What’s With Guys Wanting Women Who Don’t Speak?
Posted by: Catherine Strawn
Filed in:
news
12:00PM, Monday May 4th 2009
This morning, I flew back to New York and caught up on my pop music by listening to the Top 20on20 on XM radio, the one perk Airtran provides. Most of the music was expected—Lady GaGa, Miley Cyrus, Black Eyed Peas—but I’d never heard one of the songs that made it into the top 20: “Don’t Trust Me,” by the Boulder, CO, band 3OH!3. At first, I thought it was pretty catchy. That is, until it got to this part of the song:
Shush girl, shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips
I said, shush girl, shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips
Maybe I’m overly sensitive, but I couldn’t believe a pop song with such offensive lyrics was a hit. Not only is it regularly played on XM’s 20on20, but it popped to number 13 on Billboard’s Hot 100. What do I find wrong with these lyrics? The band disrespects a historically honored woman who persevered despite limitations—she could neither hear nor see, and yet she made a difference in the world. And the lyrics imply the guys don’t want someone who talks. They want a woman without a mouth, who doesn’t speak and uses her body to communicate, rather than making any noise. Keep reading to listen to the song yourself.
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Rose
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]
I’ll tell you what’s with guys who want women who don’t speak: misogyny.
Perceptible
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
Catherine, I thought it was just me! I was appalled when I heard this on the radio last week. Even though I am usually pretty numb to some of the borderline-offensive lyrics in today’s music, I always change the station when this song comes on. It’s just bad taste all around.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
Ouch, that is pretty terrible imo.
Humble Bee
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
That’s so disrespectful.
I’m not surprised though, people disrespect any one and their mommas now-a-days.
I guess some ingnorant (as much as I hate to use this word) Douche,thought it rhymed pretty well with the significant factor that she didn’t speak. So rude, so wrong.
al1313
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]
It is just a song. People sing about stupid stuff everyday. If you do not like it is it not very hard to just change the channel. Put on a rap station, you will hear worse songs than this. No reason to over-exaggerate.
develange
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]
guys wanting women who don’t speak don’t want to hear they are doing something wrong (in the bedroom, perhaps?)
Humble Bee
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:29 pm: [report]
hahaha Develange!
Thats VERY true.
I just had a confrontation with my ex, and all he could do was walk away and pretend to be mad, because he didnt want me telling him he was wrong. First he asked my opinion (expecting me to be on his side) seeing that I wasn’t, he just stormed off. Obvioulsy he didnt want to hear me say anything that made sense.
elizabethmarley
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]
This is just a terrible song by a terrible band with more degrading lyrics where that comes from. They’re actually friends of a friend and while she assures me that it’s all a joke, this particular joke isn’t very funny. Especially when I see teen girls singing along to 3oh3 songs in their cars.
bronze-piece
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 01:04 pm: [report]
Have any of you guys seen the music video, though? A couple of goofy indie dudes having a grand old time making complete fools of themselves. I can’t help but laugh at this song because it makes me think of the pasty, rail-thin band member dancing around in a caveman suit.
Honestly, what makes these guys stand out is the fact that they’re just GUYS. Lady Gaga, Miley Cirus, and the Black Eyed Peas all are, or feature, female performers, but their behavior bothers me more. Where is the feminist message of “my humps”? (The most important thing about me is my T&A;. Don’t have them? Sucks to be you.) Why are we not more concerned about groups of tweens and teens thinking that, since Miley is doing it, it is OK to have a 20 year old live-in boyfriend before you’re out of high school?
My point is, this song is just FUN. Is it stupid? Yes. Mildly offensive? Sure. But when it comes down to it, it’s catchy, fun, and sure as hell is better for dancing than any number of politically correct, pretentious singers and bands I could mention.
CuteCora
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]
I have not heard the song… however .... I read the lyrics and I have to say ..something can only offend you if you allow it. the song is not directed at you personally .. so who really gives a crap.. just like with the rappers out there today and they have WAYYY WORSE ofensive language towards women..again however it is not directed towards me personlally so I could care less. However, the people that do care and make it obviouse that they do care are the very same people that feed into the hype and make it bigger then it really is.. Hence this Post on here, by posting you are only getting to people to download the music and listen and share with others.. as you are doin..therfore creating more and more buzz about the group which in turn will make them more popular….catch my drift?
CigarPlayer
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 01:15 pm: [report]
Not all guys are like that. I adore women who speak their minds and have strong personalities. We all know women are smarter! Most guys just don’t admit it :o)
CuteCora
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]
@ Bronze-peice” I totally agree with you! Could not have said it better myself!
rsonnack
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]
The point of this post is that people do listen to this song, and then they get to thinking that it’s ok to think about women this way. As elizabethmarley was saying, I see teens listening to songs like this (and yes there are some that are worse), they are at a very impressionable age and the teen girls are going to think that they should just be silent and give guys what they want, and teen guys are going to think they should have a girl that doesn’t talk and just gives him what he wants. There are some songs that are much worse, but these lyrics are still wrong and should not be acceptable. Yeah, it’s not directed at me personally, which is worse, because it’s directed at all women in general, which causes people to stereotype.
Kati-Anne
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 03:06 pm: [report]
um… I’m pretty sure Helen Keller could speak… in fact I’m pretty sure she was a lecturer in her adult life. And considering that she was a feminist and activist for the disabled, I have a feeling that if she were alive today she would kick these guys in the crotch.
What a stupid song.
theattack
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 03:21 pm: [report]
I completely agree with rsonnack.
While this song isn’t directed toward any one person, it’s directed toward an entire group of people, and it spreads ideas. While one song isn’t going to automatically make someone think women should always be quiet, it plants a seed into young minds that will grow and develop into much worse as it’s continually influenced by the rest of corrupt society. If you want a good song to dance to, broaden your musical horizons, and I’m sure you can find a less offensive song with an equally good dancing beat.
dudette
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 03:37 pm: [report]
I dont find this song offensive…helen keller today is the butt of many jokes (it may be wrong but it is still true, and kind of funny) I also think the lyrics were a less poetic way of saying let the physical attraction and desire take over. Its a goofy song all around.
I also think that taking something like this seriously can distract from discussions on important issues facing teen girls today.
al1313
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 05:28 pm: [report]
There are tons of Helen Keller jokes going around. Who cares.
Riley
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 07:09 am: [report]
I agree with bronze on this one.
Besides, if a person is impressionable enough for this or any song to change how they behave; there are some much deeper issues.
Erin G
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 08:40 am: [report]
Pfft. My boyfriend talks more than I do…is it bad of me for wanting him to stop yammering sometimes?
In all fairness, alot of women do babble on to fill quiet space, while alot of men are comfortable with silence. This is yet another gender difference that’s found its way into becoming a very negative stereotype.
joyy
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 08:54 am: [report]
@ErinG - word. My bf works from home and yammers on and on and on about his work stuff since he doesn’t have the same luxury I do of being able to walk down the hall and vent to someone who even remotely understands the rant.
I’ve noticed the ‘talking to fill silence’ thing is pretty American/western. I work with folks from non-western cultures and I’ve learned to stfu more often, and it’s got pretty good results. Normally I talk kind of endlessly, but when I take the whole ‘let silence be’ idea outside of work and back to folks who are totally American/western about it ... well, you’d be surprised what people will tell you when you just listen
Jill
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 09:42 pm: [report]
I listen to this song all the time and honestly I never thought of it as a guy who wants a girl who doesn’t speak. I always took it as there are some times when you’d prefer it to be silent and hot and steamy. You’ve never told a guy to shush and silenced his mouth with passionate kiss? I think there are WAY worse songs on the radio…like almost every rap song EVER.
PinkRanger
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 09:49 pm: [report]
@Jill: and almost every glam rock song from the 80s!! lmao
Jill
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 09:51 pm: [report]
Plus this song is kind of about a girl who lied and said “She’d never leave me” and “Don’t trust a ho” so it could just be about he doesn’t want to hear her lies anymore. I think we’re reading WAY too far into a song that’s by a band that’s not to be taken too seriously.
Jill
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 09:53 pm: [report]
@ PinkRanger, YES YES YES!
missduplicity
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
....I love this song. It’s clearly a dance/party tune, and yeah, I’m okay with guys not wanting to hit up a very chatty girl when they’re out on the dance floor. That’s not what you’re there for.
Now, if this was a slow jam with lyrics like that, I’d be worried.
hellosunrise
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 11:13 am: [report]
yeah. definitely think this song was blown wayyy out of poportion. i could name a handful of hit songs that have come out in recent years that are a lot worse than this. bottom line, they’re just songs. they’re not meant to be taken so literal, so seriously. lighten up.