Valentine’s Day Is For Losers
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
2:00PM, Monday February 9th 2009
Valentine’s Day is this weekend, and once again I’m reminded how irrelevant the occasion is to anyone who’s actually in love. Aside from kids and their handmade cards, Valentine’s Day is really just for the lonely, sad, and insecure. Think about it. When was the last time you heard anyone who was happily coupled up express anything remotely resembling excitement over the big day? More likely, they don’t express any thoughts about it at all. Because happily coupled up people don’t think about Valentine’s Day. And why should they? If couples are doing it right, they don’t need to wait for some manufactured Hallmark occasion to celebrate their love.
On the other hand, sad, lonely, insecure people eat up Valentine’s Day. They think about it for weeks and moan about it to anyone who will listen. They complain about being single, whine about being recently dumped, and fret over the sad state of their failing relationships. Why? Because Valentine’s Day, more than any other day of the year, is an excuse to throw a big pity party and bond with other equally depressed people. Those who are insecure about the state of their relationships are probably the biggest offenders. They pin high hopes on Valentine’s Day, seeing it as a last-chance opportunity for their significant others to prove their love once and for all—in the form of chocolates, a fancy dinner reservation, maybe even a surprise engagement. If their hopes are dashed, Valentine’s Day is the nail in the coffin, the deciding factor in the death of a relationship.
It’s only been in recent years that I’ve made peace with Valentine’s Day. Before I met my significant other, I suffered through my own series of lonely relationships and sad, single days. Even when I was happily single, Valentine’s Day seemed to indicate I had no right to feel good about myself and my life if I wasn’t coupled up. Assaulted by endless streams of jewelry commercials, lingerie ads in store windows, and red cellophane-packaged chocolates in drug stores, I drowned my Valentine’s sorrows with anyone who would lend me an ear and a shoulder to cry on. Usually, this meant other lonely people, and together we’d hold fast and brave the occasion, assuring each other that next year would be better, next year we’d be in love.
When I did finally fall in love—like, real love, the kind I could depend on, the kind that survived bumpy roads and smooth sailing alike—a funny thing happened. I didn’t notice Valentine’s Day so much anymore. It wasn’t that I was relieved I could celebrate it properly, it’s that I didn’t need to celebrate it at all. For my boyfriend and me, the anniversary of our first date was—and continues to be—much more special than February 14, an arbitrary date that lacks any significant meaning for us. Maybe it’s because we do little things for each other all the time and make celebrating our relationship a regular routine. When Valentine’s Day rolls around once a year, we don’t feel like it’s our big chance to express our feelings. Other happy couples I know echo this sentiment. For them, Valentine’s Day barely registers on their mental radar, and if weren’t for the onslaught of daily reminders in the form of aggressive advertising, they may even forget it altogether. Then again, their lonely friends would make sure never to let that happen.
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MrsAbraxas
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 04:27 pm: [report]
Interesting perspective, but I have to report that I’ve seen the opposite to be true for me. When I was single, happily or not, I rarely noticed V-Day.
But now that I’m all hitched and loved-up, it’s something I look forward to.
I think, perhaps, that I’m still just as impervious as ever to the onslaught of love-themed shilling (except for the odd book: http://newlybed.blogspot.com/2009/02/its-business-time-and-two-minutes-in.html).
At the end of it, I really enjoy having an occasion where my otherwise grossly-inappropriate displays of affection for Mr. Abraxas are not only accepted but encouraged!
Nan
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 05:44 pm: [report]
Unfortunately for me, both of my roommates have long-term, really serious boyfriends. All they have been talking about this week and last week is “the big day”. One of them has already spent over $200 for her boyfriend, while the other exclaimed that “he IS going to spend a lot of money on me!” (she was worried because her birthday is also this month). I love them both, but I can’t take this much longer!!
outragesdale
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 06:29 pm: [report]
I purchased 100 paper valentines and will be giving them out to friends and cute boys that come into my work place.
Chelle
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:14 pm: [report]
I feel like the guy. I forgot Valentine’s Day was this coming weekend until my boyfriend said something about going out this Saturday. I didn’t save any money for my half of the date-whoops. I guess you could say it’s not such a big deal to me and I’m in love
EarthGoddess
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 10:26 pm: [report]
I’m happily married to the love of my life, and we are affectionate in every way all the time. Even though we’re “old marrieds” we’re still very fond of PDA (not in an inappropriate way of course) and often go out of our way to do thoughtful things for each other. However, the fun of Valentine’s Day is NOT lost on us. It’s one of my favorite days of the year, even if it is a “Hallmark Holiday” (despite its religious origins that few seem to remember). I love every minute!
ChoJinn
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 01:18 am: [report]
Wow. I find it hard to feel so strongly cynical when it comes to “irrelevant occasions” like Valentine’s Day. In fact, the occasion is great, whether in a relationship or single! Candy, chocolate, goofy presents; what’s wrong with those? If there IS anything sad, lonely, or insecure about the Hallmark-Holiday, it’s those sad, lonely, insecure types who somehow feel threatened by it. Glad the author has a b/f now, yeesh.
Wendy Atterberry
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 07:51 am: [report]
I don’t feel threatened by it; I just think it’s a shame some dumb occasion makes so many people feel bad and so many others feel like their love and relationships aren’t validated unless their significant others “spend a lot of money” on them.
Humble Bee
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
My bf always goes all out and buys me giant boquet’s of flowers and gifts. This year i’m so fed up with his crap, every day we have nothing to talk about, and I can’t remember the last small gesture he did for me, or the last time he complimented me. I told him not to get me anything! I don’t want some gift to just shut me up. “okay heres your very expensive gift, see, I do love you” I can buy myself flowers anyday, I can go out and purchase a diamond bracelet for myself if I want to. He just expects me to go and spend the equal amount on him, if not more. That’s so superficial, and that’s not real love, at least not for me. I don’t even want to spend Valentine’s with him, i want to spend it alone, watching a movie at home and baking cookies. It’s just another day, another blown out of porportion holiday.
namarada
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]
I am a cynic. To me VDay is just a Hallmark holiday. It makes you feel bad if your single or obligated if you are in a relationship. I know its just a day, but why do I need some card company telling me to celebrate such? I don’t need some holiday to tell my boyfriend I love him. Every time I spend with him says it all. I would rather save the money for a vacation than some stupid holiday. My two cents.
SeattleMama
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 04:24 pm: [report]
We also are more into the day-to-day “little things” to demonstrate how we feel. And when it comes to “big” occasions, LOL my man and I are so pragmatic.
Since I don’t wear rings, I got a Volvo wagon as an engagement bauble- and this V-Day, we’re going to a home buyer’s class and then rushing home to relieve grandma of babysitting duties, so she and my dad can go out for a romantic dinner out
we’ll be cooking our dinner at home, and there may or may not be chicken nuggets involved.
Muttface
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
Contrary to the disenchanted, cynical,“I’m over everything” attitude displayed by the writer, Valentines Day isnt just for sad, lonely people who complain about being single. My question to the writer is why not celebrate Valentines Day? Is it too traditional or normal for you to stomach. Personally, I think the more days we set aside for celebration, the better. Heck, I’d even celebrate Secretary Appreciation Day if I knew a secretary.
DandelionEyes
wrote on February 9 2010 @ 12:00 am: [report]
I’m not generally much into holidays, but I don’t hate them… I just like quieter celebrations so I can save my energies for the holidays I invent! We are just cooking dinner and watching movies at home this year… I like picking lovey films (last year it was Casablanca), but I’m not all about the cheesiness. He feels much more loved (he tells me) when I give him a first-rate foot massage than if/when I spend a lot of money on him.