Would You Date A Guy Who’s Bi?

LostInStars
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]

Being bisexual, it’d be a little hypocritical of me. But honestly, every bisexual dude I’ve ever known eventually came out as full blown gay. So I might be a little wary if I boyfriend told me that.

Riley
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]

So you are facebook-stalking him before the date?  Interesting.

janine514
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 09:58 am: [report]

I’d have to disagree with LostInStars.  The guy that I’m currently with, told me very early on that he considers himslef bi and wouldn’t be apposed to being with a guy.  Although, yes, it did make me wary at first, I’d be pretty willing to say that it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in.

BeTheBuilding
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 10:02 am: [report]

I went out with a bisexual guy a couple times in college. My college had a very huge gay population. While I do not think this is the case for all bisexuals, I felt like the Bi-guy was really seeking approval and popularity. I only say this because I ran into him with a male date and they seemed very uncomfortable together. I found out reciently that he is currently in a long term relationship with a woman.
I think that you should always go with your gut. If you don’t feel comfortable about it, frankly that won’t change. Don’t feel bad about it either. You are not homophobic if you decide not to date someone who is bi.

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]

Of course I’d date a bi guy. Sexuality is a spectrum, anyway. We don’t neatly fit into any boxes.

However, one interesting story.

I dated a bisexual guy a few years ago and I was pissed at (the numerous) friends who warned me—to paraphrase—that I should get tested frequently because the bi guy might have picked up diseases from other men. Even people who I considered to be progressive and enlightened said that to me. I was shocked.

Erin G
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]

@Jessica: Have you ever wondered why the blood bank asks you if you’ve ever had sex with a man who’s had sex with another man?

The risk of contracting any STD is significantly higher in anal sex. There is a statistically higher risk of contracting STDs from a bi dude than a straight dude, but that’s only because the frequency of anal sex is raised.

But! If you’re with a straight guy who has had anal sex with a female (assuming she has had other anal partners prior) its the same thing as being with a bi guy.

Your friends, while maybe jumping to conclusions, are technically right to be concerned, but only because of statistics.

bogart4017
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 10:50 am: [report]

I have certainly dated a “Bi-curious” female and i never once thought of girl-on-girl(it doesnt turn me on)or threesome(not interested). It was just a normal guy/girl relationship, remembering that normal is a relative term of course.

Isabel K.
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]

I am currently seeing a guy who considers himself into men.  He has had a few encounters with men but told me recently that he is more into women.  It doesn’t bother me that he is into men.. I mean, I can’t blame him!  And I am also into women, so we have a lot in common.. AND I agree with JANINE514 in that this is the best “relationship” i’ve been in.  Maybe men that are open enuf to admit that they like men are also better communicators or more open in other aspects of life.  Either way, we have great conversation and I feel really connected to him. 

Reactions from friends are interesting when they find out he is also into men, BUT it’s good to shock people.

TKallday

Ginger
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]

I would date a bisexual guy. It wouldn’t bother me at all and I’m not full-blown bisexual but I have been known to look at some women from time to time and go “She is beautiful! Forget men: I want that!”

Also, I would want to be with a bi-guy for the same reason a guy might want to be with a bi-girl: Threesome possibilities.

betty123
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]

I don’t think I could ever date a bi guy. I would just feel very insecure, like there is something that I just don’t have the ability to give him.

Erin G
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 11:15 am: [report]

@betty: Yeah, like a dick? haha

Isabel K.
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]

@Erin!  HAHA

Lily Q
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]

@lostinstars- damn.
@riley- the facebook stalking is totally allowed, he friended me.
@jessica-that is a tad ridiculous, much like the fact that gay men can’t give blood.

emflow
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]

I haven’t dated a bisexual guy, but depending on the guy, I think it could be a major turn-on for me (Ginger has the right idea ).

Queen Frostine
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]

I’m bi. I’ve dated bi guys. I never minded as long as our relationship was monogamous. I’ve never been into threesomes and men on men is equally attractive to me as any other pairing.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]

i wouldn’t date a bi sexual guy… it’d be weird for me to lose my guy to another guy.. and i can imagine thats exactly how some guys feel when they lose their girls to another girl. dating bi is just not my life style i think in order to allow one’s self to date someone who hops on both sides of the fence ur prespective and/or lifestyle would have to match that of the person ur dating…

Lynn
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]

I’m with betty123. I don’t want to be with someone who is always going to be wanting something that I just could never be able to offer.

GreenAura
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]

hmmm…. Well, being married to a straight man, my answer is totally hypothetical BUT… I would totally date a bi guy.  I think a two-guys-and-a-girl scenario would be so hot! That being said, I don’t think I would marry a bi guy, there would be double the competition LOL!

snap
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 02:29 pm: [report]

NEVER EVER NEVER EVER!

november82
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 06:17 pm: [report]

a guy guy girl threesome makes way more sense than two chicks and one guy. The penis to orifice ratio works out very nice.

canadiancutie
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]

In short, no.

Pepper
wrote on June 20 2009 @ 11:25 pm: [report]

Wow, so many layers to this… maybe one should distinguish dating a bi guy from having sex with a bi guy. I mean, I could see myself trying a threesome with bi guys, if nothing else then for the sake of being able to say I tried it… but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’d want to *date* a bi guy.

For the record, I am bi, and have had threesomes before, with my guy and another girl (@November the ‘penis to orifice ratio’ was never really an issue, there are plenty of other fun things to do with each other if you’re all fairly creative and actually into it). And really, I can see both sides of this here. On the one hand, it might make for some hot moments and I can see how a bi guy might be more inclined to openness and communication, so it could be a great relationship. On the other hand, I can also see how it might be a strain feeling like I can’t always provide the other half of what he wants in his sex life, I mean I don’t want to have threesomes *all* the time…

I hate double-standards in most cases, but the whole ‘missing something he can’t provide’ isn’t an issue in dating me. Cuz even though I *am* bi, I can indulge my bi-ness just by checking hot girls out and maybe a little flirting at the bar once in a while, I don’t *have* to act on it, so my guy doesn’t have to worry about “losing” me to another girl or feeling inadequate for not being a girl So maybe if the bi guy was roughly the same type of bi as me? Hmm, maybe it just depends on the individual.

As a broad question ‘would I date a bi guy?’ generally, no. But would I date a specific bi guy who was mostly straight and compatible in all other ways and would only be bi in the sense of being open to occassional threesomes? That I would consider… So I guess I can’t eliminate them from consideration just for being bi, though it would surely make me uneasy at first.

Yeesh, what a strange and interesting can of worms you opened for me there Lily :/

TotallyRidiculous
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 07:02 pm: [report]

@betty: totally!  I would feel like that’s twice as many people to compete with and some of them I don’t even compare too!  Since I’m very straight, and I think men are so much hotter than women, it’s like, “how can I compete with THAT?  Damn!”
And to Lily: I kind of feel that bi can be a pit stop on the way to gay, also.  Not all the time, but some of the time, yeah, totally.  So I would always be paranoid about that.

Arsenic
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]

I am sick and tiered of the #&@$% people pump out on the bisexual community. Since when is it OK to call someone “undateable” because of their sexual orientation?!
Just like there aren’t any real lesbians, right? They just like making out in front of men to turn them on. And gay guys are just “confused” and “sick”.
For the record, me and my fiancée are both bisexual. We’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now. SHOCK AND SURPRISE we are both faithful, and our relationship has outlasted EVERY SINGLE ONE of our *straight* friends’ relationships.

You want to find someone undatable? Look to the straight #&@$% that go to the clubs every night to hit on women while their wives are home with their children. Look to the straight women who sleep with their husband’s brother while he’s busting his ass in Iraq. Look to the gay guys who dump their boyfriends when they put on a little weight. Look to the lesbians who tell their girlfriends they’re the only one for them and then go #&@$% her best friend in a bathroom at the girlbar.

Unfaithfulness has NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
Wanting a threesome HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING BI (honestly ladies, how many straight men have professed to wanting 2 girls? How many of you secretly want 2 guys?).
Sure there are guys who say they’re bi when they turn out to be straight. Sure there are girls who pretend to be bi to turn on their boyfriends. But there are guys who marry women and hide their longing for men for years before they come out. There are women who insist they are straight when all they want is the next-door neighbor’s c*nt.

I am sick of people telling me that I can never have a real relationship because I’m bi.
I am sick of people telling me that if I were to have a relationship with a guy I’d jump on the next girl I’d see (because I don’t have standards, right? Because I’m a slut, right? because I’m instantly attracted to every woman I see, right?).
I am sick of people telling me that my fiancée will never be faithful to me because he likes men too (cause straight men never cheat).
I am sick of people telling both of us that we are “confused” or “in denial” about who we choose to sleep with. About how we have felt our whole lives.

I WONT LET YOU SHOVE US IN A CORNER ANYMORE.

Arsenic
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 11:20 am: [report]

How about, “I’m not racist, but I could never date a black guy.”
Is that OK too?

delovely
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]

@Arsenic: Actually, yeah, it is okay to say that. Because, surprise! surprise!, there are a million different factors that go into being “dateable.”

Mind you, this post wasn’t about if bisexual men/women are completely undateable AT ALL, but more if you PERSONALLY would be comfortably with dating a bisexual person. You obviously are. Some people, whether for good reason or not, just aren’t.

brandyalexander
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]

To me (and this is personal, and not against anyone who is bi or dates someone who is bi), this is a turn-off.  I have dated two bi guys before, one of whom hit on my best guy friend while we were on vacation.  Now, I know it depends on who you are dating, and how honest you are about communication, but to me it seems like trying to be in a monogamous relationship with someone who is attracted to penises AND vaginas is bound to go wrong.  In a straight, or a gay, relationship, monogamy requires you to forgo all OTHER penises and vaginas for your partner.  That is hard enough. 
Maybe I would consider dating a bi guy again if I was into sharing. 
Not to say it can’t work for some of you, but my honest answer to the question posed in the article, is “yes, yes, they are.”
And the race question has nothing to do with it, because your race has nothing to do with your sexual desires, whereas bisexuality has EVERYTHING to do with your sexual desires.  Please.

GreenAura
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]

@ Arsenic: I understand your frustration, feeling like there is judgment against you.  But I truly think its all about personal preference.  If you are comfortable with your man being bi, then that is so awesome for your relationship.  As for the black guy issue, again it is a personal preference.  I think some of the worlds most exquisite men are black (hello Taye Digss!) but I am not PHYSICALLY attracted to them, i.e. I probably wouldnt have sex with him.  Just a preference, nothing to do with race.

GreenAura
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]

*Taye Diggs, oops

cun7n1nja_
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 06:21 pm: [report]

Absolutely. I don’t really think about things like sexual orientation. I like people for people. I look at a person’s mind first, genitals second. That’s MY sexual orientation. I don’t have one, I guess. All kinds of couples have threesome fantasies and issues with unfaithfulness. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with commitment. Frankly, all this consists of are stereotypes.

@Arsenic: Amen.

Isista
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 06:43 pm: [report]

I don’t care about sexual orientation, to be honest. In fact, going through all of the guys I’ve ever dated or crushed on ended up being gay or bisexual. I’m bisexual, as is my current boyfriend, and I couldn’t be happier. A bi guy is no more inclined to cheat on you than anyone else, it’s just a matter of the specific guy you are with. Some may cheat, but it’s not *because* they are bi.

Isista
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 06:45 pm: [report]

@Arsenic: I absolutely love your post

Arsenic
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 08:55 am: [report]

@Isista and cun7n1nja_

Thanks you guys. It’s nice not to feel alone.

cutedevil122
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 08:18 pm: [report]

I love bi guys, all the bi guys i have ever met were so much more fun than straight guys & many of my guys friends are bi & i prefer to have bi guy friends than having girls as my friends cuz w/ bi guy friends i can talk w/ them bout so much more stuff & get there opinions on myself too & they will tell me the truth & i trust them more since we ezchange each others darkest secrets & i always stand up for them if someone has a problem w/ em being bi. Also my fiance is bi & he is a lot more fun than any straight guy i have dated & plus bi guys r into more freaked out new stuff.

mysterious
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 09:02 pm: [report]

I have dated a guy who was bisexual and will never again. They make me feel insecure and I just like feeling confident and comfortable in a relationship so I am going to have to say nope no bi guy will have me sorry.

H2oNsuNGlasSeS
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]

I would love to date a bi guy. It would increase my chances in having that dream threesome with 2 guys that I always wanted. Not only sexually would having a bi guy be fun, but we could check out cute boys together.

TantraforBobos
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:52 am: [report]

Across the board I’d have to say that *most* men are bi… just reallyreallyreally bad at acknowledging it.  I keep running into the ‘scientific’ view that male nipples, for example, are incapable of lactation.  Nonsense!  but the very idea makes most men go running for the codpiece. 

Check out my post on men’s bi-gendered talents:

http://tantra4bobos.blogspot.com/2009/10/milkmen-mirror-neurons-webcams.html 

TTFN,

Leu

KatoLeTomato
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 09:15 pm: [report]

@cun7n1nja_

Yes. Exactly. Thank you.

Honestly, my only problem with dating a bi guy would be how can girl bjs ever compare to guy bjs? Just sayin’

Gloom
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]

I don’t really care about sexual orientation, so I would certainly date a bisexual guy.

I’m also bisexual (although more interested in men) and I’ve had some hot kissing and almost-love-making with a couple of ladies (my boyfriend knows about it, but didn’t mind since: 1. it was work - I’m a model - although I enjoyed it immensely and 2. feelings were not involved), but my boyfriend absolutely refuses threesomes. I’ve told him I wouldn’t mind it, if it was with the right girl, but he’s completely not interested.

roastchicken
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 12:43 am: [report]

I actually lost my v card to a bi guy. I thought it was hot that he’s bi. I still think it’s hot. Then again, I’ve always gotten off to boy on boy porn anyway.

I’m straight, but I find it insulting to assume that just because a person is open to both sexes, that automatically predisposes them to cheating. C’mon, I’m sure they’re just as faithful as straight folks.

metro_mello
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 01:06 am: [report]

yeah i would be with a guy whose bi. I have before. So what if he likes two genders theres nothing wrong with opening your options. Well mabye if he was a little on the feminine side i wouldnt really date him but idf he was manly than sure why not. I dont see a problem with it. in fact my boyfriend told me he gets turned on by guys body. He thinks they are sexy but in no way would he ever kiss or be in a relationship with a guy. I think its a good experiance to go out with a buy guy :D

GreyWolf
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 08:03 am: [report]

I think the tone of most of the comments suggest that among straight individuals (both sexes) there is a concern that bi-sexuality in a partner means there is a need/desire that can’t be fulfilled.  Personally, I think there may be a tiny bit of truth to that.

BUT… there are always unfulfilled desires in a relationship.  Few couples ever have every one of their desires met.  The most common is probably different libidos (I want sex once a month and my wife wants it twice a day… I compromise and we have sex twice every other month ).  One partner ends up with a little less sex than they want, but it’s a “sacrifice” one makes because your partner is so much more important than that little bit of disappointment (and can be dealt with without a third party, anyway).

Bi-sexuality doesn’t imply an absolute NEED, it implies a desire.  And if your bi-sexual partner can’t control/sacrifice that desire for same-sex activity, then your relationship isn’t going to work for a lot of other reasons as well.  And if you’re fine with your partner fulfilling that need, and it doesn’t threaten you (or it even interests you), then that’s just one less stress on the relationship.  But it certainly won’t do anything about their snoring keeping you awake all night.

I think it’s just an aspect of the greater, overall relationship gestalt, and should be looked at that way.

cupcakeosaurus
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]

i honestly don’t think i could date a straight guy because of my strong support of gay rights.