The Top 10 Hottest Bad Boy Names
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
guys
11:10AM, Wednesday July 15th 2009
A new study published in The Social Science Quarterly completely backs up Johnny Cash’s story in ”A Boy Named Sue.” As it turns out, calling your baby boy something uncommon, unpopular, or feminine will most definitely “increase the tendency toward juvenile delinquency.” There’s a greater chance he’ll wind up in the slammer … or playing “Indiana Jones” like Shia LaBeouf.
While the Shippensburg University researchers proved that a girlie-named guy will be forced to be a fighter, at least on the playground, on the upside, rebels eventually make delicious man candy! Am I right, ladies? So, to help you on your hunt for the sexiest piece of ass, here are the top ten names that separate the men from the bad boys, after the jump…
- Alec: Because it rhymes with Phallic?
- Tyrell: Similar to Terrell Owens, the controversial football player.
- Ernest: Beware, this name is for liars! Does Bert know?
- Preston: First name of the ‘40s renegade car maker, Tucker, who sadly failed. But at least he tried to tell GM to suck it back in the day!
- Garland: Honestly, who would name their kid Garland?
- Malcolm: X was a rebel with a cause.
- Ivan: Ivan The Terrible, Ivan The Horrible … history repeats itself.
- Kareem: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar may just be one of the few NBA greats that hasn’t had a scandal. Hm, this one seems iffy.
- Luke: Luke Perry or Dylan McKay works here.
- Walter: Aw. Seriously, Walter?
Those are rough! But the study seems to be ignoring one big issue: women. My name is Simcha, which is typically a boys name, I was picked on a ton as a child, and I did, in fact, beat up a Girl Scout. In my defense, the bitch totes had it coming for snapping my training bra and making fun of Bryan Adams. Wait, did I just ruin my tough girl act by admitting I was obsessed with “Everything I Do, I Do It For You?” I swear, I’m b-b-b-b-bad to the bone. Seriously scientists, equalize, nay, finish your research! There are some unfortunately named bad girls out there too.
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bogart4017
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
I went to school with a guy named Lavelle the constantly got his behind whipped. He was the worst fighter. But no one bothered the guy named Yvonne (6ft2 230lbs solid). Nobody bothered Lavern either but it was because he was such a nice guy. The guy Rene i kinda wondered about, though. These guys had to be named after some oldtimey family member because…i don’t know…i can’t picture naming my son Lavern.
Humble Bee
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]
I like Simcha, it’s different, I’ve never heard it before.
I have a typical name… :/
and have a really bad brother, he’s such a little devil rebel and his name is Christ. lol.
retro chic
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]
#5 Garland? Seriously? Maybe 100 years ago. That’s right up there with Percival and Thadeus. Whoops, sorry Julia, I’m sure *Hazel* and *Phinnaeus Walter* will turn out just fine.
B1ll
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 12:42 pm: [report]
Don’t forget that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar grew up a “Lou” during what would have been his “fight-training” days.
Coral
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]
I know a guy named Lauri, pronounced Lowry. Apparently it’s a Finnish name. But I think that must be tough.
writergirl
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 01:29 pm: [report]
I had a kid when I was a camp counselor named Preston. What a horribly behaved, rude, obnoxious kid.
WHen my husband and I were picking out names for our son, we examined each with what I called the volleyball net factor. As in, “If we name him that, he’s gonna get his ass kicked over the volleyball net.”
crustee
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]
In Hebrew Simcha is a girl’s name, meaning celebration. That Girl Scout bitch was just ignorant!
On a related topic, I think boys who are named after cities are likely to be hipsters. Milan, Berlin, Austin, Phoenix, Jackson… need I say more?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 01:51 pm: [report]
Garland is the antagonist in several Final Fantasy games, he’s bad-ass to me.
GreenAura
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 02:03 pm: [report]
As a former daycare teacher, I learned that the following boy names spawned demon children:
Damien, Elijah, Ashton, Austin, Darnell, and Louie
And their equally hellish girl counterparts are:
Cassie, Gabby, Tiana, Allison, Kimmy, and Brittany
And I actually did know a little girl named Hazel. That child would slit someones throat if they took her bottle away.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
@GreenAura: Damien is the anti-christ. Ashton is a douchbag. Louie is a short fat-ass with annoying voice and bad hair.
tattooed_redhead
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]
@GreenAura - it’s true! As a teacher I find the same thing. My teacher friends who have kids say picking out a name for their babies is unbelievably hard because of the connotations that names start to give.
Any boy’s name starting with a hard ‘c’ is bad (Coby, Cody, Caleb, etc). Another vote for Austin being horrible, Bryce, Matthew and its variations (you’d think a classic name would be safe, but trust me).
As far as girls’ names go, it seems to me that anything that can double as the name of a state, vehicle or stripper is bad (Dakota, Sierra, Britney).
When my sister was pregnant, she emailed me the list of names that she & her husband had picked out and told me to edit it.
majicksand
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 04:23 pm: [report]
There’s really only one solution. Make up your own names. I am planning to get pregnant in September in hopes of a girl since I have two boys already.
In my excitement, I started looking through baby name books and running names past my husband. Premature I know, so sue me. Contrary to what I would have believed, my husband’s favorite name for a girl is one I made up for a video game character. Ryserra—she was an elven archer. Go figure!
That was way too easy, so I’m pretty sure Murphy’s Law almost guarantees I’ll have another boy. I have a name for that too. I didn’t make it up, but it’s so obscure I might as well have. Ransom—he was a character in a book I read once. My husband likes that one too.
BTW, both of our sons have very “normal” names. I guess we’re getting weirder as we age. lol.
relright
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 04:39 pm: [report]
I always liked the idea of original names. I would die if I named my child something and they had to deal with being called by their surname or something like Eddie S. or Eddie P. Your know?
So I say go for original.
tattooed_redhead
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 04:43 pm: [report]
As far as original names go, just make sure that people can pronounce them how they’re spelled. A friend of mine has a traditional Irish name and she’s spent her entire life sounding it out, correcting people and spelling it. She loves her name but hates the spelling!