What Your Boyfriend's Present Means

What His Gift Really Says: Holiday Presents Decoded

Posted by: Diana Vilibert Filed in: relationships
12:00PM, Tuesday December 23rd 2008

When a commitment-phobe I had been dating for two months excitedly told me he had a present for me—“you’ll love it,” he assured me—I prepared myself for a thoughtful, romantic gesture of his relationship readiness. But when I walked into his bedroom, he instead pointed at a Starbucks iced coffee on his desk that I had left there after our third date. He thought he was being cute, but our relationship curdled shortly after. Whether intentional or not, your man’s gifts send a message. So what did his holiday gift say this year? Find out after the jump…  

He got you: Holiday-themed chocolates 
What it says: “I bought this at the supermarket on the way over here, probably because I’m surprised that we made it to the holidays and hadn’t planned getting you anything.”  

He got you: Plane tickets for a romantic getaway
 What it says: “I think our relationship is strong enough to withstand non-stop quality time and hearing/smelling each other’s bodily functions through the hotel’s bathroom door.”

  He got you: A couple-friendly sex toy
 What it says: “I’m tired of being on top.”

  He got you: A solo sex toy just for you
 What it says: “I’ve been fantasizing about this since the first time I saw you naked.”  

He got you: A gym membership, after you’ve been complaining about how you want but can’t afford a gym membership 
What it says: “I’m a little clueless, but thoughtful.”  

He got you: A gym membership, despite you never mentioning your weight, exercise, or visiting a gym 
What it says: “I’m clueless, and I’ll be sleeping on the couch this week.”

  He got you: Anything he made himself 
What it says: “If you weren’t sure how into you I am, the answer is very.”  

He got you: A promise that your gift is on its way, coupled with mumbling about it being held up at the post office
What it says: “I just ordered it yesterday and didn’t even splurge for overnight shipping.”

  He got you: Lingerie that’s totally your style 
What it says: “I know what makes you feel sexy and I’m willing to spend an hour at Victoria’s Secret looking creepy to give it to you.”

  He got you: Lingerie—before you’ve slept together
 What it says: “I’m tired of going home with blue balls every Saturday night.”

  He got you: A framed picture of the two of you
 What it says: “I’m a cheesy romantic.”

  He got you: A framed picture of the two of you, blown up to the size of your bedroom wall 
What it says: “I hope the cheesy romance factor conceals the fact that I have a shrine to you in my room and am knitting mittens out of your hair.”

  He got you: A pet for the two of you 
What it says: “I’ve already booked a caterer and reception hall for our wedding, just in case. Don’t mind the shelf of baby name books in my living room.”

  He got you: A pair of earrings 
What it says: “I think you’re worth a million bucks—but I could only afford $79.99 at Zales.”  

He got you: a gift certificate to a spa 
What it says: “I want you to feel completely pampered while I picture you being oiled up and rubbed down.”

  He got you: Extra RAM for your computer 
What it says: “256 megabytes of file storage is the closest thing to flowers you’ll ever get from me, so if you want romance, keep looking.”

  He got you: The breakup speech 
What it says: “You have my permission to spread the word that I’m bad in bed.”

comments

Arty
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

If a boy got me RAM instead of some attempt at a romantic gesture I’d screw tradition and propose right then and there.

wanman
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 12:52 pm: [report]

This is great. As a man I’ll tell you that you are 100% correct in your “decoding”. I laughed so hard reading this. Uh oh, our secrets are out.

>missinformation needs to date a geek. My girl would hate that and as a geek that’s the kind of crap I want as a romantic gesture. : )

Arty
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 01:23 pm: [report]

Oh, but Miss Info IS a geek.

wanman
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

Well that’s perfect then. Do you work with geeks? I mean I work with a bunch of geeks and have known quite a few who would love to have a girlfriend that’s a one too. They always have trouble trying to flirt though.
Where is that article? How to communicate with the women for man geeks. I need to have that trademarked or something.

Arty
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 02:54 pm: [report]

Would you hurry up and write that, please? I’m tired of having to make the first move all the time.

wanman
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 03:32 pm: [report]

Holy crap you DO know don’t you.
I never had that problem but can’t seem to show others. I was a choir and theatre geek before I was a computer geek. Oh and yes I’m straight. : ) I never had a problem taking to people no mater what sex, age, race, whatever they were.
I feel really bad for my buddies who “can’t” meet women but it’s more than that, they can’t meet anyone as they don’t have the skillset. Where’s the help for them?

Pipi
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 03:49 pm: [report]

My ex randomly told me he was buying me a football jersey for Christmas. What does that mean?

Lynn
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 04:09 pm: [report]

My boyfriend got me a Kitchenaid mixer. Yeah, we cheated and gave gifts early!

I was totally shocked and I LOVE that he got one for me. Turns out the model isn’t exactly what either of us hoped or wanted it to be, so we’re going to return it (his idea, not mine! I told him I loved it as is but he insisted) and I’m going to pitch in $100 to get a way better model that is everything I want and everything he thought he was giving me. I hate telling people that because it sounds like “I have to pay $100 for part of my own present, which is an appliance he’s using to keep me barefoot and in the kitchen” when in actuality I was jumping off the walls with excitement when I unwrapped it. And I’m thankful that I have a BF who understood how excited I would be about it.

I think it means “I think I’ll be around long enough to enjoy all the cupcakes you’re going to make me” - and that’s perfectly fine with me

Arty
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 04:26 pm: [report]

@wanman
You’re a theater geek AND a computer geek? Wow, all the good ones really ARE taken.

@pipi
That means: “Please watch the game with me? Please?”

BadTiming
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 04:41 pm: [report]

@pipi I’m pretty sure he bought himself a jersey. I’m think for your birthday he’ll get you the team flags for the car.

Michael
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 04:59 pm: [report]

I planned on getting the ex a Kate Spade organizer since she was using a calender she got from her dentist…but since we’re not together anymore I got myself something nice instead.

wanman
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 05:00 pm: [report]

@pipi
He’d like to see you wearing only the jersey.

@miss
I don’t know if I’d say “good”. I have my flaws.
My girl and I are total opposites. I hear that they attract.

joyy
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 05:02 pm: [report]

@Lynn - lol. I was asking for a nice dutch oven (still can’t make up my mind which one, though), and the bf was like “that’s not personal enough though, and isn’t it rude to give your gf something for the kitchen?” I told him it was an absolute no-no unless it was specifically asked for (or in your bf’s case, something he knew you’d reallyreally love), because if you love to cook/bake, high-end kitchen gifts ROCK. Too funny!

vanya
wrote on December 24 2008 @ 09:40 am: [report]

@pipi - Was he a “face painter”? Maybe he wanted you to be one of the letters in the team’s name at the game. You know, gotta support the team (for all the David Puddy fans out there)

Lynn
wrote on December 24 2008 @ 12:16 pm: [report]

joyy - my BF said the same thing, feeling bad about giving kitchen/cleaning things as presents. But then he saw me get all geeked out when I accidentally discovered that my parents are giving me a convection toaster oven for Christmas, and started teasing me about getting excited over appliances. But he said that deep down he was really relieved to see that I like such presents so he knew his wouldn’t offend me. I hope you get the dutch oven of your dreams!