Valentine’s Day: Screw Friends With Benefits
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
relationships
5:00PM, Friday February 13th 2009
Friends with benefits? Been there, done that, and now, I can’t go for that! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for free love, but there’s something about the repeat offense of a dude who will do you over and over again, hang out, and share his thoughts and feelings, but is too scared to say you’re in a relationship. Call me old fashioned, but what’s he so afraid of—treating a lady right? Last time I checked, combining sex with friendship is the very definition of a boyfriend! As if day-to-day diddling wasn’t hard enough to navigate, now that Valentine’s Day is rearing its ugly head, FWBs just seem even more useless. Here’s why…
1. Will You Be My Valentine: Even though V-Day is a night we’re all hoping for a guaranteed lay, you can’t booty call an FWB on Valentine’s Day because you’ll look desperate. Or worse, it will scare him because it’ll seem like you’re trying to make more of your casual relationship by sharing the most lovey-dovey day for couples.
2. The Other Woman: What if he starts actually dating someone? Then you are stuck wondering why you weren’t good enough for that kind of sex plus status. And who is he taking out on V-Day anyway?!
3. Safety In Numbers: BS! A lot of people choose to have an FWB so they can stop looking for the sexual gratification of a one-night-stand. But if your FWB is still dating around, how is that safer health wise or emotionally? And how is it stopping you from humping a stranger when you’re feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day?
4. Deep Impact: Despite how lame the packaging on the 14th gets, love is really about passion. FWB sex lacks passion because you’re trying not to connect. Sex is all about depth!
5. Whore-Moans: If he’ll give me his penis, why won’t he give me a card? No matter how hard a girl tries to stay detached from a dude, after sex, she still gets a natural jolt of oxytocin, the cuddly “chemical of attachment.”
6. Sinking A Friendship: According to Hooking Up Smart, 84% of women in supposed non-relationships think they are more friends than lovers with their FWB. Fifteen percent of men, on the other hand, think they’re more lovers than friends. Almost half of the men wished they had more sex with their FWB, yet they also think that their female partner is more into the relationship than they are.
7. Advantage: You can’t go out with them on Valentine’s Day because you’re just in it for sex, not your heart. Who’s really got the upper hand if you’re both just using each other for sex? It’s a lose/lose situation.
8. Isn’t It Romantic?: Flowers, candy, charm, those are all staples of seduction. Nothing warms a girl up quite like all those fringe benefits of romance. That’s why companies market so many products on Valentine’s Day geared towards showing that special someone how much you care…or how much want to go down there! Sure, a teddy bear that can sing “Wild Thing” is too cheesy to really get anyone in the mood, but why give up on making him try to woo the pants off of you?!
9. Lies: If being a FWB is so great, why can’t you just tell everyone about who you’re doing—and even celebrate it? Why do you always have to sneak around?
10. Technological Advancements: Why not just buy a sex toy that can do the same tricks without forcing you to figure out a sticky FWB situation? Not to mention, a toy can also offer you completely safe sex whenever you want it! No waiting around, no coordinating schedules, no mixed feelings. Pick yourself up a Valentine that only uses batteries.
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MoonBabye
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 05:56 pm: [report]
Amen! No matter how long it’s been, the costs in this arrangement seem to outweigh the benefit. I’ll adhere to simply dating to date until I meet someone I like enough to take things further with. Sex should be fun and enjoyably passionate with someone you respect and love, not complicated with crummy thoughts/fears of rejection, etc.
Chelle
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 07:02 pm: [report]
There’s nothing wrong with a FWB as long as you have no romantic feelings towards them. If you do, you need to stop sleeping with them or just not sleep with them in the first place. I have a dildo phobia (I know that sounds hilarious) so I have to have “boy toys” to get my rocks off.
Alison Wonderland
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 08:44 pm: [report]
In a successful self proclaimed ‘FWB’ situation all these supposed questions have (for the most part) been worked out. If someones feeling jilted then it’s not a friends with benefits relationship, it’s just one person using the other. In an interpersonal comm class I took in college we devoted an entire lecture to FWBs. They’re complicated, but not a guaranteed train wreck like one might think. But the most important thing is that both people are on the same page.
lanceypantsy
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 11:40 pm: [report]
my best friend said it right, its evident that any boy/girl friendship benifits or not, one person will always like eachother more than friends. i was a FWB last year, and this year we’re in a full-on relationship.
fallenangel915
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 06:49 pm: [report]
RE 9. Lies: If being a FWB is so great, why can’t you just tell everyone about who you’re doing—and even celebrate it? Why do you always have to sneak around?
—I do tell everyone about it. Ain’t no shame in my game!
Eva
wrote on February 15 2009 @ 12:11 am: [report]
I have a FWB. It works great for us! He doesn’t want a relationship and I just got out of a long term one and I’m not ready to date yet. He wasn’t a great friend before the FWB started. I think that makes a difference. I wouldn’t risk being FWB with someone I really cared about because it has such a potential to end badly. But it has helped me to get out of morning for my old relationship and kept me from hooking up with the wrong kind of guy without desparation. We also work because he’s several years younger and I wouldn’t want a real relationship with someone that much younger. We both get what we want from each other and both of us don’t want it to go any further. It’s great!