Tie Your Hair Back With A Thong, Cosmo Says!
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
sex
10:50AM, Wednesday September 23rd 2009
Thanks to BuzzFeed for reminding me of something totally ridiculous that I noticed in the most recent issue of Cosmopolitan. We’ve already warned you about five sexual tips courtesy of the lady rag that you should absolutely not follow, but, oh, there are so many more. Take the “fun little trick guys love” suggested in the article above. “Use your thong as a hair tie!” Um, what? Why? When? Do not understand! But maybe dudes DO like this weird little move? I asked some guys for their gut response to this suggestion. Their responses, after the jump ...
“I’ve never seen or heard of any female of any species tying her hair with her underwear, thong or otherwise. I’m not at all certain why that would be sexy. Is it the underwear she was just wearing? Or a separate pair? And then she tied her hair up with them ... to have sex? I need details.”
“What? That’s retardo.”
“That makes no sense whatsoever.”
“I dated a girl who did that. She had long hair, and she’d wanna go down on me, and she didn’t have a hair tie handy, so she grabbed her thong and tied up her hair. It was awesome. It was like she couldn’t wait long enough to go down on me to go get a hair tie.”
“Sounds like she’s a whore who likes to use p***y juice instead of mousse in her hair or whatever it is you females spray on your hair.”
“Is it a clean thong or a dirty one?”
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
Typewriter
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
Haha, are there any men on Cosmo’s staff at all? They really just need to hire one guy who can raise his hand and go “Um… what?” every now and again.
effing hickster
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:00 am: [report]
Staffer 1: “Hey, look what you can do with your thong! Instant scrunchie!”
Staffer 2: “Hmm. What’s that smell?”
I find that about as cute as a guy wearing his jock strap on his head.
I Go To 11
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:09 am: [report]
Anyone else here watch the show “Doug” back in the ‘90s? I’ll wear my thong as a scrunchie when the “Quailman” look becomes en vogue for men.
spatula
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
that is ridiculous. i mean, did they say WHY a guy would supposedly like this?!
LiciMama
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:18 am: [report]
Oh my god! I havent heard about Quailman in a while. I could maybe see if it was a clean one but a dirty thong in my hair! ummm I can just wear my hair down if thats the other option.
effing hickster
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
Whatever happened to rubber bands (in a pinch)?
Raugiel
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
@ I Go To 11 - Quailman! Wow its been a while!
nonenone
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:18 am: [report]
that is SOOOOOOO WRONG… WHYYY
Emi
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
When I want to go down on my bf and I don’t have a hair tie he holds it back for me. There’s no way I would tie my hair back with a thong…
Asked my boyfriend about this and he was like “um what?” haha
lawyrgrl
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
This brought back a great memory. We had just finished some sexy time and I was doing the time-honored search for the underwear routine. I turned around to my BF and exclaimed “Where the hell is my underwear???” He had put my thong on his head like a swim cap with crazy bed-hair sticking out of the leg holes and was nonchalantly walking naked around the bedroom waiting for me to notice. He looked beyond ridiculous!!!! He never fails to crack me up.
I draw the line however at ME putting my underwear in my hair!
writergirl
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
Is using your thong as a scrunchie for sex or are they suggestion you wear it out in public? WTF? Ditto the idea of at least one male on Cosmo’s staff….
Chebs
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]
My gut reaction was “ew!”. Maybe it’s cute and intriguing if it’s clean and unworn, but it just grosses me out thinking of putting a worn one in my hair. And like Emi, if I’m going down on my guy, he just holds my hair for me.
@I go to 11 - Whoo, Quailman!
kr070707
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]
I think this just proves that Cosmo has run out of topics and ideas to publish. How would this even work? What if you have short hair that can’t be pulled back? Are you supposed to use your thong as a headband?
kr070707
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 03:11 pm: [report]
@ lawyrgirl: Haha, my SO did the same thing, only I went to the bathroom (another time-honored after sex tradition) and when I opened the bathroom door he jumped out with my thong on his head. Scared the sh*t out of me, but I’m easily startled.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 06:01 pm: [report]
I can see the MacGuyver aspect of this move, however the sheer nastitude is off the charts. Unless you’re clean enough to go down upon, then I don’t give a hoot where they are.
effing hickster
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 06:27 pm: [report]
So, if pressed for a solution, could you tie a couple of scrunchies together and make a thong?
writergirl
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 06:53 pm: [report]
@eh—not technically. You could make underwear of some sort out of scrunchies tied together, but they would be crotchless. And bulky.
Jitterbugs232
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:00 pm: [report]
I heardabout this on the radio show I listen to on the kane show they are great but it just shows how cosmo has run out of topics but this is just plain gross underwear is either ment to wear them as underwear or to show off to that special someone not to be put in your hair,eww that is just nasty
PotteryGirl
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:46 pm: [report]
Does COSMO get what decade this is?
Antiquity
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:18 pm: [report]
Eww. Cosmo- FAIL!
cherikee
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:04 pm: [report]
It looks fine in that picture and I can’t even tell that its a thong. I don’t see it as either sexy or unsexy, I probably wouldn’t even notice it. The guy who said a girl tied her hair up for sex with her thong…..that IS sexy.
draymond
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:28 pm: [report]
I guess on the plus side it means it won’t get lost between the sofa cushions.
CJ1432
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 01:18 am: [report]
I’ll remember that when i go to the office the next day after a long night…......who the hell comes up w/ this s***t!!...jeesze, the next thing you know prom dates will be wearing that on their arm’s instead of a garder (sp?)
ChocoBoo
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 05:59 am: [report]
Umm, I’ve never been happier to have a short afro than right now! The last and only time I put undies on my head is when I was 5 and put my WonderWoman Underoos on my head> cuz it gave me super powers, of course.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 06:21 am: [report]
“Sounds like she’s a whore who likes to use p***y juice instead of mousse in her hair or whatever it is you females spray on your hair.”
The above quote is quite chilling. Is this guy building a dungeon so he can go and trap “one of those females?”
That comment is PURE hatred for women. Wow…..
If this guy is someone you associate with, I’d advise giving him a wide berth…..
majicksand
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 06:09 pm: [report]
Say no to thongs! I gave up thongs and heels years ago. They are not at all comfortable, my husband is only 3” taller than me, so he’s good with flats, and he only sees my underwear for 3.5 seconds anyway, so cute bikinis will do just fine. Thongs? Head or ass… Just Say No.
Frisky Noetic
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 10:03 am: [report]
How about I use my hair tie as a hair tie? I’m all for creative solutions but I’m not about to mult-task my undies. Some things should preform just one function.
Making a little fun of Cosmos always puts a smile on my face.Thanks Frisky
BlueVibe
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]
“Fun Little Tricks Guys Love”??
That’s a joke, right? How about “Absurd and Somewhat Gross Tricks that Guys Would Never Notice.”
Are they going to publish a follow-up about how to turn your Scrunchie into underwear?
beeper
wrote on September 26 2009 @ 03:05 pm: [report]
I hate Cosmo and stopped reading it years ago die to the dumb ideas like this one. I would like to meet whoever thought this idea up, and punch them in the face for being so stupid. =)
DancingGeek
wrote on September 27 2009 @ 06:10 am: [report]
@majicksand- I hate thongs too!! I’ve spent the last 44 years trying to keep my underwear out of my butt crack! As far a wearing a thong in your hair, oh please! Cosmo is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Psychic Mary Ellen
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 05:18 pm: [report]
Lighten up people!!! That is a GREAT idea Cosmo…I am gonna do it and post the pics! I have lots of hair..Sounds like fun..Who cares whether men like it or not? At 55 I feel 35, and have earned the right to do what I want..Blessings to all,
Psychic Mary Ellen
MaryEllenArmstrong.com
Twitter@ PsychicMEA
Mackenzie
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 11:03 pm: [report]
I find this gross and pretty unsexy, esp if the thong is dirty. I did have a boyfriend who thought it was hot when I’d grab a pencil off his desk to secure my hair in a bun before I went down on him. I think it was similar to the guy’s comment above—he felt I was really into it and didn’t want to waste time.
LadyMetsFan
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 11:38 pm: [report]
Just a thought, when my husband and I are in the middle of sex (or working on it) he barely notices that i have hair, let alone what its tied up with. So why should I bother trying to make it look cute with my undies when he would much prefer that I spend the time focusing on him anyway?
TMMiller
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]
I saw an interview with Mel B circa ‘97 that said she and the rest of Spice Girls used the thong hair-tie as party of their guhl powah! repertoire for years. I was weirdly turned on but as a teenager, basically everything was a turn-on.
amanda lynn
wrote on November 7 2009 @ 04:46 pm: [report]
i like cosmo. but sometimes i think that their articles were written as a bet; who can pitch the most ‘out there’ story and get it in print?