What The Founding Fathers Think Of The Frisky
Posted by: Ali Jawin
Filed in:
news
2:00PM, Wednesday July 1st 2009
We at The Frisky love of all of your comments. Truly, there is nothing like checking your crackberry in the morning and getting an email declaring five people have commented on your post. Not that your comments aren’t enough for us, but we thought that, in honor of Independence Day, we ought to check in with the Founding Fathers to see what they think of The Frisky. It wasn’t easy, trust me. The seances were a breeze, but for all the talk of them being great intellectuals and brainiacs, they had a super tough time grasping the inherent social intricacies of Facebook and don’t even get me started on the debacle of explaining Twitter. Still, a couple friendings and tweets later, I guided them through the tricky waves of the blogosphere and to the ultimate destination of The Frisky. They loved us, more or less. Hear their praise and criticism after the jump.
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George Washington Georgie boy (not to be confused with Boy George) was overall very impressed. He approved of our equal treatment of all politicians (Republican or Democrat) and celebs (A-list or D-list). Washington recognized that even though we are not shy about putting our two cents in no matter how controversial the topic, we treat everyone fairly. Still, he wishes we would tread a little lighter over fighting issues as he himself was a man of peace. He lamented the fact that we so readily discussed hot button issues like abortion and gay marriage, but he didn't complain nearly as much if the pic was of a female hottie. |
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Thomas Jefferson: Jefferson lurved the democratic spirit of The Frisky. He cooed and made weird baby noises over everyone's ability to leave a comment and voice their opinion without fear or political retribution. I think what truly astounded dear Thomas were the dialogues between readers. It brought tears to his eyes that one person's idea could be shared and discussed by so many. Helen of Troy might have had a face that launched a thousand ships, but The Frisky had posts which launched thousands of readers comments. All of this is true, but I also think he was secretly into the style tips and DIY's. |
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Benjamin Franklin: As an inventor and scientist, Franklin couldn't stop marveling at the technology long enough to actually read anything. The fact that the screen kept on updating every ten minutes knocked him off his chair, well, every ten minutes. It was most trying on my nerves. After he collected himself he concluded that he was most impressed by our harnessing technology to reach readers in new ways. As a man of great integrity he chided me on the occasional typos in my posts, but was slightly mollified when I promised to go back and fix them. |
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John Adams: Oh dear, John Adams was not pleased at all! He was shocked and appalled by our sexual licentiousness. How improper for young ladies to speak of such private matters so publicly! He kept on muttering "this will just not do" over and over again. I tried to get more out of him, but he stormed out once he discovered there were also male writers at The Frisky. Women gossiping to one another over knitting or the internet is one thing. Women and men...he left the room before he became polluted by our "French" ways. |
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James Madison: Truth be told I couldn't drag the fourth President of the U.S. into The Frisky office to get his opinion. I was walking him from the cemetery via Madison Avenue and he totally flipped out. "There's a major New York avenue named after me? No way! I rock! I am such a bad ass..." He insisted on strutting up and down Madison all day long. After a few hours my feet hurt and I left him to fend for himself. His loss. |
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Alexander Hamilton: As the first U.S. Secretary of the Treasury, Hamilton was aghast when I told him that people could read our content for...free. He lamented our financial losses. He was convinced we couldn't possibly have any sense A) because we were women and B) because we could raise loads of dough with a pay per click scheme. Though I disagree, I was impressed by his quick grasp of internet finances. We had a nice long chat because he is very wise when it comes to money -- plus, he refused to leave. He declared he would duel anyone who dared to proclaim we were not the most attractive blog in the blogopshere. I wish we could take that as a compliment, but Hamilton just adored dueling, even though he died in one. |
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John Jay: JJ was perhaps our biggest fan. Since he is a bit sensitive about the fact he is one of the least famous founding fathers, he makes a really big fuss over the fact the was the first Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. Admittedly, that is a fairly big whoop. He was thrilled to the core by our extensive legal coverage, especially on the nomination of Judge Sotomayor. As one of America's greatest abolitionists, he was also pleased to see so much anti-slavery "literature" on our site. I tried to explain the whole Civil War and end of slavery thing, but he just wasn't getting it. He was happy, so I left it. |
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Jessica Wakeman
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 02:16 pm: [report]
Ali, you are very, very funny.
Carrie Wasterlain
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]
Hahaha. Love it!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 03:29 pm: [report]
Ben Franklin liked the French whores a bit too much though. And he liked to take “Air baths”, a rather pc term, meaning he sat on his roof naked.
Madison was the “Father of the Constitution”. He wrote 1/3 of The Federalist Papers on which it was based. He doesn’t get much of the credit though.
retro chic
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 04:39 pm: [report]
Very funny post… there’s so much to work with. You’ve channeled them perfectly.
When I was a little kid, I’d sometimes wonder, “What would George have thought about women’s dress, movies or driving a car, how the current Prez was doing? Or dental implants?” His secret opinion mattered to me.
I’m sure they all chat it up over a Sam Adams from time to time, reminiscing about the good ol’ days when they could bang the pub wenches, hide their love child(ren), sigh in relief when that burning sensation is better, all without a fuss—you know, like now, only without videotape and lawsuits.
ps: *Ben Franklin* was the real father of the Internet, it’s just that Al Gore couldn’t give Ben away.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 06:19 pm: [report]
@retro chic: George distilled his own whiskey. At Mt. Vernon he could make over 600 gallons at a time in 5 big stills. Yay booze!
musu
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 07:23 pm: [report]
Utterly brilliant!!
retro chic
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 11:17 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: Doesn’t surprise me—he did everything else large scale, huh? Loved George. Abe, too, even if he’s not in the FF Club.
Ali Jawin
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 07:15 am: [report]
@retro chic: wow, I had never thought about it, but now that you mention it, of course Franklin invented the internet! How could it have been conceived any other way? Thank so much for your comment!
Ali Jawin
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 07:17 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: Madison might not get enough credit as he deserves, but at least he gets a snazzy avenue in NYC. It would be truly degrading to get nothing but a so so avenue
wild-ting
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 07:34 am: [report]
What a wonderfully fun and creative piece! Thanks Frisky.
Oh and as for Alexander Hamilton, I believe he has been reincarnated as head of one of the current Telecom/Communications companies.
Alexander Hamilton:
As the first U.S. Secretary of the Treasury, Hamilton was aghast when I told him that people could read our content for…free. He lamented our financial losses.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 07:39 am: [report]
@wild-ting: That’s that the newspapers are trying to get to…a for-pay model for internet news.