Why My Ex…Rules?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
relationships
11:30AM, Monday June 8th 2009
After you’ve been dumped it’s pretty easy to think up things that sucked about your ex. Why My Ex Sucks wants you to “condense your bitterness” into three reasons why your ex is the worst and submit them for public enjoyment. Some of the greatest include:
“He had a twisted relationship with his twin sister. He referred to her as ‘his girlfriend.’”
“He was so dumb that at one point he thought I made up both the names ‘Hamlet’ and ‘Shakespeare.’”
“When we broke up and I kicked him out, he proceeded uninstall and steal our toilet.”
All of this makes for loads of amusement, but you know what’s harder, and possibly even more therapeutic in, like, a healthy way, than coming up with three awful things about your ex? Coming up with three ways in which they totally ruled. My ex and I used to play a game called “Look at the things I’ve brought into your life,” in which we’d list random fun stuff we introduced each other to. For example, thanks to me, my ex is now a Democrat, got to go to Carnival in Trinidad, and eats green vegetables with some frequency. I attempt to return the positivity, after the jump…
My ex rules…
1. Because it was his idea to adopt a dog: Lucca may have fallen in love with me first, but it was his idea to even adopt a dog in the first place. I was worried we weren’t ready for the responsibility. He also took on much of the early training, as he took her to work with him for the first year or so of her life. And then when we broke up, I know he wouldn’t have even considered fighting me for ownership.
2. Because he introduced me to the culinary awesomeness that is raw beef: Have you ever had beef carpaccio? You should. After my ex made this for me on one of our earlier dates, I ate it basically every night for, like, a week straight. It was THAT GOOD.
3. Because for a long time he made me feel very loved: And nothing can really invalidate that.
So give it a go, gals. Why does your ex rule?
- Things That Will Get An Ex To Take You Back (And Some Things That Really Won’t)
- Poll: Would You Dump A Guy If He Showed His Buddies A Racy Photo You Sent Him?
- Dear Wendy: Can Ex-Lovers Be Roomies?
- Celebrities Who Look Way Older Than They Are (Starpulse)
- Help Your Guy Choose the Perfect Mustache (Maxim)
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Arty
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 11:34 am: [report]
Amelia, after reading about your engagement, break-up, and return to dating (gods, I feel like such a stalker), I’m so glad that you’re able to look back and see the positive things that your relationship provided that are still in your life even though the relationship is over.
Alison Wonderland
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:05 pm: [report]
I don’t know if my ex is my ex, or if he’s my bf in waiting (we’ve never had anything negative to say about one another, we were just struggling and need to figure things out from a different perspective I guess)... I’ve always been really level headed and never got mad at him because really, how often do the things people bicker about really matter in like, 20 minutes? So he liked to push my buttons and see just how much it would take to get me angry. An evil game… but recently he did what’s probably going to turn into the most thoughtful thing he’s ever done for me- he broke up with me. I need to get my life in gear and find a job, and he knows that this will push me outside me comfort zone and I’ll get serious about it. So that’s sort of awesome even though it sucks…
Humble Bee
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]
oh gosh, before I broke up with him I made my own list of pros and cons and if the cons outweighed the pros then it was definitely over.
1. He was nice, always brought me soup and medicine when I was sick.
2. He cared about my family, and wouldn’t mind when I felt like taking one of them on our dates to Chuck E. Cheese.
3. He was a sweet talker. At the beginning of our relationship he wouldn’t shut up about how “pretty” I was, and how lucky he was to be with me. It got nauseating after the 3d year or so…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]
Yay for not being vindictive!
Kiki T
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]
My exes all rule because they’ve all moved far away!
sam04
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]
Let’s see.
#1: He always, always, always told me he thought I was beautiful.
#2: He was a fabulous cook and did 90% of the cooking when we we lived together.
#3: He paid off a portion of my student loans when we were together. I’ve been paying him back bit by bit, but hasn’t demanded a lump sum that he knows I can’t afford. Our payment plan continues even though our relationship isn’t.
Kiki T
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
Okay, I’ll say something nice…one of my exes rule because he saved my beloved Bauddha (my cat). He found her a lump in her breast early on and the early detection helped me save her, which resulted in her beating breast cancer and living 9 extra months…rounding out my love affair with her to be a total of 4 years, 9 months and 23 days!
chouette
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]
The problem with this, for me, is that I already am well aware of the good things the ex brought to the table- I’m not the one who dumped -him-. :/ It’s good to be positive eventually, but initially it might be best to focus on the negatives for awhile until you can move on! Otherwise, this is just sad…
bogart4017
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]
One good thing is my ex was the second freakiest sex partner i have ever had. Almost anything went and she was never ashamed about it.
angelspinning
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 01:03 pm: [report]
My ex and I broke up because we were going to be several thousand miles apart for a year straight. So he’s still a good friend
Lynn
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
I guess I’ll go with my most current ex.
1) He never made me feel anything less than loved and beautiful
2) He introduced me to the beauty that is boxer briefs
3) He was very polite and friendly…a great person to take home to the parents or out with new friends
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]
1) He always made me feel sexy and beautiful.
2) He always put up with my crazy mood swings.
3) He always told me he loved me, even when he was mad at me.
sarberry
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
I’m going with the only ex who really meant something to me:
1. He always tried to do whatever he could to help me whether it bring me soup when I was sick, lend me money when I was broke and hold me when I was sad.
2. He would tell me everyday that he loved me and thought I was beautiful.
3. We could tell each other everything and he never made my dreams feel silly or unachievable. He believed in me and helped me to believe in myself.
I miss him. It’s been 5 years and it seems that I simply miss him more each day. But he’s married now and happy and so all I’m left with are these memories. ;-/
juliePS
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]
He was the most ridiculously hilarious and fun friend a girl could have. As a significant other, he was overbearing and obsessively jealous, but just as a friend, we had a riot together every time we went out.
SassySexpert
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]
This just made me ridiculously tears-in-the-eyes sad. Isn’t it - in the short-term - easier to get over them when you think of all the ways your ex sucks?....and then later, when you finally are resolved that its over….you can remember the nice things.
It’s the nice memories of us - not the memories of bad moments - that break my heart.
Bad Breakup
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]
I only have one ex, and unfortunately I can only come up with one nice thing to say:
She gave me a discount on rent.
becktasm
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]
1. He grew one seriously majestic beard.
2. When my cat ran away, he went hunting for her and ventured into some serious thorns to capture her and bring her home safely.
3. He had amazing musical taste.
Wise-aleck
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 07:59 pm: [report]
Introduced me to Venice.
MoonBabye
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]
1. He never took himself too seriously (sometimes that was the problem!)
2. We could talk about anything or nothing for hours and it always felt like the best portion of my day.
3. He kept tea at his house for me because I 5don’t drink coffee, so I’d always wake up to a steaming cup at his place
4. Best sex ever and it was because he was alllll about pleasing me (definitely was mutual)
5. When he wasn’t hounding me for back rubs, he gave the best ones.
6. No matter how long we went without seeing each other, the running jumps (me practically tackling him and wrapping my legs around him…le sigh, that’s why I love tall men) and make out sessions felt like the first few dates.
Isabela Laval
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 08:09 pm: [report]
Too many wonderful things to list on here, or else I’ll be at fault for crashing the servers. Ooh, my heart just ached. Must be either angina or mourning.
bbpickles
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 10:00 pm: [report]
I was just trying to figure out why I can’t resist #&@$%! I just got home from a date with a guy who was nothing but nice! He didn’t ask me to come home with him, but made plans with me for tomorrow!!! Why do I think this is weird?
Anyway the ex…
1. He made me feel incredibly sexy/hot/beautiful.
2. He could make me laugh, all the time!
3. He wanted to cuddle after sex, and in the morning.
4. We had super cute pillow talk.
Too bad he liked to get #‘s from other chicks while I was sitting right there!
Olivia Allin
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 10:59 pm: [report]
1. @MoonBabye totally with you on the running jumps when we were reunited—legs wrapped around hips, tall guys, etc.
2. Introduced me to The National, Lucero, and Deer Tick.
3. Made me feel okay about being a clotheshorse because we could get excited about wearing themed ensembles when we went out.
4. Made me appreciate sleeping next to someone when we’d wake up in amazing positions, liked stacked like chairs sideways.
5. Gave me a standard by which to judge all other relationships because now I know what love feels like…which is probably why I feel un-dateable now but is totally probably a good thing in the long run. Cough. Wheez.
Oliveira
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 07:08 am: [report]
1. Made me feel sexy and desired even when I, frankly, wasn’t.
2. Had exactly the same sense of humour as me.
3. Helped with the chores a LOT. (In fact, did most of them himself.)
LinSea
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]
His hugs felt(feel) like home.
theoldman
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]
Amelia, your best column ever. Everyone forgets what was good about the other that attracted us in the first place. What is important is to take what is positive from our experience and use it again. It is like taking the test and getting 4 out of 5 questions right. Next time maybe you get all 5 questions right. This is the way you move forward into a better next time. You convey a positive aura instead of negative to those you meet and that does make a difference.
MoonBabye
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]
@Olivia. Thanks! You also just made me think of something re: sleeping together. I have a hard time sleeping next to people, even if its an ongoing thing. Either I’m in total Mom-mode (not a mom though, weird) or am a bed hog. Anyway, my ex used to reach for me in his sleep, hug me really tightly when he “found” me for a bit then go right back to his side. Not sure if he even knows he did this but that was one of the hardest parts about breaking up. And I seriously doubted this man’s feelings for me. *le sigh*
Titi
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 06:57 pm: [report]
I can totally relate to this article. I would not be who I am today without the influence of a certain ex. He is a wonderful man and still a very close friend. Why he rocks:
1. He taught me what a normal, healthy, stable, relationship is like. I’d only known abuse before him. He treated me with utmost respect, refused to fight, spoiled me rotten, and supported me through terrible times. He gave me a standard on which to judge all my later relationships.
2. He harassed me into going back to school.
3. He encouraged my intellect through stimulating conversation, my curiosity by encouraging me to travel, and my sense of humor by being ridiculously goofy.
4. He taught me forgiveness.
Now he is like a brother to me. I am very thankful for his friendship.
Amelia McDonell-Parry
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]
@Arty I really do try to disengage myself from the negative thoughts associated with our most recent interaction—the breakup—to remember that there were very very very very good reasons why I loved this person. The thing that is the bummer, that inevitably draws me back into the negativity, is that those were the reasons I would have fought very hard to save us. Unfortunately I couldn’t do it alone. C’est la vie!
prometheus
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 03:45 pm: [report]
At the ripe old age of 41, I fell in love for the first time, with my now ex gf. We fell hard and fast for each other. It’s only been 2 months, and I am far from over her. The lump in my throat just got going.
I’ll never forget her. Despite the many hurdles, red flags, insane challenges, and 5-hour meltdowns resembling a bad reenactment of * Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? *, I miss her incredibly.
She loved unconditionally and without reserve - and above all else, made me look at my own values on looking for love. She taught me that looking for perfection in a partner is not always best - something I have slowly learned.
1. She always brought over my favorite chocolate + custard donut from 7/11.
sunrise
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 06:10 pm: [report]
my ex rocked because he was the first one (and only, really) who ever made me feel completely and totally safe and loved, regardless of what i was looked or felt like… unshowered, unshaved legs, sick, +10 pounds, whatever, he still thought i was the sexiest thing going.
he was also the first one to get me off by himself, without any help from me (yay!).
fifi
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 08:45 pm: [report]
I think this is nice because it helps you get over some bitterness you feel over a break-up, take the good things that you learned from the relationship, and move on with your life (though this might be a really hard approach if your ex abused you or cheated on you).
Actually, the good thing about my ex is that he was older than me and more experienced in relationships. He realized that it just wouldn’t work (he was older and more serious, and the lifestyle our careers allow us to have is so incompatible) and ended it before it spiraled downward. Months after, I began to think more objectively about it and finally understood. My boyfriend now is so completely different from him, but I almost feel like he is my soulmate, and I’ve never felt it with anybody else.