What Do You Remember About Your Worst Breakup?

delovely
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:03 am: [report]

Ugh, there are pictures from mine. It was a coworker’s birthday and I’m smiling with my friends, completely unaware of what was going to happen that night. Thank you, Facebook, for the reminder.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:05 am: [report]

I remember living off one giant cinnamon bun and vitamin for a whole week.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]

Vitamin water, that is.

Asta
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]

My worst break up was almost a year ago too… Anyway, I remember crying alone listening to sad country songs (and slow country songs to pour a little salt on the wounds) when I realized we weren’t going to make it out of our “rough patch”. After the actual break up I spent the entire next week on my couch, skipping classes, watching TV and crying. I decided that would be my low point, peeled myself off the couch and went to Dallas to stuff myself on fried foods at the texas state fair with my best friend. I think the beer helped but it was the BEST FAIR EXPERIENCE EVER! Weirdest detail I will remember- the fried food of the year was deep-fried bacon and it was strangely sweet.

JamiGirl
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]

I remember everything from that day and the night before. He broke up with me on a Tuesday. The night before was the episode of House where they killed Kutner. I remember eating celery at work that day because I was trying to stop eating out of the vending machine. I remember that dizzy feeling I got when he sent the text that read, “get a babysitter, we need to talk after work.”

_jsw_
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]

Mine wasn’t a “reveal” so much as it was a long, painful cat-and-mouse game to find out what was going on. She was away, visiting a friend-who-become-more. The “who-became-more” part wasn’t obvious at first, and then slowly became that way. So I remember a week and a half of going from a mild concern to full-on paranoia to being told “we’ll talk when I get home”. The actual full truth came out much later, but I got the gist when she returned. I don’t remember details like Amelia does, because it was a ramp-up to the reveal, not a bomb. I do remember trying to convince myself that I was being paranoid but knowing I wasn’t.

The following few weeks, I made an ass of myself trying to get her back. Well, not a public ass, but good God, I became a ball-less whiney mess. Long talks (mostly one-way), long emails, a website devoted to it and getting her back complete with begging video. A website. I completely lost it. It was a side of myself I’ve never seen before. I remember the stupid begging things the most, more than the breakup itself.

But the actual day when the facts were confirmed? All I remember is her mentioning something about his penis. Not particularly good or bad. Just… the fact that she knew. The rest is sort of a blur.

*sam*
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:32 am: [report]

Maybe because it’s been…2, no, maybe 3(?) years since my worst break up, I really can’t remember anything about that night save the feeling that I had when he said, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” (or did he say “I think we should break up”??) After that, all I can remember is the pain. It was like those scenes in movies where a mother or a wife is first told the news that their son/husband is dead, and they have that look, like they’re in shock and for that brief moment, time stops, and they can neither hear nor feel anything. Then, everything else is just a blur.

Don’t worry Amelia (and anyone/everyone else), I’m sure that eventually, you’ll forget all of the random details too. I used to be able to recall everything about that day as well, but eventually, I stopped trying to and the little pieces started falling away. Now all that’s left are the big pieces (the fact that it was the same day my brother in law graduated from police academy and we had just gone to our first counseling appointment that week, and what that “last” fight was about), and the pain—but even that is only a memory now. Try as I might, I can’t put myself back there anymore. I can remember how terrible it felt, but I can’t actually feel it anymore—if that even makes any sense.

_jsw_
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:37 am: [report]

@*sam*: ” Try as I might, I can’t put myself back there anymore. I can remember how terrible it felt, but I can’t actually feel it anymore—if that even makes any sense.”

That makes perfect sense. The “my life is over” feeling can be remembered as being intense, but the memories are themselves not painful. No matter how much you think you’ll never ever eve get over the one and only true love of your life, you will. And eventually, you’ll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. During it, all you think of is what you’ve lost. Later? You can look back and actually see what you lost and realize it wasn’t worth the pain you felt.

_jsw_
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]

Er, “ever get over”.

LadyNisa
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]

My worst break up happened about 2.5 months ago, from which I’m still recovering. I still remember everything from that day, though its slowly starting to fade.

*sam*
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:43 am: [report]

@_jsw_: “During it, all you think of is what you’ve lost. Later? You can look back and actually see what you lost and realize it wasn’t worth the pain you felt.”

That is probably the best description I’ve ever heard (well, read). We should write a book, lol.

Seriously though, after I read yours, I started thinking about how crazy I became afterward, and realized, that even those memories have faded. I remember the time that I kicked him in the shin because I didn’t know what else to do and he was standing right in front of me antagonizing me to do something, and how much effort it took for me to *not* make a scene at his work when I had to drive there to return his house key after he refused to be there (even though he PROMISED he would) and instead sent the landlord to ensure my family and I didn’t “damage or steal anything”—because we’re so classless and all. ah, good times!

brandyalexander
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:48 am: [report]

Ugh.  Sam, your ex was a creep.

Laurel
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]

Oooo Sam I wish I had the opportunity to kick my ex in the shins! That would have felt great. He broke up with me over the phone, from a different state, so that wasn’t really an option.

I don’t really remember much about it though, because as with _jsw_ it was more of a long fighting and fading thing…. I just remembered! I had sent him a card a couple days prior, hah, what a fool I was.

But that was about three years ago, and it’s been well washed out of my hair for some time now.

QTKT
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]

I used to have all of these memories too. It was amazing the details I had in my head. I remember going over and over them, thinking about all the ways the day could have been different (but not really b/c it was sooo over). I was with him for 4 years and we broke up in the summer of 2005.

But after reading this, I thought back and couldn’t remember a thing! All I remember are the big things - he came over, it happened, he took his stuff.

Maybe it’s because I’m with my guy now and I’ve replaced all of those with new memories. He can’t believe that I remember exactly what I was wearing when we met, on our first date, what he wore, what we ate/drank.

Or maybe it’s because I let the old memories go that I was able to fall in love with him?

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]

@Amelia Just curious if you ever wore the dress that you bought that day?  I have pieces of clothing that remind me of events and people.  Most I eventually wore again but there are some that I could never bring myself to wear again.  It was just too much of a reminder.

*sam*
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:02 am: [report]

@brandy: ha! yeah, he really is. Though, with a winning personality like his, I’m sure he’s still available. If you want, I could direct to his place of employment and set you up for a “chance” encounter.

No, I take that back, I like you. Sarah Palin on the other hand, should give me a call…

workerbee
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]

I don’t remember the exact day.  It was over the phone though, and I remember that dizzy, sick in your stomach feeling.  I ate one bagel and one cup of coffee all day for a month.  I almost wish I had that discipline now but I was really just depressed and had no appetite.  I also made a fool of myself after, but to be fair to my 20 yr old self, he continued to use me for sex for many months after the breakup. 

@lawyrgrl: I also can’t wear or look at some things that remind me of him and that time.  It’s been ages, but I still can’t look at them without remembering good or bad times.

lalala
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

How fortuitous that this article was posted—I’m actually going through a pretty traumatic breakup right now. Although I’ve dated people before, he was my first love. Last night I found out that he’s been cheating on me with another girl. I seriously feel like crap and can’t stop crying; it’s a miracle that I was able to drag myself out of bed to go to campus today. Though, I do have one question, what do I do with all the crap that he has at my apartment?

Joey Daytona
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]

Mine was w/ a high school sweetheart while I was away at college (I know, I know!), visited and couldn’t find her at her parents house, then a friend I drove past tipped me off and there she was in the backyard on a pic-nic table sitting next to her new guy. I sat between them and it was tense, we walked off and had our talk. I left in a huff, tires squeeling and gravel flying… made the mistake of turning on the radio and out comes, “Easy Lover” by Phil Collins and Philip Bailey… great, thanks.

*sam*
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:31 am: [report]

@lalala: give him a time and date that is most convenient for YOU to come get his crap and let him know that anything he leaves behind (or if he doesn’t show up at all) will be either burned or sent to goodwill. Do *NOT* budge on this time. If it’s inconvenient for him, don’t reschedule. He’s the one that cheated, not you, so if he can’t rearrange something in his schedule, I guess that just sucks for him. If he complains that you’re being unreasonable, just enlighten him to the fact that it wouldn’t have to be that way if he had just kept his d*ck where it belonged. I would also suggest putting a time limit on the matter, like an hour or two (depending on the amount of crap that’s there). And as far as gathering it all up for him goes, that’s up to you. If you feel like you shouldn’t have to collect everything for him to come and collect, then don’t. But if you’d rather do it for him to ensure he’s in and out of there quickly, then do.

lea322
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]

I got dumped via Myspace. Sometimes I hate technology.

_jsw_
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]

@*sam*: This one time, I disagree. Taking his things would be theft and potentially prosecutable. Being cheated on is horrific but doesn’t give one rights that one would not otherwise have.

I’d recommend getting his stuff together and in a box or boxes by the door and giving him a reasonable amount of time to get it. Not forever, but not “this time or never.”

Cese_ED
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]

This particular breakup happened a few years ago. I was in my first year of university. I remember sitting down at the cafeteria with one of my roommates, and eating cucumbers because there was nothing else on the menu I wanted. I remember going home and onto MSN, he said “We need to talk.” and I knew right away. He called me, informed me he wasn’t in love with me anymore - I remember crying hysterically. Immediately after we hung up, I vomited. I couldn’t eat cucumbers for a year. I called my dad and cried and cried. I immediately deleted him off of my MSN and changed my e-mail. I remember in his MSN name, he had the song Cable Car (Over My Head) by the Fray displayed. I still do not like that song.

Wow. This is one of the few times my episodic memory has not failed me.

Jenbug
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:27 am: [report]

My ex-fiancé broke up with me over the phone, on a Tuesday morning 20 minutes before I had to be at work, the day we were supposed to sign papers to buy a house together.

What could I have expected though, from a man who broke up with me (also over the phone) two years prior because I went fishing without him?

maybugmadness
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]

Ugh…it was an entire Memorial Day weekend of being publicly drug through a mental hell by her. 

She had been talking herself out of the relationship during the entire preceding week, so I had a pretty good idea that it was coming.  Despite this, friends were coming in to town, so we hit up Put-In-Bay and a local BBQ contest where she largely ignored me, but completely lit up whenever someone else would talk to her.  It was incredibly frustrating and awkward.  When I was finally able to get back to my house, I just plugged my phone in and sat on the floor waiting for the phone call.  She honored that much of the deal, but the following weeks were pretty awful.  Long story short, it’s gotten better, but I still haven’t been able to log on to Facebook too often because there are pictures from that weekend…

maybugmadness
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:34 am: [report]

Oh!  And the best part!  We also dropped by her workplace so that she could show everyone the view of the entire city…something we did on our first date!  Where’s the tact?

elizabethmarley
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]

Wow. I’m also coming up on the one year anniversary of my last (and worst) breakup. I had caught him cheating once and there were a million rumors swirling around about lots of other girls so I told him I needed a break from him to get things straight. A week later he burst into my apartment (he had keys) and tried to beat up a guy friend I was hanging out with. We fought for an hour outside and I remember calling him out on everything and making him take all of his stuff right then. I felt really calm for a few days, and then cried a lot after that. He did a lot of really terrible things after we broke up and this year has been a really hard year, but at the same time I can’t believe it’s been a whole year.

bitchin
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]

ugh, I remember that It was on Memorial Day of this year.  He had ignored for a week and finally got the cojones to break up with me over the phone after taking me out for a fabulous date on my birthday.  We had tacos from some Mexican stand in the city after a Broadway show that were fantastic.  Tood bad I can never go there again since I just may sob into my taco.  Hatred.  Weeks later he said he would have to “regulate” our communication because if he “let” me i would write him 20 times a day.  More Hatred.
As you can clearly see…I am not over it.

lalala
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]

@_jsw_
@*sam*

I had to send him an email, since he won’t answer my calls, telling him to pick up his stuff today by a certain time. I then told him that if he didn’t get it by then, that I’d donate it or throw it out (however, I really won’t throw it out or donate it, just in case he really isn’t able to get it until sometime later).

The worst part of all of this is that I feel so betrayed and used. I would do so much for him, cook every meal for him, clean everything, help him with his work, sending him cards and little presents in the mail, etc. Not once during his relationship did he do something nice or thoughtful for me. I didn’t mind doing that at the time, because I really did love him, and I would do anything to make him happy. Unfortunately, I think he knew that, and used it to his advantage. :( Even though I’m hurting really bad right now, I know I’m better off.

lovelie
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]

It is a memory that has taken a substantial amount of time to dissipate, but here it goes. It was over two years ago, and in some ways it still feels like yesterday.  We had been together for over 4 years, the last being on and off.  I was wearing a white pin-striped dress, it was a Tuesday, and I had tacos with my co-worker for lunch.  He and I were supposed to go on a date night that night, so when I called him in the afternoon to confirm I never heard back from him.  Then I got a text near the end of the day saying we needed to talk.  I hate that…I’ve never understood why people feel the need to foreshadow what they are about to say.  Just say it.  Well, when I called him he wanted to meet in person, and allow me to continue to fester on this oh-so-predictable news he was about to hit me with.  So I beat it out of him over the phone, wish sometimes I wish I hadn’t.  He told me that he had cheated, and that he got the girl pregnant.  Well, needless to say, I told him GOODBYE over the phone, and have never spoken to him since.  Sometimes I wish I had met him in person, so he could see the disdain he caused in person, but I’m glad he didn’t get to see me cry.

msalistar
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]

I’m coming up on one year as well. It was also tuesday morning, I called him to find out where he was since he hadn’t come home yet from the club night he worked the door at. He told me over the phone, and I somehow had to get myself together emotionally to head to work by 8am. I think I ended up with the door closed on my office, crying most the day. And then I went home and cried more. 
The writing was on the wall that it was going to happen, but it still struck me very hard—especially after 15 years of being with him. It also happened to be two days before my birthday, so it made for a miserable birthday. Weeks of conflict and tears until I decided it would be better to just leave the state and get the distance. He moved onto a much younger woman who doesn’t have enough personality/sense of self to not worship him. I am sure he feels good about himself, who wouldn’t in that sort of mirror.

Me, I’ve got a charming gentleman that I’m taking my time with and he’s absolutely patient with me. I’m completely confident its better without my ex in my life, and I kept up the relationship I had with my his family—who have been the most incredible supportive people I’ve known, even more so then my own family. I occasionally wonder how many times the ex’s gf has been called by my name by his family or our friends. I’d certainly hate to be in her place.

emcdancer
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]

A little over a year ago for me. We had this Romeo and Juliet style love, I’ve never been swept up like that before. So I was devasted that he could give up on it. The sh*tty part is he, like many others above, didn’t have the cajones to tell me, he just sort of let it drift apart. So when I confronted him on it and said “WTF? Is this over? When were you going to tell me?” his reply was “Well, were talking now aren’t we?” We had sex that night, I had closure, and then that was it. It was painful as hell, I’m not a cryer by nature, so crying ALL THE TIME was especially horrible. But I’m glad I went through the pain and loss, rather than stifling it. I’ve completly moved on now, even found someone new and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. I learned so much from this break-up, I’m ever grateful. Really.

But the things I remember were all the places we went. I had moved to his town, so everything I knew about it was involved with him one way or antoher. I felt for months anytime I went anywhere like I was bombarded with memories of him. But I soon made my own memories, and now I only think of him on occasion. It’s hard to believe that things will get better when you’re in the moment, but they really do. It just takes time.

ootie
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 12:41 pm: [report]

My worst breakup was a few years ago.  He was my first love, and we were absolutely, head over heels in love with each other.  We went to Mongolian BBQ on New Years Day, where we got into an argument because I had a feeling that he had still been talking to other girls when we first started dating.  This argument continued as we left the restaurant and were driving home.  I remember the entire drive home, and the conversation, perfectly. We were circling around the block when he told me he had cheated on when we first got together.  Ugggh I still remember how it felt to hear that—I felt so sick and angry and in complete disbelief.  I didn’t eat or sleep for a week, I just laid on my floor and cried.  It was honestly the worst week of my life.
I’ve gone through other breakups, but nothing ever affected me like that one.  I think it was because it just came out of nowhere and I wasn’t prepared at all.

lcollins
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]

I had the great pleasure of hearing that my bf was seeing someone else. Oh and yes I heard this from his mother. I called his house and his mother tells me that he just left go to his girlfriends. She knew who I was and knew that we had been dating for some time now. When he never came I told her to tell him it was over and I guess he figured out why when his mother asked why he had 2 girlfriends LOL.

ccal
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]

My most recent breakup was probably the worst I’ve ever experienced.  I’m not one to cry over breakups or at least not significant ones so that’s my gauge for how bad it was.  I remember exactly what I was wearing, down to my lingerie (that I wore for a date last week and thought was a bit odd), I remember that I being blissfully ignorant of the fact that he was acting strangely (probably should have been a tip off that I hadn’t seen him in months and he basically wouldn’t kiss me).  But by far the worst part was the setting for how he presented the news itself, laying in bed, about to go to sleep cuddling.  I remember when he first started talking about us and how it wasn’t fair to me to have him be such an #&@$% to me and thinking that oh well this is just a talk we’re going to talk about things and it will be better after that.  I remember that it hit me that he was actually breaking up with me when he started grabbing my boobs and said you deserve to be happy and not to have a #&@$% boyfriend.  Talk about the worst way to break up with a person.  It was hard because he kept saying I love you and I always will but it’s not supposed to be this hard. 

The next day I remember lots of crying and even worse texts and calls from him saying he was sorry, he didn’t want to do it but it is for the best, and to please stop crying because it was making him feel bad.  I would have stopped crying if I wasn’t forced right away to have him in my face hours after breaking up. 

Things are better now, we still talk on occasion, i know he still loves me but we just aren’t together, I’m trying the friends with an ex thing for the first time in my life and it’s okay, just not the same.  The hard part is because of his douchey ways his feelings on us being friends is that we can talk whenever, he can tell me about his hookups (even after I asked him not to) and if he see’s me then he gets some.  I’m not too keen on this and I’m sincerely hoping that changes within the next few months before he starts a new job working on my college campus, I’m pretty sure my current boyfriend wouldn’t be too pleased about that.

Chebs
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]

My worst breakup seems pretty tame compared to some on here.  My ex and I had talked the previous months about this little problem where he’d complete ignore me for days on end (we lived together).  Wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t sleep next to me - he’d stay up really late on his computer, and I’d get up for the day before he went to sleep.  I left him once over it, went back because he promised to change.  Less than a week after I left he was back to the same thing.  No talking unless I talked to him first, and even then it was near impossible to engage him in conversation for more than a few minutes.  This went on for about 6 months in total, until I decided that I didn’t want a marriage like this, and I decided to end things.  I don’t remember much about what I said - I know I was cranky because it was after noon and he was still in bed asleep - or his reaction to me giving him back my engagement ring, but I remember he went back to the bedroom and didn’t come out.  I packed some of my things, went to my car, cried for about 5 minutes, then called my sister asking for a place to stay for awhile.

Everyone was really amazed at how well I handled the break-up considering we’d been together for almost 4 years and were in the middle of wedding planning.  All I could ever say to that was “we were already broken up long before I realized it”.

KateyQ
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]

My worst breakup was several years ago.  It was very innocent actually.  We were talking about our future, or I should say I was, and he said he didn’t want me to move or make any changes because of him.  I said that if he loved me wouldn’t he want me close by him?  I don’t think he even realized what he said until after he said it when he replied that he didn’t love me like that anymore.  (enter the sound of shattering glass here)  My heart just broke.  I was at his place and didn’t have my car so I had to endure the car ride home sobbing the whole time.  It was awful.  The worst part is he started dating a friend of his a whole 18 days later and they are now married with a kid.

wazu
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 01:45 pm: [report]

It was almost 4 years ago, but I still remember some of the details, maybe because it was the end of a 6 year relationship.  We had the breakup talk - we (he) decided not to live together anymore.  We discussed who would go where; I offered to move out, and that he could stay, because he had less money than me and would have trouble finding a hotel or place to crash, and I hated the place anyway and wanted to get the hell out.  I gave him a ride to Fry’s grocery store.  I waited in my car, and called my good friend to tell her what had happened; she was shocked, couldn’t believe it herself.  I watched him inside the store, through the front windows, and saw him on his cell phone, wondering whom he was calling, and if his version of events was as laced with sadness and disbelief, or if he was calling one of his new female “friends” that he met through those 900 numbers listed on the back of the alternative weekly paper.  I called my mom, and told her I was coming home, and that I didn’t want to explain it right now, and she was absolutely supportive, and came to pick me up later that day.

*sam*
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 01:55 pm: [report]

@lalala: well, I’m glad that you took both mine and _jsw_’s comments to heart and come up with a happy medium. _jsw_ is right about the potential legal problems of just trashing everything (*sticks tongue out at _jsw_*) but, I can already tell you’re doing better than I did in my similar circumstance. Infidelity or not, I still maintained that I was going to die if he didn’t stay with me. So in all sincerity, kudos.

UptwnGrl05
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

I still remember mine-he was home for the summer and our long distance BS was still taking place. We went out with friends, had some drinks, had a great time all in all! I wore the cutest skirt and he complimented me a dozen or so times, making me think we were doing really well. Then when I went to drop him off at home, he asked me to come in. He sat me down and said, “You know how I said I wasn’t with anyone else while I was at school?” and I said, “Yes…?” (while feeling my ears get hot and my heart start racing) and he goes, “That wasn’t exactly true.” And I remember thinking, He messed around with Kristin, my friend-MY FRIEND! and then he said, “This person I messed around with wasn’t exactly…a…chick.” To which I burst out laughing, said, “A DUDE?”, burst into tears, left, got in my car and went to a bar where my friends were. I then spent 3 days stinking drunk telling everyone who would listen that the guy I was with for 3 years cheated on me with a dude. Good times all around.

Come to think of it, I threw that skirt out the next day. Sad. Cute skirt.

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]

@UptwnGrl05 What a shame when cute clothing must pay for the sins of others!    Like I said in my earlier post, there are some pieces I literally had to get rid of because everytime I saw them I got either angry or sad.

UptwnGrl05
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 03:11 pm: [report]

@lawyrgrl I know! I think the worst of the worst is the comfy clothes I acquire from bfs, and then can’t wear after breakups because it feels dirty or weird. Sometimes, it’d be easier to erase the bull from the ex than replace my wardrobe. I wonder if you can sue for replacement costs post-breakup. That’d save me a ton of cash.

majicksand
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]

We’d been together 7 years.  We fought; he left.  I had a nervous break-down.  I walked out my front door with a few changes of clothes and didn’t come back for 4 months.  I paid no bills—mortgage, utilities, credit cards—nothing.  The only thing that snapped me out of it was my parents finding out about the house 3 days before foreclosure.  I had no idea.  It cost my parents $3000 to save my house.

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]

@UptownGrl05 Not yet but once more women are in Congress and actually get to participate in making the laws, HELLS YEAH!!!

ohfxck
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 05:13 pm: [report]

@_jsw_ And eventually, you’ll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. During it, all you think of is what you’ve lost. Later? You can look back and actually see what you lost and realize it wasn’t worth the pain you felt.

That is exactly what I needed to hear (read?) to get over my ex. I’m so pathetic toward him.. what exactly is the fuss? I’ve given him all the power and he just takes it. He talks to me, and then the second I get angry (because he takes 2 hrs to respond to my texts or randomly declares “guy nights” even though we have plans) he says he can’t take it and ignores me for days on end. So I delete his number from my phone, all texts and recent calls.. and then he will text asking how I’m doing. Rinse, wash, repeat.

effing hickster
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 05:25 pm: [report]

Don’t anybody laugh, but my most serious breakup was in second grade.

I know. I know. “So Hickster, how could you be serious about a girl in second grade, let alone REMEMBER second grade?”
Well, I was, and I do.

I grew up in Wichita, Kansas, and my parents were advocates of desegregated schooling. We had lived on the southeast side, and getting to school wasn’t hard, but the summer between my first and second grades we moved to the northwest side. Getting to the bus stop involved a 10-mile car ride first.

I was in Mrs. Hart’s class that year, and that’s when I met Helen. Of course, most second-grade relationships last about a week or so, but ours lasted the entire school year.
Other girls would chase me around the playground, but Helen was the only one for me.

She came from a Jewish family, and I came from a Christian one, but that didn’t change a thing. We sat together constantly. I was artistic, so we’d often work on art projects together, making heart-shaped faces with heart-shaped eyes and lips for Valentine’s Day. My nightscape drawings always had six-pointed stars instead of five.
I gave her a nice present for Christmas. And she gave me eight small ones for Hannukah. And of course, she was my first kiss. In the hallway. In front of the whole class. Oh, the butterflies in my stomach that day!

Well, since we were now on the other side of town, and there was a new elementary school just down the street, my parents decided that I’d stop going to Helen’s school next year.

I was devastated. I didn’t immediately tell Helen about what was going to happen. I couldn’t. I was sad and listless, and it wasn’t until music class that Helen asked me what was wrong.
I started crying; and when I told her that we wouldn’t be going to school together anymore, she started crying. The teacher couldn’t get us to calm down, so she put us out in the hallway to work it out. We just stood there bawling for the rest of the hour.

This happened in 1974, long before the internet, long before cheap and easy cell phones. Telephones weren’t playthings to kids back then. For us, all the way across town could easily have been all the way across the world. I promised I’d never forget her, and I never will. I hope she believed me.

Two years later Lisa, our mutual friend from that school happened to be attending the same new alternative school I was. She knew very well how hard the breakup between Helen and I was, and told me that Helen still missed me.
To make matters worse, I went to a district-wide music symphony field trip that year at Wichita’s premier auditorium, Century II. It was huge.
The presentation ended, and the kids stood up to file out and go to their buses. As I looked down toward the stage, I saw a familiar face…Helen. I was just a little guy, but I yelled with all my might. However, the sheer multitude of kids, the acoustics, the distance, prevented her from hearing me. She never saw or heard me.

I tried to look her up once when I was about 25 years old. Her mom probably thought I was just some weird stalker type, so I let it go.

Naturally, I still think about her from time to time. The images have faded and blurred, but I think I could still recognize her if she stood in front of me again. She’s probably married now, with some beautiful kids, so I’ve no desire to create any disturbance in what may be for her a happy life. I just hope she still remembers me fondly, and how much I cared.

Helen, I’ll never forget you.

writergirl
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 06:31 pm: [report]

Driving to Harrisburgh from Ohio in late June 1997 on the PA turnpike.  I had been gone a full 48 hours that weekend.  It was dark.  Raining.  (I swear I am not making that up).  I was wearing a navy blue sweat shirt and jeans that were too big.

Before I had left for the weekend he had asked me to go away with him.  When my cell phone switched from “roaming” to local, I called him.  I was coming up on his exit.  I thought I’d stop bye and “say hello”   That and I really had to pee and his toilet was cleaner than a reststop’s.

His voice just wasn’t as…warm? as it usually was when we talked.  You know the sound—that smooth, sexy voice they have for you and only you….

Then he told me the exgirlfriend (whom he *really* loved!) had been home on leave for the weekend.  It had been a total surprise she was home…he’d gone home to visit his parents since I wasn’t around for the weekend, and she was next door at hers.  How freaking convenient.

He didn’t say anything more than that.  He didn’t need to.

I cried the rest of the way home…ate nothing but string beans for a week and worked out like nobody’s business.  And took another eight pounds off my already-anorexic frame.

Then the following weekend he called and asked me to go to ANOTHER ex’s wedding—who had dumped him in much the same manner he dumped me—and I agreed to go with him. 

Yeah…back then I had “doormat” tattooed across my forehead.

neongh0st
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:49 am: [report]

I don’t know if I could possibly have anything to add to what everyone’s said already, but here goes…

Even though this (my first serious relationship) was a while ago I remember the details very, very precisely. We were in a field, in an area where there was sand piled up for some reason. There was one sandbag (white, woven plastic) that hadn’t been opened. He held me while he said, “I’m going to do something… something I don’t want to do… I’m breaking up with you.” Pretty sure there were people around to see how watery my eyes (/face) were on the walk home.

In the end, I don’t want to forget any of it, though. I learned so much from the fallout of that relationship. The one thing I’d like to pass along is this: once you’ve gotten through that kind of heartbreak, it’s a great measuring stick. You survived something that you thought you couldn’t live without. What’s going to be able to take you down now?

daisyb
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 05:56 am: [report]

Jenbug, at least you didn’t wind up buying a house with that loser! You avoided financial disaster, without a doubt. My ex-husband and I were a mere two payments into our first house when he announced he had “deep romantic feelings” for a co-worker. Within three weeks he’d refused counseling, refused to cease social contact with the other woman, and decided to walk away from everything—including the house and payments. And yes, I remember every detail of that period even though it was almost three years ago.

effing hickster
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 07:40 am: [report]

@neonghost: I really don’t understand why some people think breaking up in a public place is a good idea.

I was serving in a restaurant once, and had these two regular customers sitting in my section. Two guys. It was quite obvious that one of them got dumped by the amount of tears. The guy even walked off and stiffed him with the check. The dumped guy could barely make it through the meal. I felt so bad for him.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]

@hickster:  They do it because they are cowards.  They assume you’ll make less of a scene if others are watching.  Let’s face it.  We all look at women who scream, cry, and throw things in public sideways without considering what may have caused the psychotic break.  I say women because we are less likely to care about the reaction and do it anyway.  Men tend to maintain their composure as a rule.

Charlotte10
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 11:18 am: [report]

My absolute worst breakup was about two years ago.  I was dating this guy, Jack on and off for about a year, he would talk to me about everything in his life and ask for advice and we’d always have a great time, but it was always just the two of us; he would never let me IN his life (I was so in love/obsessed that it didn’t matter to me that this was a completely one-sided relationship).  I knew most of his friends and they knew me, but we would all never hang out (one of the numerous red flags!)  Anyways the beginning of the end came when he invited me and some of my friends over to his friend’s house (I thought he was finally changing for the better) to hang out and drink.  That night I ended up meeting one of his best friends, Stephen, that I’d heard a lot about but never met.  This guy treated me like a princess all night and was great fun.  For one reason or another, Jack and I stopped hanging out and Stephen started calling and we eventually began dating.  After dating Stephen for awhile, I found out that Jack had never told Stephen about me and was apparently dating all of these other girls behind my back.  All of the sudden, though, I found out I was pregnant and called Jack.  I decided now was not the time to have a baby and Jack was definitely not the person to have it with.  I terminated the pregnancy.  A few months later, Jack saw Stephen at a party and told him about the abortion.  Stephen was understandably shocked but understood why I didn’t tell him and why I did what I did.  I haven’t talked to Jack since then am and still in the happiest, most loving and supportive relationship with Stephen.  I still think about Jack though, is that wrong?  I feel like I’m cheating on Stephen, who has never been anything less than an amazing man to me.  I guess it’s just one of those things that’s better left unsaid.

Amelia McDonell-Parry
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]

@lawyrgrl I have worn the dress! Not on a super regular basis, but yeah, I wear it. In fact, maybe I’ll break it out for next week’s What We’re Wearing…

kad
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]

My worst break-up?

She was on blood thinners which made her susceptible to bruising.  Time was, she used to make a joke about how she would tell people how I beat her.

And then one day it wasn’t a joke.

She did tell people that was what I did.  And I didn’t beat her.  But there they were, the photos of her with bruises.  She ALWAYS had bruises.  The blood thinners she took because of a stroke she had when she was 27.

I was breaking up with her because she couldn’t hold a job, but liked spending money.  I begged her to even get a part time job, as I slowly went bankrupt.  But every employer was wrong.  Coming on to her, rude, whatever.  After a year of that bull-s…h…i..t, I finally had to call it quits.  And she was pis…s.ed off about it I think.

So there I was, spending a night in jail.  And now walking around with a criminal record because I couldn’t afford to have proper defense.

How’s that for a bad breakup?

I live in a different city now, in some ways because I still feel I wish I could give her the bruises honestly.  I think she earned the bruises I want to give her.  No lady lies.  And she proved she wasn’t a lady that day.

How’s that for honesty?  Do you think I have anger issues?  That the police automatically take the man to jail?  Even though I showed them the nice round burn mark the crazy b-i-tch made on my leg with her cigarette?

I had two assault charges (one dropped), one for beating up her brother in law who attacked me when she appeared, complaining about soreness.  #&@$% imbecile (Tim) learned his lesson that day.  His charge was dropped.  Her charge, with the bogus photos, was not.

I hated women for a long time after that, and I know it wasn’t fair.  Luckily, many years have passed since that day, and I have a strong-willed, gorgeous woman in my life now.

It took me 10 years after that crazy lunatic to get over the lies she told about me.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]

Kad: Sorry to hear you went through that, your ex must have been very manipulative.  Not only was she directly malicious towards you, but also, indirectly, actions like that are an affront to people who really have suffered physical abuse.
Its good to hear that you found a good, strong woman, and didn’t melt into a misogynist mess like many other men would.

_jsw_
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]

@MyNewFavoriteDrink: “and didn’t melt into a misogynist mess like many other men would.”

Indeed. There are far too many people convinced that all ________ suck, where the ________ would be men, women, animals, politicians, movies, food groups, or whatever have hurt them in the past.

Most men are not #&@$%. Most women are not bitches. I dislike it when people assume an entire group of people are fatally flawed because they’ve come across a few bad examples. I understand it - date a few of the wrong people, and you end up generalizing. But it’s wrong to do so.

bearclover
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 02:39 pm: [report]

I just went through my worst break up about an hour ago, but unlike most of the posts here, I broke up with him.  I realized a couple of months ago something was very, very wrong with this man. 

After 16 years in a pretty colorless marriage (14 of which was spent in seperate bedrooms; a civil, loveless marriage thinking we were doing best by our children) I finally filed for divorce. 

It took me a little while, but I thought I had found someone who could be a partner and a friend to me. We had so much in common and did everything together.  A few months ago, he lost his job through no fault of his own.  I let him move in thinking if dating him was this great, imagine how good living together would be!  Unfortunetly, two months after he moved in, I also lost my job.

Within about a month of losing my job, I noticed big changes in his behaviour.  He never took any blame for anything in his life- not even partial blame.  I started hearing more and more stories about women he had lived with in the past- they were all crazy or mean or something awful.  He even felt his only child, an adult daughter was wasting her life and “wouldn’t listen” to his advice.  I thought she was a nice girl and had been inviting her for Friday night dinner just as I did my own grown daughter.

The final straw was about a week ago when I met a former male coworker of mine for lunch.  The coworker had agreed to write a letter of recommendation for me.  My bf blew up when I got home and accused me of being on a date.  No amount of explanation would suffice.  I had worked closely with this person for 7 years and my bf had met him at company parties.

No matter what I said, my bf just got more angry until finally, around 9:00 PM, he left.  I went to bed.  I remember the sheets smelled like him and (I don’t know why) it crossed my mind to change the sheets.  When he came in late, he woke me to his angry packing.  He told me I disgusted him and made him sick. 

He went home to his elderly parents (they’re in their 70s and he and I are in our mid-forties).  His parting words were that he was going to leave and give me some time to think about what I did. 

I thought about it.  Then I Googled “he never takes responsibility for his problems”.  Eventually I found this website: http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/loser/part-2.html  He rang true for the characteristics 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (especially 7!), 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 18, 19, and 20.  Scary.

Even though I rent this house and he had only been here a short while, I still had to evict him.  I followed the instructions on the website for detaching.  He was gone for a week and showed up today under the pretense of moving his stuff.  He got so angry that I did his dirty laundry, folded it, and packed it in plastic bags (he took issue that I packed all of his stuff out of the bedroom and moved it to the garage) that he called the police.  I’m totally serious.  They never showed up though so I don’t know if he really did. 

He berated me for an hour while I remained completely silent.  I wouldn’t look at him or acknowledge him in any way.  I did keep my 94 pound dog at my side though and my cell phone on me.  Eventually, he drove away with his first load of stuff.  I don’t know where he took at or when he’s coming back.  I cant legally change the locks until Oct 8th.

I know I should be concerned about how scary he became, but more than anything, I feel really sad right now.  Sad that I picked someone like that.  Sad that I was wrong about him.  I’m even sad that I probably won’t see his adult daughter anymore.  I feel like I waited so long for a partner that shared my interests, kept me company, and seemed to actually love ME, but now all I’m getting is old. 

Dont get me wrong- I have great kids, and yay! they have great lives.  But they’re grown.  I feel like a gray haired woman with an old dog and lacking the sense God gave a piss ant.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 02:52 pm: [report]

@bearclover:  You did the right thing, and your life will be better for it.  Take time to grieve, certainly.  Just because the break-up was your choice doesn’t mean it was easy.  As soon as you’re ready though, get back out there.  I don’t mean you should troll bars for dates or even look for a new man.  Join a club that interests you.  Take a class or begin a new hobbie.  If you make sure you’re out in the world making new friends, you’ll feel better.  The better you feel about your life and yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who appreciates you.

Please don’t think of yourself as old.  In your mid-forties you have plenty left to contribute to the world, and there really are lots of men out there who would love to have someone who shares their interests for company too.

FabulousJoi
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 06:08 pm: [report]

I lost a LOT of weight!!! Wore black for a few weeks, played a lot of angry music. Eventually, after writing a lot, I got out of my funk and slowly started moving on. Going through something like this makes me wary of love simply because I don’t want to go through the heartbreak.

bearclover
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]

Thank you, Majick, for those words of encouragement.  I thought it was going to be horribly depressing to read people’s breakup stories, but its actually kind of nice to know other people wallowed for a little while and then moved on.

kad
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 05:01 am: [report]

@bearclover.

You will meet the right person for you one day.  Don’t worry about your age.

http://www.thefrisky.com/site/post/246-automatic-online-dating-dealbreakers/

There is my post about a very current story about the lady I am going to marry.    Keep hope alive and let things happen naturally, and you will not grow old alone.

My Christina actually has some grey hair!  I have a slightly receding hairline…..age doesn’t matter.

I’m sorry you met such a lech.  After you think about what kind of man you really want, go out and just be yourself.  You will find him.

kad
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 05:11 am: [report]

Sorry about the double post…

An observation I made a couple of years ago on aging.  I noticed that older women were becoming increasingly attractive to me, and now, I find women in their 40’s to be very sensual and naturally sexy.

Not all men want a toy.  Some of us actually want a companion.

Keep hope alive bearclover.  You will meet the man who is meant for you.  It took me 8 years to meet my love (I know that sounds depressing, but it gave me time to think about what I wanted in a relationship).

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 07:51 am: [report]

@Amelia You are my new heroine!  Too many innocent pieces of clothing have already suffered in the name of heartbreak.  I’ll be watching for the dress in an upcoming What Are They Wearing!

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 07:56 am: [report]

@bearclover Just wanted to write a quick note of support.  I am impressed that you moved so quickly and deliberately to take care of a bad situation.  So many women would sit and take the bad behavior just so that they don’t have to be alone.  Good for you!  Welcome to the frisky boards.  We like strong women here and you sound like you are one tough cookie! 

bjoontheupside
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]

The day I left my ex-husband to move 16 hours away was probably my worst thus far…

That was my brilliant plan, thinking that it would help me get over the loss and grief I felt, all the while allowing me to spend more time with my mother whom I rarely saw before this. It was a weird day…The day before, he had actually been kind enough to help my mother and me load up the car and rental truck. The day of, I woke up early to find him asleep on the sofa. Once I had everything else in my car I went back into our apartment and woke him up to say goodbye. It was so hard for me to do this because I had wanted our marriage to work out. I knew I needed to be strong so I wasn’t planning to say a whole lot to him. I woke him up and told him I was leaving. He walked me to do the door, wished me “good luck” and hugged me. I knew if I stayed any longer that I would probably break down, so I simply said good luck and good bye. I walked out wondering if he was actually watching me from the peephole. I gave a nod to my mom in the moving truck, got in my car and drove away. I was listening to a Cat Power CD. The song, “The Greatest” was playing. The rest of that day was spent on the road, but the greatest thing about it was that the further I got from him, the better I started to feel and the more I started to think about my new life ahead.

AChanceAtHeaven
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 08:40 am: [report]

Nothing.

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 08:44 am: [report]

Thank you, Lawyrgrl.  I actually have to credit him for helping me move so “quickly and deliberately” as you put it. 

When we finally spoke and had the “it’s over” conversation, I asked him when he was going to come get his stuff.  Instead of telling me when, he told me he didn’t need to answer that because he could come and go as he pleased anytime he wanted and there was nothing I could do about it-I couldn’t even change the locks, and if I did, he would call the Sheriff’s dept and have me removed from my house for being abusive.  The the thought of him showing up whenever he felt like it lit a fire under my behind.

Never having gone through this before, I had no idea if that was true or not, so I called the Sheriff’s dept and they confirmed that I would have to evict him.  I live in a very small town and if the fire trucks or Sheriff show up, people usually come out their doors to see what’s going on or to offer help.  I would be mortified if my neighbors heard some of the mean things he’s saying to me about me now, true or not.

I’ve been up almost all night and only slept lightly when I did because I don’t know when he’s coming back, but it’s given me time to think.  I’ve come to two conclusions: I think he knows I don’t want a scene and is using it against me, and how did he know I would have to formally evict him and couldn’t legally change the locks? Hmmmm.

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]

@bearclover My best guess is that he knew about the eviction laws because he has done this before.  Kudos to you for not giving in to his attempt at bullying you.  I am concerned for your safety though.  Is there anyone that you can have stay with you?  Also, you may not be able to change the locks but there is nothing stopping you from installing a lock on a room that he has no belongings in and sleeping in there.  There is no way that you are going to be able to go without sleep for a month! 

I would also set up a homemade “burglar alarm” when you are home.  Take a bunch of empty cans and put a few coins or marbles in them.  Stack them in a pyramid in front of the outside doors so that if he opens it when you are there they will fall over and make a terrible racket.  That way you will have warning that he is there and he can’t sneak in.

Remember, if he makes ever threats and you feel genuinely worried for your safety, you can put an end to this by obtaining a restraining order.

retro chic
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]

Bear with me everyone, but, what caught my eye was the title: “What Do You Remember About Your Worst *Breakup*?” and how the article ends with “What random details do you remember about the day of your worst *Heartbreak*?” I suddenly realized those are not the same thing for me, in fact, it opened some raw stuff.

What I remember about my worst *breakup* when I was quite young is that it was total annihilation, practically being dragged by my much older BF’s ankles as he strode away, leaving me for a much older woman than him he was cheating with. I truly believed life could not be sustained after 6 months of suffering and near emotional and actual starvation.

I eventually recovered, but I still would not know til much later, that experience would be a mere blip only to be eclipsed in short order (three times) by the real *heartbreaks* in *my* life that had nothing at all to do with a boyfriend, but the loss of my child’s childhood when I discovered she was sexually and physically abused (then proving that in court), and again when my mother was killed two years ago (my stepdad following shortly after from heartbreak). There were no goodbyes.

My point is about perspective and encouragement. Not to inflict mine, or to one-up and diminish – *believe me* – but to gently encourage to allow the gift of healing perspective when we’re at our lowest, the suffering can lessen, and an already short life can be enjoyed that much sooner. For me, there is *nothing* anymore that can break my heart, no divorce/breakup, no other kinds of losses nor a bad economy – as long as there is life and the enjoyment of it. Easier said than done for sure. I’m still letting go of an SO that was my rock during the rough times, but ultimately has no future. I’m trying very hard now to have new relationships with renewed optimism and a new sorting/weeding criteria for fast-forwarding to the worthy ones. There’s no time for *anyone* to waste. Right?

@bearclover: It must be very disorienting to have gone thru life up to this point just to endure the likes of such a collossal jerk like this who may/may not be dangerous, but seems scary just the same. Not to mention the loss of the relationship and this self-doubt you have. Please don’t let the prospect others’ opinions keep you from seeking the necessary protection or support to get you thru this. I have to say, tho, it makes me laugh a little when well-intentioned others are reminding you that you still have a few good years left in you. Get rid of this guy and have the real time of your life – these are the good years, your desirability should not be in question (but I don’t need to tell you that).

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]

I think he knew about the eviction laws because he’s done this before too.  And there’s no way I’m giving in to being bullied by anyone.  Bullies usually only get to be that way to someone because they can. 

No, there’s no one to stay with me.  He’s on his way back now to get more of his stuff- hopefully, all of it.  I’ll ask him for the key and if he gives it to me and takes his stuff, I can change the locks because he’s shown his intent to vacate.  I’ve already bought new doorknobs for the outside doors and also picked up a bunch of broom handles that I can cut to length for all the windows. 

I got out some old sleigh bell necklaces I bought for my kids years ago and hung them on the entry doorknobs already.  I didn’t think about an inside door with a lock until you mentioned it, so thank you.  I just put one on the inside of the guest bedroom door which does have a lock.

I don’t think he’s dangerous in a physical way, but I have no desire to find out.  Right now I’m tired and starting to go from hurt and shock to righteous pissed-offedness.

_jsw_
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]

@retro chic: Thank you for that. I’m truly sorry about the tragedies you and yours have suffered, but your optimism after all of it is inspiring.

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]

Retro chic: I’m sorry to hear about your losses.  Both of my parents died of cancer within two years of each other.  There’s a saying that you never really grow up until both of your parents have passed, and I found that to be true.  I can’t even imagine the pain you must have gone through concerning your daughter. 

I admire your determination to keep forging ahead with relationships despite setbacks.  And yes, it was very disorienting to discover he wasn’t the man I thought he was.  Not to make it sound like all men are snakes, but it was a little like feeling confident I was experienced enough to know the difference between a gopher snake and a diamondback only to discover after I’ve picked it up that I wasn’t.  I’m worried about how to let it go without getting bit and my confidence is shaken that I’ll know the difference in the future.

As far as whether or not I’ve got any years left to be physically appealing thing- hmmm.  Not sure how to clarify that.  When I said, “I feel like a gray haired woman with an old dog and lacking the sense God gave a piss ant”, I didn’t mean to imply that I was worried about how physically appealing or youthful I would seem on the market.  I gave up worrying about the superficial nonsence some time back.  I was sadness and shock that at this age I didn’t have more sense and didn’t see this coming before I let him move in.  I don’t mind being old.  I just don’t want to be an old fool

retro chic
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]

@bearclover: Thanks… and 100% on the “growing up” comment.

You do seem like a tough cookie, but like the others said, seek protection, just in case. The upside of your anger, ie, piss-offedness, will become quite handy in the coming weeks! Hang in there.

Oh, I hear you about the superficial stuff, and my comment on desirability was about the well-meaning, yet funny reassurances coming from others who aren’t there yet (nothing you said). Forties rock! But, at any age, no one likes feeling the fool. It just means you put yourself out there, for what turned out to be the wrong person. It has nothing whatever to do with anything the jilted one did or “deserved.” I hope your righteous anger will give way to a newfound confidence you wouldn’t have come by otherwise. Good luck to you!

meesher
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]

Mine was when I was 33. We were both lawyers—not at the same firm. We lived first, in his house, then, I moved out.Then HE moved in with me… His kids (2) visited regularly, and I truly loved them both.  Then one night, as I was doing his and his children’s laundry, piles and piles of it, he came out of the bedroom, drunk as a skunk, started yelling at me, scraming in rage at me for running the dryer while he was trying to sleep off his bender. Then it happened: He hit me in the face with his fist. I had never been physically punished as a child, much less as an adult. I picked myself up, went downstairs, grabbing my purse on the way to my car. I was bloodied, bruised and had a HUGE BLACK EYE. 3 weeks later I sued the basta@d, got the 20 grand from his home insurance policy, (all I hadda do was walk into his darn insurance company’s offices in a nifty, good looking suit, but with HUGE sunglasses on, and then TAKE OFF THE SUNGLASSES. No photos were take.

I did not have the courage on the night he hit me, to listen to the local Midnight Sherrif’s order that I go BACK TO MY OWN HOUSE…. WHERE HE WAS, and make a Citizen’s arrest. I already knew that I could sue the bastard, move to a new address—-  the guest house of an old boyfriend’s home—-and then disappear. I never practiced law again, because in this State, ya gotta have a home address on file. I changed my home, my phone, GOT ALL MY CLOTHING, including the several pairs of five hundred dollar SHOES that he loved so much (men are so weird—TWO of them in my life have bought me hooker heels)—which have never seen the light of day—and then ONE bought me some Ferragamo pumps, that one could actually RUN in; and now HE lives across the country, my name and number are not listed—I don’t go to law school reuinions, I have married, own a gun, and will SHOOT HIM ON SIGHT. I still carry the restraining orders I took out against him—even though it was YEARS ago, and now I know for certain the he married a younger woman whose Daddy had money, on Sea Island GA, and now SHE CAN BE THE ONE WHO GETS HIT. Hit me once—ME NOT STUPID—-ME RUN LIKE HELLLLLLLL.

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]

@meesher: Yikes!  It’s good you got out.  I have a real aversion to being hit.  It hurts like h3ll.

effing hickster
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]

@meesher: You should have had him arrested for domestic abuse anyway. Put him behind bars for a bit, and possibly have had him disbarred.

Besides, just because you got out of it doesn’t mean someone else deserves to take over for you.

Just sayin’.

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]

Not every woman has the courage to risk another confrontation with her abuser.

Not every soldier has the fortitude to go back into battle once wounded.

I bless those that do and don’t judge those that don’t. 

Just sayin’.

effing hickster
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 03:02 pm: [report]

@bearclover: Well, I firmly stand by my second statement. I would never hand a ticking bomb over to someone else. It just isn’t right.

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 03:05 pm: [report]

Most folks can only speculate what they would do under circumstances thjey’ve never experienced.  Unless, of course, you’ve already had a bomb that blew up on you.  In which case, bless you.

LNBissell
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 04:55 pm: [report]

what i remember the most is just being lonely. I was happily in a 2 year relationship and then he had to move to orlando for college baseball and 4 weeks later came home and ended it. out of nowhere. After that, I just started to go over lists and lists of things I guessed I did wrong, but ultimately found out that he had found some new freedom and that he liked it and wanted to keep it. I was so lonely afterwards. I didn’t have a rebound guy or anything, the idea of trying to replace him infuriated me, and i was stubborn. Tried to plead with him and the whole bit. But time truely does heal everything.

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 05:00 pm: [report]

@LNBissell: Yeah…lonely.  And lots of seeminly spontaeous crying that could strike anywhere.  I remember it like it was…five minutes ago.

H. Blue
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]

He chose the day before Mother’s Day last year to do it.  I went to my friends’ place to hang out for a little bit, and oddly, my ex and his new girlfriend were there also.  We ordered take-out- I had beef with blackbean and peppers.  I tried to get the guy to come over too and hang out, but he was acting weird on the phone and wanted to see me, but didn’t want to “disrupt” me hanging out with friends.  I hadn’t seen him for a while and was desperate to spend time with him.
I went back home, he came over, and within the first three minutes, broke up with me claiming that it was because he wasn’t over his ex- whom he’d been apart from for THREE YEARS.  I cried.  I should have kicked him out, but I cried and babbled and he consoled me (say what?). 
Finally he left and I spent the next two months basically being a basket-case.  Why did another good one slip through my fingers, what did I do wrong, how could I have held onto him.  My poor mom had to deal with me the next day, near tears the entire day.  A week or so later I watched Enchanted and cried through the whole movie.  They were going on and on about “true love’s kiss” and other assorted romantic BS and I couldn’t take it.  “That will never be me,” I sobbed.  I stayed away from rom-coms and Disney movies for the next 6 months.  I also embraced the wisdom of not drinking alone.
I’m finally over him, though we talk occasionally (I have the nasty habit of keeping people around after they’ve crushed me) and he had the audacity to tell me he was stupid for letting me go.

Cowboycurtis
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]

Mine was a year ago…wasn’t even a boyfriend, it was a best guy friend. It was terrible, I was going to tell him how I really felt when I saw on facebook that he was in a relationship with someone I’d never heard of. We had been hanging out a few days earlier and there was no mention of this chick, so I was really hurt. I went out, and of course, I ran into the guy. He took one look at my face, and his eyes were on the ground. After a very awkward conversation, I went to Starbucks, took out my trusty notebook and wrote like crazy, letting out all my feelings, the rage/sadness/confusion. Rilo Kiley’s “Science Vs. Romance” was on the radio, and when Jenny Lewis sang the line “...you’ve grown up and over me.” I started crying.  Went back to my apartment, cried more. I was a mess for two weeks—not eating, not sleeping, not really moving, crying at the drop of a hat. It was terrible, I listened to all my sad songs…I thought I was doing okay when I ran into him at a party. I was expecting him to ignore me, instead, he kisses my neck and tells me he loves me. What the #&@$%?! Then came the cryptic comments from him, the vulnerable texts from me, oh, I was so confused and so sad for a good month-and-a-half.

Until the jerk introduced me to his girlfriend, who I just had to meet. The girl he didn’t even tell me about at first, I suddenly just had to meet her. To add insult to injury, he introduced me as his old friend. I hated him so much at that moment. She was cool, we would probably be friends if her boyfriend hadn’t been such a jerkoff.  I tried so hard not to cry after that, but I caved as soon as I got back to my apartment. The next day, I was angry. I was beyond pissed. Who the #&@$% did this guy think he was? He strung me along, he completely disregarded our friendship for a girl, and I was crying over him? #&@$% that! I was going to enjoy myself, hang out with my real friends, make up for what I missed out on while mourning our friendship. I didn’t need him!

I wish I could say I was super strong from that moment on. We had a few more awkward encounters where I would leave feeling pissed off at him (and myself for caving) It took me another few months to finally delete his phone number and cut myself off from him for a while. It felt good, I finally got to heal. I did attempt to contact him last weekend, via facebook. He wrote back, and it was nice. It wasn’t patronizing, it wasn’t rude, it was nice. Perhaps he’s starting to grow up as well?

Kiki T
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]

The weather was the worst, cold, dark, drizzly and slushy—the kind that inspires suicide…I had been crying so much my contacts where cloudy, which just made it seem more like some crazy alternate universe…and then I had to go to a lunch with people from this rag I was writing for. I was a mess, but had to go….but crazy enough, one of the girls I knew from the office who I spoke with a few times I went in to drop stuff off started talking to me afterwards and it wound up SHE WAS TOTALLY PSYCHIC!!!! She knew things that I just don’t know how she could of known!!!!! It was soooo insane!!! After lunch, she came to my place and we talked for over 7 hours!!!! Even though I knew some of the details of things that would happen over the course the next few months, because I was sooo intuned with him, she clarified them and in the end SHE WAS SOOO RIGHT ABOUT SOOO MANY THINGS, TO THE POINT IT WAS CRAZY EERIE EVEN FOR HER!!!

She was even right about things from my past, that she just randomly would say. She didn’t even know how she knew this much—she just did. SOOOOO CRAZY! Anyway, talking to her put the whole thing into perspective in this way that turned it all around for me and by the end of the day, all that anguish I felt was gone. Even one of my friends that say me the next day was in disbelief.

MissBeeDub
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 09:53 pm: [report]

I am going through a break up right now. I can’t tell you all enough how reading everything you are writing is helping me. I honestly saw myself marrying this guy and having his children. And everything he said to me up until the day it ended was about our future TOGETHER. When I finally confronted him about why we hadn’t made the next step (moving in together, getting engaged, etc.) after 2 1/2 years, he decided to inform me that he wasn’t the commitment type. One day I am the happiest girl in the world (our relationship was amazing) and the next, I’m devasted, feeling like I’m paralyzed with emotions and, to top it off, now I have to start all over again to find a true love. I’m too old for this crap.

_jsw_
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 11:21 pm: [report]

@MissBeeDub: I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. Just please remember that it always gets better, even though you can never see that when you’re in the middle of it. Nothing anyone says will much matter now, but within a few weeks, the pain will start to go away. I wish you the best of luck getting to that point, and then past it.

kad
wrote on September 15 2009 @ 04:28 am: [report]

@MissBeeDub to follow jsw with a thought of my own.

Don’t be afraid to take a little time (in my case that time was almost 10 years) to know yourself first.

A saying I am fond of is: All change is good.

It doesn’t seem that way at first sometimes, but life has a way of opening possibilities you didn’t even see before.  You are the most important person in your life.  Take care of you first, and it is amazing what life will bring your way.

And, kindly, nobody is too ‘old’ for the crap.  I’ve had the ‘Instant Dad’ and the ‘You provide for me’ relationships, among others.  What you do with the experience is up to you.  You are the most important thing in the world right now, so please look after yourself first, and always, from now on.

A friend of mine is fond of saying that the problems we thought were terminal a few weeks ago are barely memories now.  It takes time for the pain to recede, but it will.

They don’t cost me anything and there is no danger of STD’s, so here’s a comforting <smooch> on your neck.    Believe in yourself.

Penelope09
wrote on September 15 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]

He broke up with me while my best friends (twins) were in another city for a family function…so I stole his car and drove the hour and a half for their solace.

Midnight
wrote on September 15 2009 @ 06:05 pm: [report]

@MissBeeDub I completely understand where you are right now.  My worst break up was actually pretty much the same.  He talked from day one about how much he loved me, how he wanted to marry me, have kids together and wake up every morning next to me.  However, he was very much a momma’s boy and the second he decided it was time to move out she got upset about him leaving her so he ditched all our plans and decided he wasn’t ready to commit to someone.  Since then he’s tried to move out two or three times and each time his mother threw the same fit.  My friends tell me he’s almost graduated out of college, still living with his mother and thinking of dropping out of school.

Granted there are some differences but I can promise you it will get better.  You’re never too old to love!  You’ll find the one for you just don’t give up!  I know it’s hard to love someone so deeply and want to share a future so badly together and have that person bail out on you.  However, I realized that person I used to love never really loved me in the same way that I did and that I needed desperately to find someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them.  Not only do you need that, but honey, you deserve it!

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on September 15 2009 @ 06:07 pm: [report]

I remember every single little detail of my worst breakup, even thought it happened three years ago. I remember how I covered a political event for a newspaper during the day. I remember going over to his place afterwards and noticing he had antidepressants on his dresser which he hadn’t told me he was taking. I remember how we had sex and I remember what I was wearing (because he told me it was ugly) and I remember what we were eating for dinner (because I paid for the takeout sushi). Then he dumped me and I remember feeling shocked that we’d just slept together AND I had paid for dinner and he’d dumped me. I remember I made him walk to an ATM machine and take out money to reimburse me for dinner and give me for cab fare to go home. I remember wanting to hide some sushi in his dresser drawers so it would stink up the apartment. (But I didn’t.) I remember taking a cab to the train station and going to my best friend’s place. I remember emailing him that night and saying he made a mistake. The next morning, I remember clogging the toilet. That night, I remember watching “Desperate Housewives” in my bedroom at home alone and sobbing because we used to watch that show together. The following MOnday morning — it had been 36 hours by this point — I remember being so upset still that I vomited in my bed. I remember walking into my parents’ bedroom (I lived with them then) and telling my dad I’d just thrown up. I remember my dad putting fresh sheets on my bed for me.

And I remember having the realization, right then and there, I want to date a man who treats me as well as my dad does.

MissBeeDub
wrote on September 15 2009 @ 09:43 pm: [report]

Thank you so much @kad, @_jsw_, and @Midnight for all of your responses. Your words help me more than you could know. Emotionally, I am at a good place right now. Although I have to say that I’m still uncertain how in just DAYS I can go from talking about “our kids” with this guy to have him tell me he that “can’t give me what I want right now.” Life truly comes at you fast.

I must say, though, that I have an amazing support system. My mother, brother, friends and a coworker that have all given me great advice. One of my friends & my coworker both told me that I needed to journal my feelings. Not only that, but journal the positive things that make me realize what an opportunity this will be for me.

So, I got out an old journal to start taking down some great quotes & words of wisdom (lots, of which, you all have provided for me) and I saw my last entry. It was dated September 22, 2008. ONE year ago. The topic, you may ask? The SAME thing I’m going through now. What an idiot am I? It’s all about how much in love I am with him and how he says that he’s “unsure” about marriage and asking myself if I’m settling for someone that might never love me as much as I love him. What the heck?

I remember this all too clear now. I remember being upset and just asking him what it was about marriage that frightened him. In a nutshell, people had told him that life was over when you got married. He’s content with life as it is. He’s a professional, makes great money, travels as much as possible, pays no expenses (because he lives above his office therefore he pays no rent, no utilities, and always pays off vehicles, etc. as he purchases them) and has (had) a girlfriend. Explains that our relationship is amazing…“why screw it up?” It’s all BS now that I look back at it.

My thoughts now on the situation? Dude’s got Peter Pan Syndrome. He doesn’t want to GROW UP! Ugh.

I wish I had just realized this the first time and walked out on my own! Before he told me we’d be together, that I just needed to “be patient” and the ring would come and obviously gave him every piece of my heart. Then it may have not hurt as much.

Here’s a quote that I wrote in my journal:
“A broken heart is merely a sign that there is something greater coming to fix it!” - Unknown

LostInStars
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

I haven’t really had a “worst” break up yet. The guy I’m with right now, I’ve fallen hardest for him, so if/when we break up, that will devastate me. Every other break up… I just told myself to suck it up and got over it in a month.

mac43084
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 07:57 pm: [report]

My worst breakup was actually from an ex-fiance.  He moved here from Africa (where we met and he was from) to work and live so we could be closer.  After him only being here for a week and me feeling some serious pressure to enter into a marriage I wasn’t ready for I called it off.  I remember distinctly waking up at 4AM to drive him to Midway airport so I could be back in time to study for my German exam and he could catch his flight to Detroit to train for his new job.  He slept the entire way up…  not one word between us.  When he got out of the car at the terminal, he told me to “Have a nice life” and turned and walked away.  I cried and shook the entire 2 hour drive back to school.  I think about him every day and its been three years and a few relationships ago…  I haven’t seen him since.  Those words still echo in my head and I’m afraid they might forever.

kad
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 08:20 pm: [report]

mac, it is no solace to you that we all have cold breakups.  It should be a solace that you are not alone.

A man, I pride myself on self-confidence (even the stupid kind), and am only now getting used to discussing my feelings with a woman.  We HAVE to to it because although she will visit for a few days every month until we get married, all we really have is the damn phone.  The choice is talk or not talk.

Your former fiance gave you a cold, unsympathetic response to your feelings.  If it hurts still enough for you to write about it, throw an email my way.  .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

10 years I wasted, well, not really.  10 years it took me to find my love.  There is someone in the world for you.  You have to find that person.  My love will understand, and may even contribute to my posts.  It’s an old cliche, the Love of a Good Woman…..

You WILL get better, and find someone better than you could ever have imagined.

stormcrow
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 08:11 am: [report]

Well my worst breakup was this week.  Been seeing a woman i really care about for 6 months, and she tells me a few days ago an old boyfriend (from 15 years ago) has gotten back in touch and she still has feelings for him.  Kind of new to this, been divorced a year after 19 years of marriage, but i’m just devastated.

_jsw_
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 08:18 am: [report]

@stormcrow: I’ve been there, as have many of us. The thing you can always tell people when you’re not in a post-breakup situation - and that you can never really believe when you are there - is that it gets better.

There have been a few times where I was certain that life would never be good again and that I’d lost the only person I’d really ever want to be with. I was wrong on all of those occasions, but it took time - sometimes a very long time - to realize it. When someone we love dies, that is very difficult to get past. But when someone we love leaves us, we do eventually realize that there was a reason for it, and that it is much better looking for someone who wants us than being with someone who no longer does.

But for now, just grieve. Do whatever you need to do to let it out. And know that, when Halloween rolls around, you’re going to be 100 times better than you are now, even if, right now, you can’t even handle watching the clock tick through five seconds.

stormcrow
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 08:27 am: [report]

@jsw: thanks for your support.  I am definately grieving, we had even started talking about this being the real thing.  Been going home from work and crying.  Not very manly I know, but I can’t help it.

_jsw_
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 08:35 am: [report]

Being “manly” is what gives guys heart disease. Do what you need to do.

The more you contain it, the longer it drags out. Also, for what it’s worth, getting drunk might - might - ease the pain for a bit, but it stops the clock too, so if you spend a week drunk, it’ll take you a week longer to get past it, plus you’ll feel like crap.

I’d be happy to tell you other things you shouldn’t do, like, for example, setting up a website and hosting videos of yourself trying to convince her you’re the better choice. Yup. That is, shockingly enough, not the way to go. Trust me on that one.

My best advice about communicating with her, if that’s even an option, is to write whatever you feel like, but wait a day before sending it, re-read it beforehand, and cut half of it out. Then maybe send it, but realize that it’s probably going to make you look worse. I’ve learned that, for me, writing it all out helps, but sending it doesn’t.

majicksand
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 10:08 am: [report]

@stormcrow and jsw: Writing your feelings down is a great idea.  Sending the letter probably isn’t.  Trust me when I tell you she will share the letter with her best friend, and depending on the situation (and the letter), laugh, cry, or feel pity.  Whatever her reaction, she’s probably not coming back.  I’m really not trying to twist the knife here.  I am trying to save you from being embarassed and emasculated as well as heartbroken.

_jsw_
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]

@majicksand: Agreed. I think that there might have been one documented instance in the late 1600s of winning someone back with letters begging them to see the light, but it’s still disputed as a probable hoax.

majicksand
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 10:23 am: [report]

My best friend’s ex husband is still sending letters two years after the divorce.  I promise you I have either read or heard them all.  The only thing he has accomplished is being a more pathetic ex than he was a husband. (not suggesting anything about you stormcrow)

brandyalexander
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]

@stormcrow…. write long letters, fold them up, carry them around in your pocket.  take them out and read them.  read them until the words mean nothing, then throw them in the trash with your old food.  it helped me…

bjoontheupside
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 01:49 pm: [report]

I have to agree that sending a letter is a bad idea. I know this from experience because sadly to say, I use to be the type of person that felt I needed to write it all down and send it away to whomever it was intended for. This did nothing for me, however, writing it all down absolutely did.

xdarlinlilsarax
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 08:46 am: [report]

It was the day after my 21st birthday and also the actual day of his 24th birthday. I had just gone out for my first happy hour on a Monday and I had two Stellas. I then came home to our apartment that we shared on 16th St and 7th Ave (the prettiest apartment I have ever lived in) and he had packed some of his things. He then told me he wasn’t ready to be engaged (like we had been for a year). Funny enough he has fought to get me back ever since…

vees
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]

so i’ve been an avid frisky reader for some time now, and have never really felt compelled to comment until now. i remember when this article first came out at the beginning of september, and it made me think about how lucky i was to be with a man as wonderful as i was, and how thankful i was to never have to go through a breakup ever again. i’ve never been dumped, and i considered myself to be incredibly fortunate for that as well. anyway, we were going to be married, and we both talked about how happy we were together, and how we each considered the other to be their soulmate.
so why am i commenting on this article? it happened on Oct. 3. we were driving down frank scott parkway (which is a 2 lane road, 45 mph zone) when another car veered into our lane, heading straight towards us. my guy (m) veered onto the shoulder, into the grass to avoid him. the other guy also veered into the grass to avoid oncoming traffic, colliding with us, and killing m instantly. when i came to, i looked over and saw him lying there, dead, next to me.
now i’m sitting here, trying to piece my life back together, and trying to figure out why this wonderful man was taken from my life. before him i was bitter and jaded towards love, but he served as the super glue which helped me piece my soul back together again. this is without a doubt the worst, most horrific thing i’ve ever been through. i’m depressed and miserable, and feel like a ticking time bomb walking through life, barely holding it together until the next break down strikes. but if i were able to go back into time and change being with m if i knew that he would so cruelly be taken from this world a mere year and two months later? not for the world. that’s the thing about love. no matter if its source has vacated your life, you must accept the pain which inevitably accompanies love. and love is always worth it, whether it end in a breakup or death.

majicksand
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]

@vees: I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.  I sincerely hope you have a loving network of people to support you through this.

vees
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]

whoops, i meant to say, “how lucky i was to be with a man as wonderful as he was” not “as wonderful as i was”
@majicksand yes, you’re absolutely right about the support. i’ve said quite often throughout this entire ordeal, that this never would have happened if i couldn’t handle it. and i can, with the help of my friends, family, and co-workers.

kad
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]

@vees.

I know it is poor compensation for your loss, but I feel the pain with you.

I waited 20 years to meet my love, and grind my teeth every time she flies here, or home.  The last time her plane was circling Houston it had to divert to Lafayette, LA to refuel.  Thunderstorms or something.  I can watch it almost in real time from my computer.

I spent an hour on the phone with Continental trying to find out if she was still on the d amn plane, and it drove me nuts when I couldn’t get a clear answer.  My baby and her Pomeranian were lost in time it seems.

Luck.  I found my soul mate.  If I lost her I would be devastated.  The person I waited more than 20 years to meet.

Please feel free to message me if you just want someone to talk to.  .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).  Any time.

I found my mate by playing a game online.  Who knew that it would result in someone I can call my wife?  I only mention that so I can say that we are here for you.

We will be here for you.  I am so sorry for your loss.

Kisses and Hugs.

Rob.

TinaLish
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]

My last relationship didn’t last very long, but it left an imprint on my heart in a way that no other has. 

I remember everything about that day, everything.  My then boyfriend and I had been having some communication issues over the past few days, and the day prior he wrote me this uber long email explaining that he’s changed and he didn’t want to break up with me, but that he felt I was expecting more than he could give.

The following day, the day of all days, we didn’t speak at all during work like we used to with emails or text messages.  I had this forboding feeling that the talk we would have later could either make us or break us.

I remember rushing home after PT to quickly shower and change.  I put on my favorite pair of jeans and a white tube top, and i did my hair all pretty, something told me to wear contacts too.

I drove over to his place, and saw him outside working on his car.  He didn’t hug me or kiss me when I stood next to him.  That was an indicator of what was to come.

He asked if I wanted to go for a ride in his car, and while we were driving in his car, he broke the news that since he was leaving in a few months, it would be logical to end this now rather than later.  Rather than when we’re in too deep and it’ll hurt more.

I remember being so angry, and so hurt.  The tears kept falling, and I was thankful I had actually worn contacts as opposed to glasses due to that fact.

So yes I can remember everything about that day.  I remember him asking me not to hate him, that it’s better this way.  Telling me that I’m strong and I’ll get through this fine.  I remember him holding me one last time before I drove away, and I saw him standing there on the front of his apartment with his head in his hands, as if he wasn’t sure if what he did was the right thing.

That moment to me, was the most terrible heartbreak I’ve had, because of the fact that I truly believed he was my happy ending. 

I still see him around, I feel him around and it haunts me.  I hate it.  I keep going back to that moment, in his car a few months ago when he said it was over, that it had to be over.  And I ask myself why I didn’t just run when I had the chance…

kad
wrote on November 7 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]

Tina, I’m not into logic when it comes to a relationship.

My love holds on to me so tight it almost hurts from 1200 miles away.

She is the bright light in my life.

I am 40, and maybe just experienced enough to see her the way she is.  My love, my life, my wife. I practiced serial monogamy for about 20 years before I met her.

In years past, I would have done the same thing as your ex.  A demanding, loving woman is hard to understand if you are a boy.

Now that I am a little older, I hold on to the comfort of a woman who will give me everything.  Her hands are what I miss most as I am sick with the flu.  Not that flu.  The normal one.  I would dearly love to have her minister to me her loving attention.  She made me chicken soup 1200 miles away.  It seems silly, but it helped.  Knowing I have her love…...

One day Tina, you will find the man who will accept your love.  Don’t give your love away cheaply.

It’s ok to be demanding with your love.  Just give it to the right person.

I love Christina so much it hurts.  I want my baby.

You will not be alone forever.  Get some years behind you and you will see.

You will meet a man who will be the one made for you.

TinaLish
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]

@kad:

Thank you.  I do think age has a thing to do with the way men handle relationships as well, and I do appreciate your kind words. 

It’s enough for me to know my ex will remember what I was to him and he will miss what we had.  As much as I don’t want to be a regret, I think that’s a part of the realization process. 

Not to worry though, I haven’t given up hope.  Hell maybe he and I will cross paths again in our seasoned years and we’ll have that enviable second chance.  Who knows? 

=)