Women’s Sexual Fantasies As Confusing As Ever
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
12:00PM, Friday May 8th 2009
A few months ago, I posted about a list of “women’s sexual fantasies” that appeared in Men’s Health. I wrote that the majority of the fantasies listed were “so off-the-mark and absurd, I [worried] about men incorporating these fantasies into their sexual routines and turning off women so dramatically that all sex becomes just a fantasy.” Many of you agreed that the list didn’t come close to reflecting women’s true fantasies, and Men’s Health must have listened because they’ve published a new list of women’s sexual fantasies—only these sound suspiciously like men’s top desires! After the jump, see what the publication is telling its (mostly male) readers we women want in the sack.
- To be watched as we “stimulate” ourselves
- To be dominated (hand-cuffing, spanking, hair-pulling)
- To have sex in public
- To make a homemade porn flick
- To have a threesome
Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t women who do fantasize about these things, but I can think of about, oh, a hundred other things most women desire more than, like, making a porn flick with their luvahs. In fact, if you asked women what their fantasies are, I bet most of the scenarios Men’s Health listed would even make the top five. Actually, we don’t have to speculate — we did ask women what their secret fantasies are, and you know what topped the list? Dirty-talk and gay porn. Spanking got a few mentions, too, but not a single person mentioned homemade pornos.
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CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 12:14 pm: [report]
Those aren’t bad, but it sounds like they are projecting a bit.
becktasm
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]
Ha! Right. We women are all DYING for threesomes. We love sharing our men! And as for homemade porn… jeese louise. My self esteems is already precarious enough as is, the last thing I need is to watch myself jiggle mid-coitus.
Ladies, who has heard this before:
“But, I wouldn’t have to have sex with her! I could have sex with you, while you pleasured her. I wouldn’t even touch her! I swear! Pleeeeeaaaaaaaase?”
theattack
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
Public sex, yes absolutely. Love it.
But no, I don’t want you to watch while I masturbate. I masturbate when I’m not getting it from you. If you want to see me pleased, then you have to work for it. And don’t worry, I do not want to watch you jack off either.
Really, what the heck? If I wanted to do that, I would just make my own internet web cam.
cattgirl813
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
You know what my fantasy is? To encounter a hetero man who doesn’t want a threesome or make a homemade porno, knows that sex outdoors is overrated, wants to stimulate me rather than watch me get myself off, will not even think about hair pulling, and doesn’t mind me giving him a swat on the butt. Fantasy has yet to become reality.
EarthGoddess
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]
@cattgirl813: LMAO!!! You crack me up!!!
I’ve personally done 4 out of the 5 listed above ... not sharing which 4. The other just doesn’t appeal to me or my husband (thank God!). They all actually seem kinda tame to me.
Tim
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
Me thinks thou dost protest too much. OK, maybe not, but I’ve not seen a “real” article here expressing the female view on their fantasies. Perhaps I missed it. I’ve seen a couple articles on what men think and how out to lunch we are on this topic. So educate us ladies—what’s your fantasy?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]
@Tim: They aren’t going to fall for that.
Lynn
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 01:22 pm: [report]
I don’t think the list is off. I see my regular-weeknight-sex on that list! But of course I won’t say which
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
@lynn: Easy, logic dictates which one.
tabby
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]
That is so clearly a guy’s list. The only thing missing is 6. Lots of anal sex.
(Although I will admit that I am game for a little bdsm now and again.)
cattgirl813
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
@Tim: Scroll up about two comments from yours, and you’ve got my contribution.
Goldfinch86
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]
To be honest I like all of those and just as it goes for most things in life, just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean that others don’t so back off ladies. Yes some of these can seem rather obsurd and scary and near xxx porno stuff but it’s actually normal and for many is a source of god stimulation. Sometimes not even doing it but just talking about it with your partner can make you excited. I understand that these are very broad speculations and that we don’t want to be simplified into a few thing that might interest men more but there are worse things that could have been on the list. Like “Secretly All Women Like Anal Play”. Not to be rude but I think some of you are being a little closed minded.
Arty
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]
There’s only one thing on that list I’d say is one of my fantasies, and I’m not saying which.
I would say that number 5 might be appealing, but it would have to be another dude, and I don’t think that’s what most guys have in mind.
Lynn
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 02:33 pm: [report]
CheeeeEEEEse - haha oh really. I thought about that before I posted, but then when I looked at the list I decided that you couldn’t figure out which. I mean, half of those things would be difficult to orchestrate on a Tuesday, but the other half would be pretty easy.
Little Lamb
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]
I’m one of the girls who would LOVE a threesome…I’d take my Cheese and John De Vore at the same time!
Little Lamb
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
Oops-he’s not “my” Cheese…
theattack
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 03:11 pm: [report]
Goldfinch:
I think what most of us are saying (or at least what I’m saying) is that we don’t want guys just reading that list and thinking that it’s our utmost fantasy, when there are other things we would like more. I don’t see anything wrong with those things or liking those things, and I do like most of them on the list. I just think the list is obviously missing a lot of the intimacy of sex that most women need the most, even if they do like the things on this list.
sunrise
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 03:53 pm: [report]
I think it was pretty funny how “25% of women want a threesome” turned into justification for trying one…
That said, they thing they never, EVER mention in these articles is that all people are different! Different things turn different people on; hell different things can turn the same person on depending on what mood their in. The things on that list should never be tried without asking the other party first, but they never say that. I can just see a whole lot of guys getting in trouble over things like this, and then saying, “but the magazine told me you’d like it!” The best thing to do, guy (and girls) is ask the other person what gets them hot, and then listen to them and do it. I personally really like number 1, cause that’s the only way I get off during sex. Number 2 can be fun in the right mood, and I’ve done Number 5 a few times, but it has to be under very specific circumstances. As for numbers 3 and 4, no way in hell…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]
@anyone actually considering a threesome: It’s not really a good idea, if you still really want to step back and discuss with your partner why you want one, but you must know going in what your partner also expects from it. Watch “Chasing Amy” (My favorite Kevin Smith movie BTW) to see how wrong things can go.
@Little Lamb: That is quite endearing, however I really don’t have a wish to fulfill that.
sunrise
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 04:41 pm: [report]
@ cheese: it’s much more doable if you’re not in a relationship with either of them, or with both of them at the same time…. but polyamorous relationships aren’t for most people.
rsonnack
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 04:50 pm: [report]
Well if we’re talking about fantasies here, i would say #3 would definitely be a fantasy but just would never happen in real life for the very real probability of getting caught…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 04:54 pm: [report]
@sunrise: Yes both those situations are doable (pun), however the implications usually don’t turn out too well. Seriously, having sex with one person on a whim is awkward enough, imagine waking up between two people.
sunrise
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 05:39 pm: [report]
@ Cheese: this happened with two of my guy friends and me once, after a very drunken night. And I’m pretty sure they kissed…. just think abotu that!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 09:01 pm: [report]
@sunrise: It makes me question the amount of fun I am having at 23…
Seriously, nobody invites me to anything, much less something that kinky. Big deal on the kiss too, it only matters to stuck up people. Being heterosexual myself, I have no problem with it, and I may even be pushing a Kinsey 1.5, but it still doesn’t stop me from soberly turning down gay guys who offer.
JLSGirl23
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 09:42 pm: [report]
Most of these don’t seem too bad, but it does seem to be stuff that you would see on a typical list of men’s sexual fantasies. However, I will say this. I know of a couple (they’re not together anymore), who did number three out in the open (when visiting a friend, in the woods, but never got caught), and at work (they weren’t actually seen, but they were heard by some coworkers). As for number two, the hair pulling was her fetish, not his. LOL
Tim
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 10:19 pm: [report]
Interesting follow up comments. I heard the comment I was hoping to hear and that is: everyone is different. One persons fantasy is another persons nightmare. I do think the bottom line is that women would rather be asked then have someone assume what would turn them on. My biggest fantasy: the fantasy that provides maximum sexual and physical pleasure and emotional/psychological satisfaction to both (or many) participants equally or as near equal as you can get. In other words, it’s good for both of you, not harmful (and probably best not to be illegal *smile*) and you both get equal, or near equal, pleasure from the fantasy. There is also nothing wrong with “you play my fantasy and I’ll play yours” as long as, again, there’s a mutual, balanced experience of pleasure and enjoyment.
mikeyellenlee
wrote on May 9 2009 @ 01:43 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse You’re a sweetheart.
lilo
wrote on May 9 2009 @ 04:15 am: [report]
@Arty: I agree! If it’s a threesome, it’s with two guys, with the girl calling the shots (vs the Rob Lowe “girl as object” scenario). Most of these men fantasies have the woman being more of the object, funny that.
Tim
wrote on May 9 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]
@Lilo I have enough time keeping one woman satisfied, so a fantasy of two to one, two women and me, would be intimidating but thoroughly worth the effort I guess. The real question is would a man be willing to engage in a 3-some with a woman and another man. Now THAT’s a situation most men would find difficult.
sunrise
wrote on May 9 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]
@cheese: don’t worry, as far as i know i’m the first person i know to do something like that… and it certainly wasn’t planned, it just kinda happened. you cant really plan those things… it just comes to a point in a situation where things could get crazy, or they could stay normal, and you all have to decide to just go with it…
and i think that’s awesome that you’re ok with being a 1.5. thats around where i am too, seeing as how i think making out with girls and stuff can be fun, but i still mostly like guys. most guys that i know are so hyper-vigilant about their sexuality that they couldn’t conceive of admitting to kissing another guy and liking it. i thought it was hot when i saw my two guy friends making out (so i lied, it was a bit more than just a kiss). i think more guys should be ok with doing stuff like that!
kristy1584
wrote on May 11 2009 @ 11:27 am: [report]
I have NEVER fantasized about a three-some thats definately a man thing. The rest though, I have fantasized about all of those at some point or another.
landesign
wrote on May 13 2009 @ 09:58 pm: [report]
My take on the 5 items:
1. A variation of this. We can still touch each other and
ourselves at the same time.
2. No.
3. Maybe after a late dinner, a spontaneous moment on the
trunk of the car, in a dark corner of a parking lot.
4. Definitely! Then lock it in the safe.
5. It is OK to talk about a threesome at the right moment.
To go through with it, not!
Natasha
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 08:22 pm: [report]
Never wanted a 3some… it’s to much competition.
However, Yes give me a MAN in bed!
CheekyGirl
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]
Remember the good old days of student/professor dreams? While, I may be down for the 3some, there would be two men…