When Being A Blonde Isn’t So Fun
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
11:30AM, Friday April 17th 2009
A women wrote to Salon.com’s resident advice columnist, Cary Tennis, and as usual, I was a little confused by his answer. That is to say, I really couldn’t figure out what his answer was. The woman wrote that she met a guy a few months ago on Craigslist’s “Just Friends” section. She was new to town and just looking for someone to hang out with, but it didn’t take long before things between them became a bit more romantic in nature. The problem is that when they were just “platonic,” the guy expressed how much he dislikes like blondes, as well as redheads, and that he’s “really only attracted to brunettes—dark brunettes, with dark brown hair and matching dark features.” Unfortunately, this woman is a strawberry blonde, and now she’s self-conscious about her hair color, especially since every time this guy talks about a “girl he thinks is good-looking, or thought was good-looking in the past or whatever, the issue of how dark her hair was always seems to come up in the same way that a normal guy might mention a woman’s legs.” Oh, and “until relatively recently,” she writes, “he was in an extremely long-term relationship with a girl who matched his “ideal” to a T. But he broke up with her. Then again, he’s also mentioned he’s mildly attracted to his cousin. What the hell is going on?”
At the start of her letter, I assumed she was going to ask whether she should dye her hair or dump the guy, but then she threw in the whole mild attraction to the cousin and the perfect ex-girlfriend, which makes the only discernible bit of advice in Cary’s rambling response even more curious. “Buy a wig,” he writes, “and wear it for fun. See what happens. It will be like high black boots and garters, or a whip. But don’t make fun of him. Be gentle.” WHA?? Come on ladies, we can do better than that! What advice would you give Blonde and Bitter? I’d tell her to stay to dump the guy, stay away from Craigslist personals, and find a guy who doesn’t have an unhealthy obsession for his cousin, his ex, or any other raven-haired lass.
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slip
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]
Forget the wig.
Why waste time with someone who’s not attracted to you?
DTMFA.
mikeyellenlee
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
If she’s dumb enough to stay with him, then whatever.
helene
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
I’m with you, Wendy. Dump his a$$ and run like hell. “Be gentle…”? WTF?!?!?! It doesn’t sound to me as if he’s being very gentle with her, constantly reminding her that she doesn’t measure up to his standards. Some men get off on trying, subtly or not, to goad a woman into an odd or uncomfortable scenario in which she tries to become someone or something she isn’t just to make him happy, just to see if she’ll do it. Then dump her anyway for kicks. Be yourself, Blondie; there are plenty of guys who will be thrilled with you, head to toe, just because of who you are. The first step to being comfortable with yourself is telling Mr. Brunette you don’t need his s#)t.
powplz
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]
@helene - see Vertigo.
doridori
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]
Cary Tennis’ answer is a WTF moment if I’ve ever read one. I think that Ms. Blonde and Bitter should move on from this dude. He’s giving me creepy vibes and I don’t know anything about him except he’s attracted to his cousin, which is incestuous at the most and just plain wrong in the least; he can’t get over his ex-girlfriend that may have been his “ideal” but he dumped her for a reason; and all the talk of his attraction to brunette women reads to me like an obsession and makes me think brunette is listed in his victim profile… if he has one and it wouldn’t surprise me if he did.
Blonde, Forget his crazy a**, and find someone some one who can appreciate all of you for who you are… including your hair color.
HitOrMissJudy
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 01:18 pm: [report]
I always attempt to read Cary Tennis’s answers, but inevitably my eyes glaze over and I start to lose consciousness. Why say in three words what you can say in several thousand completely self-absorbed, non-sensical words? Hand’s down, the worst advice column out there.
Tetrine
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
Cut and run!
retro chic
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 02:11 pm: [report]
Judy, would love to hear your Senryu on Cary.
wawmama
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]
Why would any one want to hang out with some one who’s that shallow? Sounds like this guy has a thing for ethinic chicks and trying to be pc about it. But I could be wrong, due to the cousin…that’s just weird.
loveitlala
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 03:09 pm: [report]
When Cary is good he’s really good and when he’s bad he’s ugly.
sportzriter13
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]
Time to split, sounds like Mr. Definitely Wrong wants to as well…trade him in for a guy who looks at more then your hair color.
This brings new meaning to the song “Gonna Wash that man” (one of my fave breakup songs)
saysay
wrote on April 19 2009 @ 08:58 pm: [report]
I don’t see how things turned romantic, he basically gave her a list of all the reasons he isn’t attracted to her. Typically hearing all that ish doesn’t inspire one to recite Shakesperian sonnets.
ExtremeExtensions
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]
Thank you Wendy! I totally agree. Get rid of this guy RIGHT THIS SECOND! He sounds like a freakshow…Don’t hook up with guys that don’t like you and don’t meet lovers on craigslist.
I’m tall, with light features, blonde by choice, tan by choice. Before I date someone I MAKE SURE the guy doesn’t have any weird fetishes - he better not have some weird preference for brunettes, Asians, short people, etc, etc. Not that I don’t like brunettes, Asians, and shorties, but there are guys that like them just fine but it better not be my guy. I used to never date “boob men” because I had small ones, but $6000 later I have big ones so my boyfriend better love boobs - so preferences change. I just don’t look right as a brunette, so I’d never be one. I like the way I am and I want whoever I’m with to like me to…obviously!
http://www.myspace.com/extremeextensions
canadiancutie
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 07:38 pm: [report]
Um, ExtremeExtensions, you’re weird. Guys are attracted to all sorts of things (well, normal ones, anyway). My guy is into blondes AND black girls like me, and I would have him no other way. Why? Because it proves he’s straight.