Why Do Good Friends Make Crappy Roommates?

joyy
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]

Wow.  That sounds like the most chill “living with a friend was an effing disaster” scenario ever.

Riley
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]

So you kicked her out because she didn’t hang out with you enough?  I was expecting a real problem, like she brought people over the would steal things, or she drank excessively and never did any cleaning or ate all of your food all the time.  Maybe she was late on paying. 

Looks like you were the bad roommate.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]

@joyy: Agreed. Suck it up, blow your nose, put on some make-up, go out, and look fabulous.

Raugiel
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:54 pm: [report]

As far as friends who become roommates go, you got the jackpot. Why kick her out just for not being around? I’ve had friends as roommates who 1) refused to help with chores, 2) told mutual friends wild and totally untrue stories about made up household drama (to the degree where people would call and ask if I was OK and if our house was still physically in one piece), 3) didn’t pay their share of the rent and got mad if you asked them to pony up, 4) give you the cold shoulder if ANYONE came over (even your mutual friends), and more.

It’s disapointing that you wanted a buddy/roommate and you got a mostly absent roommate, but this wasn’t so bad and things might have changed. When she’s just gotten back home, is it that much of a surprise she wanted to snuggle with her man-friend 24/7? And was that likely to last forever? I’d have told her to keep the canoodling out of the apartment public areas (if you tell her her BF can’t come over into her private areas, then you ARE the bad roommate), lived with a slightly quieter house than desired for a while, and waited to see if she got more interested in her friends when the newness of being back with her boy wore off.

Justine Fields
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:55 pm: [report]

writers note: she is living with me for free. her rent was essentially to be my friend. do you still feel the same way?

Riley
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]

@writer’s note - Maybe you should have outlined that rent was not free, that she had to hang out with you or get kicked out. 

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]

@Justine: No, you should of said that. Facts make the story, not emotions alone.

rudyc
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]

Seriously… as far as roommate situations go, it sounds like yours was pretty tame until you kicked her out for no reason. Sorry, living with someone isn’t going to be one big slumber party all the time. She has a life too! And the fact that you are still suffering after your breakup doesn’t mean that she has to suffer with you. After a semester abroad, she’s probably very happy to be with him.
Also, living in a sorority house is completely different from living in an apartment. Completely different.

rudyc
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:00 pm: [report]

@Riley Haha. Agreed. Did you make her sign a contract that said “You must hang out with me x hours a day without your boyfriend or you will be evicted” ?

GreenAura
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:02 pm: [report]

I don’t think your roomate did anything to warrant getting kicked out.  Honestly, she pays rent there so she has the right to bring her man over.  And she is her own person, so if she isn’t around it’s because she is out living her life.  Not to be rude Justine, but I think you sound kind of selfish in asking her to be there all the time.  When I opened this article, I was expecting to read that she was a complete slob who had major parties in the house and stole from you.  Then I would classify it as a “crappy roommate” situation.

joyy
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:04 pm: [report]

@Justine - is it possible she wasn’t explicitly aware of that?  Even if it was, this is still pretty mild.  I mean it still sucks that you had something cool lined up and it blew up in your face, but this is really not that big of a deal, and it sounds a little selfish.  I mean, maybe ‘hanging out all the time’ didn’t mean “at the apt” for her.  It’s possible is all I’m saying.

Find something productive to focus on instead of spending the “greater portion of my lonesome time ... talking to friends and family about this crappy roommate situation.”  It wasn’t a good fit and she’s leaving - dwelling on it will do nothing positive for you.

You don’t sound like a crappy roommate, you sound like a grumpy/depressed roommate still in “a case of the sads” from a breakup.  Move on, and don’t put that responsibility on her or expect her to ditch her boy on the regular.  Once she’s out, schedule a girls night and get what you need instead of expecting her to change her life around your temporary needs.  Talk to her about it - if she’s really your friend she’ll listen.

subpar
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

Sorta. You were doing her the favor of letting her live rent-free, but would you really want her to be around more often if it meant some resentment on her end? It’s the same as any relationship, you have to let it breathe or it’ll get explosive. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s cold, and great friends go through it just like they do in romantic relationships.

I moved to the city after school and my best school friend moved back home. At first, we still kept our friendship alive and would hang all the time. Then it turned into a daily phone call or e-mail during breaks from work. After awhile, she would take a week to get back to me and I was completely frustrated and pissed off. I decided to not call her anymore, just to see if she would notice. We didn’t talk for an entire month. This is someone I lived with (in the same room!) for two years. In four years of knowing her, we never stopped talking for an entire month for any reason. I eventually broke down and texted her because a situation came up that only she would appreciate. We’re back in touch, but now I know what to expect from her (it’s not much, but she’s my friend and I love her and I’m not willing to throw it away over some hurt feelings).

My advice to you—whether you let her stay or not—would be to enjoy the summer. Make new relationships. There’s nothing more fulfilling than that. This situation will go on the back burner once you have something else to focus your energy on. It’s even as simple as calling someone you met one time and exchanged numbers with, but never planned on calling. Don’t dwell on her—if you guys are good friends, you still will be: no matter what the distance is or how many hours you’ve been logging together.

GreenAura
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]

@ Justine: I wrote my previous entry before I read that you let her stay there rent free.  I think it was very nice of you to let her stay there for free, HOWEVER, I still don’t think she did anything that bad.  If you were that lonely, I’m sure you could have spent your time hangin with your kindergarten best friend, sorority sisters and your mom.  Are you still friends with her?

schwenmn
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]

I don’t think you were a bad roommate.  I think you both just had conflicting needs and desires and it works out better for both of you to live apart.  Everyone has their own definition of having a bad roommate (I’ve lived in a dorm since my freshman year of high school) but since there doesn’t seem to have been too huge of an argument here, I’m sure with time, you’ll both be friends again.  (plus she’ll probably break up with her boyfriend and need someone there for her and realize her mistake with how she treated you).

AgentBeryllium
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:08 pm: [report]

@author: So let me get this straight… you needed a friend so you let her move in? What kind of person are you who is so desperate for friends that you bribe someone to be you for free rent? I can totally see why this went south.

AgentBeryllium
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]

***What kind of person are you who is so desperate for friends that you bribe someone to be your friend for free rent?***

Ack sorry. typo.

Claireific
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]

Truly. Boo-effing-hoo. I think the worst thing she did was turn a blind eye to the fact that you would be especially needy post-breakup and then be insensitive with bringing her boyfriend around all the time. As silly as it sounds, if you truly expected her to hang out with you and dry your tears lest she be evicted, you should have stated in writing something like “at least three Gossip Girl watching sessions together per week at least 2.5 hours in length each. May be reduced to two sessions per week if chocolate-chip cookie baking is included in at least one prior session in given week. No boyfriend to accompany GG watching under any circumstances.” I think your mom and friends are telling you what you want to hear because they feel sorry for you and know you’re hurting and just want you to feel that you did the right thing. But I think you owe your ex-roomie an apology. You’re being quite selfish.
Want a bad roommate? Try a roommate that took my money for my half of the cable and internet bill but never gave it to the cable and internet company, let the account run delinquent, and when she moved away this summer and the account was signed over to me, I was stuck with a bad account full of late fees and back due payments (that I had already paid to her). And when confronted, she lied about it. And that’s a tame story, frankly. Suck it up and pull your life back together. You’re being pathetic and your friends and family are enabling you.

sparklestar
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

I was really good friends with somebody before I moved in with them due to the break-up of a relationship. When I moved into her house we were on really good terms and hung out all the time. After we moved in together I was suddenly a scapegoat for EVERYTHING. She kept her rabbits in the kitchen (EWWWW) because she didn’t want them to get wet outside (hello, they have a hutch) and her mess was EVERYWHERE.

She went crazy on me during my dissertation. I was working late nights and reading a lot of books and keeping crazy hours. I tried to keep this to a reasonable level since she had a full time job but apparently I didn’t do a good enough job of this and one night she burst into my room SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. I was like, geez… why didn’t you say something sooner?! I moved out to my parents house and and was actually scared to go back for three weeks.

Then she announced she was moving to America like 2 weeks before she moved and so I needed to find somewhere new to live in that 2 weeks. When I moved out she gave me a slip of paper with £200 written on it and told me that’s what I owed her. Since I’d gone through all the bills and noted down all my receipts I knew I didn’t.

Needless to say, we don’t speak anymore and haven’t since I told her to enjoy her new life~

emflow
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:27 pm: [report]

Well, I can see a creepy boyfriend as a legit problem - depending on if he’s truly creepy in the sort of way that makes you think about rape statistics, or just a guy you don’t particularly like.

But the “not hanging out” issue is weird. Sometimes friends are occupied with other stuff in their lives, you can’t live in each other’s back pockets.

lea322
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

Having also lived through some real sads, I can understand where you are coming from. But at the same time, I’m going to have to agree with most of the previous posts in saying that you may be the one in the wrong here. Having someone live in your apartment rent free (unless it is an explicitly outlined temporary situation) is NOT a good idea. You can’t guilt someone into spending time with you because you’re letting them live with you for free…that just makes for resentment. Also, after a break-up, you need more than one friend! It’s not up to one friend to carry the burden of all your hurt. Instead of complaining about your roommate to everyone you knew, you could have used that time to spread out your healing process, talking to mom and friends about your feeling in regards to your break-up and not putting all of that on one person. Your roommate came home from a trip abroad and probably wanted to spend time with you and help you heal, not be your live-in, 24/7 therapist. She may have been more than willing to be there for you, but she also has a live outside you and your apartment. And of course mom agreed with you! She loves YOU, not your roommate, and your roommate wasn’t in those conversations to give her point of view.

Rosa
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]

Basically continuing the ideas of other posts, you really don’t have a bad situation. I understand you are sad and it sounds like you went through a lot of bad stuff recently, but you can’t get mad at your friend for not being there enough. I’ve lived with friends before and it can be tough. Sometimes the best roomates to have are the ones that you don’t spend 24/7 with because you end up making each other crazy.

If your friend was neat, paid on time, and didn’t get mad at you when you asked her to not have her boyfriend stay over then I have to say she is a good friend.

I lived with my best friend for awhile and we did everything together. Then I started dating my current boyfriend and I wasn’t around much. She was usually independent but she was going through a tough time and she got really clingy with me and got upset with me. There was resentment, but we talked about it and I tried to be around more and she tried to let go a bit. But, I would bring my boyfriend around and we would all try to do things together sometimes too. Maybe he is a creep, but get to know him better and maybe you will like him and he can introduce you to more cool guys and new friends.

rudyc
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:55 pm: [report]

Also, not to add insult to injury… but it could be that after a semester abroad, she doesn’t exactly want to hang out with brokenhearted debbie downer all the time.
I also would never want to feel “obligated” to hang out with someone.

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]

I don’t see the problem here as being “bad roommate” situation such as one of jealousy. You wanted your friend to want to spend time with you, she would rather spend it a different way, you’re upset. She is neglecting your friendship and worse, bringing a guy around to your apt who you feel uncomfortable around. You’re hurt and you’re jealous. That’s a normal feeling to have right now.

But I think maybe you should have told her during the first week or two that you’d been looking forward to hanging out a lot during summer and ask when something could be scheduled. Dinner? Brunch? A movie? Expecting her to be home every night and all the time during the weekend just for YOU is kind of creepy. I can understand how she wouldn’t want that pressure. Because it’s unreasonable to want to see someone every single evening, as the other commenters have said

However, it’s definitely reasonable to want to see your friend every once and awhile. She is your FRIEND, after all. But you didn’t mention in this piece if you tried scheduling events with her. If it’s not too late — it’s only July, after all — try that.

haggith
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]

you might as well gotten a dog… you can hang out with them all the time and is eagerly waiting for you sitting on the couch when you come back

GreenAura
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]

@ Justine:  Just wondering… do you think that maybe you don’t like the boyfriend simply because you recently went through a break up?  Or does he genuinely creep you out?

joyy
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

I second the pet idea.

Justine Fields
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]

Thanks for all of your comments! I truly appreciate them! I think I definitely left a few important points out, but at the same time, I’m thinking I have been a crappy roommate too and I’m definitely going to chat with her later.

But just to set the record a little more straight:
(1) I didn’t want her to be home all the time, I just wanted to spend a little quality friend time together—I obviously haven’t seen her in a few months from being abroad and she was abroad with her b/f the whole time––but whenever we scheduled something (@jessica wakeman) her boyfriend would magically show up later, or I’d get a text right before asking if it was okay if other friends came. So in the last month we’ve hardly spent time together.

(2) I have been going out with my sorority sisters/mom/kindergarten friend (I don’t spend every waking minute in my apartment) but I just wanted some quality time with my roommate cause she’s been out of my life for awhile and I think she’s pretty awesome… and that was completely lacking more than any of those people, which is surprising because we currently share the same home.

(3) By the time she moved in I was over the ex situation, but what helped me get passed it all was that I was looking forward to spending some quality friend time with her. So when that didn’t happen I was bummed.

.... Just so you can know a little more where I’m coming from (if you care) But again, thanks for the comments. Much appreciated… even the harsh ones.

carofiro
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 12:34 am: [report]

I had a similar situation where I thought I was going to be there for my friend when I moved in with her.  She was dumped after moving to a city for a boy and didn’t know anyone else. But a month later she met her boyfriend (through me no less).  She started leaving me home alone all the time.. with her dog.  It was hard and our schedules never overlapped and I ended up in a neighborhood that I didn’t want to live in, taking care of a dog I didn’t own all because I thought I was going to have a best friend.  We didn’t talk and that sparked all the usual roommate drama people were complaining about above.  I totally empathize.  If it had gone on longer, I’m sure the same thing would have happened… you start to nit-pick after you lose touch and there is nothing fun left to make up for sharing that kitchen and bathroom.

Chebs
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 05:14 am: [report]

@justine - In regards to point 1, some friends, as you have found out, you have to explicitly state “I want one on one time with you, let’s go do x together just the two of us”.  I am guilty of being one of those friends, my ex would always want to go out with me and my friends, and it wasn’t until one of them pulled me aside and told me that when she said she wanted to do something with me, she meant just me and not my dandy hip accessory, that I got it through my thick skull.  Perhaps she doesn’t realize what she’s doing?

And in regards to the boyfriend being creepy - if a guy I didn’t know well was staying over night, I’d be uncomfortable too.  It would have nothing to do with whether I thought he was going to knife me in my sleep; I’d feel just as uncomfortable if it were another female friend crashing the night and I didn’t know her either.

Titi
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 05:25 am: [report]

If this is truly your big problem in life right now, consider yourself lucky. This is a tiny, petty problem in comparison to most.
There’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said. I’ve had upwards of 20 roommates in my life so far—and your roommate sounds pretty okay. I could tell you some horror stories to put it in perspective, but it’d take forever.

People grow up and live their own lives. I’m guessing you’re relatively young, but this is something you have to learn—and accept. I can’t help but wonder if you’re an only child or something, as this situation seems so desperate. Get over your control issues and your jealousy issues—and apologize to your friend. She probably feels pretty rejected—and she shouldn’t—she was just living her life. Your friends are going to grow up, move away, get married, have kids, etc…get used to it. Enjoy the moments you have with them.

_jsw_
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 07:59 am: [report]

I don’t get the impression that Justine is claiming that this is the most horrific example of roommate tragedy ever. I think her point was simply that she is allowing her friend to live with her _and not pay rent_, and that friend, after telling her she’d be around all summer, has ended up spending 24/7 with the boyfriend she’d been abroad with.

Since the friend probably was aware before agreeing to move in that she’d be spending 24/7 with the guy, it seems possible to me that she was just using Justine as a way to have a free place to stay - one that would mean she wasn’t officially living with her boyfriend (maybe her parents would be upset, maybe she didn’t want to take that ‘official’ step, whatever).

So, yes, absolutely, this isn’t the worst roommate situation I’ve heard of. It is, in fact, one of the _best_ in terms of lack of drama… but it’s not a simple roommate situation. It’s more of an “I told my friend she could live with me _for free_ but that I wanted to spend time with her, she agreed, and now she’s blowing me off completely… while still living with me for free” situation. So yes, I think it deserves some venting. And I think that’s all Justine did - vent. She still likes her friend, she worries that she herself is the bad roommate, she isn’t claiming to be living a horrific life. She’s just venting about a friend who has no problem staying rent-free with her but who can’t manage to spend the time with her that was, more or less, part of the offer to stay with her. And, when that friend _is_ around, she brings someone that makes Justine uncomfortable. In her own place. The place for which _she alone_ is paying rent.

I think she’s perfectly justified in venting here, online, in one column of a web log. I don’t think it’s an overreaction, I don’t think she’s being a baby, and I don’t think she’s being too whiney. Just MHO.

Seagal
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 08:01 am: [report]

Sorry sweetie but I think you were the “bad” roommate.  It almost sounds like you were trying to buy her friendship by not charging her rent.  Plus when you’re young, which i am assuming you are, most people want to spend as much time as possible with their boy or girlfriend.  And the roommate usually is left to fend for themselves.  I’ve been where you were and i’ve been the one to leave the roomie to fend for herself.  Luckily for me my friend was cool with it as was I. But kicking her out for that just sounds childish.  You can’t expect a roomie to be there for you all the time to fill something in you that you feel is missing.I am sure the two of you could have worked something out like her paying half the rent. Things might have changed if you had just waited a little longer and now you may have lost that chance to connect with her.  Just write it up as a lesson learned. Sounds like it might be time to grow up and I amsure you will do great.  Just try living by yourself.  You might really like it.  I know I did after my roomie moved away. I found that having the place all to my self was pretty great. Also it might be a good idea to sit down with her and be honest.  Maybe being roomies is not a good thing for the two of you but maybe you can work on the friendship.  I wish you luck . :0)

GrandGreen
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 08:54 pm: [report]

This has made me strongly reconsider getting an apartment with my super BFF of 7 years.  I still kinda think we could do it, but it would take some hard core ground rules. Haha we’ve talked about how much we would drive each other crazy!

MissYvonne
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]

Bad Roommate, no. Wrong attitude, yes.  Don’t think negatively about spending time alone.  I’m 100% positive you are in no way dependent on your now former roommate to have fun and that most of this dilemma is based upon the status of your friendship with your now former roommate.  Maybe a one-on-one talk with them is really what you need, just to clear the air and keep the friendship intact. Y’all are just living your lives a little differently, that’s all.  Maybe the BF can also be a another BFF? Just some suggestions. Don’t be sad :(

Alison Wonderland
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 10:20 pm: [report]

When in doubt, get a beach house. If you clash during a week of sun and cocktails you def shouldn’t live together full-time.

Jar by the Door
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]

Two of my best friends have been my college roommates (one has been a BF since 2nd grade, the other since 8th), and I’ve had extremely positive experiences with them.  I actually MISS living with them now that I live with my boyfriend… not that I don’t love living with him.

Though, my female roommate and I did spend most of our time smoking and watching Sex and the City…  It’s kind of hard for that to be bad.

I think maybe the difference was they both have been like siblings to me, and while we did get annoyed sometimes, we were always quick to talk about it and forgive.

mlyway
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 11:01 pm: [report]

Now I am terrified. I am going to college this summer for the first time. And one of my best friends and I will be rooming together in a dorm (but there will also be another girl who we have talked to on facebook in the dorm). I have been friends with her for about 8 years and we have known each other for 12 years. But we thought it was a good idea to room with another girl as well to keep it balanced and to meet other people. And although we have never even got into a fight of any type (really…and the same goes with all of my friends actually), I am now scared that this roommate situation might not work out.

But it seems like the key to any relationship is communication and appreciation.

joyy
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 08:07 am: [report]

@mlyway - set ground rules (what is ok to share, quiet hours, etc), don’t expect your friend to shoulder the burden of your happiness/social life, and expect each of you to develop your own separate lives.  Manage your expectations and you should be fine.

mlyway
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 10:07 am: [report]

@joyy: Thanks for the advice. I think it will be okay because my friend stayed with me at my house when her mom was in Europe for 2 weeks.

Justine Fields
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 06:44 pm: [report]

@_jsw_ you described my situation exactly, thank you!

_jsw_
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 07:31 pm: [report]

@Justine Fields: You’re welcome - but all I did was restate what you’d written. Good luck with it all, and I hope, by the end of the summer, that you’re hoping she stays out because you have… other uses for the place yourself. I mean, after all, there’s plenty of advice on this site to help you to accomplish that.

fifi
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 09:03 pm: [report]

In your depressed state, you overlooked that your friend has her own life, too. It might help if you put yourself in her shoes. Imagine if YOU had a boyfriend and a roommate. Wouldn’t you also want the option to bring your boyfriend over to your place sometimes? If not, then it’s just very practical that you live separately from your friend, because you have incompatible living habits. If yes, then she should have that option, too, you just have to reach a compromise/ special arrangement with her.

To be fair, she did promise you she’d be there for you. It’s just reasonable that you’re upset with her. But if you’re expecting her to be with you 24/7, that’s not gonna help you get your life back on track after the break-up, either. Instead of moping because she ignores you, why not focus on your other friends instead? And maybe get out, take some classes, and meet new people? That’s how you get over a break-up!

If you want to kick her out, keep in mind that you may not be acting like a good friend either, and you might never speak to her again. Source? Personal experience!

intuition
wrote on July 6 2009 @ 08:18 am: [report]

I am in a similar situation…just on the opposite side of things.

My roommate (my best friend’s sister) and I got a place.  We had great times, in the beginning.  At the time she had a bf that she was attached to.  Slowly, I saw less and less of her.  I didn’t mind because we had different schedules anyway.  I didn’t have a bf, so it was kind of lonely, but I went out with other friends.

Then, I started a long-distance relationship until he moved closer later on.  My roommate and I each lead our separate lives, catching up every so often when we made dinner. 

Suddenly, her bf broke with her, and she became a hermit.  I would spend most of my time with my bf at his place about a mile away.  She took it personally.  She was convinced that I moved out, left her alone on purpose, and wanted her to be miserable.  Huh?  It didn’t make sense.  One day, she shows up at my bf’s place with bags of my stuff and doesn’t say a word.  I call her later and ask her what was wrong; she flips out saying I was selfish for leaving her.

We are barely friends now.  I don’t even go to the apartment anymore, even though I have stuff there, because I don’t want another confrontation.  Sometimes she acts like nothing is wrong, and then flips a switch and everything is bad again.

It is a shame that things didn’t work out.  It had potential, but you can never tell what will happen.  Best of luck to you in this tough situation.

BlueVibe
wrote on July 6 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]

Not to be a hard-nose, but the rent-for-company thing was a bad idea.  It was really no different than moving in with a guy because you were afraid to be alone.  She shouldn’t have been saddled with your emotional problems (especially since she wasn’t totally in the loop about your issues and could not really have known what she was getting into).  She also shouldn’t have had free rent—people don’t value what they don’t pay for.  Having to pay you might have prompted her to move in with the boyfriend sooner instead of using your apartment as a free storage unit.

I’d never share an apartment with a good friend.  Sorry—I love my friends and none of them are unreasonable people, but knowing how touchy I get even trying to spend a week with my mother, there’s no way I’d risk it.  Roommates should be on more neutral ground with one another.

missblogger
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 07:38 pm: [report]

ive been in the situation. i never brought it up and we aren’t really friends anymore.  however, i don’t think asking her to move out is the answer.  maybe just bring it up, let her know it bothers you. and if she is as good as a friend as she claimed to be in her email ... she’ll realize she promised you one thing, and is doing another.  then it’s up to her to decide what to do. but at least you will know you said what you needed to say, and it was her decision that made or break your friendship.

FreeSpirit
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 10:55 pm: [report]

Maybe you’re happier living alone; many people are.  I can’t stand living with another person, so much so that whenever I visit out of town friends and family, I stay in a hotel.  Same goes if they visit me.

rembrandt
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 05:17 pm: [report]

forcing her out was unfair, cruel, and selfish. just imagine if you were in her shoes.

Lobster4284
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 06:26 pm: [report]

I was reading this and thinking “did I write a blog and forget?!”... I was in the exact same situation. Broke up with my boyfriend - was so sad - and my roommate, my “best friend”, (who was dating my ex-boyfriends roommate ironically) completely turned into the worst person I have ever met. I was paying her bills, taking care of her dog and doing her 500000 dishes she would leave in the sink for weeks when she just happened to pop in. Meanwhile, I had no friends because I broke up with my boyfriend and she was still hanging out with all of them and telling me how much fun she was having. ::insert FML moment::. We are no longer roommates - I up and moved to another state… but we did not talk for about 3 months after we moved out with each other and now we’re friends again like before we moved into each other - I even miss her!  Living with a friend can be totally TOXIC and I refuse to do it ever again. Living alone is the answer!!!

You are not a bad person for asking her to move out - especially if she wasn’t paying rent. You can find a roommate who WILL pay rent and will respect you.  You’re not a doormat and there is no reason someone should take advantage of you or your friendship!  You guys will eventually be friends again but just give it some time.  Hug it out

lollipop314
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 12:32 pm: [report]

My roommate kicked me out just because I didn’t hang out with her! I was going to school and working almost full time, you think I had much time for myself? That was wrong and she was the crappy whiny roommate! Get a puppydog

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]

This whole story is kinda crap. I live with 3 people I went to high school with.