot and I cannot excercise without alot of pain. I still try once in awhile to do so but the result is lacking. I used to be a Plumber and I have Polands syndrome not conducive to a good posture. Now I have arthritis of the spine, let alone my back muscles trying to rip me apart.
Im going to cut back on sugar as soon as I make it to the grocery store this week and try tea and stevia
I love softdrinks and that is my downfall I recognize it and when my girlfriend comes over which has the same problems as I do besides being married I wonder why I have not strove for a better girlfriend after 8 years and her waning interest because of her insecurities. Shallow, selfish people never change and people love me because of me not because of my disabilities.
Im fat and your ugly but I can diet
pamelita
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 07:42 am: [report]
I dated a guy about 10 years ago that was overweight. He was about 6’1” and weighed over 300 pounds. He carried it fairly well but he was overweight. For me there were numerous reasons to be attracted to him that put the weight issue out of my mind in the beginning. But after spending time with him I began to see how his habits of consumption were a large part of his weight problem. Being a woman—and a health nut—I had to say something. I encouraged him to drink water instead of the 3 cans of pop, every day, at the office. You know, the usual caring girlfriend stuff. I broke up with him after about 6 months of dating, and not for the weight issue although that bothered me. Fast forward 10 years. I just saw him the other day for the first time in about 3 years. He is now morbidly obese. I estimate he weighs generously over 400 pounds. I could see he was having trouble walking, his face was ashen (it was warm day) and he was constantly sweating. I am very concerned about him now.
So, would I date someone who is morbidly obese? Seeing my friend now obese and thinking of all the things that went through my mind at that moment, I would say Hypothetical Obese Man would have to be pretty spectacular for me to say yes to a date. And, even then, I would be asking about his future plans regarding his weight, because I don’t think I would want to fall in love with someone who I would have to watch struggle in so many different ways with just existing. At some point, to be really honest, no matter how spectacular he was, I don’t think I could escalate a relationship with someone who was killing someone I cared about. I’m just not made that way. I am very attracted to people who take care of themselves because they respect themselves.
I don’t harbor ill will against people who find themselves overweight or obese. I know the trials of life sometimes cause us to act in undesirable and unmanageable ways. I have a lot of compassion for people who find their inner problems displayed for all the world to see. However, binding my life to someone who doesn’t take care of themselves would be inconsistent with my own personal philosophies and would ultimately crash and burn the whole affair, no matter how hard I tried to be impartial and compassionate. I like to be active—dance, bike, hike, travel, etc.—walking from his car to my door drained the color from my obese friend’s face. I think this would be the first and most deadly frustration for me on many, many levels.
Bottom line:
Accept a date with an obese person?
Possibly, if he was a great guy to be with. When someone can make you laugh and feel attractive you can overlook a lot.
Long term dating or involvement with an obese person?
Doubtful it would last as my own frustrations with the situation would overcome any benefits as I worried about his health (and probably “helped” and badgered him into lots of resentment) and had to restrain my physical activities to match his limitations.
scubagrl
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 06:50 pm: [report]
Not unless he had a fabulous life insurance policy.
Iammina
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 10:04 pm: [report]
No, because I am sexually attracted to muscular looking men. However, I am in love with my husband and if he should gain a few pounds as he grows older I would not kick him out of bed. Morbidly obese I might have a problem with. I have a phobia about being smothered by a morbidly obese man during sex.
chrisnfolsom
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 12:02 am: [report]
I can’t comment specifically about this relationship BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT and IT’S NOT MY BUSINESS. I can say that I hope you all have great relationships, but you have to know that if someone is that attractive than there is less of a chance he will stay around very long - but you can have beautiful kids. By awarding men or women with praise for nothing more than ganetic destiny the real lesson of life that anything worth anything has to be worked on (and not to just look in greener pastures) when times get tough. By lavishing men and women with unearned praise we only create our own monsters and create children who aspire to things they cannot achieve and don’t believe hard work get’s you a nice life, but luch and genetics.
I know this question was not this deep, but it such an issue and every magazine, advertisement and tv show I see is pretty people (supported by the uglies) with pretty words (written by the uglies) with us sitting eating our ice cream sitting on a sofa wondering why we can’t be like them. Have a nice day y’all and steer away from the fatties
ryteme
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 12:04 am: [report]
Funny. Most of the shallow comments on her are made by the “girls” that would change their tunes if the man was attached to a larger wallet. Wallet or not its the person.
Your looks arent going to last. Consider it finding a diamond in the rough that could be healthier. Would probably be a loyal, and long lasting relationship then most have these days.
Weight can change. #&@$% and players dont.
teknomancer
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]
Ok folks, I was online doing a search for related topics & I came across this one-which motivated me enough to register on this site to respond.
NOTE *BRUTAL HONESTY NOTICE*
I am a 45 yr. old male who is morbidly obese… I wasn’t always so but that is my current condition. I am also concurrently diagnosed with severe clinical depression and PTSD-and then there’s the osteoporosis brought on by my weight (currently 492lbs-down from 540-550lbs)
Due to this situation I can no longer work and thus am forced to live on Social Security Disability benefits in order to simply live-if this existence can be called living…
The title of this article was I believe “would you marry a man who is morbidly obese?”
Well when i was not in this condition (15-20 years ago) I dated, I went out to clubs, danced, hiked, had relationships-short and long and all that-in other words I had a “normal” life… but due to medical issues that I’ll not bore folks here with, my body underwent some severe transformations-all of them bad. None of this was because I spent too much time eating pizzas or gobbling down several burgers at a time-I had no control over this and it drove me over the edge three times at last count… (I’ve tried suicide 3 times and counting…)
If I told you that every day i look into a mirror or see my reflection I detest myself and utterly hate and loathe what i am and what i look like-I hate living and life because every day is another day of hopelessness and loneliness.
I have been unwillingly alone-literally untouched, cuddled or hugged by any member of the opposite sex for over 13 years now…. I have some friends and some who care but there is no one now to whom I could turn to in a time of emotional and physical need and ask to simply be held in their arms… and even though I have been doing all that I can to change my situation (exercise, therapy, diet etc.) that is not likely to change for the foreseeable future.
I would give anything to find someone i could resonate with and be close to….
So yeah morbidly obese guys have trouble hooking up..
And ladies, the next time you pass some poor bastard like me on the street or see him in a social setting just remember that there is a person with a heart and feelings there and maybe, just maybe those waters may run deeper and with more passion than you can possibly imagine…
cadyms
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 01:22 pm: [report]
@ teknomancer - Your message breaks my heart. My father has been around 350 pounds for much of my childhood. He’s now down to 250-75 or so, the smallest I’ve ever seen him.
He was (is) a wonderful father. Unique, a little geeky, not socially adept - unlike you, he never had that cool phase early in life, so I guess never developed those skills. He worked so hard raising us. I remember at times he worked three jobs: two in substance abuse treatment programs, and then as a pizza delivery man on top of it. He still found time to read us stories at night, even though he’d fall asleep before we would.
We were so strapped financially, sometimes without a car, a couple of times even having to access a foodbank. With our tax return, he’d purchase an annual membership to the zoo and to the local science museum. On Saturday nights, he’d take us to the local used bookstore where we’d exchange our used books for credit toward different used books.
He’s opinionated, can drive you crazy with offering advice rather than listening, sometimes is so darn stubborn and thinks he knows the answers to stuff he really doesn’t. (Turns out, though, a lot of times he actually was right - cause, well, I’m his daughter, and he knows my personality pretty well.)
My mom managed apartments so she could be home with us while he worked, but she was pretty depressed and a lot of my childhood memories are with my father. She’s doing better now, and I’m so grateful that the two of them overcame such struggles and stayed together.
Us kids? Well, I’m a PhD student. My sister’s a hospice nurse. My brother’s training to be an EMT.
My dad? (Well, we call him papa.) He’s old. His hair is grey. So many years of hard work - and they will continue, b/c he doesn’t have any retirement funds - have aged him. I thought he was invincible, but time takes its toll. His parents are both in poor health, and he provides much care for them.
And his children? He drives them nuts at times, but they love him more they can say. They love him enough to feel tears in their eyes when they see him aging, or hurting, or not the invincible papa they once believed could save all. If I make it through this program, I won’t let my parents suffer in their old age. My brother and sister feel the same.
My boyfriend wouldn’t take kindly to more, but I’d happily give you a hug if I saw you. Size doesn’t say a da*n thing about a person’s value, and every person deserves to be loved, held, comforted, and supported. Life is just too hard without those things.
My mother and father aren’t perfect, but they managed to raise three kids who are trying to do good in the world. They did that with no money, a high school education, and a lot of love. I think that’s the greatest accomplishment in the world, and amazingly - somehow - it was done by two people who are morbidly obese.
SamL
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 03:57 pm: [report]
@ryteme. Most of the shallow comments on her are made by the “girls” that would change their tunes if the man was attached to a larger wallet.
Excuse me? Where did this come from? I can’t see any discussion, from any of the posters on this thread, that even begins to suggest, that if the fat person had a big wallet, the choices would be different. And to be frank, I find you comment offensive in the extreme!
And since when is being fat a reason to gain any more sympathy than for being born with any other physical disability?
@teknomancer. I sympathise with your situation, I really do, but you’re not the only person in the world with depression and living on disability benefits. Thank the lord you’re not morbidly obese AND ugly! And those medical complications that you don’t want to bore people with, may, or may not have created the situation you’re currently in.
But you know what, no one here has said they don’t regard morbidly obese people with anything other than the utmost sensitivity and sympathy.
There are millions of people who need a hug and the feeling they are loved. Think about the 14 million people in sub Saharan Africa that are infected with AIDS… at least you have the opportunity to GET disability payments.
@cadyms What a moving story. And what a fantastic testament to what two morbidly obese people can do for their children.
But whilst I applaud your parents dedication and application, are you saying that their struggle was in any way different to many, many thousands of others, morbidly obese or otherwise?
In fact I’m not sure exactly what your point was? Was it, my parents are morbidly obese and look what they were able to achieve for us kids?
Well I’m sorry, and I know you won’t be able to understand this point, but I find that incredibly offensive on behalf of all morbidly obese people.
What you write suggests that they achieved so much for their children despite their morbid obesity! How incredibly insulting to cadyms, the poster above you, amongst others.
Abusing people is wrong, whether they are gay, straight, black, white, young, old or fat. But there’s only one group in that list that can physically do anything about the way they are. If they don’t feel like it, that’s fine — but enough of the whingeing. You gets your trolley and you makes your choice and then, because you’re a grown-up, you live with the consequences.
Now can we please move on to something in life more important than the size of a person’s stomach?
cadyms
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 08:38 pm: [report]
@SamL - Let’s try again.
My point is this: morbidly obese people are cast as less than people. Judgments are passed on them due to their size. My father is a good man whose goodness is in no way diminished by his size. However, just like teknomancer, what people see first is his size and judge him for that.
I hope that clarifies the matter for you.
Your entire post is unkind, and I don’t doubt that you will find many things in this post to complain about. But for many people struggling with weight issues, it is not an unimportant matter.
With best wishes,
cadyms
SeaWorthy
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 09:01 pm: [report]
I want to be in a long term relationship with a man who will be there for the long term….morbidly obese is not going to be there for the long term.
I run up/down 3 miles of hill 4-5 days each week and hike 6 miles of harder hills 1 day per week, I am not a food saint but I do pay attention to what I eat…not because I want to be thin, but because I have children who expect me to be here for the long haul, thus it is my responsibility to take care of myself for the ones I love.
serafe
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 08:43 am: [report]
I hate how everybody seems to equate thinness with health and active lifestyle. I am fat and much more active than my super-skinny husband! He’s also the one who loves McDonald’s, potato chips and soda. Sometimes fat is a result of an underlying condition or medication, so please don’t offend all bigger people by saying they’re lazy gluttons. While I understand that everyone has a type they’re attracted to, I can’t stand such bias - as said above, in our marriage I am the one who has to beg my skinny husband for a hike together, he likes the movies, theatre, concerts, pubs - anything that doesn’t involve physical activity, so how does skinny equal active and fat - not active?
KatieBlue
wrote on January 19 2010 @ 12:28 pm: [report]
Wow - I’m sorry so many of you are only attracted to the exterior of the man. There’s a whole lot more to people than their bodies and a truly sexy mind is not to be wasted.
I would wager that most obese people are more active than you ever dreamed of and more active than most skinny people and eat a whole lot better too.
Muscles are fun to look at for a few minutes, but who wants to spend your life married to muscles? No fun, in life or in the bed.
SamL
wrote on January 19 2010 @ 12:43 pm: [report]
@KatieBlue You’re not morbidly obese are you?
Whatever. Why not try the following though. In your last paragraph, try changing “muscles” to “morbid obesity” and see how ridiculous your post is!
hlnbabe
wrote on January 19 2010 @ 01:02 pm: [report]
@SamL: hahahaha… i just did. point. made.
cptkristen
wrote on January 20 2010 @ 06:46 pm: [report]
dear lord…how is this even an article? This just goes to show that although we are still pushing for equality for women, minorities, and gays, we still have a long way to go for obese people. Let me paint you a picture. When I first met my husband he was 5’9 and 210 lbs. Not morbidly obese but still overweight. He ran the Philadelphia Marathon 2 months after we met. That is 26.2 miles for those of you who dont know. In the past two years his weight has gone up to 235, most of it gained within the past 6 months as sympathy weight to my current pregnancy. And yes, I live a very healthy lifestyle-I am a very active vegetarian who still works out into my 6th month of pregnancy. I was not overweight before I got pregnant. My point is this-Who are any of you to judge this couple and decide whether or not you would date a morbidly obese person? When Kerilyn met Peter I am sure the first thing she thought was “hmmm, Peter is overweight. I will specifically choose him to date.” Morons. They met and fell in love. End of story. Whether or not you would date an overweight person shouldnt even be a question. It is insulting to overweight people that this is even an article. You would never take a picture of a couple where one person had cancer and say would you date someone with cancer? Yeah there are health risks associated with obesity but there is also this magical thing called love… My husband could probably outrun most of you. That’s right. He is overweight and can still run 8-10 miles at once. Most people would look at him and see an overweight person. No one would think, hmmm this person could probably outrun me. And for you superficial women out there-does your man do the dishes, do the laundry, clean toilets, and make dinner because you are too tired to do it? Does he hold you in his arms when you are crying for no reason because of pregnancy hormones? Does he sleep on the floor next to the couch when you are sick with bronchitis and have no voice because he wants to make sure he is there if you need him? That is my husband ladies. He is overweight. But he is a real man. And no, he doesnt have high blood pressure. He isnt diabetic. And he doesnt have high cholesterol. He is a big guy. The end. I love him for him. Yes I asm attracted to him. If I wasnt i wouldnt be pregnant. His extra parts are a special bonus. So best wishes to the happy couple. Eat what you want. Live your life the way you want to. You decide your own health and your own future. And the rest of these morons-feel sorry for them. Because at the end of the day you have the same face to come home to. Every day. For the rest of your life. That is love.
IHateLogins
wrote on January 22 2010 @ 02:28 pm: [report]
There is an emotional reason to eating, trust me.
Emotions have a social basis.
Social—-> Emotional—-> Eating
Cutting out meanness would cut out bad behavior on our end. It does not help us to be mean or hit us where we are vulnerable. Pretty soon reading the comments I wanted to cry…
I want you to know how badly loneliness hurts. About 2005 when I could not stand it any more, I assembled a life-sized doll from materials at Target. The head had to come mail order from California about a year later. I did my best to humanize everything. Cats play with fake mice for lack of real ones. Similiar principle.
I did make a lot of progress last year losing weight. I wanted social influence, and after losing up to 40 pounds, dropping from 280 to 240 pounds, I think I got it. But I am backsliding. It may be time to cycle downwards. I ought to print this comments list. It did help last time.
Being too depressed to eat helped last year.
The gym usually helps when I am not depressed.
I am dating now. I think I get considerably more slack from women with disabilities. I have dated women with bipolar disorder, Asperger syndrome, and cerebral palsy and it is starting to constitute a pattern. She is heavy too, not getting much exercise because she can’t walk with crutches or stand for more than a matter of minutes. Typically she uses a motor scooter.
My reasoning when I lost weight was
1. It is difficult to lose weight but
2. Trying to educate people is more impossible
3. Waiting for an open mind may take years, depending on whether or not she is busy, in a relationship, etc.
4. You’re probably stuck with imperfect minds as a social reality, and need to lose weight to accommodate their disability against obesity
Best regards,
Gender: Male
Age: 39
BMI: about 39-40
Weight: 264
Height: 5’9”
Disabilities: Asperger syndrome, depression, sleep apnea, diabetes II
Education: Master of Arts, Sociology, Psychology
Career: Web Developer
IHateLogins
wrote on January 22 2010 @ 02:35 pm: [report]
The prefrontal cortex lobe governs judgment. It fully matures at age 25.
A woman said she was young and wanted a thin guy.
Most of my female friends were married at 24. They were well established in their future marriages by perhaps age 20 to 21.
We ask a lot of young people. Consider a career, consider the military, choose a life partner, have kids, choose a college major. Should they wait a bit and choose?
Maybe they would have fewer divorces, returns to college, AWOLs, etc. if they did?
I have observed only one divorce among the Lucky Ladies. I haven’t married yet at 39.
I also had to wait until 29 for my career (computer programming), which was my second career (applied research was my first).
IHateLogins
wrote on January 22 2010 @ 04:27 pm: [report]
Let me take a moment and say what is going right in my life. I am still employed despite what is happening to lots of people. I live by myself. I contribute to society. I make plenty of friends, men, women, but it seems friends is where it stops at women.
I think friendship is fairly easy. Often it comes to me. It is mostly reciprocity and investing time and energy and some money in a few good friends- time will tell you who is worth it. They appreciate your intelligence, character, personality, humor- not what is appreciated in “love”. You can be shared with other people in ways you can’t “in love”.
In love, it boils down to your body/soul and what they want to do with it with their body/soul. I think practically everybody prefers cultural or healthy ideals, even obese people themselves. Really.
I don’t really know whether it is the Asperger or the weight, really, that causes a glass ceiling. The Asperger must be very mild. Obviously the weight kills a woman’s sexual thoughts most of the time. The woman who hurried me into proposing marriage (!) had obvious reservations: I think it was about the missionary position. I don’t suppose she read The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort which outlines not just a few alternatives…..
I have never been normal weight since high school so I can’t compare what women are doing to what they would do if I was normal weight.
I think I might really be upset finding out how easy love is if I were proper weight.
IHateLogins
wrote on January 22 2010 @ 04:37 pm: [report]
But you know what, no one here has said they don’t regard morbidly obese people with anything other than the utmost sensitivity and sympathy.
_______
I found it hard to read nevertheless. The truth is brutal that a significant fraction of women would prefer some buff guy not a fat one?
I found your post hard to read. Grown ups… deserve the consequences…. the tone of your language would have someone like teknomancer reaching for the ice cream and I don’t blame him.
So the tone ranges from rejecting to condemning. How many other buttons does this list push to drive us for a snack?
Snacks never say no, never reject, never criticize. When we used to have a vending machine here, I said to myself, “What I really want doesn’t come in a vending machine- you can’t buy love.”
Granted it does nothing to solve our problem. We will probably never teach people older than eight years old how not to judge, condemn, and reject because they were “carefully taught” how. People who never learned how are few and far between. The only option left is losing weight to accommodate your disability: your blindness to inner human value.
teknomancer is getting a sympathetic ear from a jury of his peers at least.
IHateLogins
wrote on January 22 2010 @ 04:42 pm: [report]
If we do manage to lose the weight, we might test you. We might take you to a place where there are lots of obese people to see what your reaction is. If you flunk the tolerance test we’ll find some way to dump you and break your heart in the process (like Ted Bundy did, finally get a girl’s heart and then break it. At least she lived.).
You’ll never know we were fat, but we will never forget.
IHateLogins
wrote on January 22 2010 @ 10:22 pm: [report]
About 2005 when I could not stand it any more, I assembled a life-sized doll from materials at Target.
_______________
Harry Harlow did the famous monkey studies with baby monkeys separated from their mothers. In the place of the mothers he offered one wire frame “mother” with a bottle and one terry cloth “mother” for comfort. The monkeys spent most of their time with the cloth mother and got bottle fed only when necessary.
We are primates too. Take away a normal source of affection and we will cling to anything. Blankie, pillow, and eventually we will get creative.
IHateLogins
wrote on January 22 2010 @ 10:55 pm: [report]
But there’s only one group in that list that can physically do anything about the way they are.
__________________
To a matter of degree.
I don’t have to settle for morbid obesity, that much I know. I have been able to get down to only 70 pounds overweight, not 100. Maybe I can go less.
Minimum 240
- recommended 169
—————————-
71 pounds to lose
I know that morbid obesity, defined as 100 pounds overweight, is basically optional. Somehow shocking, set point weight can be reprogrammed. A normal 270 or 280 pounds eventually became a normal 240, 245, or 250 pounds and equally resistant to change.
Now obesity and overweight, that is harder to lose.
It may not be possible for everyone to lose it all even with a proper diet and proper exercise. At least we don’t have to settle for REALLY BAD. We can have MUCH BETTER.
The gastric band would not work on me because I have acid reflux and the band would make it worse.
Bypass surgery would not be necessary because I am able to keep excess weight under 100 pounds with exercise, restrained eating, and Alli. The surgery has risks that are ONLY justified if you are MORBIDLY OBESE and can’t control it ANY OTHER WAY.
The stomach ball could be an option.
I will admit that the social rejection from women is the best motivation I have to lose weight. That, and not being able to keep up with them in a dance. (Oddly, a 2 to 4 mile walk doesn’t faze me.
As I stated before, I have no difficulty with women making friends with me. If I were to lose weight, they would probably have no hesitation approaching me for something more involved. This is America, sex is a prime motivator, and both men and women of reproductive age are “meat seeking missiles” (my quote).
Even Christians. But hey, even Samuel, God’s man, made the mistake. ‘Hey, Eliab must be God’s annointed.’ (because Eliab was good looking strong and tall). God rebuked Samuel not to look at what man looks at. God’s annointed turned out to be the lowly shepherd boy David (shepherds being of little respect).
Did you read that, Christian ladies?
SamL
wrote on January 25 2010 @ 09:15 am: [report]
@cptkristen Congratulations! I’m pleased you’re happy with your choice.
@IHateLogins… You know, maybe it’s not the obesity that stops people from answering yes to the question; Would You Marry A Man Who Is Morbidly Obese?
Have you read your last FIVE posts on this thread?
Just wondered.
Just for the record, I’ll repeat what I said in OCTOBER of 2009! The man of MY dreams is not morbidly obese, ergo, I wouldn’t marry a morbidly obese man.
If you happen to be morbidly obese I sympathise with your situation, I really do, but the title question is not; Would I marry you?
Can you all please stop trying to make me feel guilty for exercising my own personal choices, just as you have chosen to do.
IHateLogins
wrote on January 25 2010 @ 09:41 am: [report]
You know, maybe it’s not the obesity that stops people from answering yes to the question; Would You Marry A Man Who Is Morbidly Obese? ......Just for the record, I’ll repeat what I said in OCTOBER of 2009! The man of MY dreams is not morbidly obese, ergo, I wouldn’t marry a morbidly obese man.
___________________________________
Maybe it is the cultural norms that say what beauty/handsomeness is. Or prejudice.
Not that I am a saint about it. When I sketched a woman of my dreams in 1991, she conformed to every cultural stereotype: figure, blond hair, bust size. Note: I was 21 when I sketched it.
And no, as I admitted to the woman I am dating now, there was no wheelchair. I never considered the possibility at 21.
My friends were all married to stereotypical mates at stereotypical ages in each others’ lives.
The older you get without being married, the more likely it is you will date somebody who doesn’t conform to your stereotype. Not only have I dated extensively among women with disabilities, I have dated outside the Caucasian race, mostly African American. Why I haven’t dated Latina surprises me, because I speak it passably, but perhaps close to Washington DC, the Latino community is skittish. For example, the police in nearby Prince William County (Virginia) conduct immigration status checks routinely which have many Latinos scared to go outdoors.
I could guess that maybe God intended for me to learn to think outside the box, for a woman needing a break as much as I do (probably more than I do, as weight is theoretically reversible in ways a wheelchair is not).
But, we all have thin dreams and preferences, especially when we are younger. Maturity is putting appearance in its place, close to last. There are too many other things that count in a relationship. Character, personality. You know. And probably in household organizing money, FICO score, etc.