When It Comes To Sexual Partners, We Are Above Average
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
sex
6:30AM, Friday March 13th 2009
Either I am the world’s greatest slut (and need a T-shirt that says that, pronto), or there just isn’t enough love in this world! According to the National Center for Health Statistics, women have an median average of four sex partners in their lifetime. Please, I’ve been trying to have four partners this week! Now, perhaps this statistic also includes Granny No-One-Gets-In-My-Panties, but the number seems amazingly low with women like me, Madonna, Jenna Jameson, and Jezebel’s old Slut Machine, who are so beyond the average we’re probably off the CDC’s graph! Really, with all the tramps in the world upping the statistic, the national average still four? We can’t do all the men by ourselves! Actually perhaps we can. Men, on average, have nearly double the amount of sexual partners women do—lucky number seven. Guess everything I heard in high school was true, some girls are sluts and some girls are prudes. But one thing is clear, every dude is a sex machine. Lifescript.com]
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fallenangel915
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:03 am: [report]
That number DOES seem amazingly low! Well, I recall a list that I used to keep back in the day in which I gave the names (first names only) of the guys I’d slept with (I was really young, dumb and full of you-know-what back then), and the number of times I’d actually slept with them. To be honest, even back then that list was a bit…ahem…long, and even though I am old enough now to not give a tinker’s damn about what people think of how many men (or women, heh-heh) I’ve slept with, I shudder to think of how long that list would be now. Thank God for the wisdom of age (well, I’m 27 now) and the fact that I’ve been in a (gasp!) monogamous relationship for the past year and a half!
Rose
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:11 am: [report]
The number is low because people misrepresent themselves on these surveys. Men tend to overreport and women to underreport their numbers, due to both social pressure (he’s a player, she’s a slut) and different methods of counting. Men tend to come up with a guess-timate, like hm, let’s say, 23, whereas women tend to try to think back and count them all, a method that tends to skip a few, whether you use it for sex partners or number of times you buy milk in a month. But I will say I’m glad to know I’m above average at something, too
.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:16 am: [report]
I think there is some fibbing going on here. Women don’t want to be portrayed as sluts, hence the fib.
dirtyboots
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:35 am: [report]
This is just the kind of statistic that perpetuates the “slut” myth for women. If a woman knows this information and is thinking the average is four partners in a lifetime, and if she has more than that (which seems pretty likely) then it can be easy for her to fall into the trap of feeling abnormal, a.k.a. slutty. According to these stats, I’m a big ol’ slut, but according to me, and even in comparison with other women I know, I’m on the more conservative end of the spectrum still.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:40 am: [report]
They made a shirt for you: http://tiny.cc/fKe8R
Don’t look at the others unless you aren’t easily offended.
lalaland
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:45 am: [report]
I don’t know who they’re surveying… but the average number of partners of my friends is more like 6 (and that is including the 2 friends who have been in monogamous relationships for the last 5 years)! I think the number would be more accurate if they split the results by generation.
lalaland
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:47 am: [report]
I think Frisky should do its own survey/poll and find out what the average is for us readers. Now that might be more accurate!
cattgirl813
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:58 am: [report]
Four? I don’t know if this means I’m an overachiever or a total slut. On the upside, my number is a multiple of four….
wild-ting
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 08:06 am: [report]
Wot! No way.
I quit counting my lovers at 13. Maybe they need to define “lovers”. There are guys I had sex with but definitely didn’t love, and didn’t have a relationship with, and one I didn’t even know his name.
I’m no slut but I do enjoy sex…thank you very much.
Lovers could mean in a regular relationship. For me that is 4. Friends with benefits, well that’s A LOT. My motto is ‘One can never have too many friends.’
fallenangel915
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 08:31 am: [report]
I embrace my sluttiness. Hell, why shouldn’t I? You only live once. I practice safe sex, and it’s made me a damn good lover, if I say so myself. I only cringe to think of the total number of men I’ve slept with because I know that out of all of them, I probably only actually enjoyed #&@$% a handful. What a waste.
Bean's Girl
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]
I have only been with 3 men so I guess I fall into the category of being a prude, which is fine with me. I’d rather be considered a prude than a slut. I married the third one though so he is soaking up all the sex I would have had with other men lol.
justme
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]
I think this poll also needs to consider at what age people got married. Bean’s Girl looks young so 3 would be normal. I have a friend that was just as promiscuous as me but she married young so as my number has grown over the 7 years since her wedding, hers has remained countable on one hand.
retro chic
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 09:16 am: [report]
Any way you slice it, I can personally vouch that number is wrong. And, as someone who seriously gets headaches when the frequency dips between new relationships, I would have been tanning on my yacht from pharmaceutical investments by now. Sometimes my “ex”-cedrins are back-up, too.
Bean's Girl
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 09:30 am: [report]
@justme
I’m 26 so yeah I guess that’s still kinda young….but, I sure don’t feel young.
My ex-best friend lost her virginity at 14 and was with over 40 different guys (she kept a list) by the time she was 17.
Chelle
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
My guy count was 4 when I was 20. If I had married my ex-fiance it would have stayed that way. Of course I probably would’ve gotten a divorce and my numbers would have still sky-rocketed.
mayfaire
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 10:08 am: [report]
Don’t worry so much, I think you guys are fine.
First, median isn’t an average—it just refers to the ‘middle’ number of the distribution (so person 50 out of 100 people had 4 partners, but what if the subsequent 49 people all had 400 partners?). And second, the actual report is full of way more heartening numbers… for example, between 5-10% of women have had greater than 15 partners (that’s one in ten!). Also these are national statistics… I’d definitely argue there are WAY different cultural norms between states on what is appropriate for # of sex partners.
More worrying, if you look at the graph of median numbers, the age at which ‘4’ is reported for women starts at 25-29 and stays there through 44 (which is the highest age they report… what, like we stop having sex at 44?). I suspect the 24-29 thing is an effect of getting married and staying monogamous. But for men the # of partners pauses at 24-29 (6 partners), but then begins to climb again at 35-39 (7) and 40-44 (8). What’s going on here??
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/ad/ad362.pdf
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
Yes, statistics, we know. However ask a person on the street what a median is or where Afghanistan is on a map and they give you a dumb look.
sklut
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]
Seriously? 4? That’s it… Oh boy I must take after my brother cause I guess I’m a huge slut. Well my brother at the lovely young age of 24 has been with 40+ partners, I’m nowhere NOWHERE close to that number cause that’s just ridiculous but according to this survey someone should tell me to keep my knees together and my feet on the ground.
cougiex
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
I agree there is not enough love in the world…. But is that really connected to the number of partners you have? Since when were love and sex the same thing?
Sex can be a good expression of love… but it means so much more to me how my boyfriend took care of me when I was puking my guts out (right before he had to take an exam which he hadn’t studied much for yet) than anything he could ever do for me between the sheets!
writergirl
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
Well….wait. How are we counting the numbers. Actual intercourse had with a person or other thigns?
Depending on that factor I am either above or below average.
Isabela Laval
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 01:24 pm: [report]
I have every single sexual encounter of mine written down in my journal. Some have full names, other entries just have “Rugby player from England”. After reading this article, I went and updated the list. The count is somewhere in the 30s. And I’m in my 30s. So apropos!
Have fun, be responsible, stay honest and hurt no one.
EarthGoddess
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
@Bean’s ... I’m below average, too. I was married the first time when I was only 21, and had been with him since I was 16. I remarried when I was 27, and have only slept with men I’ve married. So, that gives me a grand total of 2. I don’t think I missed out on anything ...
Trixie Firecracker
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]
I would like to see the data separated geographically (South, Midwest, Northeast, West, or something to that nature) because I’m sure a geographical (and therefore, moral/cultural) divide is what’s responsible for that number. See this: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/03/081103fa_fact_talbot?currentPage=all
metro_mello
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 10:04 pm: [report]
hookers have more sex than that or pornb stars >.< whatever there called
cbloon
wrote on March 14 2009 @ 09:54 pm: [report]
I had a grand total of four sex partners up until the age of 51. Now I’m at fourteen. It’s been a good year.
outragesdale
wrote on March 15 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]
Well, looks like I am a tramp. What an odd thing to learn after a light lunch on a Sunday spring afternoon! Seriously, I call #&@$% on this one. Either the data was taken from a high school prom after-party or the ladies were not being honest. I have had three different partners in my life, and am about to turn 26. Let’s be for real here: my number is low, not red-hot-ticket high.
Jill
wrote on March 15 2009 @ 06:00 pm: [report]
Is there an age group that they polled or is it all women, even the ones who are 80 and never had sex with anyone except who they married? I bet if they polled women 18-40 they’d have a MUCH larger number.
CuteCora
wrote on March 17 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]
Well I am pretty sure that I would have hit the *TRAMP* mark… LOL! The average is only 4..then I am well above average. They say if a man says he slept with 12 women it means that it was more like 7..haha and if a women says she slept with 5 men it’s more like 11 hahaha! This is not true for all men and women but I am sure for a good few of us! And hey it’s ok..to be a slut sometimes…right…right…? LOLOL
CuteCora
wrote on March 17 2009 @ 08:51 am: [report]
P.S Never track the Amount..I like not knowing..does that sound bad… I bet it does! LOL See this is why I am now a Married women!
Erin G
wrote on March 17 2009 @ 11:20 am: [report]
I love how people are like “20 partners when you’re in your 20s is a slutty number!”
Dude…I wasn’t even out of high school yet at that watermark. I’d rather be a slut than a prude. Our bodies gave us the ability to feel pleasure and I’m not about to go waste it on one or two experiences. Gimme a harem of men, please.
vanya
wrote on March 18 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]
Both those number seem off, for women and for men.
joyy
wrote on March 18 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]
Low numbers doesn’t necessarily make you a prude, and given that there *are* plenty of women who marry young or do the monogamy thing like it’s their job, I’m not stunned at the number.
At 23, I’m at two, and both of those were boyfriends. Know why there aren’t more? Because the dating in between was slim pickins and when I can hardly find a guy I want to eat dinner with, finding one I’ll actually go to bed with is even harder. I gotta say though, with the man-candy littered all over the small town I live in these days, I would be adding more to the list if I weren’t taken ... but I am!
How about those of us with low numbers won’t call you high-number girls sluts if you don’t call us low-number girls prudes - cause it’s not always accurate and it sure as hell isn’t anyone else’s business. Deal?
EarthGoddess
wrote on March 18 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
@joyy: I couldn’t agree more! I’m 29 and still at 2 ... I plan on staying that way forever, too.
Kiki T
wrote on March 18 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]
it’s like age and weight—it’s not about the number, but what you feel
CuteCora
wrote on March 18 2009 @ 01:29 pm: [report]
I think I love this article.. hands down ! @kiki t! Great point, it’s not about the # it’s all on how you feel about it! I have a friend who has slept with 6 guys and she thinks that she is Slutty..I know people who have had more and dont think that they are a slut ..it is all how you precieve it!
Penthesilea
wrote on March 19 2009 @ 08:46 pm: [report]
I love this, too! I’m thirty, have never been married, and feel like a nun because I’ve ONLY slept with 6 guys! I go for months between sexual partners; right now it’s been over 18 months since I last had sex of any kind. I once had a dry spell of over two years.
So does that make me more or less of a “slut” than someone who has had sex with the same person several times a week for many years?
lawngnome
wrote on March 20 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]
Liar, liar, pants on fire. I think people should be less concerned about the number of partners someone has had so much as… has this person had protected sex everytime, have they been regularly tested for all STD’s, etc? I am constantly surprised by how often I encounter someone who don’t use condoms or get tested between each partner.
bizzy
wrote on March 23 2009 @ 01:58 am: [report]
In the words of the ever astute Cher Horowitz: AS IF!
mavsqueen2010
wrote on April 11 2009 @ 05:52 pm: [report]
perhaps they haven’t included people in college cuz my girlfriends and I have at least 4 partners in a month. (Except my sister because she’s taken)
lovely_j
wrote on April 13 2009 @ 12:14 pm: [report]
I’m 26 and I’ve been with 30+ guys & girls and I’m waaaaaay below average for the people I went to college with. I know ladies who slept with hundreds and hundreds of men. I feel that my experiences allowed me to know what I want, don’t want and have a lot of fun in the process. I don’t regret anything. It’s made me appreciate the monogamy of marriage and the benefit of having a best friend for life.
BrianaG221
wrote on April 15 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]
This number is ridicuously low. Its a shame we have to take moves like American Pie just to realize that men alwys increase their numbers and women always decrease. I personally am more into having safe sex and not worrying about my numbers increasing, than trying to stick with the “norm”.