Why Do Women…?
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
7:00AM, Wednesday May 27th 2009
Last week the site Truth Merchants posted a long article that shed light on some of the many things that confuse women about men. (Don’t understand why guys ask for your phone number only to text or email, never call you? Check out the article for an explanation.). We figured there were probably just as many men who are as confused by women’s behavior as we are by theirs, so we asked a bunch of guys what they’d like answered about us and our inbox was flooded with questions. After the jump, I tackle 10 of those questions — feel free to email the answers to your boyfriends, brothers, guy friends or anyone you think would benefit from a little insight into the female psyche, and be sure to check back tomorrow when I tackle 10 more pressing questions about why we women are the way we are.
1. Why do women always ask ‘whats wrong?’ all the time?
Because you’ve been acting mopey, despondent, crabby, distracted, moody and/or distant lately and won’t tell us why. Women bond with others through the sharing of their thoughts and feelings — admittedly, sometimes a little too much sharing — so we can’t quite get our heads around people who keep their emotions all bottled up, especially from those who are closest to them. Some women are also so insecure that anything less than 100% engagement from you all the time means you’re losing interest, so they ask “what’s wrong?” as an attempt to re-engage you.
2. Why do women never admit when they’re drunk?
They don’t? What women are you hanging out with, because pretty much every woman I know not only admits when she’s drunk, she’ll yell it out loud, usually with arms raised above her head in victory, each hand cradling a bottle of beer, cleavage heaving in a low-cut top, eyes half-closed, and mouth agape. But maybe that’s just the circle I run in. If the women you know really aren’t admitting when they’re drunk, it’s probably because they don’t want to encourage you to take advantage of them. Or, maybe they secretly hope you’ll keep buying them drinks.
3. Why do women wear clothes that make them uncomfortable and then say it’s to make themselves feel good?
Because most clothes and accessories that are uncomfortable — high heels, skinny jeans, skintight dresses — are sexy and sexy clothes make us feel good about ourselves because they make guys drool and women jealous.
4. Why do women act innocent when we know they’re not?
Someone sounds a little bitter…
5. Why do women think that it’s okay to use their sexuality to get what they want?
Why wouldn’t they? Doesn’t it make sense for everyone to use everything they have that might help them get what they want? Women use their sexuality as well as their intelligence, charm, power, money, knowledge, and connections to get what they want. They’d be idiots not to.
6. What’s the deal with ‘a man in uniform’?
It’s not so much the uniform as the body under it. Most guys in uniform have jobs that require ultimate physical fitness, so their bods are usually effing hot. Uniforms are cut in a way that accentuates their muscles and gives them a certain authoritative look that recalls so many of our teacher-student type fantasies. Mmmm…..
7. I have this theory I call the Domino Theory: Once one of your friends gets married it seems like a large number fall shortly thereafter. Is there some pressure, or is this coincidence?
Yeah, there’s usually a trend among friends to marry around the same time, as well as have kids at a similar time, lose parents around the same time, retire at the same time and have age-related health problems at the same time, too. It’s not “coincidence” and it’s not “pressure”—it’s called being in similar age groups.
8. Anyone experienced the biological clock?
Yes — about 90% of women over the age of 30.
9. Why are women generally so bad at meeting their male friends’ new girlfriends?
Insecurity. They may not want you for themselves, but they also don’t want any other woman stealing their place in your life.
10. You don’t really believe we can still be friends, do you?
Not really. But we also don’t really believe it’s totally over forever, either. By keeping you around under the guise of “friendship,” we not only make it easier to keep tabs on your love life, we keep the door open for a possible reconnection…or, at least a booty call during a dry spell.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 07:19 am: [report]
I’ve been here long enough, and I’d like to call myself observant enough to of written this myself. Also, I’m guilty of number 1.
misspixie
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 07:27 am: [report]
In addition to number 1 - I’d like to add an addition of ‘what are you thinking?’ too. I am sooo guilty of that.
jnm9jem
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 07:37 am: [report]
number 10 is the best :]
sam04
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 07:49 am: [report]
On #9… I don’t think women are bad at meeting their male friends’ girlfriends but vice versa. The majority of my friends are guys and their girlfriends never even WANT to meet me. If I’ve been friends with someone for 5+ years and nothing’s ever happened, what on earth would make someone insecure enough to think that I’m trying to steal their boyfriend now?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 07:53 am: [report]
@sam04: Easy, some women are bat-#&@$% crazy.
sam04
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:00 am: [report]
I guess that’s why the majority of my friends are guys. Less craziness to deal with.
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:05 am: [report]
If someone says lets still be friends after a breakup separation…I say, lets not lol
As to the rest of the items listed, I am sooo tempted to ask questions about each but they would be snarky and not truly intended to receive an honest answer so I wont. =)
retro chic
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:21 am: [report]
Neither my friends nor I relate to that article. To the men:
1. You’re educated, don’t have a head injury, and are sleeping with me… SO, TALK.
2. Agree with Wendy. We do admit it. You must only know the alcoholics.
3. I’ve already had my child, and don’t need to do the Mating Call costumes. I dress from my own comfort zone, a smile, a little extra bling or makeup and great hair. Take it or leave it.
4. This deserves a real answer: Because we’re actresses. Tho, I enjoy challenging that.
5. Men use their sexuality too. You dress, use your hands in alluring ways to demo your prowess, the stare, the strut, etc. And that’s just for your car…
6. Yeah…hard-bodied Republicans. Pass.
7. Agree with Wendy. They’re called “booms.”
8. Agree with Wendy. But it was a ticking clock attached to a bomb. The radiation was leaking off me until I became pregs… like being “in heat” for years instead of days.
9. Agree with Wendy. And goes for the exes too, see 10.
10. Agree with Wendy. That has only happened once… now.
The funny part is, I find men are the last people to be giving insights into men.. let alone women.
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:34 am: [report]
1) Just as it bothers some or most women that men don’t talk as much or all the time or some days not at all, it bothers us to be asked why. When we say nothing is wrong, usually that may just be the case. Rather than forcing a man to talk when he doesn’t feel like it, maybe just relax and take the situation at face value. Speaking in general and not to anyone specific here.
10) I think men are better suited to give insight to male culture rather than women. Call me crazy.
retro chic
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:37 am: [report]
ECM, male culture in the wild, YES. Men IRL, no… from my experience that is.
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:39 am: [report]
Agree to disagree on that I suppose
Fizzy
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 09:58 am: [report]
@ECM but when we say nothing’s wrong, it means something is probably wrong and we just want a little more prying first before we spill.
Muttface
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 10:56 am: [report]
You ladies are so complicated, I think I need to take a nap after reading this column.
@retro chic- I disagree with you on number five. I think you are getting confidence and sexuality confused. Men don’t generally walk around shirtless and in cowboy hats to get what they want. And if they do, it usually isnt women.
bogart4017
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
These sound like a lot of cliches. I don’t know a lot of women like this (except the uniform and the drunkness of course). The funny thing is women don’t have to admit it. Most of the ones i know have eyes that shine after two margaritas. Its cute that night but the next day they ain’t so much fun to be around. Funniest thing of all—i found out about ten years ago Midol works wonders for female hangovers. Try it out!
retro chic
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]
Haha, Muttface, yes, we are complicated, much to our own chagrin. I for one, must nap, too.
Also, I think sexuality and confidence are symbiotic. I don’t know the folks you’re talking about (except in movies—I live in LA, hence the car ref)... I’m referring to more subtle physical/non verbal cues BEFORE meeting and talking. The strutting and stare may be overstated somewhat, ie, let’s expand and say direct eye contact can be sexual, a well-timed display of muscles, and the sexually-competent walk is unmistakable, among the others mentioned. Those men know it and use it. Btw, those things don’t nec do much for us as these outer appearances quickly give way to more substantial assessments, I hope.
Lynn
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]
For #10 - uhhh, there was a huge debate about this a week or so ago when an article with this topic went up on the Frisky. I think it’s fair to say that we were all pretty evenly split on that, so I don’t think the answer to #10 represents half of the Frisky population.
For #1 - I hate when a guy acts all mopey and then acts like I’m doing him a huge inconvenience by asking what is wrong. If you don’t want me to ask, don’t walk around acting like your world is ending. Put on a happy face until you’re ready to talk - I can’t deal with walking on eggshells because something is apparently 1) so horribly wrong that you are in this pissy, gloomy mood and 2) not a big enough deal to tell me about it. Being obviously unhappy but unwilling to tell me about it is just begging for attention. Something as simple as “I had a bad day at work” will suffice.
TruthMerchants
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 12:14 pm: [report]
Thanks for the shout out!! I love The Frisky so this was cool for me. As for your answers? Good stuff. To the point and brutally honest. I relish the chance to hear women candidly talk about women. Good times…
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 12:54 pm: [report]
Lynn I have to disagree with you on #1 ......I think if a guy acts resentful of gets mad the first time you ask then yea, he is being a jerk, but if he says nothing and that he doesnt want to talk about it then I would allow just that. Maybe some guys need space to internalize and process whatever they are thinking about rather than talk about it at first. After whatever he is moping about has blown over I bet a guy will be more likely to speak about it in retrospect. Any guy who makes a woman walk on eggshells because he will flip out or yell at her is an ass but if a guy wants to be left alone for a bit, I think that is a reasonable request.
toph
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]
#8 - I have a friend, I had know her about a at the time year and we always hung out together (ppl joked we were Will and Grace). In that time I hadn’t been dating or seeing anyone in any capacity, hence the hanging out all the time. Welllll ... I met and started dating this girl and BOOM, serious ‘jealousy’.
Lynn
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]
@ECM - You’re right, it is a reasonable request. I guess my issue is when people say “there’s nothing wrong” when there obviously is, instead of saying “I don’t want to talk about it.” At least the latter is an acknowledgment that something is wrong, and a request that I don’t ask. I should have specified my beef, or thought it out more clearly before writing
becktasm
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 05:38 pm: [report]
To #4: As if men don’t love it. The whole virgin/whore thing? A lady in the street but a freak in the bed? Helloooo? Every guy wants a girl wholesome enough to take home to mom, but downright kinky in the bedroom. It’s common sense, and not a new concept.
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
I cant quite agree with you becktasm but thats just me
@ Lynn
I think the partial reasoning that some men say there is nothing wrong instead of I dont want to talk about it is because they know if they acknowledge there is something then their SO or whoever will start trying to coax it out of them and they dont want to venture down that road. Maybe some women can but I have not personally come across one in my experience that if you are feeling glum and she asks and you reply I dont want to talk about it, will leave it be and not ask several follow up questions.
SpaceCadette
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
@ECM and Lynn,
I can relate to what both of you are saying about #1 b/c my man is introspective when it comes to feelings. He likes to internalize and process them and even come up with a plan by himself before he is ready to talk about them. He is also very nurturing and kind to me, though, so I have no issues with leaving him to it now, but it did take me a long time before I stopped putting him through the “what’s wrong” gambit. That alone almost ended our relationship. Some people just really need their space. He is one of those people.
On that note, I’m not sure that I agree fully with this article either. How can one generalize what all women feel about a single topic?
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]
Space
Yea some guys just need time to digest whatever they are thinking about on their own before they talk about it with others. Realizing that as you said, and just allowing a guy to not spill his guts every time will do wonders.
I also wonder that, about the generalizations. It kinda sucks because I enjoy posting to the site but being that it is geared towards women, being a male participant means I come across soooo many stereotypes of men here that it is somewhat off putting. I realize that the same is done to women and has been far worse for many years, just sucks that its hard to get through a strong of articles without running into generalizations of males.
kristy1584
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]
I dated a guy who kept me on egg shells I never knew what kind of mood he would be in the slightest little thing would piss him off/make him yell. It makes for a miserable relationship.
I rarely ever ask “whats wrong” or anything else in that respect simply bc I figure if he wants to know, he’ll tell me. I dont have time for little games and trying to pry things out of people.
rdkilldujour
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
#6: also proves they HAVE jobs.
Gingee
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 03:01 pm: [report]
O My gosh. I have never asked any guy, “What’s wrong now?” because I do not care.
Either man up and say, “I am angry because, or “I am hurt because,” I will listen and decide if it it worth my time to talk about it.
Oh, yes, try that Silent Treatment with me, and watch me as I happily ignore you, call my cha-cha, and forget that you ever existed.
On a similar topic: The first time someone yells at me will be the last time. I will be out the door by the third word, and getting together with the guy who treats me the way I deserve to be treated.
Gingee
DancerNinja
wrote on May 31 2009 @ 10:54 pm: [report]
Last relationship I was the one to say “I don’t want to talk about it”, “Nothings wrong”, and “If you ask me again, the problem will be you.” Therefore, I may ask a guy “What’s wrong” and if I don’t get an answer the first time, I drop it, and go make myself a pancake. With peanut butter.