Do Normal People Have Dates This Bad?
Posted by: DivineCaroline.com
Filed in:
relationships
7:00AM, Thursday March 26th 2009
I have had some bad dates. Not the yelling or fighting type. Not the kind where anyone gets left in a restaurant. No, my bad dates are the ones you don’t want to tell anyone. You know you could win the prize for worst date, but the prize is not worth your dignity. In fact, most times you don’t think about them. Maybe if you pretend they never happened they will magically be erased.
However, I do think it’s important that daters stick together and support one another. You know, when someone comes back from a really bad date, you try to cheer them up by telling them how it could have been worse. Or better yet, you tell them another bad date story. That way they don’t feel all alone because after all, misery loves company. Having said that, I will give you my award-winning bad date.
It actually happened pretty quickly, less time than it takes to get your eyebrows waxed—but much more painful. There was a guy who was pretty shy. He was not attractive, but he was always very nice, friendly, and polite to me. I didn’t really know him. I have some strange personality quirks, so I feel it’s only fair to at least have one date with someone before I put them on the “do not date list.” This may be why I have had so many dates that resemble a car wreck in slow motion. You see it coming and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
So he asks if he can bring me lunch at work. This sounds fine to me. I have two offices, one personal and one that everyone is always in. I figure we can have a nice lunch in the personal office, and after all, I only have a thirty-minute lunch break—how bad can that be? He brings lunch in, and we sit down, and I have just put the first bite in my mouth when he says, “There is some thing I need to tell you.”
Okay, I thought, that’s a little weird for a first date, but hey. “Oh, un-huh?”
“Yeah. For the last two years I have been sleeping with my sister.”
I remember not breathing. Just holding the food in my mouth, not chewing, feeling it grow cold. I must have had the strangest look on my face, because he proceeds to say, “Oh, but don’t worry, it actually has made me a better lover.”
At this point, I forget exactly what happened. Up until that point will probably be etched in my memory for the rest of my life, but after that statement, it’s all a little fuzzy. Something about how he would need to leave now, and no need to call me ... ever. And something about how he doesn’t understand why this is a problem. I remember thinking I can’t even eat this food he touched.
Wow, and my mom wonders why I spent so much time single.
By Covering Shy. Want to read more articles like this one? Visit DivineCaroline.com, or check out these related links:
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Perceptible
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 07:17 am: [report]
Oh. My. God!
Funny Face
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 07:20 am: [report]
I didn’t see that one coming!
crazyincarolina
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 07:22 am: [report]
too stunned to even laugh…wow
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 07:30 am: [report]
That is quite epic in it’s badness.
DesertLorelei
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 07:47 am: [report]
I have had some awful dates over the last few years, but absolutely nothing could compare with that. Epic really is the only word for that!
EarthGoddess
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 08:04 am: [report]
Wow ... I’m speechless!
cattgirl813
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]
Damn. I don’t think I would date again after that.
Bokkie
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 08:31 am: [report]
Wow, that definitely exceeded my expectations. In fact it has almost speechless… but really, you didn’t want some more details before you kicked him out?? Like…why, or how that happened? And what it was like to break up with a sibling, how family holidays would be conducted, or if his parents knew?
*I* want to know, that’s for sure.
joyy
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 08:31 am: [report]
oh ... wow ...
and I thought Kathryn Harrison’s “The Kiss” was ... odd and tragic ...
slip
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 08:36 am: [report]
That is so hot.
Humble Bee
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 09:04 am: [report]
I am speechless.. I think my mouth is still open.
That was so random, but hey, be happy you didn’t date him and THEN he told you that news.
lalaland
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 09:17 am: [report]
I think I would have given up on dating after that…
doridori
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]
No words can describe my utter and total shock.
writergirl
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]
My mouth fell open and the strawberry I had just popped in it fell onto my keyboard.
Wow. Hands down, you win.
Tigerlilly
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]
I’m with everyone else on this . . . completely shocked, baffled, and mortified! I will never, EVAH complain about one of my bad dates again!
retro chic
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]
Now we know why Reality TV exists, and will never cease to exist, with a bottomless well of untapped talent.
Lynn
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
I’m always curious to know: in cases of incest, how does it even happen? Even IF you have those unnatural urges towards a sibling, how would you EVER get up the gall, balls, or courage to actually MAKE A MOVE ON YOUR SISTER.
wouldntitbenice
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]
You met him on the Internet true of false? Those dates can be the WORST.
joyy
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
@Lynn - read Kathryn Harrison’s “The Kiss” it’s not a sibling incest story, but daughter meets long-absent father. It’s extremely well written and it’s not that long.
Also, watch HBO’s (or is it Showtime?) Rome.
retro chic
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 12:28 pm: [report]
@ wouldntitbenice, Interesting. I didn’t catch that at first.
My God, it occurs to me he’s trolling the dating sites to make a threesome. That wasn’t a date… it was an interview. Poor girl. It’s too bad she can’t gargle or brush that one out of her brain.
NdlovukaziThor
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]
That gave me chills. I think I would’ve puked on him.
You really have to wonder what horrific family dynamic could lead to BOTH the brother and his sister willingly engaging in sex for 2 YEARS.
!!!!!
wild-ting
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 03:46 pm: [report]
Stunned. I had to read it twice, no three times to make sure I didn’t miss something or misunderstand. OMG! Then I was just like…WTF?! Where did that come from, and WHY?!
Now, I am laughing hysterically with tears streaming down my checks cuz this is just too weird to be made up. Good news: And now he’s a better lover. Oh dear gawd…this was a bad date. Sorry.
ChoJinn
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 04:32 pm: [report]
I would not disregard the possibility that he may have simply, albeit sociopathically, been #&@$% with you. To come to your office for a “date” and then drop that on you with no fathomable solicitation or purpose reeks of just putting you on. He probably did it just to see how you’d react. Funny anyway.
mikeyellenlee
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 07:19 pm: [report]
Holy sh*t on a shingle. I don’t usually read things that make my jaw drop. Where did you meet this guy???
vanya
wrote on March 26 2009 @ 07:38 pm: [report]
I think ChoJinn brings up a good possibility. My college roommate’s marriage ended less than 6 months in, due to her discovery of her husband’s incestuous relationship with his sister. (Their father sexually abused both of them for most of their childhood) Her SIL and her husband denied their incestuous affair repeatedly, even when presented with indisputable photographic evidence.
slip
wrote on March 27 2009 @ 08:06 am: [report]
It’s a bizarre admission, especially for a first date, but it’s so bizarre that there’s probably no good time for it.
rsonnack
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 09:19 pm: [report]
Gotta go with Humble Bee on this one, at least he told you right away! Imagine if you had dated him and THEN he told you, like right after the first time you had sex! I would probably never have sex again if that happened to me…