The Top Ten Things Women Shouldn’t Do In Public

Posted by: Wendy Atterberry Filed in: news
11:00AM, Thursday February 5th 2009

Comments (21)

Earlier this week, the good people at AskMen.com revealed their list of the “Top Ten Things Men Shouldn’t Do In Public,” which included definite no-no’s like picking their noses and peeing conspicuously, and debatable no-no’s like crying (Come on, what if his dog just died? What if he just watched “The Notebook” for the first time?). Interestingly, they said proposing to your girlfriend on a subway was a “bold” public move—something that really ought to TOP the list of forbidden public acts, if you ask me (I mean seriously, a subway? Is there a danker, drearier place on Earth to ask a woman to spend the rest of your life with you?!).

Anyway, there’s no reason men should have all the fun, so in the interest of equality we’ve got a list of our own. After the jump, the Top Ten Things Women Shouldn’t Do In Public.

1. Apply full make-up
OK, look. Refreshing your lip gloss after a meal is one thing, but putting your whole face on while riding the bus or subway (where no one should do any proposing!) is so not cool. Set your alarm 10 minutes earlier, and do your makeup before you leave your apartment. A woman has to retain a little mystique, you know.

2. Pull out your thong from your butt crack
If it’s so uncomfortable in the first place that you have to go digging in places you really shouldn’t, maybe it’s time to switch to underwear with a little more coverage, hmm?

3. Sit cross-legged while wearing a skirt
Just don’t.

4. Show off your midriff
I don’t care if you’ve got washboard abs, if you could bounce a quarter of your belly, or if you’re only 16. Unless you’re on the beach, at the pool, or working for tips, no one, I mean no one, should be running around with an exposed midriff. It’s just not classy.

5. Talk on your phone in a public bathroom or dressing room
Bathrooms and dressing rooms are sort of like Vegas. What happens in them should stay in them, and you with your phone broadcasting every sound to God knows who and subjecting the rest of us to some inane conversation that can absolutely wait until you no longer have your pants around the ankles is not honoring that sacred code.

6. Ask your boyfriend if he loves you
It’s uncomfortable for him, it’s uncomfortable for us, so save your strange pillow talk for when you’re horizontal.

7. Tweeze errant hairs or pop a pimple
While I understand the temptation of removing any evidence that you’re less than perfect, doing so in public not only underscores your imperfections, it makes you look, well, kinda nasty.

8. Criticize your boyfriend
Sure, he may deserve it—especially if he’s treating a waitress like crap or ogling other women, but there’s a time and a place for everything and in public when everyone can hear your private conversation is not it.

9. Adjust the girls
We’ve all been there before: a boob slips below your underwire or heads too closely to your armpit, but until you find a private spot, resist the urge to reach into your bra and readjust.

10. Pee all over the toilet seat
If you do happen to have bad aim, remember the old adage: If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!

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Tags: men, women, bad behavior, top ten lists, private acts

Comments (21)

comments

lilo
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]

RE number 9, I wouldn’t adjust the girls (not that they are big enough to “adjust”), but sometimes you just GOTTA pick up an errant bra strap.

tabby
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]

RE #5: I work at a college and I swear that our students have some of the strangest conversations in the ladies room. My all time favorite was this girl, about 18 or 19, who kept reiterating to her baby daddy that she was pregnant and, “it is yours.” The second she left the rest room all of the occupied stall doors flew open since we were all too polite (and nosy) to leave in the middle of such high drama.

Lynn
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]

I’m confused about #3. Why wouldn’t I do that? If I *don’t* do that, I run the risk of flashing people. Isn’t that why women sit cross-legged to begin with?

Lynn
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]

oh, do you mean this by cross-legged:

http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/920/50177035.JPG

I was thinking this:

http://www.thefirsttwins.com/images/legs.jpg

Reagan
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]

I don’t think women should breathe in public…it’s not very lady like. They should hold their breath until they are in the privacy of their own homes…seriously, it’s like since when did women think it’s ok to have air in public?

Sheesh.

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 01:31 pm: [report]

There’s a pretty big difference between breathing and, oh I don’t know, talking on the phone in a place where other women are taking a crap.

Fizzy
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

I think both lists should be combined into “Things People Shouldn’t Do in Public.”

Nan
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]

@Lynn—so was I!

Taurwen
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 04:40 pm: [report]

The subways I ride aren’t that bad… some of the tunnels you have to walk in to get to them however are just dismal.

outragesdale
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 06:38 pm: [report]

My French mother was good enough to pass many things on to me: a smooth complexion, love of red wine, smoldering eyes, and surreal black hairs sprouting from damn near every pore. If I happen to catch a rogue follicle in good lighting, I’m breaking out the tweezers regardless of who happens to be around.

kyd22
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 10:01 pm: [report]

sorry but i do my makeup on the bus almost everyday. i need that extra ten minutes of sleep and really, who am i trying to keep the mystique for? the homeless people and other cubicle zombies i ride the bus with?

Tamara
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 02:14 am: [report]

I do 1, 2, 5, and 9. 1.I don’t care who sees me put on makeup. 2. if my thong rides up into that funny my bum is gnawing at it like a steak angle I’m going in after it. I won’t be obnoxious about it, but I will get it.

As for 5 I worked in an environment for two years where the toilet was public and it wasn’t uncommon for someone to joke, “Oh! I can see your ovaries!” I don’t really feel a need to follow a code anymore, but in the same regard I don’t talk loudly, and I keep the conversation lighthearted. I’m not going around talking about my boyfriends spunk, etc.

Lastly 9, I try to adjust the girls in an undercover sort of way, unless I’m alone and dammit they need to be put back in and adjusted the right way, then I’ll reach right in grab and adjust. I did this one day when I was at work just in as I grabbed my boob I looked up to see a woman watching me through the window eating a pretzel, that was good for a laugh. Seeing as how I break all these rules I sort of have to question if I’m a woman or not now.

JAY NiKZ
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 02:27 am: [report]

amen. i couldn’t have said it better myself.

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 06:50 am: [report]

Ooh, Tamara, if you want to put on your makeup, pull out a wedgie or adjust your girls in public, that’s one thing, but subjecting people to your private phone conversations in small, confined spaces is pretty rude. I mean sure, you’re still a woman if you break the rules, but a woman with a sense of decorum? That would be a big ‘no.’

Chelle
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 07:55 am: [report]

It drives me nuts when people talk on the phone in the bathroom. It freaks me out when I’m trying to pee and the person in the stall beside me is talking. I don’t understand how anyone can do that. I, personally, can’t talk and pee at the same time. I also can’t afford another phone if it gets dropped in the toilet! Eww, what if it falls in there before you get to flush? Peeing on the seat is just uncalled for. It’s not that hard to put toilet paper on the seat if there are no seat covers.

SamanthaH
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]

@Lynn

I think she means that you should sit “lady-like” while wearing a skirt, i.e. knees together with legs crossed at the ankles.

when you cross your legs over the knees, you are more likely to reveal a bit more than you should…

Humble Bee
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]

dang and I always thought I was pretty lady like, I do almost more than half of those things. Sometimes you just have to tell him he’s acting like a dumbass. I also agree about bustin’ out the tweezers wherever there’s some good lighting. BUT i do loathe people talking on the phone while using the restroom. They really have no shame, some of the ladies at work fart really disgutingly and are still blabbing about ‘my hunsbad this my husband that’.

par3
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 04:04 pm: [report]

i just don’t like when women are like having a ‘bad day’ and feel like they are allowed to make everyone else’s awful especially after announcing the fact. it’s so dramatic and ugh… keep it to yourself you don’t special privileges just because someone lit your tampon string on fire.

AAA131
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 07:29 pm: [report]

I disagree with Wendy about the makeup and boobs thing. Well, with the boobs thing, I at least try to turn around or not do it when people are looking.

Even worse than talking on the phone is the bathroom is what I encountered yesterday. Women should never talk to each other between stalls. It’s rude. It’s gross. It’s a restroom, and I like to pretend I’m the only one in there, and you talking to your coworker about watching the dog show and the blue heel winning is NOT an okay conversation. The only time there should be any communication between stalls is to ask for toilet paper, and that’s only in the most extreme circumstances where you cannot get up and walk over to another stall.

Jill
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 12:57 am: [report]

I personally don’t see anything wrong with putting on makeup somewhere public. I put on my makeup on the train to work all the time. I’m not going to try to “retain the mystery” for a bunch of strangers. I dont care if people know I don’t wake up out of bed flawless.