Where Have All The Sluts Gone?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
sex
10:00AM, Monday May 11th 2009
Attention career women! Have you lost something? Your sex drive, perhaps? Esquire scribe Stephen Marche thinks you have and declared this a “disaster for men.” According to Marche, while feminism emancipated women sexually, the movement has resulted in making women so focused on career pursuits that they no longer have time for or interest in fornicating. The proof? “30 Rock” and “The City” are cited as concrete evidence of this epidemic.
But the post-post-feminist maelstrom that is Danica Patrick and the Real Housewives of Wherever and Secretary Clinton versus Beauty Queen Palin means that women can wield real power, but it comes at the cost of confusion — professional, social, and sexual. Sex has become a minefield just too tricky to navigate as they build a career or a family or a reality-TV-show franchise. They go elsewhere.
Marche has put the male spin on another “epidemic” we’ve discussed on The Frisky: “modern female dating disorder.” In this case, confident, successful career women feel insecure about their romantic lives. I, myself, am what you’d call a career gal. I love my job, have a great apartment, and wonderful friends. And I’m a basketcase when it comes to dating. That said, my libido is healthy and gets put to use regularly, thank you. But I’m not going to let every Tom, Dick, and Harry—especially the ones who aren’t taking me out on proper dates or showing me common courtesy and chivalry—have a piece of it.
Some men suffer from modern dating disorder. They’re incapable of pursuing relationships of substance with the opposite sex because they’re not confident in their careers. Many of the men I know who are ambitious but stressed about work have plenty of time for f**king, but relationships with commitment or depth are out of the question. They can’t pursue a successful career and date someone seriously at the same time. I suspect they can’t chew gum and walk simultaneously either.
Marche thinks career-minded Liz Lemon-types have lost their sex drives, but I think those women have lost confidence in dating. Sure, many women have casual but safe sex with abandon and don’t get their feelings involved—I envy you ladies!—but many of us are looking for something with a little more substance. Maybe these “complicated and intelligent” women just aren’t having sex with Marche, who only seems interested in feminism and female empowerment if it means he’s getting laid. Nothing kills my girl boner faster.
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wawmama
wrote on May 11 2009 @ 10:23 am: [report]
Of course it could just be more confident women. You know, the type that aren’t just sleeping with people to make them like them. That realize they are a whole package, not just a golden hoo-ah?
Maybe women aren’t attracted to losers any more? I know I’m not.
ChoJinn
wrote on May 11 2009 @ 01:02 pm: [report]
Um, was the Esquire article actually read? It’s definitely more observant than critical. Chaucer reference is especially poignant. I usually despise Esquire, but Marche’s point isn’t exactly adolescent: perhaps being frustrated with dating isn’t a matter of only being female and “successful” (whatever that even means). I disagree that there are fewer loose women around (at least in Chicago, woo hoo!), though I must say that women who are more “successful,” though generally more interesting in an intellectual way, have in my experience been a complete chore to “get to know.” Just as busy girls don’t have time to putz around playing games, neither do busy guys. If those loose, unsuccessful women weren’t around I guess we’d have to suffer the successful women - thankfully that’s not the case.
retro chic
wrote on May 11 2009 @ 02:16 pm: [report]
It all makes me tired. If career is front and center, I wonder if it’s also an overdeveloped sense of competence—a more rational, career-related attitude, eroding confidence—a more feeling, inner-personal attitude, necessary for dating. We tend to be interested and partake in more things we think we’re already good at, with no confidence left to take any chances. I suspect it’s a vicious cycle of the three. I need my power nap now.
Mainer
wrote on May 11 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]
Some would argue that building a relationship is just as difficult as building as successful career. When push comes to shove, which would you rather have? And you can’t say both . Both are certainly obtainable, but you are going to favor one over the other inevitably, so which comes first? How many girls want to date a guy who wants to work harder at getting ahead in the workplace rather than at the relationship?
And how many guys want to date a girl who is doing the same, which is especially scary for guys because there is a chance you’ll become more successful than us. Guys are creatures of power, we get off on being depended on and looked up to. In this country, the people who are looked up to are rich and successful, so we feel we should be as well. Though I really don’t see the problem with dating a more successful women. Hell, I’d be perfectly happy being a stay-at-home dad (I even like to cook). Give me a rich wife and I’ll gladly stay at home and cook her dinner every night. I’d also be enjoying the golf course, rock climbing, and HDTV while she’s at work. I’m all for women in the work place - I’m tired of women being the only one’s who can marry for money. Is that wrong?
Fla_girl
wrote on May 11 2009 @ 05:10 pm: [report]
could it be that women are keeping their inner sluts under wraps, so to speak, until the “right” (or right now) guy comes along. I for one am happy that women no longer feel like in order to be desired she has to put it all out there for everyone to see.
metricula
wrote on May 12 2009 @ 07:25 am: [report]
“Maybe women aren’t attracted to losers any more? I know I’m not.”
So true